I have a theory. This has something to do
with what M told me once. That for me to get my period I have to have my
hormones in a particular range so that I would get blue days. And it required
exercises that have to be done. But I have no time to exercise because I am a
work or in bed these days. But I found that something else made me get my blue
days.
It was the giddiness.
I don't know if that was symptom or the cure. I can't safely say that he
was the cure for that. Meds didn't work. I was supposed to buy a different
set but I didn't really have the time to buy it. I had forgotten all about and
then boom, today of all days, six days before my 27th birthday, blue
day one for 2012.
I had hoped to get my reproductive system
working normally, that is why I moved to a company that had medical benefits.
But then shortly after attending and listening attentively, I found that they
didn't cover the things that I needed. Or maybe I just haven't read the booklet
as well as I should have.
Still, it gave me a bit of piece of mind. I
am still under a lot of stress at work now. Mostly it is self-inflicted and I
want to continue to improve to make the coaching and the effort of the people
who helped me get to this level all worth it. I mean, I studied units in
education. The only way that a teacher can feel better about a student is if
that student does better than the teacher or at least doesn't become a an
embarrassment. So far, my level is 42-70. My maximum comes with a lot of luck
and a lot of ra's. Still from 25-37 that is a pretty big leap, almost twice as
much. Still. I hope that I continue to learn how to shorten my talk time and
get better at making decisions for my accounts. This all sounds greek to those
who are not in my line of business, but I am sure some do.
Going back. I am not really that equipped
to go to the beach or be unemployed if I don't get confirmed or regularized. So
I am thinking that I need to ask for some help from friends who actually know
how to handle their money. What works for them and for my who make less than
what they earn and have more expenses than they do since I live on my own and
can't cook (not allowed where I live and can't cook without burning
everything). My rent eats up most of my money and that is just fine. Having my
own space is bliss. Except my bliss is full of clutter.
I am thinking that this, the blue days has
nothing to do with the giddiness. The giddiness I got from my new crush is a
manifestation of the prayers Chinese lucky charm grandma placed on the charm
she gave me. It's not that I don't believe in that, but it's made me
significantly less stressed. I also go to church more often now. I live so near
one anyway. No, no masses yet but I go there to light a candle to pray for his
and his co-soldiers' safety in their area and his friends too. I write prayers
of thanksgiving and petitions for things and people that I am grateful for as
well as things and people that I am hopeful for. Then there is the writing these blogs
almost everyday. Some days I don't because hello nothing really happens
at work that I can write about and I really don't want to document any negative
thoughts or negathrons. Since as per Chinese lucky charm grandma said to only
surround myself with positivity.
I noticed however that I work best when
running against a negative statistic. Meaning if I am at the pits, I tend to be
more competitive,not with everyone else like some people I know but with
myself. I don't know if this is what people call self-motivated. I call it
personal goals. I don't care if others are better than me or that I am doing
better than others. All I want to do is to learn new things that would ease my
work and make me like it better. I find that learning new things is my thing.
For example, today I learned how to say
“Mahilig ka bang magbasa ng libro?” [Do you like/enjoy reading books?] in
Ilocano. According to my father, it is “Naayat ka aya nga agbasa iti libro?”
[Na-a-yat ka a-ya nga ag-ba-sa i-ti lib-ro?] Before I only know yes - “wen” and
“You are handsome” - “Nag gwapo ka” and a few other lines that I don't want to
write here since this is a wholesome blog entry. Still there is one that I like
the most, [Ay-a-ya-ten-ka] which is “Ay ayaten ka.” - “I love you.” in the
Ilocano dialect. My father is from Angadanan in Isabela so he's half-Ilocano
from my grandpa's side and half-Batanguenyo from my grandma's side. I am
thinking that my dad's Batanguenyo side might not be the one whom I find
appealing since compared to my uncle's and the men I have dated from that half
of him, had fallen from the pedestal. They tend to not be the perfectly
imperfect guy I want. Maybe it's the Ilocano side of my father that actually
made him better than the rest of the men who courted my mother at that time.
Perhaps that theory would have more weight
if I had more exposure to them. Still I want to learn Ilocano. I hope there
would be a book or an interesting person who can do that with me. Still he doesn't
seem to want to do it. *rolls eyes upward*
The thing that he doesn't know about me, is
that I am either relentless or easily bored. He can run away and never speak to
me again but that won't stop me from liking him. He doesn't have to like me
back and I don't even need reciprocation. What people don't understand from
recovering hopeless romantics is that were can live with the thirst for love
for many many many moons.
But once we find a different watering hole
to go to and search for, no amount of splashing us with the old well's water
would make us go back.
Still *looks around * I think I really need
to make time to clear up my room's mess. I think the energy in my room is
blocked that is why I am getting sicker. But after drinking the co-amoxiclab
and the cough meds they gave me at the clinic I have stopped coughing
excessively.
I got my Value Creation score today. It's
meets. I am thinking that I need to do that same for my life. Make it a metric
for my life. To make it better. Start with my PP scores that is following
policies and procedure. Then make enough but not too much Connections with
customers which would be family, friends and new people. Then value creation,
make the right kinds of decisions so that I would have more good things happen
to me and do more things in the limited time that I have between work and rest.
This weekend I have to go to a wedding, I
am sure I would be a photographer/fat girl who is still single but already
going to be 27 in several days time. Then I have to attend a funeral on Sunday.
Yes, there is a wedding and a funeral. It's bizarre, I know but nevertheless
that is my weekend. I would not but anything on Friday when I have to be with
Her Royal Highness with the Third Prince when we go to Divi. I have to buy just
one pair of Hello Kitty glasses for my sister (her star city day is gone
forever since there is a funeral to attend on Sunday) and a gift for someone at
work. I don't need anything else, except maybe rainy day shoes and dvds. But
unlike the time we went there for my JD (china tablet) I don't plan any big
expenditures. I need to remember that I make a third of what Her Royal Highness
does. And she can shop enough for the both of us. Though she claims to be only
needed to find a single dress. Surely we would visit her favorite shoe store
first and her brother is coming so that might lead to some other guy stuff
hunting. I am looking forward to finding out where I can buy goth-themed thing
since I have loved that since my ma-luk days.
So I won't be able to clean my room. But I
have to remember to have my clothes washed. I am thinking that perhaps it would
be a better idea to just bring my clothes home for washing. Still that would
require carrying them and I am too darn lazy. Still, it's more economical. So I
am thinking that I could just do that this once. I have to warn the new maid.
She might faint from exhaustion.
I am going to meet up with my friends J and
A on the 11th of June. I wonder if we have work on the 12th.
I hope not so I could spend the day chatting with them from the night of the 11th
to as late as we can. But Makati is no Elbi, in the latter we can sit in the
grass and chat away the hours. In Makati, it's a little less laid-back and more
expensive. I told them to aid me with saving and money handling tips. Then I
would bring my cosmo and my witty mind full of things I did in my shady life to
help them fire up their already cozy lives with their beloveds. That's what
crazy single friends are for, right? Besides, we haven't met up since one of us
became a geisha, I mean went to Japan. I am sure Ate J is rocking Nihon. But I
really wish I can visit there.
I swear I am going to name my daughter
Sakura, damn the naruto references. She's going to be a flower and that's that.
Or if I don't have kids, I can name my dog that. ;-) Depends on what life I
would have, that of a spinster or a wifey.
Still right now, my worries are little. I
still have a lot of stuff on my 26 things to do for my 26th year
that I didn't get to do like make YOBO 4 onwards script. Yes, Norby I have not
forgotten, just haven't gotten around to writing it. I am thinking that I
should write it like a story then have him interpret it in the comics. Because
I think of the format but I draw a blank. But the plot points are in my head.
They have been swimming there for the longest time. Way too long if you ask
Norby.
I will revisit my list, transfer some to my
27 things to do on my 27th year. Then By God, I am doing those
things. Not vauge things, like the ones I wanted to put my my 365 days of 2012
that I never really got to finish and list down or do (though some of them I am
working on). I think I can do better with just 27 things to do.
Number one on that list
1.
Boracay with friends. Flabby or
penniless, even if I have to aparate to get there.
2.
Get confirmed at work. If not achieved,
then get a new job with a good salary in a good company (like there is any
better than where you are now)
3.
Loose 20 kgs or more.
4.
Go on a blind date once (when
#3 is done) with a decent guy.
5.
Finish and write (and give) the
storyline for YOBO to Norby.
6.
WRITE AND POST The Mista Series
(working title)
7.
Finish BBBS edits
8.
Finish writing and post THE
BigB series
9.
READ and EDIT the novels on my
HD and Eros (my laptop) - Finish at least two novels (read and edit) in a
month. Start in June 2012.
10. Buy a flashdrive to make it easier to transfer data from EROS to JD
(tablet)
11. Save at least 50,000-70,000
12. Pay my mom my debt (once #11 is done)
13. Get a working internet connection at my apartment (pray that witribe
has signal in my spot)
14. Go to church to pray as often as possible, if not more than 5 days a
week.
15. Clean my room and keep it that way.
16. Organize things to make space for “Writing area” in room.
17. Watch Mig Ayesa's concert if I have money. If not achieved, buy new
album nevertheless.
18. Get a credit card with my name on it. Do not overuse.
19. Learn something new every day.
20. Write a blog everyday if possible.
21. Writing time – block an hour or two to write every day. (write a
blog entry or write something for the novels you have/or write down your edit
marks for a book that you are reading on JD)
22. Met a man who can make me feel giddy and knows how to reply to an
sms message.
23. Attend all weddings of friends and relatives – enjoy telling people
you never want to get married but love the wedding itself and the food.
24. Never become a negastar and avoid them at all times. (unless company
required and under the pain of death)
25. Laugh as often as possible. Make people who are around happy to be
around you. That means listening more talking less. ^.^
26. Watch as many foreign films as you possibly can during the free
festivals. Preferably with someone who actually likes them.
27. Go on leave for May 30th and 31st of 2013.
Make sure to include the weekend then go to the beach or a trip with a beloved
or go home and enjoy the fiesta like you used to. Make sure to buy Mernel's
cake for your birthday.
