Ellen Tordesillas blogged about me (and of course, mah awesome inay!)

Caregiver of caregivers’ kids

The phenomenon of Overseas Filipino Workers, OFW in short, which disperses more than 10 million Filipinos all over the world, most of them away from their families, has created another phenomenon: children growing up without the care of their mothers who are taking care of other people’s children.
This sad situation has created also another kind of job in the Philippines : mothers taking care of children of mothers who go abroad to take care of other people’s children.
One of the outstanding entries in the this year’s Philippine Expat/OFW Blog awards was Niña Simon’s “My Mom’s Quasi-orphanage” . It won the Nokia award for Philippine-based blogs that also deal with overseas Filipino workers.

THANKS PEBA!

Things crossed out on my Crazy and Goal list on December 16, 2010

GOAL LIST: Join an international blog contest. Check!
CRAZY LIST: Be in the TOP TEN. Check!

GOAL LIST: Win an award for blogging. TWO CHECKS!
CRAZY LIST: Take crazy pictures on stage while receiving said award. TWO CHECKS!

GOAL LIST: Attend PEBA 2010 with a friend/s. Check!
CRAZY LIST: Be fashionably late for the Gala night. Check! (more on this later)

CRAZY LIST: Learn how to get to Greenhills. Check!

CRAZY LIST: Be seen online by strangers. Check! Superstah!

CRAZY LIST: Meet other PEBA bloggers. Check!


There I was in Robinsons Galleria, in my Gala outfit waiting for H. The traffic was abysmal because it was, according to day the day after the pay and there were Christmas sales everywhere. When she finally arrived we contemplated whether to take a cab or a jeepney. Because I have been standing at the taxi stop for thirty minutes and there was still a bunch of people in front of us, we walked to the jeepney stop instead. Luckily there were two jeepneys loading up there. Greenhills, here comes the LUVSHAK GODDESSES!

After registering we got in and sat near the corner. We were close enough to see what was happening on the stage but far enough from the groups of people to do our usually mean girls bit. You have to forgive us. She's a contact center employee for the longest time and I am an English teacher. So we looked at each other after every lisp and grammar slip. We are just mean like that.

Just so you know this is not going to be a blow by blow thing about what exactly happened in the event. I wanted to write a piece that was quite journalistic but I forgot my notepad. ^^ So this is my PEBA night as I remember it.

When they announced the category for Nokia I figured that I won't get anything since I thought that one had to make a separate entry for it. Boy, was I surprised when I heard my online name Pinaywriter. ^^

I walked towards the right side of the stage. Apparently there were no stairs on that side. I had to walk past people in front, who were nice enough to let me pass. I didn't know there was a path in the middle. Gesh. One friend enough told me she thought I was coming from the bathroom since I took so long to go on-stage. *She was watching on life streaming btw.* When I finally got onstage, I wanted to do a peace sign but since I was a little unnerved all I managed was a thumbs up. So phallic, right? But I heard some people snigger so I figured it was funny enough. And I am here to entertain. *bows* *bows*

When I got down I read my plate. IT WAS KIKO'S! I got up and walked to the side of stage to ask for the correct plate. I guess it was his wifey who was there. We exchanged plates. After that we got a picture taking session with the head as well as the rep from Nokia. I am so bad with names. I will fill this in later when I find out who they are. ^^

There were intermission numbers who sang two songs that me and H sang along with. ^^ I took some frame by frame pictures from him. The ladies had fun on that part I think. ^^

Fast forward to the announcement of the top ten for the OFW Supporters category. I was praying that they would call out my blog's name on the tenth. When they didn't I sat back and thought that I didn't have a chance in hell of getting into any of the higher levels.

When they called out my name for the 6th place, I made sure to walk in the middle so that I wouldn't make an fool of myself. (More so that usual) Again, with the thumbs up. I really couldn't help it! Bumenta eh. ^^

All in all, I am happy. Most of the bloggers I met through PEBA got awards or honorable mentions. So for me it's a win for almost all the people who are special to me. As for the other bloggers, I will take time to read through their blogs and find small pieces of information that can help me become a good OFW supporter, PEBA entry nominee or not.

I was just wondering, pwede pa po bang umulet? Probably I would if I ever become an OFW, I would try to join the other category. *teehee*

I am glad that some of my friends caught me on-line. My best friend who in Riyadh was able to watch me get not one but two awards. Even my writers from T.O.P. watched (two of them I think.)

But the most special thing is that I was able to win something for my mom. It was her who inspired this blog entry anyway. And I think I would continue to write about my family so as to present the life that can be had for people who are in the, as they call it, home base.

I gave one of the freebie Gardania to a sampaguita vendor. I was irked when a few minutes later, she went back to insist that we buy flowers from her. I was like "Is she kidding me?" My friend wondered if the girl was the same girl. I knew it was the same girl. I sighed in frustration. Sometimes, even if you give them fish, they would ask you for the entire barrel.

Life in the Philippines can't be changed by one advocacy, it can't be turned around over night. A Gala night is a highlight but it's not the end of the support that we need to give to each other, to each Filipino around the world.

I talked to my ex and he is going home under shady circumstances. He will go home from Jeddah and faces an uncertain future here. He was supposed to put his life together and not hide again. I feel pity towards him but there are somethings that a blogger can't do and shouldn't do anything about. Like forcing a person to do what he doesn't want to do or is not in his nature to do.

There are others who have less people helping them. There are women like Ate Tess who still go home with virtually less than what they had before they left. Who go home with wounds and damaged lives that we can not heal. But we can make others AWARE that stories like those are too close to their own lives that they should be more vigilant.

H will leave for Bahrain soon. She wants to go there for her family and for herself. She will be there for two years if it pushes through. I will miss her. And I am glad that on PEBA 2010, we will always have the memories of being together to celebrate people who are like her parents, my relatives and our friends.

Stay safe, smile always, and remember that we are always praying and thinking of you here at home. I-sisimbang gabi na lang namin kayo. ^^

All winners @ PEBA 2010

Not everyone will win an award, but as long as you can feel the love of your family and are able to express it yourself, then you are a winner. 

Filipino families have evolved over time. Not just because of technology or influences from other cultures but because of the circumstances that divide us.

I am a firm believer of this year's theme “Strengthening the OFW Families: Stronger Homes for a Stronger Nation” because I am a product of a strong family. And whenever I think of a place that is safe from all pain and harm, I think of home. When I try to image the bravest and most loving people I know, I see the faces of my mother and father. When I fear failure and shame, I try to recall the conversation that my father and mother had, hushed away from us, about how a man can be a good person and still be used by others to exploit and extort money from hardworking people, and I remember that with the support of the people I love and a conscience clear of all malice, I can be a good person, I can be a proud Filipino.

So to all the Overseas Filipino Workers, my Tito Pako and Tita Nancy who are in Italy; my Tita Loida in HK; my Simon cousins and their mom, Tita Tess, Tito Joven and Tita Nanet in Canada; my friends from Jeddah, Mark and Gil; my friends in Riyadh especially Reina; Ate Joy and Tita Clemen in Dubai; to the countless nameless heroes who continue to risk their lives to serve their families; to the courageous bloggers who write about what happens in their part of the world; to people like my mother who bridge the gap, the heartfelt thank you from a daughter might not be enough but I give it to you nevertheless. 

I wish you a Merry Christmas and I assure you, we will continue to pray for your safety and health as long as you are not here with us at home. 

Of Butterflies and OFW exes : before PEBA 2010

I am the kind of person who can't sleep when she is excited over something. So I made sure that I slept as early as I could yesterday. I was awake every hour after 1900. T_T It was like tiny power naps that made me think, "Am I in a double dream or is time really slow on Thursdays?"

Nevertheless, I sprang up and got ready to go to work by 2 a.m. It might be because I couldn't take the whole sleep then wake up routine my body was doing. I wore my Halliwell top in about four different ways until I finally decided that covering my arms is the best way to go. But this top keeps making the right side do a peek-a-bo. ^.~ I just need to ignore it I guess. I bought emergency clothes in case something weird happens from 2.am. to 6 p.m. (believe me, things have happened before). I put on my "reina" pants and went to work.

To my dismay they changed the code for the office door so after several tries with the one that I knew the thing alarmed. I thought it would alert building security but it didn't. Pft. It was a good thing my former teammate comes in early. He opened the door using the new code.

So now I am waiting for my already overloaded schedule to not kill me so I can go to Nova to see H. Then we can go together.

The Halliwell top is getting a lot of rave. Or maybe it's because half of the time I look like a boy at work. (ROFL)

I saw a reply on an already forgotten message I sent my ex on FB. He said that he misses being with me and seeing me. And I paused for a second and thought, this time I know my tummy butterflies are not for him. They will never be again. ^^

PEBA GALA NIGHT 2010

http://www.pinoyblogawards.com/2010/11/peba-2010-gala-night-invitation-video.html

 I suddenly miss making videos. I don't have time lately. I still need to fix my laptop's memory and burn things that I don't use on a daily basis. Promise talaga I would buy dvds on my next pay.

I actually bought a blouse and a bling-bling for this event. I plan to wear the black pants Reina gave me (despite it being old na) and so I still need girly shoes and a belt that would hold my gut. ^_^ My tummy is still protruding but I'll just inhale half of the time and exhale when no one is looking. Because at the rate I am not eating rice, there wouldn't be enough time for me to flatten it. That and the fact that I am not exercising. I plan to tell my mom everything that would happen. It's a little hard to take them all to the event so it would just be me and my friend Helene who doesn't have work at that time. She's had experiences with regards to being abroad and living there as a child of an OFW. We are still unsure whether she would become a full-blown OFW or not but that is all in the future. If I could I would drag my friends to the event, all Makati-based ones that can make it, at least. But I can't. I was hoping that Reina would be home but she couldn't make it here for a few reasons. It would have been awesome to have both of us in one PEBA event since she is the reason I know about PEBA in the first place.

I feel a little torn lately since my boss told us that we have to work on the 24th of December. My parents had planned to go to Isabela (for the first time in many years) to celebrate Christmas there. The trip would take 13 hours by bus and I refuse to spend Christmas on a bus like I did last year. So I might not go with them. This would be the first Christmas EVER in my 25 years that I would not have to eat my mom's pasta pa-cham and whatever it is that would be our Noche Buena.

But I guess I could stay since my nephews would be all alone during Christmas. I could take them out and we could have fun. That is the least I could do for my ninong Dante who can't be here to be their Santa (although they already know that Santa is their dad). But I wonder if my my parents can take good pictures of my sister's trip (first time as a walking and talking child) to Isabela. They really suck at taking pictures, you see. And it would be a shame if she couldn't get a chance to have good pictures of her trip.

I will have to decide between what I need to do to provide money for my debts or to make memories with my family. But in case I don't go to Isabela, there is always a next time. But I wonder, what if my next boyfriend is there. *laughs* As if. I don't even know how to speak Ilocano. *yes I am slightly ashamed of that but my dad never uses it so what am I supposed to do?* Probably because one time a lady thought I was a boy and was talking to my crazy mother (who understood a bit of Ilocano) and she was actually telling me (who was only saying yes in Ilocano) that I would be perfect for her DAUGHTER. my language acquiring brain (I sometimes understand words for some reason and get to read body language well) made me realize what she was saying so I said that I was a girl (despite the elephant pants and large FUBU shirt). The clinger? The lady's son drove by on a scooter. *facepalm* Did I mention I was around fifteen and was tall for my age so she thought I was a college student. *two handed facepalm*

Anyway, I am ranting again. So back to the Gala event. I hope my pimples let up and that I would respond well to cosmetics though I don't plan to put on a lot. I hope I can get a good camera and use it. *or win one if there is even a chance of that*

Still I know that come rain or high water, I will go to Greenhills. *Did I mention it's my first time there?* So PEBA is popping one of my cherries. ^_^ Oh wait, this is my first nomination and my first blog awards night. What do you know, it's three firsts. Three cherries in one pop, way to go PEBA! ^_^

Whether you LIKE ME or not

LIKE MY PICTURE HERE

I think we "like" way too many things. But it wouldn't hurt if you liked just one more thing.

I don't care anymore if I get the most likes. I would just be happy with whatever God provides. ^_^ I like me and some times, that should be enough. It'll be nice if I could love someone new though. *giggles*

Wala sa sapatos yan

I accidentally took a shot of my cousins' shoes. I realized they were using hand-me-downs. This was something that my uncle would not have wanted had he been around. One, he loved them so much. Two, he would have never let them play sports in sneakers or the wrong kind of sport shoes for the sport they are playing.

I wish I had more money to give them more sports stuff. The talent is there, but the equipment, is lacking.
I didn't think this would happen. Their mom is in another country. She is supposed to be sending money for their education. They are already in public school. That means, if she was sending enough there should be extra money for shoes. For heaven's sake. My cousin was playing in shoes that I used to wear for training! Those shoes should be retired already. *must.not.get.mad.*

I know how hard overseas Filipino workers work to provide for their families. And it seems ungrateful for me to say this. I may be stepping over tactfulness when I say this but sometimes I just hope she stayed and saw what her kids have to go through.

But the saddest thing is I can only be there to take pictures. My mom can only fuss about how dirty their jerseys are the night before. But they need to be provided for. I just hope SHE remembers that rather than cavort with married men. Umiinit ang ulo ko. Gesh.

But you know what, those blue shoes, they were taken off so the kid could run (flat footed pa un ha) and jump a distance of 2 meters, jump over a pole, and participate in a third athletic event. (He had one day of practice so that is a lot already)

Those black shoes stepped up when the main player for the volleyball team was injured. They helped win a championship.

So I know the talent is there. But it wouldn't hurt if they wore better apparel while playing. The ankle support would help a lot if not the moral support they would represent.


Right?
Right.

++

Confused with what I am talking about, they are the boys I am talking about on my PEBA 2010 entry.

Humility and Letting Go

I had promised not to place any new entries here that talked about any ex or any man in a melancholic light. Sometimes you just can't help yourself. There is no more pain. It's more of like being surrounded by jelo and even if he tries to poke me I can't be touched. But the ripples that are caused by the sharp prod that he would be happy and he would not show his face to me when he comes back home cause me to worry a little bit. I try to deflect all of these with humor. But this person doesn't understand humor, he never quite got my jokes and I had to explain to him a lot of my intentions. But I am under no obligation to care for what he feels or what he might make me feel. I am surrounded by jelo. And inside it, I am eating around it to make room for someone to fit into my life. He won't be someone who would poke a hole through my jelo fortress, he would be someone who would patiently wait outside the jelo until I am ready to be with him in the real world.

My co-writer is married to this perfectly imperfect guy. Some of my friends whom I never though would be mothers are already married with their first kids (my imaginary inaanaks). Others have made life choices that would demand the rest of their lives to fulfill. I am here at the edge of the highest point I can reach, my legs are tied on a bungee and I am ready to jump. But there is no one there to kiss and say I love you to before I jump or someone to hold me as we fall then hang.

I wanted someone to make a liar out of me once. That has all been settled. I was such a good liar that I believed my own lies.

Now I want someone I can trust would never let me go even if I am screaming at his ear because I am afraid for my life. Someone solid to hold me when the air is rushing and I am light-headed from the speed of the fall.
I want someone I could look into and say, "You made me braver than I could ever imagine. Thank you for loving me despite all that I am."

He's there. Not somewhere. I know he's there. I don't want to check the cards to know when he would come around. But I know he's in my life. He might be a stranger, a friend or a soulmate. But he's there. I know it.

Love will be a part of me now that I know that love is what I want to have. I won't be afraid to be like my mother. Because if we marry our fathers, then by God, where is my hardworking, snoring, loyal and funny handyman? I know one of these days he will reveal himself. I won't wait. I'll keep myself busy with wordly things. A soul would know if her new soulmate is around.

The heart has a way of knowing how souls are bound.

So to the one I never had, be happy. I want that more than anything for you. Don't forget how much I loved you. But forget that there is hope for us. I don't want you to loose control of your life again. I want you to be happy. Someday, I wish I would see you and your family in a picture, happy, content and together. IF you really loved me, you would do that for me...but most of all for yourself. Family is what you need to make you the man that is removed from your father's dark past. Don't be like him. Love your honey and cherish your children. Be FAITHFUL and be present. And you would not want for anything in this world, I assure you of that. Why do I know this? Because I can see it in my father's eyes, in his life. He is a man who knows true happiness that no amount of money can buy. He has love and a family to love. I want that, more than anything for you.

+++

Sometimes my arrogance gets the best of me. Sometimes I wonder if that is the real reason why I survived. But win or lose, I am glad that I joined PEBA and wrote that article about my mom. Too bad I lost the only copy of the "family" picture they got in Subic. There are other moments, I think. Long after the contest is over, my mom would still be taking care of my cousins. I just hope someday, they would return the favor.

If you haven't voted yet, please help me out.

My Mom's Quasi-orphanage by Niña Simon

My Mom's Quasi-orphanage by Niña Simon

published July 19, 2010 9:40 PM

My mother has never been out of the country.

She has never been on an airplane.

But she has been a surrogate mother to so many children of OFWs that it seems her burden has been heavier than those who have left their kids.

My Tita Loida is a domestic helper in Hong Kong. She left her young daughters in my mother's care.

My Tito Pako is in Italy. He met his wife, a Bulaceña in Italy. They have two kids. My mother constantly checks on their children who are in Bulacan.

My Tita Clemen is in Dubai. My uncle died while she was away. She left her two sons in my mother's care.

Batangueños are known for being extremely clannish. This is true for most Filipinos here and abroad. In the beginning, poverty was the reason why people left the country. Now, they can't seem to find a reason to come back. I fear that some of them have forgotten why they left in the first place.

People like my mother bridge the gap between those who are left behind and those who are in another land.

For the longest time I have heard about and seen relatives leave Batangas, Isabela, and Laguna to try their luck in earning more money for their families. In the beginning it was the men. They braved the desert, the haughty Europeans, and the discrimination that came with doing manual labor. This was considered the right thing to do for men since they needed to be the provider for their families. People perceived that the fathers were doing their paternal duty in leaving their wives and kids in the Philippines.

Then came waves and waves of mothers leaving their toddlers. I suddenly had two female cousins living in our house most of the time. People didn't like this new trend. Fathers that were left behind could barely function with work and housework in their hands. Somehow it was the woman's fault if the family didn't survive this change. She ruined everything for leaving them behind.Even if their husbands were the ones who didn't keep his vows, somehow people chewed out the woman instead of the man. “He was lonely”, they would say. I couldn't help but shake my head when I heard that.

My mom raised us alongside my “adoptive” sisters. I often hear her roll call for the people who needed to be at our table for meals and it often included the girls. If that wasn't the case, she would check up on them to make sure that they had eaten. When their father went home later and later into the night, they had to sleep over at our house from time to time.

They grew up with toys, pictures of their mother in Hongkong, and my mother's constant nagging. I think she took it personally when the eldest girl ended up repeating her mother's situation, having a child while she was still young. She felt like she failed to raise her well. In our family, the welfare of the daughters, their mistakes, and their triumphs are perceived to be based on the alpha female in their lives. I saw how hard it was for my mother that she had not done a good enough job in instilling traditional values into my cousin's heads. As her eldest daughter, I had to suffer the nagging and the suspicious looks. I think I managed to dodge it jokingly, enough to ease her fears.

My mother's youngest brother had been conned by a trusted family friend before his wife managed to get a chance to go to Qatar. While she was there, my uncle died in his sleep.We would later find out that he had a legitimate job offer in Canada. She went home for the funeral but had to go back abroad so she could earn enough for their two sons' education. Once again, after the blow that hit her when my cousin got pregnant, my mother was a surrogate mother again.

Because my cousin's were in the same bed as their dad when he died, the kids didn't want to sleep in their old room. My younger cousin who couldn't sleep unless he had his hand on his dad's ear clung to my mom more, to my little sister's chagrin. They slept in our second floor room with my father, mother and sister. It was a good thing that by that time I was in Makati, my younger brother was in Diliman, and the youngest son was in Los Baños. When we all go home from our separate locations one had to take dibs on a bed or end up sleeping on the couch. The legitimate kids ended up feeling like we were the guests in our own home. But I didn't care, at least not all that much, because my mom told me, “Who else would take care of them?”

My mom doesn't mind disciplining, feeding, and loving my cousins. What I have seen as an adult that I missed when I was still a kid, was that my mom hated it when the parents thought that she was not giving their kids the money that they sent over. My mother had a mantra, “Never spend other people's money.” Both my parents believed that so much that their bosses trusted them with money matters completely. I started realizing that my mother was slowly becoming the victim in the situation. She didn't want to look like the enemy, but there was a time that she had to tell the boys the awful truth. Their mother, my aunt, had found someone new, she didn't have a job and there was no money coming in.

I don't know how hard it is to be far from my homeland. I have heard my friends, my relatives and former lovers talk about how difficult it is to be in a place where there is nothing else that they can do but work, eat, and sleep. I am an advocate that they are heroes in their own right. But let's not forget that there are those who decided that they can work here, care for the young here and fill in the gaps here in the Philippines.

I believe both deserve our gratitude.

+++

Click on the picture to see the other nominees and vote for your favorite!

"Strengthening the OFW Families: Stronger Homes for a Stronger Nation." 

++++


Reminders for OFW parents of the 22nd century


1. The Social Networks are your bestfriends...and your worst enemies.

Make sure that you know how to use the social site that your child uses. It's not enough that you know how to use the chat options of Yahoo! Messenger. You can get tidbits of information from their comments, posts, as well as what to get them on their birthday, from Facebook, Multiply, Twitter, Plurk or Friendster. Let's be honest, parents are pretty much shunned by teenagers. A little cyber-stalking might come in handy. But don't be the "diary-reading" parent that my mom was. Your kid might just end up writing in code like I did just to keep some things secret. Don't worry, if your kid needs help or "The talk" they would figure out that you are the ones to go to unless you do not allow free speech in your relationship or your home.

2. Money isn't the only thing that they want from you.

Time is indeed something that is more important that some parents, OFW or otherwise, have forgotten that their kids need from them. I hated my parents for hovering for the most part of my life. (I still need to text my mom when it rains or there is something major on the news.) But I consider myself lucky now because I have this assurance that I have my parents to back me up.

3. We are not lazy just because we don't want to leave the country.

I have heard parents insisting that their kids follow in their footsteps. When their kids refuse to leave the country and work abroad they find it somewhat offensive since they think their kids demean their work. We don't. We really don't. But we would just want to gain more experience at home so we can get better options. You gave us the chance to get the best education we can afford, let us give back to the local industry, then we will think about international employment. Or we could just find options here that would pay the same.


Besides, mom and dad, we have a new president. Who knows? Maybe he would do a better job than that lady who...you know who I mean.

4. Try not to pick up where you left off. 

Most OFW parents fail to remember that their kids grew up while they were away. I don't mean they are being daft, it's just they find it hard to adjust how they treat their kids since they missed actual years in their kids' lives.


Don't cuddle a teenage. Don't be too strict towards an adult. Don't blame yourself if we have flaws or tantrums. We are adjusting to having a complete family too. Don't force things. Just let the love speak for itself. We know you are our parents, you don't have to scream it at our faces. We love you, we are just in the "teenage rebellion" phase. We'll outgrow it. And did I mention, we love you?

5. If you can, BE PRESENT in major celebrations.

We know you are doing this for us. But we want to thank you too by showing you the medals we have won, the awards that we have received, and the fruits of your labors. Those days are milestones in our lives so we want you in the picture, we want you in the memory, we want to hug and thank you in person. So if you can, please make time.

Pinaywriter a.k.a. Niña Rita Simon is an online English teacher, an unpublished novelist, part-time SEO writer, and comic book collaborator. When she's not writing Tagalog pocketbooks, meeting deadlines or editing comic balloons she finds time to infuriate or make her friends laugh.