Everyday is Mother's Day

Disclaimer: Blog entry made on actual Mother's day. Did not go online. 

Mother's day in our house is on May 7^th, not the second Sunday of May like what every female-targeting advertising announced it to be. It's simply because that is my Inay's birthday. This year I went home for the weekend before our mother's day since her birthday landed on a Monday. My little sister and I joined my parents for my dad's company outing. I had to sleep in a tent and give up sleep all day Saturday to being in a tent room and not being able to lounge around in comfort. But I think my parents liked it there and there is a chance I would have to do this again. They didn't wake me up for the bonfire which I was waiting for. They ended up with blurry night pictures but they had fun while I rested so I guess it's win-win.

My mom, as most of my blogger friends and readers already know is a superwoman for me. And I am not even kidding how many kids she has raised apart from me and my brother. But this is a common occurrence in the province, the most rooted and stable aunt ends up bringing up kids in lieu of grandmothers not being available. Still at 26, I don't feel like a good daughter just yet. I am still about 20% of the woman my mother was when she was 26. She was already a mother, married and has a job that she kept all the way to her 50's. I am working towards getting confirmed in my new job, that means regularized for us all, I am still working towards self-improvement and perhaps spinsterhood (which I don't dread really with kind of  men that have been churning up around me) and I don't really know if I would be able to have children in the future. But still I would never ever settle for anything else than the kind of love and relationship my parents found in each other. They say that it is hard to put a family together is yours was broken, then they haven't seen the girls who struggle to find the man who would fit the bill and give them the love their parents have. It's harder when you know that the standard set by your father is too high.

On mother's day we give flowers, thank you letters and gifts to our mother. I gave my mom two packs of babyruth. ^.^ I had originally thought of giving my sister money to buy my mom something on the actual international mother's day but I forgot. Nevertheless, I will make it up to her by going to Star City on the 27^th to help her watch my cousins and sister go on the rides. I am not big on heights and would end up taking pictures and watching their bags that is for certain but I wouldn't mind except that I have to go to work at 9pm so I would have to sleep in then take the rest of my time going to work.

In my life I have met different kinds of mothers and have seen and felt different kinds of love from them. There are those who are practical mothers, who show their love in teaching and nagging. There are those smotherers who spoil their children to the point that their child needs to rebel to be able to find a semblance of self or end up being exactly like them only towards their own relationships. There are those who are highlighters. They arrive on graduations, weddings, and major life events and have to be away, by choice or preference, from their children and family most of the time. Then there are those who are ghosts, they are there physically but can't be reached out on to raise their children or to even look at them. But then there are the HëirMöther,Stamom's and Dragon ladies. They are the extreme versions of carino brutal. The first one would insist that there is only one kind of person that is valuable in the world and that is the class from which they belong and would control their child from being close to anyone else. The Stamom would make sure their child follows just one way of living and the values that they must follow are only those that are in their mother's book of living and values. Lastly the Dragon Ladies would make their children the perfect prodigy to the point that their social skills are lacking being of lack of interaction with humans as supposed to instruments and learning devices.

No, these classifications are not to lower down or belittle these kinds of mothers, it's just to enumerate the kinds that they seem on the surface. But underneath all the tags is the heart that would love from womb to tomb. Sometimes we forget that our mothers were women and people apart from us before we came to be. We only know a side of them and not all. As I grew older, I found that it was easier to understand my mother and to admire her for all that she has done and all that she is doing. I realized that in order to find a man who would hold me close in his sleep and would be my life partners for decades and decades I would have to be a woman after my mother. It was not the search for the perfectly imperfect man that was difficult. It was being a woman who would be able to draw that kind of man's attention towards me that was extremely hard. My mother and I are not the same, though her love has a compartment in my heart. I tap into it whenever I feel like life is not as great as I had hoped or when I am feeling exceptionally vulnerable. Then there is that Inay folder in my head where all the recordings of the nagging...este...life lesson video and audio files are stored for me to play whenever I am thinking of whether or not I should do something. The sound quality and the video quality are not as good as it was but my hearing is better and my inner eye makes me understand the message better.

What I learned from my parents can't fit in a book let alone a time blog.

But I would believe that when I have my own child, if ever I do and have a husband, if ever he gets around to meeting me, I would apply the things that I learned from my mother.

1.      When really mad do not speak. Sometimes the words you would say wounds both side and leaves scars that would never go away.

2.      When really happy laugh and smile. Share your happiness with your friends and family and you would soon realize that one small thing like a new pair of shoes and your daughter in a dress had made ripples of good energy.

3.      Be honest in the way you do your work and you would be rewarded with a trust that can not be shaken.

4.      Love like you are not asking for anything in return or even thinking of it. Because the love that you send out into the world, has a way of coming back like a boomerang.

5.      Always believe that you can do it and if your self-confidence is not enough, don't leave it to chance, get some back-up and pray.

There are more, like I said, that I learned from mothers and women who are about to be mothers. But someday, even if I never become one, I would continue to apply the things my mother taught me. I just wish that one of these days I would fulfill my own dream of being able to help out at home. One girl shoes step at a time I suppose.

To all the mothers out there, you are THE WOMAN! Blessed are we your children for the love that you gave us and the lessons you continually remind us. Thank you for the support and the sacrifice that you have given and done for us. We might not always be that good at expressing our gratitude but let it be known that without you, there wouldn't be a me. A gazillion thanks for all that you are and all that you have made us, your kiddos out to be.

Whether you LIKE ME or not

LIKE MY PICTURE HERE

I think we "like" way too many things. But it wouldn't hurt if you liked just one more thing.

I don't care anymore if I get the most likes. I would just be happy with whatever God provides. ^_^ I like me and some times, that should be enough. It'll be nice if I could love someone new though. *giggles*

My Mom's Quasi-orphanage by Niña Simon

My Mom's Quasi-orphanage by Niña Simon

published July 19, 2010 9:40 PM

My mother has never been out of the country.

She has never been on an airplane.

But she has been a surrogate mother to so many children of OFWs that it seems her burden has been heavier than those who have left their kids.

My Tita Loida is a domestic helper in Hong Kong. She left her young daughters in my mother's care.

My Tito Pako is in Italy. He met his wife, a Bulaceña in Italy. They have two kids. My mother constantly checks on their children who are in Bulacan.

My Tita Clemen is in Dubai. My uncle died while she was away. She left her two sons in my mother's care.

Batangueños are known for being extremely clannish. This is true for most Filipinos here and abroad. In the beginning, poverty was the reason why people left the country. Now, they can't seem to find a reason to come back. I fear that some of them have forgotten why they left in the first place.

People like my mother bridge the gap between those who are left behind and those who are in another land.

For the longest time I have heard about and seen relatives leave Batangas, Isabela, and Laguna to try their luck in earning more money for their families. In the beginning it was the men. They braved the desert, the haughty Europeans, and the discrimination that came with doing manual labor. This was considered the right thing to do for men since they needed to be the provider for their families. People perceived that the fathers were doing their paternal duty in leaving their wives and kids in the Philippines.

Then came waves and waves of mothers leaving their toddlers. I suddenly had two female cousins living in our house most of the time. People didn't like this new trend. Fathers that were left behind could barely function with work and housework in their hands. Somehow it was the woman's fault if the family didn't survive this change. She ruined everything for leaving them behind.Even if their husbands were the ones who didn't keep his vows, somehow people chewed out the woman instead of the man. “He was lonely”, they would say. I couldn't help but shake my head when I heard that.

My mom raised us alongside my “adoptive” sisters. I often hear her roll call for the people who needed to be at our table for meals and it often included the girls. If that wasn't the case, she would check up on them to make sure that they had eaten. When their father went home later and later into the night, they had to sleep over at our house from time to time.

They grew up with toys, pictures of their mother in Hongkong, and my mother's constant nagging. I think she took it personally when the eldest girl ended up repeating her mother's situation, having a child while she was still young. She felt like she failed to raise her well. In our family, the welfare of the daughters, their mistakes, and their triumphs are perceived to be based on the alpha female in their lives. I saw how hard it was for my mother that she had not done a good enough job in instilling traditional values into my cousin's heads. As her eldest daughter, I had to suffer the nagging and the suspicious looks. I think I managed to dodge it jokingly, enough to ease her fears.

My mother's youngest brother had been conned by a trusted family friend before his wife managed to get a chance to go to Qatar. While she was there, my uncle died in his sleep.We would later find out that he had a legitimate job offer in Canada. She went home for the funeral but had to go back abroad so she could earn enough for their two sons' education. Once again, after the blow that hit her when my cousin got pregnant, my mother was a surrogate mother again.

Because my cousin's were in the same bed as their dad when he died, the kids didn't want to sleep in their old room. My younger cousin who couldn't sleep unless he had his hand on his dad's ear clung to my mom more, to my little sister's chagrin. They slept in our second floor room with my father, mother and sister. It was a good thing that by that time I was in Makati, my younger brother was in Diliman, and the youngest son was in Los Baños. When we all go home from our separate locations one had to take dibs on a bed or end up sleeping on the couch. The legitimate kids ended up feeling like we were the guests in our own home. But I didn't care, at least not all that much, because my mom told me, “Who else would take care of them?”

My mom doesn't mind disciplining, feeding, and loving my cousins. What I have seen as an adult that I missed when I was still a kid, was that my mom hated it when the parents thought that she was not giving their kids the money that they sent over. My mother had a mantra, “Never spend other people's money.” Both my parents believed that so much that their bosses trusted them with money matters completely. I started realizing that my mother was slowly becoming the victim in the situation. She didn't want to look like the enemy, but there was a time that she had to tell the boys the awful truth. Their mother, my aunt, had found someone new, she didn't have a job and there was no money coming in.

I don't know how hard it is to be far from my homeland. I have heard my friends, my relatives and former lovers talk about how difficult it is to be in a place where there is nothing else that they can do but work, eat, and sleep. I am an advocate that they are heroes in their own right. But let's not forget that there are those who decided that they can work here, care for the young here and fill in the gaps here in the Philippines.

I believe both deserve our gratitude.

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Click on the picture to see the other nominees and vote for your favorite!

"Strengthening the OFW Families: Stronger Homes for a Stronger Nation." 

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Reminders for OFW parents of the 22nd century


1. The Social Networks are your bestfriends...and your worst enemies.

Make sure that you know how to use the social site that your child uses. It's not enough that you know how to use the chat options of Yahoo! Messenger. You can get tidbits of information from their comments, posts, as well as what to get them on their birthday, from Facebook, Multiply, Twitter, Plurk or Friendster. Let's be honest, parents are pretty much shunned by teenagers. A little cyber-stalking might come in handy. But don't be the "diary-reading" parent that my mom was. Your kid might just end up writing in code like I did just to keep some things secret. Don't worry, if your kid needs help or "The talk" they would figure out that you are the ones to go to unless you do not allow free speech in your relationship or your home.

2. Money isn't the only thing that they want from you.

Time is indeed something that is more important that some parents, OFW or otherwise, have forgotten that their kids need from them. I hated my parents for hovering for the most part of my life. (I still need to text my mom when it rains or there is something major on the news.) But I consider myself lucky now because I have this assurance that I have my parents to back me up.

3. We are not lazy just because we don't want to leave the country.

I have heard parents insisting that their kids follow in their footsteps. When their kids refuse to leave the country and work abroad they find it somewhat offensive since they think their kids demean their work. We don't. We really don't. But we would just want to gain more experience at home so we can get better options. You gave us the chance to get the best education we can afford, let us give back to the local industry, then we will think about international employment. Or we could just find options here that would pay the same.


Besides, mom and dad, we have a new president. Who knows? Maybe he would do a better job than that lady who...you know who I mean.

4. Try not to pick up where you left off. 

Most OFW parents fail to remember that their kids grew up while they were away. I don't mean they are being daft, it's just they find it hard to adjust how they treat their kids since they missed actual years in their kids' lives.


Don't cuddle a teenage. Don't be too strict towards an adult. Don't blame yourself if we have flaws or tantrums. We are adjusting to having a complete family too. Don't force things. Just let the love speak for itself. We know you are our parents, you don't have to scream it at our faces. We love you, we are just in the "teenage rebellion" phase. We'll outgrow it. And did I mention, we love you?

5. If you can, BE PRESENT in major celebrations.

We know you are doing this for us. But we want to thank you too by showing you the medals we have won, the awards that we have received, and the fruits of your labors. Those days are milestones in our lives so we want you in the picture, we want you in the memory, we want to hug and thank you in person. So if you can, please make time.

Pinaywriter a.k.a. Niña Rita Simon is an online English teacher, an unpublished novelist, part-time SEO writer, and comic book collaborator. When she's not writing Tagalog pocketbooks, meeting deadlines or editing comic balloons she finds time to infuriate or make her friends laugh.