2014 Power Word(s) : Redirecting Creativity

I finally chose one after writing a blog in AFF 

THIS IS IT!!! <3

Last year my Power Word was BALANCE. I was able to live up to it for about 80%. 

I am hoping this year, I can live up to my Power Word(s) up to at least 90%. 

In AFF, T.O.P. (Tagalog Online Pocketbook), at work and in LIFE. 

Because resolutions are just too constricting. And we always break them anyway.

PICK a GOAL or PICK something you want your WHOLE year to be about. And use it as you Power Word. 

Then plaster it all over your wall, your mobile wallpaper, your workstation and make it the first thing you see every morning. Think of ways to achieve it.

Your Power Word must be something that is going to help you in that year and also part of how you want your life to be like as a whole. Because what is the point of having a goal and not achieving it.

The wonderful thing about not having a list of things to do like a New Year resolution list, is that you can MAKE mistakes and SKIP some steps along the way. It frees you from having to tick things off from a mental list or an actual list. 

So what's your POWER WORD for 2014?

p.s. 

"As you all can see the ball has stopped half way to its porch. It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or close ourself down for fear of getting hurt. Cause that's what New Year's is all about, getting another chance. The chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what will be. So when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight, but all year long. Thank you." -- Claire Morgan, New Year's Eve

pps. 

Where ever you may choose to travel, may it be to overcome your fears and visit paradise. You need people who love you for you to make your fears the thing of the past and open you to new adventures. Despite invisible bacons and altophobia.  

Finding sisters is always a fabulous thing!

12/31/2013 : Just a few hours is not enough but years of friendship keep the gap small Once a C.A.T.s always a C.A.T.s

2014 :Less Go!~~~

Still my True Love

Troll or not, Still YG. <3

Teaching Korean Students about the BUG-OUT BAG

My students who live near the Han River were shocked because of the amount of flooding that happened yesterday. Images of Ondoy swim in my head and I dare only to read the words and not browse the pictures.

When I tell them that things like this are not unusual in the Philippines and Filipinos are tenacious enough to live through it every year, I think some of them looked at us in a slightly higher level. They can't imagine having to deal with landslides that take whole communities away and wash away lives, sully homes and drown vehicles.

When I told my student about the BUG OUT BAG *expression of the day* some of them were attentive, others said we are okay, we don't need that.

http://www.rural-revolution.com/2010/12/bug-out-bags.html

I had to stop imagining their bodies full of flood water or starving in a corner of a relief station. I just insisted that they look into having one and adjusting it based on how many people there are in their family.

It wouldn't hurt to have those inflatable life rafts at your home, as some of my plurk friends realized when Typhoon ONDOY hit our country. 

I hope some of them listen. At the very least, it might not be too late for some of them. Thirty-eight died as of presstime. I hope there won't be more.

When good men do nothing

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. - E.Burke


A "friend" of mine told me once that he got blamed for something that he didn't do. And he ended up having to make up for what that other person or other people did. I guess I have a warped sense of justice especially when it affects me directly. I don't care if he was being a gentleman about it, it's commendable in certain circumstances. I love him for being that way, maginoo pero mejo bastos. But there comes a time when gender should not be an issue in deciding to clear your name.

All we have is our dignity and we can also do so much to keep our name untarnished.

If we would let other people walk all over us and drag our name through the mud, then we not only let ourselves down but we drag all those who helped mold us to the person we are now, down.

It's safe to say my mom raised no fool. I might have been a liar for the greater part of my youth but now I use it to make actual fiction.

But if someone thought that I did something that caused other incovenience and it's not true. I would clear things up. Because I want to preserve the relationship that I had with that person. I would weight my options and see if the people whom I am covering for are actually worth it. If I don't see them being a part of my life in the next twenty years, they are not worth it. I lie for friends and cover for them all the time. But if they are not in the imagined future that I have, they are not worth a damn piece of fiction.

So if you think that being mum about who really did it for the common good is a great idea, then you are living in a communist bubble. The group would suffer for having the leeching, idiotic petty thieves that caused this whole shit.

What the younger generation should learn is that YOU need to own up to your mistakes. Because eventually, the truth will bite you in the ass and good luck trying to sit comfortably after that.

I hate it when others cover for others and get themselves in trouble. I hate it when the truth is kept when in fact it can be revealed and those who needs justice can get it.

So I hope those idiots who caused my friend to have to appear the antagonist in their school bukol remake should never meet me in person. Because I would personally rip her face off and make sure na wala na siyang mukhang ihaharap sa tao. 

*init ulo*  

Hanging out my Laundry

Emo day. Just let me do this today. I will get over it. I honestly don't care if you or anyone else cries about this because I for one is not able to stop myself from randomly crying in all the wrong times.

For context, dear ka-chismisan, read this and this.

I suddenly remember that Hot Mamah said albeit in her lovely sarcastic voice that I blog about everything. It's only to keep myself from becoming bat crap crazy.

thanks Shen.

What I checked off the 11 things to know at 25(ish)

11 things to know at 25(ish)

Number 1 Check
Number 2 Working on it
Number 3 Found someone to take it slow with so check! Learned this the hard way btw.
Number 4 In the works
Number 5 Not professionally but check
Number 6 Check
Number 7 Will have to return to the faith then
Number 8 Check
Number 9 Check
Number 10 Need to learn how to cook but as for buying check
Number 11 Talk to me in 2012 working on it.

I think this is the kind of article that fits a more church-going person than myself. BUT that doesn't mean it doesn't have any valid points.

I have a lot more to learn and some Chicken Soup for my Soul might just dislodged some laziness. But honestly this made me cringe since I have almost 60k worth of debt (not one person but several total is 54k+) So I am thinking that I need to take another money-earning activity that uses my talents or my skills to the fullest. It's going to take a long time and I honestly lost sleep trying to do the math last night. (we all know how nightmarish math is for me)

But I have to make sacrifices. I have to listen to the snappy remarks my friends told me on the bus. I need to sacrifice what I want to do to provide a better future for myself and my family. Whatever happens in my relationships, I need to be prepared. It would be great if I would grow old with a responsible man like my mom did with my dad. Otherwise, I have to fend for myself and my needs.

I have five years before I am officially out of the calendar. I will make sure that I get the hell out of the rut that I am in and put my act together.

Trust 30 : Courage to Connect by David Spinks

The person I am dying to connect to, have coffee with and learn from is the mature side of me who knows how to balance her life, love, work, and creative endeavours.

I want to get in touch with that version of me because I think I am a long way from that version of me or have lost touch as to how to make sacrifices or never really learned how to.

I know that it's too hypothetical, but I am hoping that in five years, I will be looking at her in the mirror and that she would be smiling at me and saying, "What took you so long?" instead of "You're too late."

Alive-est by Sam Davidson : Anawangin Adventure

I think the boat ride to the large island we were supposed to visit made me feel the most alive. We were in a tiny boat that fit the four of us and a boatman. The water was salty and hitting us in the body and face because the swells were huge from the rainy weather. It didn't rain during that time but the waves were too big for larger boats to take us to the three islands. We ended up just going to one island but every time the boat went up a wave and then landed back down I did a whoop. It was like being in a jungle log jam and space shuttle at the same time.

I think that I definitely need to travel more. I plan to visit there with an waterproof camera so that I can actually take a picture of the rocks. It's very beautiful there. And probably we would go there during the not so rainy season. The place had the calm and the storm in it. I think I really need to get out of the city more. But I have to work harder so that next time I would actually have the money to pay my way.

We were ninja riding the waves since they were too big to swim against or with. We got sand everywhere, we almost drown in the foam, we saw each other go under and sputter. We laughed and we found that despite all the things we had to do come Monday, there were Saturdays to ninjaride or lazysurf in the ocean. 

Motivation gauge : Full

Need more shots like this :

#Trust 30 : Enthusiasm by Mars Dorian

I think I need to make more time for my writing. Oddly enough although the weather is rainy (hate rainy weather) and I have a lot of students at my day-job today and glitches are everywhere. I think I work up on the right side of the bed today. I think my enthusiasm makes time pass quickly and the quality of my classes are back to my highest level. I just need to watch my time and follow some of the more basic QA points.

I think this is the me that I need to be to make my life easier. The motivated, spirited (regardless of the weather), positive me. I need to stop being emphatic. Because I think the work environment that I have drains the enthusiasm from everyone. Honestly. I need a change of pace and work situation. But that would happen once the conditions I set have happened or come to fruition. My friend say I am choosy. But I am just starting to be. Before I took whatever came at me and it didn't work out. Being in my dream job doesn't pay well so like the many others I need to enslave myself and sacrifice to make sure that my future is set in a much better tone.

I love my job now. But I set the date 7 months and 9 nine days more. I am hoping that this sense of inevitability would be like me waiting for the weekend to come. My day job will change in the future. But my career won't be in an office or a shithole. It would be in my head, in front of my laptop (i need to buy him a new charger as soon as I can) and in the novels that I will make and FINISH.

I know I will have two jobs all my life as foretold by some. I don't feel like it makes me perform less in the other when I do focus on the other. I think they balance each other out. The other gives me materials, the other one is the therapy that I need to survive life.

I hope my Enthusiasm bar remains in the green. I really really need to be self-motivated since the people whom I bow down to for peanuts doesn't seem to grasp the concept that enthusiastic employees are happy ones and happy ones work the best in all kinds of situations.

#Trust 30 : Gwen Bell – 15 Minutes to Live

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am afraid to love before and I have always wanted to be able to live without it. I am surrounded by it and I want to write all that can be told about love.

But to be able to write about it, then it should be defined. For me, do truly define something then I have to eliminate what it is not. I never could understand why it was like that for me.

Lust was something that I mistook for love before. Curiosity was an even closer version of love for me. I thought that the reason why I liked to learn new things about that person and about what we can do together, those wondrous elaborate exercises, I thought that was love. But it wasn't. It was lust and curiosity and in the end, I lost the passion and I got bored. But I didn't leave, I stayed I waited for them to leave.

That is when I learned love is not obsession and it's not contentment. At least not so much the last one and definitely the first once is not healthy. I also learned that love is not patience. It could be complacent however and let years pass pining for the wrong man. Then I learned that fate was real and that signs were bullocks. If you are not fated for a person, you don't need signs to come to you, they would hit you one after the other and you would ignore it all the time. Every single one of them.

I learned that you can't ignore reality and society when you love someone, or think yourself in-love with him or her. You can remove yourself from the group and think that you are no longer bound in the rules that they have set for themselves. But you are always influenced by that, because you are them and they are you. It's almost genetic at times.

I wanted nothing to do with love after I woke up from the illusion. I wanted to write about it someday but not during those days. I didn't want to immortalize my bitterness in poetry once again. I wanted to make people cry because they were touched by a story and not by the pain that I reminded them because of the love poem that I wrote. I got my ego bruised. What did I know about love? All I whined about was that I wasted my time on the wrong men.

Now I wonder if I have learned what love really is. I don't want to compromise who I am, be quieter, nicer and more forgiving. I don't want to give him everything without expecting a lot from him. He thinks that he has been wronged by those who loved him before, he has no idea what I went through to get to this point. He doesn't know what I had to endure to survive it all. He doesn't know because I don't think he understands humor, sarcasm and that not everything is about him. I am afraid he can't handle who I am and I would crush him and not recognize him in the end. I am afraid that the love I have for him is compromising, content and settling for less than what I wanted.

I can't tell him that in my opinion love is brutally honest and unrelentingly sarcastic. At least in my case, that is love.

In the end all that I know about love is that I am yet to understand it.

+prompt from here+

#TRUST30 : Facing (and Fearing) by Dan Andrews

got the inspiration from Steff's blog


1. "What are the costs of inaction?"

I would be stuck in a job that doesn't pay enough for me to pay my bills, debts and save for my future. I would drown in debt.

2. "What kind of person do I want to be?"

I want to be a responsible adult who can handle her money well and support herself and save. I want to be a responsible daughter who can take care of her parents while they are getting closer to retirement.

3. "In the event of failure, could I generate a positive outcome?"

I always get up when I fail at something. I just need to *as per my friends* stop whinning and be a YES (wo)man. I should not just LEARN but ACTUALLY SACRIFICE some things that I thought would be relevant in the real world but is actually just idealism.
I need to SUIT UP.

*too bad I missed it. T_T,
But she got it from here http://ralphwaldoemerson.me/

http://ralphwaldoemerson.me/prompts

http://ralphwaldoemerson.me/laura-kimball

Be the PINK sheep of your family

I am not gay. Unfortunately. ^.^ I joined UPLB OH and I was one of the TWO straight members when we started out. But although UPLB OH was short-lived, I think it paved way for some people to allow BABAYLAN to infiltrate the ranks of the UPLB community. I have always wondered if there was a chance to have that group in UPLB. Because of all the gays that I know there who are closeted and confused. They need people who can guide them and tell them that being gay isn't something that you can only express through the arts. Although that is a fabulous way to do so.
I hope that someday the gays would have parades that would match the ones that the REDS have in our school. I don't think they would adher to common ways to spread the word and they can make the UP Oblation Run pale in comparison. ^.^ But I also know that they can motivate and encourage their other friends, gay or straight, to be better than who they are and to stop complaining about their non-existent problems.

Why be emo when you can be happy or gay? *yes, pun intended*

To my friends who are OUT and PROUD, kuddos to you.
To those whom I know and love who are still in the closet, don't make me drag you by the hair. ^.^

To young Maximos, it's okay to be confused and to not know what you really want. That is part of being young. Just remember that you are who you are for no other reason but because God has a plan for you. It's up to you if you are going to be obedient or you are going to pretend to be someone you are not.

I don't suggest the later.

To my darling gay friends *too long a list to enumerate and I might mention someone who is still not super OUT*, I love you exactly for who you are and sometimes I wonder why I can't handle straight men then I realize you guys spoiled me rotten.

To my lesbian buddies, never let anyone tell you that you have to love a man to be the best that you can be. Love is love and the person you love is the only one who can tell you when you can stop loving them.

Pink Sheep

Remarks by Ambassador Harry K. Thomas, Jr. at the LGBT Pride Month Reception, June 14, 2011

 

Magandang gabi sa inyong ang lahat!

I am gay.

I am gay.

I am gay.

Three little words. 

Six letters. 

Three syllables.

It is not a phrase that trips the tongue.  It is not a phrase that should take lifetimes to utter.

But my friends, these are some of the hardest words in the English language—in any language—for many of our friends, colleagues, and family members.   

And this should not stand. 

Our loved ones, our friends and our colleagues fear expressing their sexuality, condemned instead to a lifetime of anxiety and repression. 

This should not be.

They are our brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers. Aunts and uncles.  

Sons. 

Daughters.   

These are not nameless, faceless members of a foreign or forgotten race.  They are our families and our friends.  And they are scared to be who they are. 

They fear expressing their sexuality.  They cannot tell their own loved ones who they really are.  And I regret that there are those even in our Embassy community who fear coming out and expressing their true selves.  

Why?  Because instead of expressing our love for all human beings, we choose instead to ostracize and exclude. 

This will not continue. 

Tonight, coming here together in this house for the first time, we are breaking new ground.  It should give us pause to reflect how LGBT persons across the world, in every country, from every culture, are breaking new ground every day, and breaking courageously through the barriers that hold them back.  As Saint Teresa of Avila once said, “To have courage for whatever comes in life -- everything lies in that.” 

Yet even with courage, many of us still struggle to overcome prejudices driven by factors no human can control: the color of our skin, the expression of our gender, and the nature of our sexuality.  While these prejudices are very real to us, many in the world can never understand.   

And the reaction by that world to those struggling with such prejudice is both disappointing and disheartening: “You are imagining things,” they say. “It’s not as bad as you say it is, and if it is, it’s not my fault.” 

That one’s core being can be such an affront to others is one of the greatest tragedies of humankind.

It is a tragedy not only because of the pain and suffering it causes, but because it prevents people from doing, being, and becoming their best.  Sa diskriminasyon, maraming likas na galing at talino ang nasasayang.   

Discrimination based on difference, whether it's age, ethnicity, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, or religion, is wrong.  It deprives society of some of its most creative and productive members; it demoralizes communities.  It shatters families.

It is not acceptable, and it should not be tolerated.

The ambitious spirit of the Philippines' LGBT community will no doubt carry it over these and other challenges.  Americans know from centuries of experience that the march against discrimination and prejudice is long and difficult, and sometimes it feels never-ending. 

But we also know that every step forward makes life a little better here and now -- and most certainly for future generations who will look back and marvel at the sacrifices and advances you all made, wondering at how you managed to accomplish so much.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am not tonight asking you to leave shouting that you are gay; I am not asking you to endanger yourselves in the face of other peoples’ hatred and blindness.  But I am asking you leave this place on this night with one thought and one goal: to protect and love someone.  Love is what matters; gender is not important. 

In his Gay Pride Month proclamation, President Obama called upon Americans to eliminate prejudice everywhere it exists, and to celebrate our great diversity.  Those are goals worthy of all people, everywhere, and I hope all of you here tonight will join me in their pursuit.

We are all different, but we must embrace and respect our differences.  We must come together through the very emotion that makes us human: love. 

Bakla ako. 

Tomboy ako. 

Bakla kayo. 

Tomboy kayo. 

Pero lahat tayo ay tao. 

Maraming salamat po.

I pity you

I always say that when I am still mad at you it means I still care.
Now there is a new person whom I am adding to the pity list. This is the list of people whom I pity for very very personal reasons. This is not the kind of pity that makes a person want to help that other person. It's the pity that makes you put up your hands and let God deal with that particular glitch in the matrix.

So far there was my ex, a former classmate and ex-roomate and now their is a girl who can't quite understand the concept of friendship and humility.

This justifies my opinion that people will never change and you can't force them to. Also that you can't argue with idiots because they are fully convinced that they are correct.

It'll be a waste of good cells to care for a person who can't even find it in herself to love the truth about who she really is. I have long embraced that I am a liar and that I HATE CHANGE. But because of the friends who have been honest to me about them hating me then and telling me when I am not being a good person, I became a better person.

So to her friends, if you feel like you are afraid that your friend would betray you. You are wrong. You are not really friends.

In my book a friend is someone you can trust to help you dig up a hole in the middle of the forest to help you bury an ex-boyfriend who replaced you with an ugly brainless twit. They should be vaults. They should protect you and not sell you out. You should have an automatic understanding that one should never betray the others.

I hope that in the future this girl doesn't get into a bull session or a writing workshop, because I am sure there would be a wrestling mania when that happens.

A writer who is incapable of revising her work or accepting constructive criticism is like a reader who is staring and re-reading the same sentences on the front page. They can't move on to better things and they can't see how the end would turn out.

I don't want her guilt to eat her up. I don't want to turn her into a person she wouldn't want to be. But I don't want her to accuse anyone of bailing out on her when in fact we were trying to help her. As they say no good deed goes unpunished. We hope she would come back. I want her to be able to redeem herself. I pray that she would be able to use the revisions that I made on her work and the advice that I gave her to make better stories. Because her style needs to improve, the grammar needs to improve and she needs to understand that marketability is something like a novel in popular Filipino.

If she doesn't come back and continues to live her life incapable of taking creative criticism, then she is condemning herself to a miserable working situation and one-sided relationships.

Heading Kuya Ronnie's Advice : PEBA Nominee 2011

Disclaimer: Hindi kasi ako makapag-comment sa blog nya for some reason so dito na lang.

I was amused with his reference to Dorothy and the ruby slippers. Ronnie's simple approach to how to discuss a main issue amongst OFWs made me think of the relatives that I have who are in other countries. My tita Lodia started working in Hong Kong when it was still a British colony. Now it's Chinese territory and she is still there. She was not able to invest a lot at home and there is not much to show for it. Her husband was not as ideal (he's my uncle by blood) and her kids are not a source of pride either. Her eldest daughter got knocked up and now has a raging little daimon of a son and her younger daughter was a former volleyball scholar who is now an out of school youth. She didn't tell her mom that she has flunked out of school and got kicked off the team a semester before thus she owes the school at least 18,000 in tuition. She can't even go back to her old home where she used to send a lot of money to because she can't bear to look at her husband who betrayed her. She has a knee injury that she endures. She got it when she flew off her husband's motorcycle one time she was back in the country. I wish she could come back home and have a chance to be happy here, to enjoy what she worked so hard for. But with no one to support her here she prefers to continue to work to save for her future.

On the other hand, I have my Tito Pako who is actually on a vacation now in the Philippines. He married a Bulakenya (tita Nancy) and they have two daughters, Elena and Patty (Fatima). He was able to invest in a home in the same compound as his parents-in-law. He asked my mom to save him money and invest it in educational plans and health plans (I don't know what happened to those since those companies have barely made it through the economic crises.) He is a citizen there because of all the years that he has lived and worked there. Their kids were born there and have dual-citizenship because of that. He is the go-to-guy when my mom can't afford my grandfather's hospital bills. But he is also saving for his future. He knows that in the future, when his kids are able to finish college, he would want to retire or take longer vacations in the Philippines. He doesn't want to die in another country though the health system there might be better than ours. The government actually gives the people refunds for their taxes and not hoards it for personal gain.

My bessie from UPLB is coming home with her mom. She is thinking of looking for a place to buy or land to buy so that she would have some investment. Her mom also wants to retire in the Philippines. OFWs in that part of the world can't get citizenship so they can't really own property (as far as I know). Her brother is going study in UP Baguio so she is thinking of making the best out of her long vacation. I envy her in a sense. I want to invest on a house as well. But if I actually do that, my parents would INSIST that I invest on a house in BATANGAS and not in the city. I wish I had enough money to buy land and have my dad build a dorm near UPLB. But that would only happen if I marry a sheik, win gazillions in lottery (I have never played so impossible) or if I inherit gold from an unknown relative. Not even prostituting myself would pay that much.

My mom mentioned wanting to invest on land near UPLB. My brother's job is based there and my mom hopes that my sister would study there as well. UP Diliman is the only other option for my sister. ^.^ I would hate to be her since she might need to bunk with me if she ever studies in Manila.

Even my ex is investing on money. But he is coming back home under shady reasons this June. There are so many stories that are untold, both inspiring, one hope the other fear. My mom keeps telling me that her shaman told her that if I go abroad she would get a lot of gain from that endeavor. *Of course she would! I would be single and my dream is to give her loads of money.* But I am too much of a scardy cat to do that. Plus, it's cold in Canada.

I just hope that if I ever leave (if by some twist of fate I do, not that I WANT TO) that I would be smart enough to invest my money too.

Birthday Thanks 2011 : Part 1 = My Loco Familia

Since it's May and it's 26 days before I enter my late twenties, I have decided to combat Birthday Blues with positive energy, so the blogs that would lead to Ne Sarang's Bday, our 100 days and my 26th birthday would be about things that I am most thankful of. This would also include people that I am thankful to. So if you find that you do not know what you are reading, well then it's just my crazy life and the people in it. I hope that you read it without rose colored glasses and with a grain of salt.

First up,

I AM THANKFUL OF MY CRAZY FAMILY.

We are a family of low-balling achievers. There is no pressure to be the best at something or bring home medals. Somehow the love and the lack of pressure to be the best made me and my brothers UP GRADUATES. ^.~ So my mom and dad are OTHERS, as we call them. She studied in WESTERN (night school baby, that adds additional difficulty points mind you) and my dad is MAPUA graduate. It would have been easier for them to have us go to college in Batangas. It would have been easier to control us to say the least. But I am glad that my mom (despite her paranoia) let us study in UP. The life lessons are something that OTHERS would not be able to give their students despite the unbelievable tuition fees or real life immersion.

My parents are the most supportive and brilliant couple that I have ever met. Granted that they their paranoia and normal parent moments and we disagree on some things. But the fundamental way that they raised me and my brothers, I think they didn't miss out on the important stuff.

I still owe my parents a lot *literally actually, I digress* and I want to be able to pay up. One thing my mom insisted is that once we declare that we are independent of them (read as : graduate and get a job) we are not allowed to ask them for money. All pesos released are put into our "debt". I think most kids don't get to understand why I have to pay back what I borrowed from my mom. They go "She's your mom, right? Why do you have to pay her back?"

It's because I owe her that and I owe that to myself. My mom wants me to learn how to take care of my money *however belatedly* and I realized that when I become a mother myself *not any time soon so chill friends, relatives and countrymen* I would teach my kids to value every peso. Piggy banks would be a staple in my family. I would teach them to be like my brother GM who is quite good in saving his money to fund the things that he wants to buy. I personally suck at anything that requires me to do math in my head or any kind of math for that matter. How I passed Accounting in high school is a mystery to me.

My parents taught me that being a good daughter or a loving son is about sacrifice and not about how much money you can dish out. Being the second born it seems they are the first born now since my father's older brother is in Canada with his family and kids and my mom's big brother passed away years ago. When there is some emergency or big decision to do, my mom and dad are the go to people. This is why I think they got more white hair than they ever got from me and my brothers. Sure we are bull-headed but unlike some girls I did make sure my escapades didn't leave a bun in the oven and my brothers are not interested to do something like that to whomever they are seeing. Family is my parents number one priority. But since they have three UP grads under their belt, they could already enjoy their lives, right? Nope. They still have my little sister and now they took my two nephews into their care. It makes me go "You are kidding me right? You should be retired by now and pa-Subic subic na lang." *it's a private joke since they went there and had a lot of fun together when my mom was sent to a conference by her boss and my dad tagged along* But my parents are professional parents.

I have one simple goal and it was never to be a mom or a wife or have an executive seat anywhere. It's to be able to have enough financial stability to help my mom with my youngest sibling's education. I spoke too soon since my brother was the youngest before and he is a researcher now. Now I have 11 more years to help my parents. And since I have no plans to be a spinster anymore I might need to give up this job and try a harder to deal with one to get a better cash flow.

Still, I am thankful of my parents and my siblings since now I understand just how lucky I am to have a normal albeit extremely noisy family. I know that the man that I would love would have to fill big shoes and I would have to learn how to be a good worker, mother and daughter from my mother.

I will continue to strive to bring them no shame. ^.^

Lenten Penance

I haven't really done any church-going or praying these days. And I have definitely been remiss on all the fasting and the sacrificing that people have been talking about these days. I have an office mate who gave up cussing for holy week.

I gave up the bad kind of love not just for lent but for the rest of my life. ^.^

All I am saying, is that people need to stop being too religious when it comes to the things they so-so give up for Lent. If you know that it's bad for you and you are really a sane and God-fearing person, then give it up entirely. Don't negotiate with God because it makes you seem like a fair-weathered Catholic or whatever you might call yourself.

I talk to God, I include him in my life and I know that He knows that I am always thankful for all the things that I have. I also know why there are things and people that I don't have in my life. But I am thankful of the lessons that are given because of the things that I think I lack.

I gave up thinking that I am better than I really am. Not just for Lent but for my entire life. But that doesn't mean I would stop trying to improve myself. Because I won't.

I think we need to stop making these half-hearted, half-*ssed promises that only lasts for a few days. After the hype, why don't we live a life that He would be willing to give HIS for and leave it at that.

Because seriously, I can't handle the hypocrisy anymore.

Deleting Unnecessary EROS

I spent some time uncluttering my dear Eros and deleted some things that I don't read or use. I realized that 208 of my 286 memory is just videos. I was single when I got it so I had so little to entertain myself with. But when I deleted some data, pictures and stuff that I don't need, I freed 31 GB. That is it. I still need to get a 1TB to delete all of the videos. I plan to just keep the current series that I watch in the hard disk and my TOP write ups.

My life is like my laptop desktop. I put everything there and it slowed it down. I deleted and organized things because I needed to lessen the stress that it caused me to see all those icons on my screen. My computer memory had been in the red for months. T_T So when my friend wrote about how our life is like our bedroom, I realized that my life is like my Eros.

It's battered, it has a broken part (the dvd burner is broken because of all the koreanovelas that I watched 0.o) but I can still go on and do other things. If not, it makes me less distracted. I plan to buy a new laptop next year. But that is for another time and hopefully another OS. ^.^

I plan to clean up my room once I no longer have a roommate again. Literally. ^.^ My life will be uncluttered now since my Mond makes me feel like I need to become more of an adult.

I need to fix my HD but that can wait. ^.^ I need to stop downloading new stuff because if I do my freed space would increase the entertainment side of my disk space.

^.^ Life is not always going to give you lemons, sometimes it gives you hard drive crashes and viruses. It's up to you if you are brave enough to reformat or delete files that you don't use or are bad for you. Blocking some sites might help to. *wink*

Hell Hath No Fury

I am glad that I have Ico in my life more now than ever before. He saved me from myself. I was delivered from the impending doom that would befall me if the past comes back to haunt me. True enough it was the other guy who unshackled me when he revealed the most awful truth, that no matter what, he was not the man that I thought he was. That I was in love, pinning for and believed a big fat lie.

Now I am embracing the truth. Sure it's freaking irritating half of the time, but the alternative turns my stomach.

Yes, I am judgmental. I am judging myself most of all. Because I knew that I was making excuses for the things that he could not give me but I desperately wanted. I had always wanted peace of mind. I want that in my relationship because I am already an out of control person. I tend to be very moody and hard to handle. It's a Gemini thing.

I match well with Arieses since they can mellow me down. But I find them too, for lack of a better term, emo for my taste. Now I get along with Geminis but that is if we are the same side of the twin. That is why my bestie is called "Kambal" because he is a Gemini too.

I am dating a Gemini. I am the flirty, immature side. He tends to be the flighty, immature side too that is struggling to be the opposite of himself. I know that this would be a relationship that would have a lot of highs, devastating clashes and lows.

But I am not worried about whether I will love him less because of the things that would happen. I am the kind of person who thinks love is like good wine. It will get better with age and with more time.

But I am grateful. God somehow is sending me a clear message. It's between us, this divine joke that I picked up on. He always tends to give me the opposite of what I ask for. And He likes to give me lessons using people as his tools.

I think I learned my lessons well from the past. I am not about to make the same mistakes to feel the rush that I felt in the past. Because I am all about new experiences. This time I want to experience a normal state of happiness. *rolls eyes* Besides, I am already an adventure. I don't have to play with fire to know that I am capable of fireworks.

*Note to trolls and people who have an opposite opinion: Deal with it. Read the title. If you don't know what that means, Google it.

Lesson learned the hungry way

I am dirt poor these days. I think I should have saved more Elamp days money but I was stupid back then. I didn't think that the cow wouldn't leave. But it did and the milk ran out fast.

Now I have no milk and well, you know the metaphor for that already. Split milk and all.

I really really really want to pay off my debt to my mom. I didn't want to have a boyfriend this year because I knew that load costs money, dates cost money and love can't feed me. ^.^ But since there was significant cut on my payslip since I moved and I have someone new in my life, I just need to tighten my belt or curb my urges more.

In short, I need to be an adult about this. God, don't you just hate that.

But I can do this. I would pay off my debts. Do my best not to make anymore. Combine my diet to my being thrifty. Aja.

And God bless my monito for giving me food all the time. Yey!~

13 going 30

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (check and check)
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. (I rent a tiny ass place so no to this)
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (I have a total of six dresses. White, 2 black, 1 red and white, 1 green, and 1 blue and white. None of which are perfect for this situation)
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. (hate purses but I have a handbag - big deal since I am a backpack person/need to buy that suitcase and that umbrella)
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. Check!
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. (Check! I might need to leave some parts out for proprieties sake)
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it. (I need to pay off my debts and then save)
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you. (I need to work on the last two)
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. (check!)
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. (Check!)
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. (Check! Laptop.)
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. (uhm, okay. I will work on this)
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better. (nope.nope.Does friendships and family count? Yes, I know. I will work on me first then on these, okay?)

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. (Okay, this is hard so I will work on it.)
2. How you feel about having kids. (If I can have some, I will. If I can't, I am good with it.)
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. (check, check and check!)
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday. (this will never happen. My birthday is the day before the festival in my hometown. I can never control this.)
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30. (I wouldn't know till then, wouldn't I?)

Read More http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2007/02/things-women-should-have-and-know-by-30#ixzz1CZTj6X1G

Come to think of it, I did quite good. Half is better than a quarter. And the fun thing is that I learned most of the stuff just last year. Who said 25 is a quarter crisis? Once you get past it, it's actually a very rewarding time in one's life. Well, I  won't be 26 until this May, so I will work on greening all the other stuff on this list. ^^ Though #15 should have is harder than the rest. T_T, I hope I can get that crossed out before the deadline. ^^ Aja, fighting!~

I am a Self-Knowing Self-Improving Extrovert

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Self-Knowing Self-Improving Extrovert

I have always had a life list. I call them my CRAZY LIST and my GOAL LIST.
My crazy list are secret weird things that I want to remove from my bucket list. They make life fun and exciting.
My Goal list makes me feel like I have a direction. They are things that are life-changing and what I want to highlight my life as a person. ^^

This coming 2011 it would include one of the things in the checklist in this quiz:

Fall in love with the right person. ^^

Guide here => http://www.43things.com/book/guide