Kpop is my only drug

And I am having too much of it lately.

So I wrote this in AFF.

Signs you are writing/reading too many fanfics

1. You think in auto-OTP.* 

It doesn't matter who ship who, you see a picture, read a post and watch a video and automatically your mind turns into an idea spewing machine.

(And for this I am thankful for the note apps and AFF so I can put my ideas somewhere as soon as I think about it. Kinda like an idea cloud. Because God knows I do not back up my data. [yes, I am a babo like that.]) 

2. You mutter dialogues in the oddest places. 

It used to be in your room when you are alone. Now, you do it when you are walking to work/school, when you are washing the dishes and when you are in the bathroom/loo/jon. And your friends/family members are contemplating your sanity because of the frequency of this "talking to yourself" when for you it's just a tool to test if the dialogues for your fic is something smooth to say in the real world. 

3. You often ignore reality and think it's getting in the way of your second life. 

Oh, please. You have statused on at least one social network that work/school/other major responsibilities have been getting in the way of your writing, admit it. 

We are all guilty of wishing we were billionaires and have time to write all the stories in our minds. 

In my case I imagine a beach house and I have a super workstation that has lightspeed fast internet connection so I can spazz, watch subbed videos (in my dream I can speak, understand and write in 10 languages but I still like to read subtitles like the good old days) and write. And the rooms in my villa are named after Big Bang members and Sandara. 

4. You have at some point imagined an M-Rated scene involving you and your bias.

Granted that regular fans also do this. BUT you as a writer have an advantage. Because you can smell the scenario and taste your bias' skin because of how freaking imaginative you are. So it's fangirling + spazzing 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000x 

5. You SHIP** too hard. 

Meaning you would have heated fanwars with other OTP shippers. So immature. Hahaha. And you DGAF. Because (insert pairing here) is REAL!

6. You are probably single or is making your hubby/bf's life miserable comparing him to your bias. 

I am single. Though I have been a writer for far longer than I have been a fanfic writer. So the whole my husband/bf is my bias doesn't really apply to me. I just treat TOP as my lust bias and go to lust thought. But I can't imagine or want to actually date someone who has fans. I am FAR too possessive and prone to jealousy for that.
BUT I wouldn't say no to a one-night stand that would lead me to have his love child. ^..^

7. Your non-kpop loving friends have probably hidden you from their newsfeed. 

It's not because they don't care about you. It's just that their walls are flooded with kpop they don't even care about. So to keep from unfriending you, you have accepted this reality. That or you have a kpop account and a nonkpop account. (guilty) 

8. You are probably trying to learn or already know how to speak another language apart from your native tongue and English. Like, I dunno, Korean maybe?

I took Nihonggo in college. But I already forgot it. I have not even tried to learn Korean. TOO HARD. Maybe later. Yey for subs!

9. You have more ideas in your head than plans for the future. 

It's not such a bad thing. Unless your job is not related to writing creatively. Because then you would have to shift your thinking pattern to just focus on what needs to be done (programming something or finalizing a boring report). Luckily for me I write workbooks for my company. So it's pretty much the same. Bad thing is, it takes time from my fanfic writing. 

10. You know more about Korean culture than you care to admit. 

In my case this is good because I am an online English teacher to Koreans. (This is how I got in this mess in the first place - researching about Big Bang because a group of girls called themselves TOP, DLITE, VICTORY, GDRAGON and SOL in my group class. TT_TT) 

Got anymore to add to this list? Please tell me in the comments section. ^..^

*OTP - One True Pairing - term to mean a couple that is being paired up in reality or in fanfics
**to ship - to pair up or to be a fan of a pairing

 

2014 Power Word(s) : Redirecting Creativity

I finally chose one after writing a blog in AFF 

THIS IS IT!!! <3

Last year my Power Word was BALANCE. I was able to live up to it for about 80%. 

I am hoping this year, I can live up to my Power Word(s) up to at least 90%. 

In AFF, T.O.P. (Tagalog Online Pocketbook), at work and in LIFE. 

Because resolutions are just too constricting. And we always break them anyway.

PICK a GOAL or PICK something you want your WHOLE year to be about. And use it as you Power Word. 

Then plaster it all over your wall, your mobile wallpaper, your workstation and make it the first thing you see every morning. Think of ways to achieve it.

Your Power Word must be something that is going to help you in that year and also part of how you want your life to be like as a whole. Because what is the point of having a goal and not achieving it.

The wonderful thing about not having a list of things to do like a New Year resolution list, is that you can MAKE mistakes and SKIP some steps along the way. It frees you from having to tick things off from a mental list or an actual list. 

So what's your POWER WORD for 2014?

p.s. 

"As you all can see the ball has stopped half way to its porch. It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or close ourself down for fear of getting hurt. Cause that's what New Year's is all about, getting another chance. The chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what will be. So when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight, but all year long. Thank you." -- Claire Morgan, New Year's Eve

pps. 

Where ever you may choose to travel, may it be to overcome your fears and visit paradise. You need people who love you for you to make your fears the thing of the past and open you to new adventures. Despite invisible bacons and altophobia.  

Finding sisters is always a fabulous thing!

12/31/2013 : Just a few hours is not enough but years of friendship keep the gap small Once a C.A.T.s always a C.A.T.s

2014 :Less Go!~~~

Still my True Love

Troll or not, Still YG. <3

Officially Missing You : Cheesy post ahead

I miss you guys.
My wall may explode from all the kpop that RoK has to offer and I might seem to be only reading and commenting on my new dongsaengs and peeps' walls. F.U. Facebook for doing it like this. (I promise to try to make a group for my contacts with just you guys and flood your walls with likes and notifs again. Soon as I have a smartphone I will attack your IG and twitter as well. *throws aegyo kisses*)

But just because I might be a little crazed and spazzing all over the place doesn't mean I don't miss you guys.
Because you are a part of who I am and you know who you are. If you are reading this know this.

1. I am happy that I met you when I was still a stupid, lazy and arrogant person. You made me believe in myself and that I am good at something and that I should always pursue what my heart wants me to do.

2. I am grateful that even if I am the stupid, lazy and arrogant person that I was before (still kind of am) that you put up with all my crazy and let me show you that although I am loud (all the time) that there are things I could never say like, "I am sorry I hurt you." or "Thanks for loving me even if you don't understand me all the time."

3. Just because I am not available to hang out doesn't make me not miss you all the time.
You know the feeling when you hear something or see something and you lean to a direction as if to say something to someone that you have with you for so long that it becomes a knee jerk reaction to tell them what you think of something or a situation and you know they would probably be the only people to get it? I get that a lot. It makes me lonely at times. But it also makes me feel like I am never alone. (I know I am weird, but you get it right?)

4. I don't know how valuable being bullied by you guys can be. Until I live in a quite space and I try to think of what this person would say when I say something really stupid.

5. I think I learn a little bit about being more responsible from you guys. I always sit in a safe place and wonder about things that I want to do but I never get around to doing it. But being fed stories about your guys having more balls to juggle (no pun intended) makes me realize that if I am friends with these really awesome people, why the fuck am I not doing something with my life that requires more...(que dramatic sfx music) responsibilities?

Which gets me to #6

6. I want to thank you for telling to want more. To do more and be more. I did try to do more but I made a mistake of taking myself where I should have been in the first place and going somewhere I was not mean to go. But detours and mistakes tend to just help you acquire more realizations so that by the time you get to where you need to go (which at some times is exactly where you were in the first place) you know that this is it. This is where you should be and this is what you are supposed to be doing.

7. You are the best gifts the universe, Santa and Maria Makiling ever gave me. Enough said.

So yeah.

8. I miss you guys, gals, geys.

9. I wish that you would be comfy in your lovelives and acquire hubbies soon and gimme pamangkins.

10. See you next year. December is WAY TOO PACKED for me to go anywhere. Literally all my weekends are booked like...three months ago. *throws hearts* *throws kisses*

2013 was EPIK. I wonder what 2014 would be like? Hectic for sure. But happy, I hope.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2014 in advance!!!

Divide and Conquer

If you are like me who works best alone. You must be beside your mind. ^.^

I have heard about teamwork and delegating work as good strategies to get a project done in record time. But I can honestly say, and my old bosses can vouch for this, that I work best alone. But this recent project has shown me that there is indeed strength in numbers and that my limitations can be augmented by the strength of others.

I know, it's pretty late for me to realize this when I have been thrust into group work since grade school. But I have always been the kind who wanted to do things my way and others could just follow me or get out of the way. I pretend to take people's ideas in but in reality I am just checking if they are thinking along the lines of what I was already planning to do.

This frustrates a lot of people. But I also have a pet peeve that matches this personality tick that I have. It's people who just complain but never do anything or suggest anything productive. And I am glad to say, I don't have anyone in this project who is like that. There are still those who do things their own way but somehow it works. And they are able to make great contributions to what needs to be done.

Having people you like work on something you would rather be doing than wasting your life away looking at the work clock and doing a Nakamura to make it go faster, feels great. Despite the need to pump myself with caffeine and chocolates to rush my creative juices, I find that there is a kind of peace in this kind of existence.

I wake up (or try to) as early as I can to get to work (as early as I can). [Yes, I know. I surprise myself as well.] And endure the commute (which as you know I really hate doing since it's a torture on my nose and feet as well as a challenge to my claustrophobic tendencies to be on the subway) to get to where my new office is. Just so I can do something that I would otherwise not have seen myself doing in...ever. And taking responsibilities like the one I am tasked to do now never cross my mind in the last three years since E-lamp. I didn't want to because I felt like my skill set didn't match anything they wanted me to do. Or I didn't want to do it because I felt like I would just be overexerting myself for someone else's profit. I was told that this year the best thing to do is to work on a project with friends. And that is exactly what I am doing right now. I am working on something creative and useful and I am among new and old friends.

So what if I am a bit tired and on a coffee buzz? I am sure I can handle it. And I don't catch myself daydreaming anymore or thinking that I am somewhere else doing something other than what I am supposed to do.

And I know there aren't a lot of people who can say that about what they do to pay their bills. But I can. Bohemian or not. I am glad I went back. And I am staying for as long as possible.


p.s.

Sometimes the greed that is found in the world astounds me. And it irks me when I am the one who gets caught up in the wake of it. Like a fisherman in a freaking storm surge. I expect that I am going to need a new brain after all this is done. T_T

Overcoming Kryptonite

People know my kryptonite is deadlines. This is why I can't finish Nanowrimo though I make a play for it every year. This is why I can't get published. (That and because I am such a lazy writer, the more you pressure me to write, the lazier I get.)

But I think working on the research and development team would help me to get things going. I always write on a whim and had forgotten the training I got when I was in high school and college. Though even then I have always been a photo-finisher kind of student. I was amongst those who ran up the stairs of the department building that houses the faculty just so I can make it to the deadline.

So I think having to work on something under extreme time pressure would help me train how to manage my time better. And asking people to meet their deadline does make me feel embarrassed when I sense that I am working a lot slower than other members of my team.

I know that I can complain about it but what I just need to do is deliver. And if my OCD about this would kick in, we would never get anything done. It's interesting to learn my weaknesses too. I suck at making activities. I can fart out a dialogue like I just ate a whole basket of kamote but when I face the bold ACTIVITY word on my word document I am stumped. This part takes me the longest to finish. So I tried making the activity part first just to make sure it's out of the way once I get the dialogue going. But sometimes even that takes too long.

Don't misunderstand. I am not complaining at all. This is actually a lot of fun. #goodkindastress kind of stuff make me feel both crazy (because there is so much to do) and fulfilled that I am actually able to use my writing skills for something worthwhile and work-related. It seems daunting and there are a lot of things that I need to read up on, especially new teaching methods. (I suddenly envy friends who go to teaching seminars) I know that there are limitations to the methods that we can use online and there might not be enough time to uptrain our teachers to the new methods. But it wouldn't hurt to improve on an existing idea.

I think if I was in a real faculty room, I would be that half-crazed over-worked teacher who has her toes in every activity in school. And that doesn't sit well with me. My lazy nature abhors overexertion except if I am truly passionate about something.

So yeah. I am having fun stressing myself out over English activities and dialogues. #mylifesoboring But for the first time this year. I actually know what the heck I am doing. So it's all good.

Good Kind of Stress

I think I have said this before but I will say it again. If you like what you do it's not work. I am sure some people agree with me on this. I am currently working on something that makes me want to pull all my hair out. BUT I am having fun with it. For once my being a writer actually helps me out at work. I just know that I am not a big fan of deadlines. But when it's work-related, there is always a need to work on someone else's time. Ergo, deadlines must be followed. Otherwise, you're dead in the metaphorical sense of the word. (I hope!)

I was told that the current genre I am on is a dead-end and that I have to focus my creative juices on something else. I think this is it. I hope it is. Because if it is then I am up for another reading. (Since everything has already happened. Now that I think about it, it's pretty cool. So A, if you are reading this, how and when can I get another reading?)

I need to go to work earlier tomorrow so I can get more things done. I can't for the life of me, write serious stuff at home. That and I do not have internet connection at my place which I need for all the Googling that my brain requires nowadays. (What happened to those good ol' days when I had to reach for an encyclopedia to get information, huh? Gone, I tell you!)

But all in all I am having crazy stressful FUN doing what I am currently doing. I just wish for more time to develop what needs to be made. Because I can't get my OCD to kick in since there is not enough time to get things done. Surely in the future we can "revise" or "update" what we will come up with. And it's all a matter of re-sending the data to the people who would be using it.

There are a lot of things that needs to be done. I need to learn how to do a lot of things. And I hope the result would not be too ordinary.

Write. Read. Revise.

I can actually smell blood inside my nose. It's a good indication that my brain is overheating. I can come up with ideas for scenarios but I can't write coherently right now. Anything that would be written from here on out will be garbage. So I just need to rest and wake up tomorrow so I can make the rest of it.

Friday is after all just a few hours or so away. *nail bite*

Of Liam and Full Homes

He is beautiful. Even more so than the photos that were posted on our group. And he is blessed and strong. I am happy to be a future kumpil ninang. ^.^ I just wish we were all there to see him.

My friend Eka said to me something that made my being an OCD friend seem worth it. Something referring to the fact that we were all there during the important times in her life.

That there is friendship, kiddos. We don't have to be tied together at the waist. But we just need to be THERE when it matters. Because that is also how FAMILY works where I come from.

With all the things happening over at my parent's house, I just want to be able to learn how to close my eyes and see what is happening over there all the time.

But no, I will not survive living at home. It's just that my parents made us too self-sufficient in the outside but in our core we are drawn home still to be able to settle in our hometown. But until then, I would have to wait for my mom to tell me what is going on. I know she's tired. But I am just glad that her kids don't really give her that much grief. Though I am sure she would nag us for grandchildren until one of us actually breaks under the pressure and gives her one.

Our home is back to the way it was. I suddenly remember my PEBA blog entry in 2010. My Mom's Quasi-Orphanage. My siblings are used to our house being a full house, because a full house however crowded is a source of healing and love. And the center of that is our parents.

My mother is a believer that when one does good things without asking for a reward, God provides. My parents are not just regular parents to me. And I am honestly scared that someday I would be tasked to follow in their "work" in the family. Because I am a naturally selfish person but I am gullible too. I don't want to have to turn away people or have to help someone because they have nowhere to turn to. I just have rare moments of goodness. The rest of the time I just DGAF. So yeah. There are still much to learn from my mother.

My power word this year is Balance. At this point, I think I have found it but only a little bit. There is more to do next year. So I am thinking what is my power word for next year? Maybe it should be SAVE. What do you think? Or maybe it should be LOVE? Kekeke. Or Sixty-Five (pertaining to my ideal weight). Yeah, I think it should be Sixty-Five. ^.^

Sixty-Five it is then.