If only I could

It sucks when you want to do something for someone but you can't. I feel like I am making excuses when all I want to do is make her happy on her special day. I think I would need to get over the feeling of guilt over not doing something that follows someone else's life. I think my friends would not like it all the time. But I have things that may seem less adventurous, exciting or less like me, but I would have to do that so I can focus on something and get things done.

I was planning to buy her something nice for her birthday, something sweet and her request came out of the blue and the circumstances around it would have been easy for the old me to deliver but this year things are a little bit less like old me and more new me.

I promised her we would do something fun every month. But I am afraid to break my focus right now. I am not beck and call girl anymore. 2012 would be a little bit disappointing. My boyfriend right now is Jamie Dimon. If he breaks up with me, then I would have more time in my hand and would probably have to find a new place to be in. But I have to disappear from the radar, get my list underway and be more of my old self in a new place but less my reckless, flies to the rescue of others and waits for damsels in distress. My life is the damsel in distress now.

I am at a point when I realized that my career goals are late in the making. And I hope that it doesn't make me a bad friend if I focus on them right now. I love my friends and they know that. But like when I told Ico that I can't be with a person who considers my schedule as something conveniently flexible for them, I would have to apologize in advance. Know that I feel bad since I would rather be making new memories with true old friends but my now needs me too. And my tomorrow needs me to be a bit less fly by night.

Saint and Sinner : Which one are you?

Notice I made too many typos. I was really pissed when I wrote that and very very sleepy.

I really hate it when people bash each other because of their religion. 

For me religion is a preference. 

I was born in a Catholic family. I studied in a Catholic school until I was sixteen.

I was indoctrinated in all things Roman Catholic. 

I take the best of it and other faith group's ideas and realized that God doesn't care what church I go to. My faith is all I need. And God would not judge me if I don't read a book that someone put together as a manual. 

A Saint's Prayer is my way of bashing. At least I am not calling anyone a Pagan. -.- It's my take on what Pedro Calungsod would say to the comments and the people behind them in light of recent events in the country.

NaNoWriMo Day 2 : Day Job obstacles

I am beginning to think that I might just be expelling steam on this novel that I am putting together and that it would need a lot of editing once I get around to it.

Oh well. I will have to deal with it. I have more students now and my shoulder blade still feels not so good. It's hard. A nagging pain is never a good thing to have when you are sitting all day for work.

I have several new students and one that is ten minutes the end of my work shift (before I have to go to my uptraining meeting. It sucks but the funny thing is that his name is one of the former leader of an idol group. How I wish it was him. That guy came from America ergo his English would be awesome. My new 20 minute starter course student is off to a good start. She isn't answering. I would rather painfully go through a conversation with her that to listen to voice prompts over and over again.

Although more student means relatively some more money, it sucks that it has to be on the same month that I have to write 50,000 words.

Oh well, just another day in rat race.

7929 / 50000
(15.86%)

Great Expectations

I didn't know. I should have known better than to open my heart again. I should never settle, my friends said. But when I love someone I am this person who sparkles in giddiness. But then when the glitters fade, I am this vortex of emotion. I suck things in, the good, the bad and the awful.
I thought that I learned my lesson after Mark not to support a man who can't make himself happy on his own. Not to love someone who thinks that being clingy is a way to show love. Not to love someone who makes promises that he can't keep. Someone who won't hurt me by inaction. Someone who won't get jealous of my dream to be a writer.

I did my best to understand and I did my best to explain that there are things that I had to do that would take up my time. I am tired of explaining. I give up. I hoped this time he would be the one who would call or talk or even text to make things work. I told him to not say I am sorry but to show me that he was going to make things better.

But he chose to sit on his ass and wait for me to cool off and to come to him and make things better.

Inaction is always the safe way to do it.

I need someone who can take the leap, face my temper head on and to show me that I can rely on him in the future.

If you think you survived the aftermath, you are wrong. I was actually restraining myself. Today the numbness set it. Yesterday I waited, my heart ached every time I looked at my phone and there was not a single message from you.

One message, one brave message would have been okay. But I stood in line, waiting for a festival movie to begin. And I realized, that I haven't found someone who would enjoy the things that I love. I haven't found someone who understands my needs. Because I found someone who still doesn't know what he wants in his life.

I can't fix a person's life for him. I can't make you happy if I am unhappy too. My happy thoughts are depleted. I am doing my best to make new ones.

You aren't one of them now. You are now the blackhole in the center of my solar system. You are taking more than you can give and I am beginning to think you are not capable of giving me anything that can sustain the expanding of my universe.

I love you, but like the others who came and went, you are dangerously close to losing the best love you will have in your life. Yes, that's me. You thick-headed dense frack.

I don't care if you got sick. I don't care. Excuses don't make things better. I was sick too. I am sick of all of this.

Linking Back & Stating the Obvious

I am going to write the rest in Tagalog so that more people can understand.

Nakakatawa ang ibang tao minsan. Dahil kahit hindi na ka nakikipag-away at nagkamabutihan na ang dalawang panig meron at meron pa ring iinit ang ulo at sasabihan kang nanggugulo. Ang higit na nakakatawa ay ang katotohanang kahit sila mismo ay tila hindi marunong umintindi ng mga salitang kanilang inaakalang alam nilang gamitin. Lumalabas tuloy na mas kulang pa sila hindi lang sa kakayahang makaunawa kundi ang initiative na alamin ang sagot sa sarili nilang tanong. At kahit na tutuklawin na sila ng katotohanan, pilit na igigiit nila na wala silang ginawang masama.

May dahilan kung bakit ibinabahagi ko ang mga alam ko sa blog na ito. Hindi naman puro lang kalokohan ang alam kong isulat dito. Ang nakakatawa ay mas nahahalatang me mga tao talagang walang galang sa ibang tao at sila pa ang may kakayahang makipagbangay nang hindi alam kung ano ang totoo.

Pero nagpasalamat na ang isa sa akin kahit ako na ang nagbigay ng sarili kong link para makita ng mas marami ang dapat gawin. Ang dasal ko ay mas marami pang matulungan ang blog ko, ang mataba kong utak at nawa'y lumawak ang pang-unawa ng lahat (kasama na ako dun dahil aminado ako na makitid ang utak ko at madali talagang uminit ang ulo ko). Pero ang pangako ko noong 26th bday ko ay patuloy kong susundin. Dito ko na lang ilalabas ang inis ko at sarkasmong nais kong isampal sa mga taong mahilig mangopya ng gawa ng iba.

Translation : *Not verbatim that's way too hard,man!*

Some people are really funny. Sometimes when things have already been resolved and the issue is about to die a natural death, someone with a temper and who is oblivious enough not to read back or check whether the conversation is already over would say something snide and react negatively. This just makes that person appear lazier and dumber than the original plagiarist.

Granted that putting the link myself was fueled by sarcasm I APPRECIATED that they thanked me for putting it there. The point is that they took the words from the blog verbatim. And I deserve a link back. Why, that is netiquette, honeybabes. (God, I hated that word. Not even my exes were allowed to use either word. It irked me. Splendidly. Well done.) But since I wanted to keep my promise (to myself) that I would practice a bit more patience and try to find inner peace on my 26th year on earth, I deleted my own snide comments and gave my SINCERE wish that they all take care of each other and that things would do well. I even offered to spread the word about the contest since it's freaking brilliant. If we had more time to do something like this we would but we already have plans for our next anniversary so we can't do a contest like this. Ongoing contests are keeping us (me and others) particularly busy.

**Now that you think about it, we have to think of a new set of contests for next year. Darn. Only three months to go. Oetteokhae?!Later**

All things considered. I will just shut up. I would let that one person continue believing in what he or she believe in (didn't bother to remember the name so no idea if the commenter was a girl or a boy) I am sure someone would point out the obvious to her soon enough. And I hope that she or he chokes on her own comment because of it. That is if he or she has enough manners to feel "Opps, my bad." is in order. I dare to hope.


Ito ay isang vocabulary lesson: (Vocabulary lesson coming up)

LINK BACK

A linkback is a method for Web authors to obtain notifications when other authors link to one of their documents. This enables authors to keep track of who is linking to, or referring to, their articles. The three methods (Refback, Trackback, and Pingback) differ in how they accomplish this task.

*Pano gawin? Highlight the word in your entry then click the link icon or word then place the url sa website link needed. Viola! Link back. Click the word link back to see where I got the definition. O di kaya ay post the link sa description part sa FB or any social site. Copy paste is so easy to do.*
** O di kaya ay sabihin mo na ganito : Definitions from dictionary.com Ganun lang.**

PARAPHRASE 

a restatement of a text or passage giving the meaning in another form, as for clearness; rewording.

PLAGIARISM

the unauthorized use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one's own original work, as by not crediting the author
origin of the word :"literary thief" by Martial 

Yan na lang. Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong tagalog ng mga salitang ito.
(That's it. I don't know the Tagalog counterpart of these words. If you do, please do tell me.)

Sincerely,