Humility and Letting Go

I had promised not to place any new entries here that talked about any ex or any man in a melancholic light. Sometimes you just can't help yourself. There is no more pain. It's more of like being surrounded by jelo and even if he tries to poke me I can't be touched. But the ripples that are caused by the sharp prod that he would be happy and he would not show his face to me when he comes back home cause me to worry a little bit. I try to deflect all of these with humor. But this person doesn't understand humor, he never quite got my jokes and I had to explain to him a lot of my intentions. But I am under no obligation to care for what he feels or what he might make me feel. I am surrounded by jelo. And inside it, I am eating around it to make room for someone to fit into my life. He won't be someone who would poke a hole through my jelo fortress, he would be someone who would patiently wait outside the jelo until I am ready to be with him in the real world.

My co-writer is married to this perfectly imperfect guy. Some of my friends whom I never though would be mothers are already married with their first kids (my imaginary inaanaks). Others have made life choices that would demand the rest of their lives to fulfill. I am here at the edge of the highest point I can reach, my legs are tied on a bungee and I am ready to jump. But there is no one there to kiss and say I love you to before I jump or someone to hold me as we fall then hang.

I wanted someone to make a liar out of me once. That has all been settled. I was such a good liar that I believed my own lies.

Now I want someone I can trust would never let me go even if I am screaming at his ear because I am afraid for my life. Someone solid to hold me when the air is rushing and I am light-headed from the speed of the fall.
I want someone I could look into and say, "You made me braver than I could ever imagine. Thank you for loving me despite all that I am."

He's there. Not somewhere. I know he's there. I don't want to check the cards to know when he would come around. But I know he's in my life. He might be a stranger, a friend or a soulmate. But he's there. I know it.

Love will be a part of me now that I know that love is what I want to have. I won't be afraid to be like my mother. Because if we marry our fathers, then by God, where is my hardworking, snoring, loyal and funny handyman? I know one of these days he will reveal himself. I won't wait. I'll keep myself busy with wordly things. A soul would know if her new soulmate is around.

The heart has a way of knowing how souls are bound.

So to the one I never had, be happy. I want that more than anything for you. Don't forget how much I loved you. But forget that there is hope for us. I don't want you to loose control of your life again. I want you to be happy. Someday, I wish I would see you and your family in a picture, happy, content and together. IF you really loved me, you would do that for me...but most of all for yourself. Family is what you need to make you the man that is removed from your father's dark past. Don't be like him. Love your honey and cherish your children. Be FAITHFUL and be present. And you would not want for anything in this world, I assure you of that. Why do I know this? Because I can see it in my father's eyes, in his life. He is a man who knows true happiness that no amount of money can buy. He has love and a family to love. I want that, more than anything for you.

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Sometimes my arrogance gets the best of me. Sometimes I wonder if that is the real reason why I survived. But win or lose, I am glad that I joined PEBA and wrote that article about my mom. Too bad I lost the only copy of the "family" picture they got in Subic. There are other moments, I think. Long after the contest is over, my mom would still be taking care of my cousins. I just hope someday, they would return the favor.

If you haven't voted yet, please help me out.

BigB Series Covers

You can check out the teasers here and the incomplete pages. ^_^ You have to register first though. ^_^ Have fun!

BigB1 - Youngbae's Song
Jaime <3 Yongbae

Jaime had one dream , to be a GY talent and a famous Korean idol. There was only one problem, she was neither a singer nor was she 100% Korean. Her only chance to stay in Korea was to be an English teacher to a bunch of misfits in a highschool in a farflung South Korean town.

Yong-Bae was living the dream, he was GY talent and a famous Korean idol. There was only one problem, he had mandatory military training and was assigned to go a remote town and help build a school. He meets the quirky Jaime while he stays there and finds that love can be found in the strangest places.   

*The photo was found online and is not a property of the blogger.
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Need to look up tutorials for Photoshop? Check here

Sing it! Be it!

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

I missed this song. I want to memorize it again. ^_^ 

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

I lied a lot about myself when I was younger. I lied about how much money my parents made and I lied about things that I had. I lied to my friends most of all because they were richer and prettier than I was. It got to the point that I lied to my parents, stole from them and made myself sick because of the lies that I had to keep together.

I became so good at lying to myself and to others that there was a time that I believed my own lies. I managed to be so good at lying that I convinced myself that the lies were the truth and that when the truth was too painful, that I could twist it so that I could be whoever I wanted to be and not be the loser that I though I was.

But the truth was, I wasn't a loser. I was becoming one by being a liar.
So I stopped. I promised myself I would not keep secrets from my friends. And I demanded that from them. That was the day I stopped keeping secrets, mine or others. Before that I was the secretkeeper. That day I became a blurter. I couldn't keep the truth in, my emotions, other people's secrets and my observations. I cloaked it by calling myself frank and truthful.

But not everyone wants the truth about themselves to be revealed.
But there are those who would safeguard people they love, institutions that they belong to from people who would bend the truth and betray their friends.

Because lying about who you are, and believing your lies is just pathetic. We would love you for the lyin, bitchy and disloyal person that you are if you would just let us.

Do not insult your friends by thinking that we would turn against you when the time comes. You can be the loneliest and ugliest person in the world and we would still love you.

Just say you're sorry and mean it this time. Tell us the truth from today and we would learn to trust you once again.

Otherwise we would not believe a single word from you and you continue to hurt us by lying to us.

I am not your friend yet. I am glad that I am not. Because I would not let you survive had it happened under my watch.
It is a different era in our group now. There would be no fantasies made unless they are in a story. There would be no more pushing or shoving or ganging up on arrogant pricks that are among us.

There would be interventions and there would be RESPECT.

You can start by respecting yourself and coming clean. Stop lying and let us get to know the real you.
Who knows, that might be the end of your loneliness at last.

Some things are about me

I talked to him after my other friend caught me online. Ripped abs didn't do me any harm this time. Not immunity, no never that. I would always like ripped abs. Maybe it's because I have puked out all of my affections for Robin Types that he is getting bulldozed along the way. It's funny how he uses Dove and I use Dove. A long time ago, Queenie's Dove green tea from Riyadh were reduced to a pulp with the many baths that were taken with it. And for a man who soaped a lot, it was understandable that my house mate told me to tell him to bring his own soap. ^_^

He's working with my other friend now, the one who I was really supposed to talk to. I met Furdee. (That would be his nickname though his name just sounds like that. He would also be referred to as Manong F. Apparently he is Andy's friend. We all know who Andy is, it's my ex's secret nickname.) He is from Batangas too and he is 29. ^_^ He is nice enough. I hope if he catches me online he won't piss me off. There are too many hentai men online and I don't want to add him on the list.

Andy said he is working for Cype's workplace for a while. But his old workplace is asking him to come back, saying that they would give him all that he wants. He wants to go home first. He is thinking of doing that next year. I chimmed in that he should do that and see his kids as well as enjoy his family. And that when he comes back, then he would be energized when it comes to working overseas. He said his dad wants him to go home. I chided that perhaps he didn't want you there. He agreed. He said his cousin might be helping him go to HongKong. I thought that might not be a good idea since HK peeps don't necessarily like Pinoys right now. Some might still be holding a "national grudge" regarding what happened. But he said he might work in a factory there. I was worried  because as far as I could remember, he wasn't supposed to carry heavy stuff. But I figured he already did when he worked as a waiter. That doesn't mean I miss him as he wants to believe. I worry about all of my friends. Especially the larger macho ones who think they are invisible.

He smoked a couple of times (at least he had one in his mouth) and I teased that I would smoke too. But I couldn't find my lighter, thank God. So they had to leave and so I had to cut the conversation short. He still called me with endearments that he should no longer use and were telling me things he oughta be telling Her. But I guess teasing without actually feeling anything is not so bad. If I can make him smile a bit, that should be okay. But saying, even in a joke, offering to father my imaginary kids is not okay. (This was in leu of him telling me not to smoke and me telling him I am not pregnant yet so I can still do. Pompous ass thinks he can tell me what to do. But then again, he is like a DAD when he says stuff like that.)

Anyway, no I am sorry as much as people or you might think it's romantic, but a woman pinning for your sorry ass I am not. I am too busy writing about love, reading and editing novels about it, making comics, being with friends, working, and barely surviving to have any time to think of you.

But like all loves in the past, you are there in the back of my mind, with everybody else. And even there, you try your best to bully them so that I would think of you first, when I have my rare times to think for my own pleasure. That is becoming rarer and farther in between.

I am glad I didn't sleep early, once again God had offered me peace of mind. And I take it greedily. Look at your women, go home to Her someday and let me be...just a friend that makes you smile once in a while. But you are no longer my burden to carry. Your happiness is no longer center to my goals. I can sleep knowing I only have mine to worry about.

So no, my new baseball bat is not for you. And no, I would not hit you with Rading, my new wooden bat, because it is for ME. For my new exercise routine. For my pleasure (and as for my arms, my pain) and my benefit.

Oddly enough, some things are about me.

Of Freebies,Friends, and Foo

I learned, nay, I realized what it was that Mam B was talking about when she commented on my story. She told me that the POV was off or something like that. I didn't really get it but I thought that it had something to do with the fact that for the most part my stories had two pov, although not at the same time. Sometimes it was the main character then sometimes it was the significant other that was in the lead. It wasn't until today when Foo told me something that Lizzie said. It was like the missing password to the encrypted arrogant UP the best account in my head. It was only today that I realized that I really had forgotten a lot of what I learned and that there were still a lot that I could learn from people from T.O.P. and in general.

I might need to redo my Natasha and my BigB soon. But that might have to wait. I still need to check on the e-books they sent me. So far, All I need is a bit long. 31384 is long. And it has 16 chapters. As much I don't want to narrow it down, the chapters, I mean. I guess I can just work on the word count. ^_^ It's a pretty good story. The conflict is pretty basic but appealing. Most of us have bestfriends and there is always complex dynamics that come with having to deal with whom they would love. No, I will not give away anything else. You would have to buy the e-book when it gets out.

But I guess I would have to work on the comics tomorrow since I had to do other stuff today. I know that Norby would be happy to know that I got some reservation possibilities from Foo...if anyone decides to go to the Komikon. I hope so. They could do an EB there. ^_^ I am sure there are a lot of otakus so going to the Komikon 2010 would be great.

I got to catch up with Hot Mamah and was pleased to know that her grandfather is...well he's still sick...but...y'know what I mean. She told me how hard it was for her. I even told her that it would have been better if I was there with her instead of being with B1 and B2. T_T She was alone after all. I am sure that we could have helped her in some way. I hate hospitals so that idea really comes from a part of me that loves her deeply. I also feel indebted to them since when I didn't have a place to stay once I managed to stay there with Trina for a bit. It was like walking on eggshells for me since I am a loud boldozer on a normal basis but they helped me and I am truly grateful.

I wonder when she would catch a break. T_T, I need a windfall as well as she does. As well as H does. She would get another interview this coming Tuesday. I hope it works out since I would love for her to stay in the Philippines. Although Mr Big would be here, at least she would be with us or at least one bus or fx drive away. I still can't navigate around my fear of planes so...it would be hard. I know that spiritually it would be better for her. But I don't think taking a step backward would do her any good either.

Ah, the perils of being bored. I was lucky to have caught Gil online. I was on my way out so I didn't get to talk to him all that much. I guess it's better that I don't get any new news about Mark, if he left work already or if he's really coming back at the end of the year. Because quite frankly, I have my flabs and my pockmarks to worry about. I have already given up on him, why should I bother to know if he's dead or alive? He's not mine, never was. So I am just going to HUNT for my next prey.

A lot happened last week, lost a TL, got a new TL. Got pissed off at someone's stupid grammar errors and antics, was offered to do OT quite firmly as well as worked through a hangover. But all comes with great lessons learned and a keps smile.


I got this from Lanie (T.O.P.) and wanted to repost it. ^_^

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.
#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.
#3 When she says it's over, she still wants you to be hers.
#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.
#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.
#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go.
#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.
#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.
#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.
#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful.
#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.
#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.
#13 When she's scared, protect her.
#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.
#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.
#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
#17 When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.
#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.
#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.
#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.
#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.
#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.
#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does.
#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
#25 Don't let her have the last word.
#26 Don't call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.
#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.
#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.
#29 When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go.
#30 When she says she's OK, don't believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.
#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.
#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.
#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
#34 Don't ignore her when she's out with you and your friends.
#35 Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.
#37 Let her into your world.
#38 Let her wear your clothes.
#39 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
#40 Let her know she's important.
#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.
#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"
#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you'd read it too.

Keep loving. Keep writing. Have faith and act on it.

Teaser versions

Ang purpose ng teaser ay parang yuong nasa likuran ng isang paperback pocketbook. Ito ang binabasa ng reader o ng buyer para magdesisyon kung bibilhin niya o babasahin ang isang libro. 


According ke Master Foo dapat ang mga teaser ay two paragraphs with two to three sentences. 

Ito ang ilan sa mga halimbawa nito. Pero mas mahaba sila kesa sa ginagawa sa atin.

Synopsis/Teaser ng Dark Lover ni Arielle

    Kinomisyon si Selene ng multibillionaire Chinese businessman na si Jason Long para gawan ng tig-iisang portrait ang pitong anak nito. 

    Sa pagdating niya sa Villa Lucinda ay isa-isang nakilala niya ang pitong anak nito. Wala siyang kamalay-malay na sa pagpunta niya roon ay malalagay siya sa isang pagsubok na ibinigay ni Jason Loong. At madadawit dito ang isa sa pitong lalaki. 

   Komplikado ang sitwasyon na nasuungan niya. Natuklasan niyang kailangan siyang umibig at magdalang-tao sa lalaking nagsasagawa ng misyon habang nananatiling lihim ang pagkatao nito. 

   Mautak at tuso ang binatang magpapaibig sa kanya. At ang kapalaran at puso niya ay malalagay sa palad nito. 

Sa teaser na ito walang dialogue na nakalagay pero malinaw nitong ipinapaliwanag ang hook o ang conflict ng kwento. Gumagamit din ito ng tinatawag na technique kung saan ang isa sa mahahalagang bagay ay ipinipresente subalit hindi nire-reveal ang identity nito. Ang mambabasa ay maiintriga kaya't nanaisin niyang basahin o bilhin ang aklat. 

Pwedeng ganito:

(How Did I fall in Love with You by Martha Cecilia)

  Hindi gusto ni Ronan si Laurel, the most popular girl in the campus, the girl who could smile away the thunder and kiss away the rain. She was a snob, too.

  At lalong hindi rin gusto ni Laurel si Ronan, the most infamous guy in the campus. Wild and crude...and, well, gorgeous. Hindi niya gustong aminin iyon.

  Theirs was a case of hate at first sight. 

Dito makikita ang pangalan ng main characters at ang kanilang conflicting personalities. Ang main conflict shempre ay na-inlove sila sa isa't-isa. 


Minsan ay gumagamit sila ng dialogue para sa teaser:


(Wild Enchantment 2)


   "Puno ang schedule ang buong linggo ko. sa Biyernes ay patungo tayo sa Batangas. Nabanggit ko na sa iyong may meeting ako sa labor union doon. At magiging abala na ako...So the wedding could be set on Wednesday next week," patuloy nito na tila ba ang pinag-uusapan ay ang pagbaba at pagtaas ng stock market. "Yes, Wednesday next week is perfect."
   Jordan proposed to marry her to keep her form doing any more mischief - at upang huwag na niyang habulin pa si Rowel. Proposed? No, he didn't propose. Ipinaalam nito sa kanya na magpapakasal sila - sa ayaw at sa gusto niya!


Dito sa teaser/synopsis nito ay makikita ang ilan sa mga dialogue na nasa loob ng aklat mismo. Paraan ito para makita ang main conflict sa pagitan ng mga character. 

Kaya rin itong gawin sa isang paragraph lamang.

Tulad nito: 

(Suzanna's Surrender by Nora Roberts) 

Burned-out and tired as hell, all ex-cop Hold Bradford wanted to do was relax. But when beautiful single mom Suzanna invaded his solitude to search for the missing Calhoun emeralds, he couldn't say no. Hold had changed from a bad-boy teen to a dangerously sexy man, but Suzanna couldn't risk well-ordered life for a man who made her mouth go dry...


OTHER EXAMPLES:

Raine hated weddings, but only on the surface. She actually loved them, the gown, the cake and the promise of a life together. But in her life men have proven that happily ever after doesn't exist. Between her father who cheated on her mother, to her ex-boyfriends who cheated on her and her ex-fiancee who turned out to have fathered a child while they were together, she was done with men. Hercules loved weddings, but only on the surface. His events company has so many weddings to put together that he never wants to put up with it if it was up to him. Plus, bride's can get a little bit too horny for his own good. As far as he was concerned once a man gets down on one knee, they never get up from that position.

Ang goal ng teaser ay makumbinsi mo, makiliti mo ang isipan ng reader para basahin niya ang iyong sinulat. Kung boring ang teaser mo iisipin ng reader na boring ang story mo. Kung maraming mali sa teaser mo, iisipin nila na sasakit lang ang ulo nila if they read your story. So be vigilant.