I was told that I would get bitchslapped this month. Whatever that meant. All I know is that on the first day of that month, I would be with my college bestie (if my cab gets to where she is before her bus leaves for the North). On the 12th I would be seeing Rock of Ages with her and waiting for Mig Ayesa to have a three-some picture (if at all possible). I might spend the weekend with her and visit my family (which seems to be something that I do more often now - it lowers my stress to be at home kinda like a college student who leaves school worries behind during the weekend and goes all I hate Mondays Garfield when I have to go back). There would be a hot springs plus karaoke team building with my new team in LB on the 19th. I am looking forward to doing this. I miss H whenever I do go to the springs since it was her favorite "stress reliever" in the past. Then I would have to move to a new room, a smaller one and yet because this is Makati, no longer rent controlled and possibly more expensive than I would want it to be PLUS utilities. *stops rant* I would be going to KPOPFEST4 on the 28th. Don't even get me started on my Japan-based friend coming back in August.
I know my expenses are going to spike. And that is not even adding the stress of proving that I can do my new job well. The next five months being the period of time that I have to show that I was hired for a reason. I have a new source of motivation to prove that I can do well and meet my metrics because my direct sup is new at his post. Though we would still have our old TL watch over us, I want to also be able to lessen the worries of my newly promoted team manager by learning as much as I can as fast as I possibly can and working hard on my negotiation skills. I can't really call my only nego call a successful one because I just got her to agree to doing what she already proposed she would do. I want to be able to convert a non-payer to a payer. *hint on my new job*
I know that July would be a whirl of new things and blog-worthy moments. But I want to be able to get my money's worth. I want to be more creative and I want to be able to prove that I can have a day job and keep on writing.
I was right when I chose to leave the night shift. Though I don't have the hmo-awesome job that I had before which ticked off one of my life goals *Give parents HMO cards* I know that working in the morning would help me do more things. I write after work, watch things, walk home, have time to edit, read books and I can even meet up with friends...if their schedules match with mine.
I know that I earn significantly less than my contemporaries so I was glad that I learned that something I have been doing for passion might just pay off, literally, this time around. I have taken a "raket" that I was afraid to take to the next level even before. I never passed my work because I didn't think I could handle the rejection. But like I was told, if I work with friends, then I would be able to work on my creative dead-end.
I know that I can adapt to change if the situation allows for me to like what I am doing. Although my new day job is difficult, I enjoy the challenge and I feel like my lateral thinking, which I had not needed to use in my customer service related job is now going to be awakened. Test for results then put the pieces together. I don't find myself spacing out at work and thinking of my story plots. This is a habit my mind does when I am bored out of my coconut. I still need to test just how apologetic customer service has made me and then shed it, slowly or abruptly would depend on what kind of portfolio I would have in July. But what I know is that all that I need to compete with is old me. To learn a little bit faster, "get it" and "upgrade" my critical thinking skills. To skip trace better and find someone, "professional stalker" sounds weird but I like it. I might even be able to use this with how I write or what I write. My mind would be exercised and now I don't have to escape from my workplace since I like the people I work with and I feel like I am getting the hang of what I am supposed to be doing.
The best thing about it is that there is always something new to learn. I don't spend the entire day doing the same thing because every thing can lead to new things. Sometimes one misses routine. But in my single-blessed life right now, I need to have a job that can be challenging. I just hope that I am able to do my job well so I can get the bonus that I hope to get that is why I moved to this new company.
It helped a lot that I walk to work now. I don't have to feel stressed when I am waiting for a ride. Because I am constantly moving, I see new things every day. Maybe not too different but there is time for me to think while I walk and sweat out a bit. *I really should get a pair of shoes for that, for running after work.* But I would have to let that take the back seat since I would be working on editing novels after work for the next few days.
It's a challenge for me to edit other people's work. One because I am an innately selfish person. I would rather re-write a bad piece than read through it. Know what I mean? I just hope that our venture would be successful and that we are able to get something out of it. I am looking forward to it.
There are a lot of things to do and I have decided not to make a list on my 28th birthday because I didn't want to have to check off things and leave things undone again. It adds to guilt and I have enough on my mind than worry about that. I am thinking that the less things I think I HAVE TO CHECK OFF my list, the more things I would actually be able to accomplish.
Who knows, befor the year ends, I would actually be able to finish my BigB Series.
On another note , I realized that sometimes I am a bit of a ssaeng fanNoona. I am thinking now that I would write my YG Mafia as free novels and just give a copy to the person who I made it for but I would have to place them in TOP/read. I would just be friendly online and spazz out whenever I see them. But I don't need to be to feeling close. I need to remember that we are in different age boxes and that it could be un-ME to be so into something most of my friends of the same age are going "HUH?" at. Gotta start acting my age...*boy that's a hard thought*
Still I am thinking of making fanNoona appreciation shirts. Though I don't think I would ever get the shirt sizes for the people I want to give it to. T_T I would have to have to guess their shirt sizes. But since no one is replying. Then I would just have to park this project for now. If I have the time and the right font, I would be able to put it together. Note to self, find similar to YG used fonts for shirt designs for fancovergroups I like.
*as of presstime I have the shirt sizes that I need I just need the time to design the shirts and then get them printed and find a way to have them sent to one of the members so that the others can get it from him*
*as of presstime I have the fonts I want to use but still looking for the coolest font I can use per member shirt design. I hope I can have time to actually get a more original looking design for the shirt than this*
This would be on a white shirt *dummy design*
I want to be able to put a yellow crown on the word BikBaeng T_T
I need to find more time to do it
I should do a test run muna so I don't get disappointed with the place where I want to have this done. I can't be stuck with meh shirts to give out. T_T
If I want to dance to my own KPOP beat I would have to do it in my new tiny room which I would have to move into. If I wanted to keep the memories, I would have to digitize them. Because I don't have enough space in my life for too many pieces of paper. I would have to buy a usb again and remember that small spaces can be useful when you need to hide something very important and keep them close.
I have a button to wear on a special day and I hope he would like it.
ON my POWER WORD : BALANCE
I think I have had the chance to understand this and have it applied in my current state. I am able to balance my days to when I enjoy my work and learn from it and when I can spend time being creative; reading, writing and editing.
I am hoping to make July and August more sociable. I miss hanging out with Hot Mamah and I wonder if she is doing well at her new post. I wonder about Ysac and Fried and their love lives. <3 I wonder about what R and I would SATC like talk about. I wonder when I would be comfortable enough to get a new haircut, a really short reminiscent of SPUNKY me short kinda hair. I want to be able to talk to J again about life and terrorize A about sexniques.
As per usual, Cosmo hit the mark on June's issue. I really need to learn how to save my money. I am afraid that because I feel like I have more now since I had a little bit of an increase on my basic, I would turn up on my lifestyle expenses. I am so inept in this because I still live paycheck to paycheck. I want to be able to have a savings that's for travel (my new company has more holidays which I can use as days to travel or just to go somewhere I can sit down and write without having to be stuck in my even smaller new room).
I miss wide open spaces. I miss kilig much moments. I miss kissing, the simple act of it and the passion of it.
I wish that I would fall in love again. Being too busy for love is so OLD MAID CIRCA 1990s. I am woman of the new millenia. I can marry in my 40s like Carrie if I want to. But I think that being lonely doesn't suit me. Being bored is so teener of me. Obviously I have so much to do.
I ask myself sometimes, am I really using my weight as an excuse because I am afraid to date again. I was told that I missed out on great guys because I chose the wrong men to love. *chuckle* But without those experiences, I would not understand myself and what I want in my life. A man whose passion is to make me laugh. This may seem too simple but believe me it's not. I don't mean laugh ha-ha but laugh my loud no-holds bar laugh because I didn't expect that he would do something so simple or something so corny that would make me love him more. A man who has his own thing and is confident in my love for him so I can do what I want, like edit novels after work without him telling me that he didn't understand why I do it. *that was my prime reason for breaking up with someone before* Someone who can laugh at himself and the situation but would not make fun of someone just so he would feel better about himself. Someone who would have small achievements that we could celebrate together and even bigger dreams for our future together.
See? Not so simple, right?
I am looking forward to July. It's less than a couple of days away. If I look back and see how many things, how many small changes and large ones I have made I feel scared that this is how things would be from now on. Would I recognize myself by next year? I just hope all the changes are for the better. I hope that all the risks that are taken are going to be worth it.
All I need to focus on is BALANCE. My time. My energy. My passion. Energize then go on to the next task.