Wednesday, April 27, 2011


To Whom it may concern,

Future writers and my dear Toppers fellow I would like to implore you to listen (or in this case read) what I am about to say. Tatagalugin ko na para hindi masakit sa bangs.

As per what I called BBBS fiasco (wait tagalog nga pala)

Dahilan sa mga pangyayari sa nakaraan na (pak ang hirap magtagalog) bunga ng kaguluhan ng isang bruhilda na nagpapasimuno ng gulo sa BBBS (no, hindi ito si empresz surprisingly ahahah love you empz) NAPAGDESISYUNAN NA IPINAGBABAWAL ANG PAGBUBUO NG SERIES NA MERONG LABIS SA TATLONG MGA MANUNULAT. Kinakailangan ding merong THUMBS UP NG EIC ang mga writer na nasa grupo ng tatlo o pares ng manunulat na gagawa ng series. KINAKAILANGANG MAGPAALA, MAGBUO NG SYNOPSIS, MAGSUBMIT NG MGA STORY PLOT AT KUNG ANEK ANEK PA bago maaprubahan ang series. KINAKAILANGAN DING ANG MGA MANUNULAT AY MAYROONG EDITED AT .COM NOVELS NA BAGO MAGSIMULA NG SERIES.

Kaya ipagpatawad ninyo pero hindi pwedeng gumawa ng series ang isang newbie ika nga. Pero welcome silang magsulat ng mga INDIVIDUAL novels para mahasa ang kanilang mga gawa o GUMAWA NG SERIES NG MAG-ISA.

Dahil sinasabi ko sa inyo, hindi ko papayagang maging E-book ang series ninyo. Sorry. Pero ganun talaga. At kapag me mga nag-away away na naman dahil sa isang pangalawang DIOSZA lahat kayo ay tatanggalan ko ng mga karapatang magsulat bilang mga "DIOSZA"-like writers.

Iminumungkahi kong makipagkaibigan tayo sa mga beteranong manunulat at humingi ng kanilang insight at wag tayong suplada sa kanilang mga tanong.

Kung wala tayong tinatago walang mawawala sa pagtugon sa mga tanong ng mga admin. Sapagkat kapag hindi ninyo ginawa ay hindi rin maipupublish ang inyong gawa.

Sana ay maunawaan ninyo ang mga dahilan namin. Kung gusto ninyong magpakwento kung ano ang dahilan bakit me ganitong rule, magpakwento kayo ke Empresz kasi isa siya sa mga me alam ng totoong nangyari.

So sana, sumunod bago sumaway. Maunawaan sana ninyo that it's you and your bond that we are trying to protect. Because nothing destroys friendships faster than lies and misunderstanding.

I want TOP to be a place where newbies learn slowly but surely and not take more than they can handle a little too soon. Sana matuto muna kayo mag-isa, with the support of others lang pero hindi naman sila na ang tutulong talaga to make your story come out. FIND YOUR STYLE and master it then you can collaborate with ONE OR TWO other great writers. Because if you start something that you can't finish then you can't move on to your next piece.

Believe me, I know.

Let's work together, wag tayong mag-epalan.

Remember, "TOPper sa isip, salita at AKDA."

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Being An*l Can Bite You in the *Ss

I didn't realize that while I was pouring into my special class that I skipped my regular class. Damn that is going to suck and I am never going to hear the end of it. This month's criteria for judging *yeah I know very pageant-like of me to say* is the "pink" points that we would get from demerits and boo-boos. I had been running every morning not to get 1 points for coming in late and now this.


I think getting glasses made me dumber. I freaked out my nice new Korean manager too. But I think that it's just a jolt that you can never can tell *sorry I watched working girls last friday* when you will do something so amateurly stupid you wouldn't mind if your TL grabs your hair in frustration instead of hers. Under normal circumstances, she would not be able to use that hand or the fingers attached to it. But I let it go, it's her thing. Ahahaha.

Frack. But the fact that I was not on British English mode when that happened is a sign that I have lightened up lately. Crap.

Oh well. *goes to uptraining wearing helmet and armor*

Monday, April 25, 2011

Gemini Love

Year 2011 Romantic

Your attitude towards romance is anything but light and frivolous, now that big-daddy Saturn has taken up what feels like permanent fort in your love sector. Yes, this is completely out of character for whimsical Mercury children. But now that Saturn is in his second year of bringing gravity to your love sector, you're starting to get used to the more sober aspects of romance. If you're hitched, you're learning potent lessons about integrity. If you're still single, you're learning to endure what may feel like an eternal platonic spell. Keep the faith though Gemini, because Saturn always rewards those who wait. Once you see the importance of having exceptionally high standards when it comes to choosing a lover or a long-term mate, you'll have passed Saturn's greatest karmic challenge -- oh yes you will. Discrimination is the key to unlocking your true soul mate. Beggars can't be choosers, Gemini.
Venus gives your love life a fabulous boost in late June and early July when she enters your stars. Having Mars following in sexy tandem during this time only adds the summer sizzle. After a brief romantic hiatus in August, you'll be back in the saddle by August when Venus enters your romance sector. And then the finale of the year comes in November when Venus enters your partnership arena, sweetening the deal on all of your one-to-one contacts. What Gemini wants, Gemini surely gets if Venus has anything to say about it. So take special note of your best months: June, July, August and November.

I Will Carry You

The advantages of having many loving children and relatives is keeping my grandfather comfortable. My mother didn't go into a lot of details but basically there is a lump in my grandfather's left lung that would be dangerous to move and extremely hard to keep around.

My grandfather was walking around and happy on his 80th birthday last January. We had friends, relatives and such. I went home straight through the rainy evening from my friends' wedding. I instructed my sister in making a cooler lettering using magazine pages for his HAPPY 80th BIRTHDAY LOLO CELO.

But I can't abide sickness. I can't handle that he is this weak. He's been an extremely active man. If it wasn't for his almoranas he would still be on his bike. Sometimes vices and old age combine to make your life harder than you could ever imagine.

My mother is veteran with living with disease. She is a cancer survivor. She still has benign cysts in her breasts. I am scared that all these stress is going to do something adverse. My dad has hypertension, my mom is getting palpitations (she is not allowed to eat anything that can cause increased heart rate) and I am worried that I won't be able to make the sacrifices that my mom is doing now. She is frazzled but they are both holding on to each other and it's amazing to have to see this. It makes me hope for a love that doesn't demand one's whole attention, but is willing to be there waiting for you to lean back and sigh.

We weren't much help, my brothers and I. I admit to being afraid to face things like this and I am a little sad that I wasn't able to help a lot. Seeing people wearing masks instead of him shows how my family loves him. We don't want to give him anything so my brother who had a cold couldn't be around him. But that doesn't mean those who can take care of him loves him more than we do. It just means they have more time.

These are the times when I wish I still had the 20K+ salary that I had in E-Lamp. Because if that was the case, I would be able to help my mother in the part that seems to be out of her hands, money. Everyone is trying to help her and my aunts have been amazing with him, but sometimes care is not enough.

If I had healing hands and if it was possible, I would love to have my grandfather see my kids. I don't want them to miss seeing him or meeting him. Stories are not the same.

He is so weak and I can see it in his eyes that he doesn't like it. He absolutely hates being weak because he is a survivor. I hope he pulls through.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lenten Penance

I haven't really done any church-going or praying these days. And I have definitely been remiss on all the fasting and the sacrificing that people have been talking about these days. I have an office mate who gave up cussing for holy week.

I gave up the bad kind of love not just for lent but for the rest of my life. ^.^

All I am saying, is that people need to stop being too religious when it comes to the things they so-so give up for Lent. If you know that it's bad for you and you are really a sane and God-fearing person, then give it up entirely. Don't negotiate with God because it makes you seem like a fair-weathered Catholic or whatever you might call yourself.

I talk to God, I include him in my life and I know that He knows that I am always thankful for all the things that I have. I also know why there are things and people that I don't have in my life. But I am thankful of the lessons that are given because of the things that I think I lack.

I gave up thinking that I am better than I really am. Not just for Lent but for my entire life. But that doesn't mean I would stop trying to improve myself. Because I won't.

I think we need to stop making these half-hearted, half-*ssed promises that only lasts for a few days. After the hype, why don't we live a life that He would be willing to give HIS for and leave it at that.

Because seriously, I can't handle the hypocrisy anymore.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Sexy Librarian Mode ON

My brother graduated from UPD with a degree in Library Science. Yey~ My family minus Alvin (people kept asking where he was and the common answer was "He's underwater." - My youngest brother is a marine biologist so everybody gets the joke.) were in Diliman to wait for GM to graduate. He decided to just go to the college ceremony and skip the university ceremony where the president usually has to give the speech.

I am really happy for my mom. I hope GM won't be like me. He still needs to review until September. But I am hoping that he would not have a problem with getting a part-time job while he is reviewing. Then he would be able to handle whatever job he would have. He just needs to realize that the world is full of dumbass superiors who are out to give him a hard time. He just needs to roll with the punches and just deal. He's an adult now, officially and he has no choice but to act like one.

I got glasses (again) and I am still a solid 175 on both eyes. Of course I still have astigmatism but I am happy that things are clearer now. People are saying that I like milder when I have glasses. Clark Kent much? But what they don't know is that I might just be more evil with my glasses on. I owe my mom for it (again) but I am feeling much better now that I can see past an arm's length from me.

I wonder what Ico looks like with my glasses on? *tee-hee* He is exercising more than I am so he must look better than I do. ^.^ It's too bad that I can't wear contact lenses because of the allergic reaction that I get. But if I do get married, I wouldn't be wearing glasses then.

I am just really glad that I can see things clearly now. But more so that my heart can see clearly now. More than ever.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Pinaywriter in WATTPAD - T.O.P.

No, I am not leaving T.O.P. I just tested this site because since bookworm ang mga TOPpers, there are some who read novels here. And I am thinking that it would be a great place to put my C.A.T.s novel which is in English. Since T.O.P. will continue to be my home for my Filipino novels, I am thinking that it wouldn't hurt to have another avenue to get more traffic for TOP and vice versa. I don't want our TOPpers to have a limited world view. Since they love to read the English genre books MIGHT just improve their comprehension skills and their English skills. And that is one less thing for me to worry about.

I am still not sure if this could become a "kumikitang kabuhayan" but heck, I never wrote fiction for money anyway. Make an account and look around.

If you are into Tagalog pocketbooks, check them out here.
If you are on Wattpad and you want to be a fan of T.O.P. you can be a fan here.
Ako ay isang TOPper, sa isip, salita at AKDA.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I decided that I can't be there for my sister all the time so I thought maybe it would be a good idea to teach her how to blog.

So I made a gmail account for her and put her as a contributor for TWO NINYAS, it's a blog where she can write about her life, her problems, things that she likes while I can write things there in an elementary English level and girl metaphors that she can understand the things that I know to be true then and now.

I could also help her with homework if she needs it. ^.^ She doesn't know how to blog yet. But she's my sister, once I teach her the basics, she'd end up becoming better than me.

So please follow our little kikay blog, I am waiting for my sister's entries as much as you are. Trolls, back off. You touch my sister, I end you.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Come Home And Guide Us

To date, my Tita Loida is still in Hongkong. She was there when it was a British territory and she is still there now that it's Chinese territory. She is a grandmother now to her eldest daughter's kid. Her younger daughter is stopping school for absurd reasons. One of which is still money.

My Tito Pako and his wife Tita Nancy are still in Rome. Their eldest daughter is taking up HRM in Bulacan. Their youngest is there too. They have a home made in front of Tita Nancy's parents' house. They plan to live there when they retire, I think.

My Tita Clemen went home this March for her eldest son's elementary graduation. She came home just in time for his birthday. She was able to take care of my grandfather who got sick. He's 80 and had water and a lump in his left lung. He missed her a lot but of course, he's not saying that.

My cousin Len is in Italy too. She is asking her mother to have her daughter sent to the best school. She wanted her angel to enrol in an international montessori. She says that the reason why she is sacrificing so much is for her daughter to have all the things that she never had.

My Tita Nanet is in Canada. She is heartbroken that the cousin whom she sends money to for her review didn't pass the nursing exam. They were supposed to go to Canada, everything was going to be arranged for them, international hired caregiver they would be but since they are now shackled with young children and unemployed husbands, things are looking bleak.

My tita Joy got married in Dubai. She was my uncle's widow. Her two sons are in the Philippines and she has a new baby there.

I have an Uncle who comes back and forth now. He tried to retire from going abroad and tried to invest on some businesses but he still had to leave later since things didn't work out that well. He decided that it would take some time before he can retire indefinitely.

My Kuya (Tito) Lem stayed with my Ate (Tita) Connie abroad for a while. He was able to do odd jobs and take care of her kids when he got back. He decided that he can't stay abroad to make a difference for his family. He decided that some had to leave and others had to stay. He decided to run for councilor in our baranggay.

I never thought that he would ever enter politics. The Perezes are notorious for being opinionated people who like to reform and work together to make good changes in their community. But except for my Lolo Celo who has a Baranggay treasurer for a long time, no one else ran for office and won. I remember coming in third to the last (without having to campaign for it) during one SK election.

When I read about this year's PEBA 2011 THEME : "Ako'y Magbabalik, Hatid Ko'y Pagbabago." (I Will Return, I Will Bring Change.) I realized he would be a great example. I have no intention of joining this year since I already placed last time but I figured I could write an entry either way. Also I needed to catch people up on my family who are OFWs. ^.^

So long story short, my cousin/tito Lem won. I am hoping that he is not just going to do projects that would get him elected but that he would really do something that would cause positive things in our community. He's a fratman too so there is a chance that he could utilize their community based chapter to do projects for the youth and for the community. I think it's admirable what he is trying to accomplish and I hope that he gets to do more projects that would help lower the number of young men dealing with drugs in our community. He's a big animal lover and that could be a way for him to prevent people from poisioning dogs so that robbers could take things from people's homes.

I am not saying that everyone who are working in another country should come back to lift the Philippines up. But it wouldn't hurt for them to be able to enjoy what they earned and to be with their family.

My officemate Ate Mhel is in Pangasinan now. She was a jazz singer in Korea and Japan. Her son who is half-Japanese is graduating from college. She's been an online English teacher for a few years now. She is not as healthy as she used to be and she misses the times when she was able to help people in her family. But she is happy because all her hard work has paid off. And no one, not even obscure paperwork would stop her from coming home to celebrate her son's achievement and her own.

For Ate Mhel her son is her legacy. He grew up to be loving, family-oriented, hard-working and talented. For most OFWs their legacy are their well-educated children. I salute them and I salute their children. Because growing up without my parents would have been something that would have led me astray.

So to all the moms, dads, titos,and titas who helped their kids, nieces, and nephews, we are your legacy. Come back home and tell us the stories of how home is never that far away if you keep it in your heart and that no job is too little for a man who knows in his heart that he is doing it to lift up his life and the lives of so many others. Show us the face of someone who, although he or she has seen and marveled in the great architechture and riches of other lands finds that the true fortune they have acquired is the love of their family and the respect of their peers.

Ignore those who ask for pasalubong and just please, come back to us.

My dear college roommate and bestfriend is coming home. If I win the lottery, I would go on hiatus for the months that she is here with her mom to help her brother who is studying in UP Baguio (woot! Isko na bro nyo!) and spend everyday going around Makati, Baguio or risk riding an airplane to finally go to Boracay together. But even if that doesn't happen and we just end up staying in my dingy room and talk about the past and our future, I would be glad to give her the Mig Ayesa shirt I got for her and laugh like there is no tomorrow and make new memories.

Because just having her back is enough reason for me to get excited whenever I hear the word HOMECOMING.

If you are an OFW supporter like me who knows someone who came back home from working  abroad to spread enlightenment, stories and even just the love then tell their stories to everyone. The theme is here and the form is here.
Try to check out the rules first. 

Here's the catch, your blog should have been around more than half a year for it to qualify. But hey, who cares if it qualifies or not (me actually because I want to read your entry and vote ^.^) as long as you are able to tell an inspiring story.

And believe me , between the people who went back home from the Middle East and Japan, there are a lot of stories to go around.  

If you want to read the entry that I made for PEBA 2010, you can read it here.

My Mom's Quasi-orphanage by Niña Simon

Feel free to leave comments, I always tell my mom when I get new ones. (too bad I lost the original ones. T_T)

If you have an entry, leave your link at the comment box. ^.^

Deleting Unnecessary EROS

I spent some time uncluttering my dear Eros and deleted some things that I don't read or use. I realized that 208 of my 286 memory is just videos. I was single when I got it so I had so little to entertain myself with. But when I deleted some data, pictures and stuff that I don't need, I freed 31 GB. That is it. I still need to get a 1TB to delete all of the videos. I plan to just keep the current series that I watch in the hard disk and my TOP write ups.

My life is like my laptop desktop. I put everything there and it slowed it down. I deleted and organized things because I needed to lessen the stress that it caused me to see all those icons on my screen. My computer memory had been in the red for months. T_T So when my friend wrote about how our life is like our bedroom, I realized that my life is like my Eros.

It's battered, it has a broken part (the dvd burner is broken because of all the koreanovelas that I watched 0.o) but I can still go on and do other things. If not, it makes me less distracted. I plan to buy a new laptop next year. But that is for another time and hopefully another OS. ^.^

I plan to clean up my room once I no longer have a roommate again. Literally. ^.^ My life will be uncluttered now since my Mond makes me feel like I need to become more of an adult.

I need to fix my HD but that can wait. ^.^ I need to stop downloading new stuff because if I do my freed space would increase the entertainment side of my disk space.

^.^ Life is not always going to give you lemons, sometimes it gives you hard drive crashes and viruses. It's up to you if you are brave enough to reformat or delete files that you don't use or are bad for you. Blocking some sites might help to. *wink*


Okay so now that you have read it, ignore the grammatically incorrect comments and focus on what actually happened. A helpless girl who is just expressing her love for something and bothered to do her best to put the best version of flattery together was placed in a situation where she would not be strong enough to run away or kick the guy in the nuts.

There are boys with big swords, fake guns, baseball bats, death hooks, free hugs signs and whatnot in that place. There are amazons, sailor soldiers, ninjas, moms, street fighters, superheroes, death eaters and whatnot there.

I wonder, where were the people she was hanging out with? In a con where there are hundreds of people, how can you protect yourself if you are a girl?

1. Travel in threes. 

Imagine two of you holding that perv and one grabbing his camera and making a run for it to the nearest security guy after taking a picture of him. Neato, huh?

2. Travel with a demon. (or any male friend who is also cosplaying preferrably someone with a big prop he can use to poke, wak or main that pervographer)

It would be self-defense if your friend lends it to you and you whack that fucker up. It would be more fun if you call out his name or you say, "Stay the hell away from us you perverted old man!"

3. Two words, RAPE WHISTLE

In a loud and crowded place where everybody is talking and cameras are flashing, a shrill sound of your rape whistle would freak him out, perhaps get the security to notice you and/or other people around you. If he tries to make a run for it, scream "Perv! Perv! Get him!" One syllable words are easier to say. But sometimes it's hard to say anything. Keep that whistle and blow on it and point at the guy who is making a run for it. The people would block him with weapons and their sheer number. You can get him, don't be a victim.

4. One word, NO in Nihonggo, iie.

If a guy is asking you to do a slutty pose say NO. Even if your character is from a HENTAI it doesn't matter. You never know what this person would use this picture for. Seriously, I don't have to paint a picture. Even if you are a cosplayer now, in the future you might be someone else who is so far removed from this person that you might regret posing that way.

5. Constant VIGILANCE and SING.

Corners are still like dark alleys. You can still be isolated even if you are in a crowd.

And remember to SING.

Stomach Instep Nose Groin

Watch video for reference as to how to do it. Modifications can be made. But remember, don't let anyone make you feel any less of a lady that you are. You deserve to be respected, whatever character you choose to be that day. You are someone's daughter and you are someone's granddaughter, if he doesn't respect women, it's up to you to ENLIGHTEN HIM. Or make him see stars. ^.^ 

Think WWAD "What would Alodia do?" She probably had her share of scary moments in cons. But she didn't let them abuse her. Her pictures are tasteful and she doesn't let people stop her from what she likes to do. Do not let one perv end your cosplaying days. ^.^

Monday, April 11, 2011

Hell Hath No Fury

I am glad that I have Ico in my life more now than ever before. He saved me from myself. I was delivered from the impending doom that would befall me if the past comes back to haunt me. True enough it was the other guy who unshackled me when he revealed the most awful truth, that no matter what, he was not the man that I thought he was. That I was in love, pinning for and believed a big fat lie.

Now I am embracing the truth. Sure it's freaking irritating half of the time, but the alternative turns my stomach.

Yes, I am judgmental. I am judging myself most of all. Because I knew that I was making excuses for the things that he could not give me but I desperately wanted. I had always wanted peace of mind. I want that in my relationship because I am already an out of control person. I tend to be very moody and hard to handle. It's a Gemini thing.

I match well with Arieses since they can mellow me down. But I find them too, for lack of a better term, emo for my taste. Now I get along with Geminis but that is if we are the same side of the twin. That is why my bestie is called "Kambal" because he is a Gemini too.

I am dating a Gemini. I am the flirty, immature side. He tends to be the flighty, immature side too that is struggling to be the opposite of himself. I know that this would be a relationship that would have a lot of highs, devastating clashes and lows.

But I am not worried about whether I will love him less because of the things that would happen. I am the kind of person who thinks love is like good wine. It will get better with age and with more time.

But I am grateful. God somehow is sending me a clear message. It's between us, this divine joke that I picked up on. He always tends to give me the opposite of what I ask for. And He likes to give me lessons using people as his tools.

I think I learned my lessons well from the past. I am not about to make the same mistakes to feel the rush that I felt in the past. Because I am all about new experiences. This time I want to experience a normal state of happiness. *rolls eyes* Besides, I am already an adventure. I don't have to play with fire to know that I am capable of fireworks.

*Note to trolls and people who have an opposite opinion: Deal with it. Read the title. If you don't know what that means, Google it.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Is He Worth it?

In the back of my mind I always ask this about the men that my friends date. And there are times when the voice in my head is so bitchy that the words slip out and I tell them that no, I don't think that he is. You know what I am talking about, it's the naggy bitch you in your head you can know just by looking at a couple if they are really going to make it.

But I always always always hope that things would work out for my friends. Because if they are happy then I am happier.

The problem was that I always ignored this question before. I always just lived in the moment. I called it, "My version of forever". I had never wanted to have a future with those men I dated. Yes, I know that sounds so bitter but it's true. I had a type and that was UNATTAINABLE MEN. The people who know my history understand this about me. They know the people that I have dated are exactly like that.

I somehow made myself believe that they would be worth it. Ignoring red flags is my thing. I think this is why I am so critical towards Mond. It causes me to compare him with them and he doesn't realize that the reason why is I am trying to motivate him is because I don't want him to end up like them. None of my exes finished college. And I think that made them feel a little less around me. I know people who have better jobs and paychecks than me but didn't finish college. There is a taboo stigma about that amongst families and they carry a specific shield for that. And I would really really want Mond to stop getting beef over the fact that he is still in school.

I felt relieved when he told me that he would focus on his goals. That is a good sign I think. I always get this weird feeling in my past when a guy tries to connect his dreams and hopes with mine. I had a negative experience about a man not leaving because he couldn't trust me enough to leave me. I think he thinks that was his feelings and love telling him to do it. But I believe it was because he didn't think that he was going to be good enough for me to wait for him. I did wait. And all the reason he can give me was that he couldn't contact my phone and my brother's. I guess he was not as resourceful as I had hoped. He even believed his friend that I was in Canada. Idiot. If he has said goodbye in the first place...I wouldn't be happy now. So I am thankful to him for letting me learn my lesson well.

I tend to learn my lessons the hard way. I don't regret making them. People are so hung up on the bad things that happened to us that we refuse to move past them. And that is why most of us are stuck doing the same things to people who had nothing to do with the past pains that we are still enduring.

This is why I know that I have a healthier relationship now than the ones that I had before. Now, I can trust the happiness that I feel. I can trust that this relationship would be one where I would grow as a person. I honestly didn't know who I was when I was still with the other guys. And I think that being in love with myself now more than in the past made me a better person to be with. Sure, I can still be very hard to deal with at times, but now, I can have the best of the old me and the present me. Meshing them together is going to make me crazy to deal with for a while but once the dust settles, I would be an awesome girlfriend.

I learned that we can't be stressed at the same time. That we need to disinengage when something like that happens. I can't make him learn to be less sensitive, but I know that he is smart enough to realize that he is very moody. He needs to take that under control and I can only help as much as not comparing him to other people and aggravating him. He learned to use his anger to do good things like jogging though. I am happy with that improvement.

I like to think that I can influence people to do things. I hope that I can influence Ico to do good things. And I hope that I don't turn him into something he doesn't want to become. I have corrupted many people in my past. I don't want to do the same now.

I know that there would be a lot of things that we would have to deal with, but I think as of press time, Ico is worth the effort.

In case you are into bums, which I am not, you might want to read this. 

Thursday, April 7, 2011


hello all! pelikuLAB invites you to a series of film workshops in May at UP Los Banos! The courses are as follows:

Resource Speaker: Armando "Bing" Lao
Date: May 9-13
Time: 1-6 PM
Fee: P4500

Resource Speaker: Remton Zuasola (Ang Damgo ni Eleuteria, To Siomai Love)
Date: May 16-20
Time: TBA
Fee: P4000

Resource Speaker: Willie Apa (Sheika)
Date: May 18-20
Time: TBA
Fee: P2500

All courses will have a maximum number of 12 participants. Open to all.
The registration fee for each course includes a free digital copy of the course handout, workshop kit, and snacks. Confirmed participants are asked to bring a video camera or DSLR with video capability for directing and cinematography classes.

Avail of discounts in the Early Bird Promo: for participants who will register and give a down payment on or before April 20, they will get a 15% discount for each course:

Scriptwriting:       P3,825
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Cinematography: P2,125

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HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis (repost)

A video by fiilmaker, Andrea Dorfman, and poet/singer/songwriter, Tanya Davis

HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis
If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.

There's also the gym. If you're shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke).

And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.

And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that communitie's not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.
saw this in Bryan's blog

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

To definitely be over you

I was checking the people who were celebrating their birthday as per Facebook's tracking system and I was shocked when I read "Andy Villanueva". I was shocked and I had to greet him as soon as I found out.

I was laughing outloud in my head and then I realized. Yesterday I had the worst argument that I have ever had with Ico (so far, I expect this to be a realistic relationship so things are not going to be perfect all the time) and I had finally decided that in whatever medium I do tell him it doesn't matter. Love is love.

I was tagging my templates all wrong this day. I thought it was 040411. So when I tracked down my teaching minutes I remembered that it was 040511 instead. I corrected things and I remembered thinking that it's two days from my younger brother Gm's birthday. And that his thesis being for binding is probably God's gift to him. Still I didn't remember that it was "Andy's birthday".

I read a comment from a common friend saying, "Advanced ha." I was thinking that it was for some other thing. My mind was so preoocupied with stories to write, recordings to listen to, Ico and me and OPIc that I forgot that it was his birthday. I had been mourning a broken relationship and pinning for him for so many years that it's incredible that I forgot about his birthday.

But once again, it's a sign. My heart has let go of you and slowly the memories, the details become bad sectors in my brain. And once I had a good long defragmentation, even the archives that I have of you would be gone.

Sure, you'll be part of the past. But your role in the grand scale of things is so minute that I have to rely on social networks to remind me that you born on a certain day. ^.^

It's weird. I remember JL's birthday clearly but that might be because it's also Harry Potter's birthday. ^.^ *giggle*

I'm sorry for forgetting.

Happy Birthday. I hope you get all your wishes this year.

The Vulnerable side of love

I don't like it when I have to consider the feelings of others. I am the most inconsiderate person that I know. I have to consciously make an effort to not be a brutally frank person. I have a faulty filtering system and I don't like to keep things in.

So I hurt people all the time. I hurt those who I love more than often.

My real problem is that I expect them to all be thick-skinned enough to not give in to what I say.

I made the mistake of showing the side of me that I know people should never see. And I determined something about our relationship because of that.

Nyanya doesn't show her vunerable side to people whom she doesn't love. So I know I don't have to wait for the 100 days to be done. I know that he's the one in my heart and although he ticks me off at times, I know I love him.


I know my friends are all trying to pry it out of me. And they haven't stopped teasing me to my office crush and my ex because of it. They think that Ico might be a rebound guy or that he doesn't have a hold on my heart.

Well, this time around the love isn't something that swept me off my feet. It was something that woke me up in the middle of the night and told me to be true to myself.

And you know what? I feel like I am in a real relationship this time. I told him that I needed someone who can take care of me and not the other way around. He said I was like his mom and I told him that if he wanted to compare me to his mother then he should treat his mom better. I have heard Mark say that he loves his mom but he lies to her and he lies to the women in his life because it's convenient for him. How a man treats his mother is how he would treat his future wife or the woman in his life. JL wanted to please his mother even though it was against ever cell in his body. And that was what happened to us too. He tried to do something that doesn't seem natural to him. And I ended up getting hurt in the end.

I want Ico to have a good relationship and to be more mature when dealing with his mother. There is no other woman he should love more than her. And he shouldn't show his love for me and just assume that his mom understands that he loves her without him showing it everyday.

I want an honest man who loves and respects mothers, his most of all and is not too hung up on being macho to show his love.

If a man lies to his mother, don't expect him to tell you the truth all the time.

I know I am prejudiced when I say this but I know this to be true. There are things of course that my parents do not know about me. But those are things that are between me and other people and doesn't concern them. But if it involves them, then they have access to that information. I am actually very open about those things. I realized that they are the only people who would love and support me when I am fracking up. I might not always listen to their suggestions but I am living based on the values that they themselves instilled in me.

I hate it when people hurt themselves because of me or because they say that they can't live without me. It seems too pathetic and me insinuating that I might not be around to see it is even more pathetic. I know that I am empathic. This is why I don't like hanging out with emos and jejemons. I don't want to be like them. So Ico needs to put his shit together. Because he can't get his strength from me. He needs to generate his own. And his shit won't fly with me if he dives into panic mode every time that there is an argument. That is so childish and pathetic.

I am trying to teach him to use his emotions as a energy source to do good things. But so far, he hasn't learned that fully. On my side, I relearned vulnerability. But this time around, I have high hopes that my love would not squander my trust. Unlike the other before him.

Monday, April 4, 2011

T.O.P. for MMS Sample Story

To all TOP official writers and wannabes Check the requirements here

This is the sample teaser. Para ding teaser natin pero dapat catchy para maengganyo ang mga humans na basahin at bilhin ang inyong story. 

Teaser : My Sassy Pinay by Pinaywriter
Gusto lang ni Pinay na makapag-ipon ng pampaaral ng kapatid niya. Tama ba namang masabit siya sa gulo ng isang emoterong Law school major? Iniwan si Bae Shin ng girlfriend niya dahil dalawang beses na siyang bumabagsak sa civil test para maging abogado. Dala ng pressure at sama ng loob, mas ginusto na lang niyang magpakamatay kesa mabuhay ng wala ang babaeng minamahal at maging disappointment na naman sa kanyang ama. Malay ba niyang ang maling pag-dial niya sa cellphone niya ang magliligtas ng lovelife niya? 

Ito ang sample chapter. Please indicate how many characters and chapter ninyo para malaman namin kung marunong kayong gumamit ng Tools>WordCount sa open office at sa MS word (o kung ano pa mang ginagamit ninyo)

Tandaang .txt file dapat title-author-chapter(#).txt and file name. Sa notepad ito mga kapatid. Save as TEXT FILE ito sa open office kung sakaling hindi kayo makaMSOffice.

example : mysassypinay-pinaywriter-chapter1.txt

Sample Chapter:

(2185 characters)
Chapter 1
“Ayoko na talaga sa mga Kimchi na yan!” inis na ibinato ni Pinay ang English workbook na ginagamit niya para turuan ang mga studyante niya.
“Mainit na naman ang pantog mo, Pinay.” alam na ni Raya na magnangangawa na naman siya dahil sa init ng ulo niya. Hinahayaan lang siya nito kahit minsan hindi talaga siya tumitigil hangga't hindi nito sinasabing, “Kumain ka na lang. Walang kwentang magwala ka. Alam mo na namang ganyan talaga ang mga studyante mo eh.”
“Ay naku, super mahal ko ang mga students ko, Raya. Alam mo yan. Kahit ang pinaka-Daimon sa kanila minamahal kong tunay. Pero ang mga mudra ng mga kids, nakakakulot ng bangs sa sobrang yabang. Eh hindi na nga makapag-dikit ni dalawang salita ung anak kesyo turuan ko daw ng mas advanced. Gusto kong sabihin na ako me Education degree at lisensyang magturo ng English, sha inire nya lang un.”
“Kaso hindi pwede kasi mawawalan ka ng anda pag ginawa mo un.” napatango siya sa sinabi ng kaibigan.
“May tama ka!” nag-ring ang cellphone niya kaya naputol ang pagtsitsismisan nila. Hindi niya kilala ang numero pero sanay na siyang binibigay ng mga kliyente niya ang number nya para sa mga referral ng mga ito. Mahirap na ang maging choosy. Nagpapa-aral pa sya ng kikay na kapatid.
“Hello, this is 010-2509-5760. May I know who is calling?”
“I want to die. I can't live without you,” ani ng kausap niya.
“Ha? Ano kamo?” natameme sya sa sinabi nito.
“I am going to jump at the Hangang Bridge if you don't come and get me, ne sarang.” Yun lang at nawala na ito sa kabilang linya.
“Sinong tumawag?” tanong ni Raya sa kanya. Hindi na siya magkaintindihan sa paghagip ng kanyang scarf at earmuffs.
“Isang taong baliw to the bones!” un lang at nagtatakbo na siya palabas. Pinindot niya ang call button sa call history niya pero hindi nag-ri-ring. Voice prompt na lang na nagsasabi na walang connection o nakapatay ang telepono. Lalo siyang nanlamig. Na-imagine niyang nasa malamig na tubig na ng Han River ang caller. Anak ng Kimchi naman o!
Tatakbo siyang lumabas ng elevator papuntang labas ng dormitory ng hagwon o academy nila.“Wag kang tatalong Kimchi ka! Kunsensya pa kita!”pumara siya ng taxi. "Ajusshi, Hanggang Bridge, pali-yah!" 

Remember to follow the normal punctuation and writing rules for novels. Ok ito sa mga humans na hirap sa mga mahahabang chapter.

30 chapters each story me teaser at epilogue is required.

Insensitive Meanie Girlfriend + Forgetful Sensitive Boyfriend = Adjustments Galore

Sometimes I can be such a bitch.
I tend to nag and say the meanest things without having to raise my voice. I know this for a fact. My friends and exes say this about me. I tend to emancipate them. It's degrading. I really don't want to be a naggy mom or a naggy wife or a boring, emotional road roller girlfriend. It's how I was in the past. And since I am trying my best to change my relationship style, I want to always give Ico a happy day. I don't want to add to the pressure or the depressing comments that people say to him.

But I can't help it sometimes. There are just so much to learn. I wondered what the hell he went through with his exes that he didn't learn all of these stuff. What the hell were they doing the whole time, staring at each other?

I think it's the responsibility of a couple to learn new things TOGETHER. Sharing this learning shapes the life of the two people who are planning to share a life together. I can't be the only one teaching him things. I think patience and tact are the things that he is teaching me.

I am an emotional steamroller. My friends know this about me. I can't filter my meanie mode and the side comments that I have in my head. The process is spark to spit and there is no firewall for it. Blurter, that I am.

But I can't be crass when it comes to him. I don't want to damage him any further. It's not my job to fix him either unlike what other people are insinuating. For one thing, the things he needs to fix or adjust are things only he can help himself with. I can't make him any thinner or bigger than he already is. He needs to work on it on his own. I have no self-confidence or self-control transferring device that can give him my extra arrogance. ^.^ He needs to learn how to make his weaknesses his extra strengths. It took me so many years to figure out how to do that. And almost always that's accidental. But for god's sake, tears are for times when you are no longer able to think of a solution. It is for me a sign of giving up before you even try. I only cry when there is blood, death and no chance in hell that things would go my way.

I tried to be sweeter since that movie date. I know that I can be a freaking sandpaper person. But that makes them smoother in the end, right? But as I need to learn, change and "shiny-ness" needs to be voluntary, otherwise you are just setting yourself up for disappointment because you can't turn a piece of hardened turd into a shinny rock. It would take years for that thing to harden and even then a good clean shot with a hammer would break it easily.

He said via plurk that he felt like I was putting him on the friend zone. And he didn't remember what he said that got him out of that. It was a rare moment for me so I remember it clearly, that question that he asked right in the middle of a normal conversation that I knew he was so nervous but he still asked. And he tells me he doesn't remember. *pouts* MEN!

But I don't want him to get it from me. Things like those are important to me. I call them milestones. There is something that is unlocked with the correct passwords. My heart is like one of those books where you have to choose from two things then you can have more than one kind of ending.

I hope he doesn't use the "I am forgetful" card on me again. I am extremely forgetful but I remember the things that I believe counts.

I believe that this is one of my baggages. Do you know that my first boyfriend didn't greet me on my 18th birthday. Then even my last one didn't know when my real birthdate is. People are under the assumption that I was born a day after my real birthdate. T_T And it's not just about birthdates that tick me off. Anniversaries and also little things that I believe shouldn't be shift+delete worthy. T_T I guess this is where my illusion of grandeur started. I wanted to be unforgettable so much so that I would defy the order of the land and quite frankly my own rational mind just so the other person would be haunted by me for the rest of his life.

But that is just a myth. People forget people who don't matter to them. I know that I remember my memories with them in it. But I purge memories too. But not as easily as others assume I can or do themselves.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Quarter Life Sucker Punch

I have a reason why I don't like to meet the parents that would sound really really really mean. I tend to be liked by parents. Well, for the most part I am good on paper. From the province, studied in good schools, have a great family background, etc. I may not be pretty but I tend to bring out the best in the men that I love or date.

But the problem is that I know how it is when things don't work out. I never break up with boyfriends. It's either they leave me or they just plain leave the country. So it's hard to wonder what I do with the closeness I have with the parent. It was hard for me when I had to stop texting L's mom. She was super nice to me. And she was hoping I could make a man out of her son. But I know that things wouldn't have been okay had we stayed together. I love him the way that he is and he needed to be true to what he wanted to do in his life.

Ico is close to his parents. In a dependent kinda of way. They are very very co-dependent in their family. But I think that Ico is dependent on them in the wrong ways. He doesn't share his mind with them and opens his heart to what is behind the being strict and worries. I didn't either when I was in my early twenties. I just thought my mom was being her old anal self trying to press me into the virginal little girl they had thought would be the right personality for me to have.

His dad is saying that he is changing and doing much better for himself. But I am worried that he is doing this for me. Yes, I know that sounds both mean and extremely arrogant. But I know the effort that I am exerting to encourage him can become the very reason he can fall really really hard.

I have seen it happen. When a man gets used to the idea that someone would be there for him even if his own family doesn't think he can be anything more than the trash that they say he is, that person becomes the center of their universe. All happiness hails from that person. So they adjust or change their ways to become the man that person wants them to be. They sometimes ignore their friends and their better judgement and end up becoming a very boring shell of their old self. If they were truly wild and adventurous this would make them a normal guy who can have fun and work without loosing sight of what matters. But if he was just a normal guy to begin with, he becomes a boring, excitable and scared wuss. His ego is gone completely that the next girl who might get a chance to catch his fancy would see him not for the awesome person that he is but as a project to fixed or someone who is not worth their time.

Ico is not a project. I am the project. I want to be able to slowly show my love and not drown anybody in the process.

I don't want him to think that the things that I am introducing him, my suggestions and opinion about certain things are geared towards making him like my exes.

If I wanted him to be just like them, then I would just date them, right? Am I really really don't wanna!

I hope that he realizes and thinks that his self-improvement is not for me. The same way my self-improvement is not for him. They are for me, so I can have more to offer other people especially him. So that I can be happier even if I am on my own. So I can support myself and probably my family.

My mom told me to choose who I want to support, my sister or my grandfather. I wanted to tell her, one, he is not my father and two I never asked for a little sister. I wanted to tell her that she should've never had another kid to support. She would be saving all of her money for retirement if she hadn't. That I couldn't even support myself, how can she expect me to support anyone.

But what I said was that I really want to be able to give her money and she can do whatever she wants with it. But I need to pay my debt to her first so I want her to force me to do it. I told her that I would try to cut down on my spending when in fact that is what I am doing. But my pay is peanuts compared to what it used to be. And it's my fault that I never saved money during that time. All I got to show for my stint in E-lamp is my broken down laptop, my full HD and body fat from all the eating. I told her that if I ended up not having a family and my brothers ended up not having families then we would support them. I know for sure that my brothers would take their time before they'd get married. My younger brother GM has yet to post any couple pictures. And Alvin is too busy with his studies and career to start getting tied down. And I really don't think getting knocked up is in the stars for me. So I know that I wouldn't be the first.

Things at work at not that cool. I was right about this competition thing causing more problems that it's supposed to. Sure I am happy that Amber was restored to us but I hate that it caused politics, rumors and conflicts. It sucks. Competitions cause negative things. It doesn't help anyone to pit them against each other.

Anyway, things are going to be different from now on. I really want to try to follow my mom's advice to quit smoking. Since Ico has asthma, then we should work together not to smoke. Even Hot Mamah bought an e-cig so that means most of use really want to quit. My cough is reminding me that my lungs are not as strong as I hope it is. So unless I want to get lung cancer, I should just stop. No excuses.

Baby steps.

I will buy a new coin bank later.
I will talk to Ico about doing a "couple quit" thing regarding the smoking bit.

Either way, I am watching Sucker Punch later with him after we eat with my teammates who insist on doing this team celebration thing later. T_T,