Saturday, October 30, 2010

Light a candle for me

I was in a bind. I didn't know if I would be able to go home to visit my dead relatives and friends this weekend. But it's a good thing my mom's g-cash pushed through. I am in a computer shop near my house and I am going to the cemetery on the first of November.

I will light candles and offer prayers to my relatives, some I knew, others I never got to meet. I would go to my old softball coach's grave and light a candle for him too. I would thank him for the many things that he taught me and walk away, to come back next year.

I figured I only come once a year. I hoped that I could bring flowers next year. But I never get around to doing that. Oh well. I could bring a candle every year and he would smile down on me anyways.

I am sure my uncles would be wondering how their kids are and I can tell them about how great they are doing and that they are in good hands. I would tell them that one of them even inspired me to write for PEBA. ^_^ Or both of them did since both were left at home while their wives were away. They didn't cheat, or let their kids down. But then God saw fit that their stay was enough and asked them to come home earlier than we had hoped.

I am sure they would be here to support their brother who lost by two points during the last election. And they would congratulate Kuya Taweng for wining third as a barangay councilor.

Oh well. I'll tell them when I see them again when I join them. Hopefully in heaven.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Ningas Kugon Writing - T.O.P.

There is a Filipino idiom that is referred to as "ningas kugon". It refers to something that is not permanent, usually connotes a behavior or action not meant to last. 

Sometimes I write like this. I would start a story that I can't quite finish. But sometimes the words are just flowing out and I can't stop typing them. (I really need to save money for carpal tunnel surgery.) You can't do anything else unless you get them all out. 

I always thought Writer's Block was real. But my professor in college disproved that. She said some stories are not ready to be told. So you have to set it aside so that when you mature enough and the story is ready, it will have a life of it's own. But there are times when you have to do what you need to do, gather your talent and your skills and get things done. I realized this was the most useful thing that I would ever learn in that playwriting class. (I took it twice so I know that I learned a lot.)

I don't like to write with other people. I can't work well when it comes to that kind of situation. I can help someone with their work but usually it takes a form that is entirely my own doing. And it irks me when they change what I have already laid out. I guess it's the same for other people. This was the reason why I never really worked for a newspaper, a magazine or tried to become a good editor of anything. 

But just like the fact that I never wanted to be a teacher, despite being one now, I thought being an editor was boring and quite frankly enough to drive me nuts. It's not just the work that I have to deal with, it's the person who did it that can, in the end, influence how much I would cut out from their work. 

Imagine this, I am screaming at my laptop (Eros can handle that, don't worry.) just because the writer didn't use open quotation marks. I probably led my soul to the deepest circle of hell cursing every time I had to change a closed quotation mark into an open quotation mark. I can forgive the lack of periods, commas in the wrong places and weird code-switching, but what I can't quite understand is why they didn't learn basic tenses in high school. 

You have to forgive me since this is a rant blog. (I refer you to the tags attached to this blog.) But I realized now the frustration that editors have over having writers who can't quite comprehend the idea behind DEADLINE. DEAD. LINE. I realized that I am a really scary person when put in this position. But I don't power trip. At least, I used to when I was younger, but nowadays, I don't. I want things to be right in front of me when the time comes. I am overcoming my own need to procrastinate. But when I snap into attention and find that those who are asking me to do something hasn't given me what I need to work on, I quite frankly go ballistic. 

So if one is working on a series or a collaborative work, set a date. Make sure that everyone is clear on the deadline. If that person doesn't adhere to the deadline, cut them out of the project. That is how it's done. Multiple extensions are for losers, for those who don't get published at all. 

I will do my best. I will procrastinate less. If you think I am scary and bossy now, you have no idea how I was when I take things seriously. 

Red marks would be the least of your worries. 

Deaths, weddings, and grave illnesses are the only allowed reasons for delay. If they cut your hands, dictate your story. Even the loss of limbs is not an excuse. Blind? Dictate your story to one that can type for you. 

Afraid of rejection? Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If you want to make it anywhere you need to step up to the batter's box and hit the fracking ball. 

And remember, the rules are there, read them. If you don't understand them, ask questions. But do not, under any circumstances, ask me to extend your deadline.

Weddings. Death. Grave Illness. If it doesn't fall under those three. I am sure we can arrange for Death to be your valid excuse. 

Nazi out.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Misplaced Modifier

No, this is not a grammar blog.

I got moved to a colder part of the work floor, in a station that has a computer that has an odd  orientation of phone and mouse (the opposite of what I am used to) with a keyboard that sticks. (Think typewriting force for shift and backspace and some letters). It's making my carpal tunnel worse (My hands hurt bite me.)

And all because my phone has no service. At least on mine there isn't one. For most of the day it's been that way. T_T, Oh well. Technology is a bitch.

My life is a big cluttered room and pennies

Sometimes we get caught up with deadlines, with things that we need to do that we forget that there are things that needs to be done that are being pushed aside.
In my case, it always is de-cluttering. It's always cleaning my room, doing the laundry and organizing my things.

My room is half done and I would have a roommate soon. I hope she moves soon or I might have to look for a new one soon. T_T,

I really need to do that but I am thinking that I would do it on Friday since I would be going home for Nov. 1. The odd thing is that I am running low on cash all the time these days that I laughed when I remembered that I was warned by my horoscope that in September I would have a big financial boo-boo. And I did. I wasted 8k on a new place.

I promise myself not to get "friended" into changing places again. It's better to just live with a few people and not a whole bunch that I don't particularly mesh with.

I think I am too busy with things that are not helping me earn money. So after Komikon, I would do my best to write again (for money).

The world is even sending me signs. A man gave me a part-time flyer while we were on the elevator. But I have always been reluctant to give up my free time and work two jobs where I can't control my time. I don't want to work too hard. T_T I know that sounds wrong and I know that is why I can't afford a lot of things now. But I want a simple life. Still I want to save some money and finish paying off my debt to my mom.

There is no big 13th month pay waiting for me. There is an evaluation waiting for me this November actually. I would have rendered three months by mid-November. I hope that they would regularize me so that I can breathe easily. I really don't like to wait for stability. It's bad enough that the people who convinced me to work here left even before they could tender two months of work. I don't blame them since they need to earn more. I want to do the same but I don't really want to be in a company that is unsure or unstable. From how I see it, those that pay a lot in my industry tend to fold easily. T_T

I am looking forward to the PEBA 2010 awards event and I hope that I have something to wear by then. I know that I can't do much about my pimples and my figure but I just hope I would have a camera for the event. T_T I wonder who I can borrow one from. I want to ask either Trina or Helene to come along. But I would need to check with their schedule. I am thinking I should invite my parents but that would require more than three seats since I am sure my little sister and cousins would come along. And I don't want to raise my mom's hopes too high about me winning or anything. T_T I would just keep her in the know if anything good happens. ^_^

I need to make more money. But I don't want to fuss over it. I don't want to work on something that someone else can do on their own. I am getting sick of collaborative work. But once I start something, it seems like a waste to let it go. I have to stop bitting more than I can chew. I need to make sure I don't choke idiots who are delaying other people's work because I am a procrastinator myself.

I need hugs and kisses, and friends don't count. T_T

What's taking my new boyfriend so long? Ugh. ^_^

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

How to make titles - T.O.P. writing tip

Minsan mahirap mag-isip ng title at feelling mo gamit na gamit na ung gusto mo.

Why not, coconut, try mo i-translate sa ibang wika ang iyong title

try mo dito

Example :

English : IN MY HEART
Spanish : En Mi Corazón

Pero dapat ung mejo madaling ma-gets para hindi naman lost in translation
Dapat maganda din ang tono ng translation

Usually, French, Spanish o Italian maganda ang tunog.
As long as "romantic" ang dating ng translation then it would be a good title.

Minsan kasi hindi swak.

For example:

English: Always and Forever
Italian: Sempre e per sempre

Ang bantot di ba?

Pero ito mejo cute

English: Always, my love
Italian: Sempre, il mio amore

Siguraduhing hindi nakakatawa in a bad way ang inyong title like this

English : Always I am yours
Spanish : Siempre soy tuyo

Me mga salita kasing me katumbas sa tagalog or Filipino na mabantot ang dating. ^_^ So be careful.

Wag din ung title na ibang characters ang gamit tulad ng Hindi, Arabic etc. Isasabit ko kayo ng patiwarik. Rumaji or Romanized lagi ang mga letra, okay?

English : I love you
Korean: 당신을 사랑합니다 =======> NOOOOOOOOO!
Romanized: Sarang he


Using the guy's name:

i.e. BigB Series 1: Yongbae's Song = > Sa story kasi importanteng metaphor ung kanta.

Taking Tank => una it rhymes, second pakipot kasi si boy so iseseduce sha ni girl so "taking"

Behind Daesong's Smile : Shy type kasi si boy at mahilig ngumiti kahit nasasaktan na.

Pwede rin ang word play like this

Jack in the box => kasi Jack ung name ng character

Using the girl's name:

i.e. ELBI LIFE 1 - Natasha


Pepper's Rose => malamang mahilig sha dun.

Using both their names:

i.e. STATE U : Lazy Lance and Laude Lillith

Mariel and Robin : The apocalypse (oo bitter ako walang magulo)

How to make "declarative" titles - pautos na titles

Kiss Me

Hold Me

Taken Me in Your Arms

Siguraduhing hindi kalaswaan ang title pero hindi naman boring

Wag ganito

Ibuka Mo Puso Mo


It's Cold Tonight

Try not to use words na me image ng lamig or lungkot or negative kasi words like colors can carry an emotion or make us feel a certain feeling


Minsan kapag funny ang title gusto shang basahin o bilhin ng mga tao.

i.e. My Yummy Kapitbahay

Kahit taglish sha pasok pa rin sa banga.Mahalay ng konti pero hindi naman bastos ang dating. Mejo lang.

GOOD LUCK IN MAKING YOUR NOVEL TITLES. It's the first thing they would read so siguraduhin ninyo Title pa lang, nakakakiliti na.

Versatile Blogger Award

I would like to thanks my friend chicafabulosa for sharing the Versatile Blogger award. This is my first time to receive such award and I was totally excited about it. I started writing for the sake of expressing my opinion and it is such an honor to receive this award.

I also found the following blogsite versatile and I got most of my inspiration from them too. They were the veterans that someday I want to be in the world of blogging. Here it goes:

Angelamhiere's Little Heaven

It's Lady Gonzaga  

 Sampaguita Pride

Don't forget to:
  • Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
  • PASS Along to 10 Bloggers who you recently discovered and think are fabulous.
  • Contact the bloggers you chose and let them know about the award.
7 Things about Me:
1. I hate chain mails.
2. I am auditioning for a new GREAT LOVEr.
3. I am 27 kgs heavier than I was in college.
4. I am changed my opinion regarding marriage.
5. I am still considering being a spinster since it's more convenient for me.
6. I treat most children as adults.
7. I am a secret loner.


Monday, October 18, 2010

Wala sa sapatos yan

I accidentally took a shot of my cousins' shoes. I realized they were using hand-me-downs. This was something that my uncle would not have wanted had he been around. One, he loved them so much. Two, he would have never let them play sports in sneakers or the wrong kind of sport shoes for the sport they are playing.

I wish I had more money to give them more sports stuff. The talent is there, but the equipment, is lacking.
I didn't think this would happen. Their mom is in another country. She is supposed to be sending money for their education. They are already in public school. That means, if she was sending enough there should be extra money for shoes. For heaven's sake. My cousin was playing in shoes that I used to wear for training! Those shoes should be retired already. *must.not.get.mad.*

I know how hard overseas Filipino workers work to provide for their families. And it seems ungrateful for me to say this. I may be stepping over tactfulness when I say this but sometimes I just hope she stayed and saw what her kids have to go through.

But the saddest thing is I can only be there to take pictures. My mom can only fuss about how dirty their jerseys are the night before. But they need to be provided for. I just hope SHE remembers that rather than cavort with married men. Umiinit ang ulo ko. Gesh.

But you know what, those blue shoes, they were taken off so the kid could run (flat footed pa un ha) and jump a distance of 2 meters, jump over a pole, and participate in a third athletic event. (He had one day of practice so that is a lot already)

Those black shoes stepped up when the main player for the volleyball team was injured. They helped win a championship.

So I know the talent is there. But it wouldn't hurt if they wore better apparel while playing. The ankle support would help a lot if not the moral support they would represent.



Confused with what I am talking about, they are the boys I am talking about on my PEBA 2010 entry.

Why I love my family during the weekends

We don't have complete family pictures. Seriously. We used to have one when I was in elementary but all the family picture activities took all our pictures.
I had to ask a waiter at the restaurant to take this so I could FINALLY be in the picture with everyone else. You see, I am the designated camerawoman in our family. It's not unusual to see me with cam corders and point and shoot cameras hanging around my neck during family events. The total number of pictures I usually get is 10. Sometimes I have to do a self-shot, which I am very BAD at for some reason, just so I can get my mug in.

I was prompted to get a real family picture (read as studio shot) but I knew my younger brother (blue green shirt) wouldn't go for it. As much as we are camwhores, my dad and Gm are not big fans of pics. (Ergo my dad has an odd smirk on his face)

I told my mom, "Don't close your eyes!", which is her habit when getting her picture take. ^_^ My little sister was allowed to wear her tiger ears because she's the bunso.

I went home amidst a Saturday that seemed to be jam-packed with "places to go and people to see". My plurkmate and former EPH co-writer Weng was in LUZON for the first time this year. Unfortunately, this picture would not exist had I chosen to go to her dad's place to meet her. I needed this picture for PEBA and for the future as well.
My friends and I was supposed to meet up for someone's photoshoot. But because of Typhoon Juan, the photoshoot is going to have to wait. She told me that the photos are not due this month. *whew*
Because I had to stay home I didn't get to do a single yo,bo! page. T_T But I did get my clothes washed. So that would free up my afternoon and my weekend. I am still unsure if we have work on the "Undas" but I have to finish before that.
So this week na talaga ang deadline.

I went to my cousin's district meet. (these are the cousins I mentioned in my PEBA entry) I brought a camera and took pictures of Cid doing several athletics events. I found out that he had one day of practice and was flat footed. If it wouldn't cause my mother embarrassment and the wrath of the elders on me, I would have whacked my uncle for making him the contestant. The feeling of loosing when you already know you are unprepared and the obvious newbie can be traumatizing. Besides, my cousin wanted to play volleyball but gets sick during training so my mom told him to stop. The older one, Chad, played volleyball. The school won the championship in both the girl's division as well as the guy's division. 

I hope that they would do great next time. I have to go to the City Meet to watch them. ^_^ I know that Tito Dante would have been there had he not passed on. And even so, I am sure he'll be there to cheer Chad on.


My cold got better while I was in Batangas. I don't know if it was being at home or having the right kind of atmosphere that did the trick but I was a-okay by the end of the weekend. I realized that I have been neglecting more than my financial responsibilities. I have forgotten that my parents are used to having us around. So times like this are worthy of pictures. 

Friday, October 15, 2010

Thinking of making a blog signature

It started with seeing Angel's blog signature. I even helped her a bit by teaching her to to move the wings she wanted to use in her signature. It made sense to me since her name depicts an imagery. But for me, my name is not something I want to sign at the end of my blogs. But since using Pinaywriter as my pen name (of sorts) I wondered if i should at least make something that would be cute to see at the end of my blog.

I am considering having "mood" signatures.

I would have a swirly one for my regular posts.
I want one that looks "rough" for my rant blogs.
Then there would be something that has a feather pen at the end or a fountain pen at the end as if I wrote Pinaywriter by hand. Although my handwriting is abysmal.

I'll consider doing it during the weekend. I would work it into editing my comics. That is if I am not bed ridden. T_T,

OMFH's Virus

I want to plaster this all over our office. No, scratch that, I want to make this every computer's wallpaper. T_T

I feel like I am regressing to kindergarden because I am surrounded by folks who are like that Child Zero in school. This kid is the one who take all the odd and extremely contageous things from outside the school INTO the lives of the students in it. She's the one with stuff in her hair and who sneezes at, not away from but AT, her classmates, their things and just in the air for all the germs to be spread to whoever was dumb enough to BREATHE near her.

I was CHILD Z when I was in school.(This is not the official name, I really don't know so I made it up) Child Z is that kid who rarely gets sick due to genetic mutation (kidding) and her mom's breast milk. Basically, Child Z is the kid who almost never gets sick. But when he/she does, then he/she gets the most resistant version of that bug. It doesn't take days for Child Z to get sick. It takes him/her weeks to recover. In my case, it takes me a month to recover from a cough.

I have long DESTROYED my Child Z-ness because I smoke(d) a lot. I have various lifestyle choices that caused my demotion in the "germ-resistant" ladder. I am not an ADULT X. This is a person in a polluted environment who is always the last person to get sick. But when he or she get sick it takes days of suffering and strong antibiotics to clear his or her system of whatever germs and viruses had been passed on to him or her via use of keyboards, doorknobs, and common bathrooms.

It doesn't help if you have people working with you who cough like mad but don't cover their mouth. Our office space is tiny. Everything is shared, the bathroom, the pantry and the locker room area. But in the weeks that I have seen her sick, she has not put one single drop of alcohol on her hand. Not one. I was sick yesterday and was scrambling for my secret alcohol stash. But I could find it. I have become a slob when it comes to my health since I am sponge. I usually act the same way other people act. But what baffles me is how this person can even smile at me when I tease her that she contaminated all of us.

I am not sure she is Child Zero around here. But I am pretty sure she is MY Child I, for infection. T_T I have dubbed her (as per another plurker's suggestion) as OMFH. Yes, she is. She is a good person. She doesn't bother me all that much. But her work ethics, her grammar and her hygiene makes her so.

I just need to drink more kalamansi juice, I guess. And to buy a big bottle of alcohol. I might just need to give her some. Maybe then she can take a hint. T_T

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tumblr and Clutter

I love this  blog. I know it's the only thing that won't get blocked (eventually). But because *for some reason* the T.O.P. domain site was blocked, I decided to go to my tumblr account and place some of my Pinaywriter quotes there.

Follow me. If you wanna. ^_^

I know the IT guy is just doing his job. BUT that doesn't make me rant and rave any less. WHY DID HE BLOCK the T.O.P. site it's not facebook damn it. It used fishbook as a theme but..argh!~ I need more points!!!~ Oh well. I will have to bring Eros everyday to use in MEGA, I guess. Ehehhe. Wifi stealing biatch.

The upside is that I was able to figure out how to count renewals. Gone were the days of the student count and simple renewal rules. And did I mention the high incentive rate? ^_^ Nah. That passed and I do not have a dime to show for it. T_T

I really need to get a roommate. I am going to owe my mom more if I don't.
So I guess I would really need to take my laundry out, give away some of the things in my possession that I do not want to keep, and make some space in my tiny ass room.

I need to let go of things. Otherwise, my life will continue to be one of cluttered useless things. If I can get rid of unnecessary feelings, I should do the same with things...right?


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

What's that noise?

There is a lot about me that NO ONE in their right mind would want in their girlfriend.

For the superficial part, I am not pretty. Not in a demure sweet long-haired Pinay way that men of this country find so enticing. I cut my hair short and it was both for convenience and for the main and oh so selfish reason that I feel sexier with short hair.

Then there is the thing about me being tall. Some of the guys that I like are either shorter than me or as tall as me. Because of years of liking military training, I realized that I like to straighten my back more when I walk. Having boobs is not something I particulary like, but I am sure that they would nourish someone someday so I have decided to keep them. ^_^ But because of this habit of mine of keeping my back straight when I walk, I appear taller than I already am. I have let go of the notion of heels since I am afraid of heights and they hurt like a moderfkr. And that is something that men also don't like about women like me. S'much as I like how they look, when I put them on, I have this eerie feeling that I would never feel or see my toes happy again. So I avoid them.

My legs are chicken legs that turned into softball player legs. They look like soccer player legs only less likely to cause someone to break a bone if I kick them with it. Still they are not feminine at all. Furthermore, by some freak accident, my little sister was sister had this skin condition that lay dormant in the family. When she was old enough to get it, all the other kids started showing signs of it. So my otherwise unscared legs and feet are now tainted. The last man to see them white and long was Mark. But I plan to make them more attractive in the near future so as to prepare for my second and last great love. ^_^

Then there is my mouth. I can do wonders with it. But I can also rip you a new arsehole with it. I am to say it planly, a brutally frank person. I have once tried to prevent curses from coming out of my mouth. I usually do that when I am in Batangas (cursing is not allowed in our home, raised voices yes, curses no) And I felt like I had one of those things they put on rabid dogs. So when I talk to that man now, having changed the status of our relationship from lovers to testy friends, I have unleashed the real me on him. And boy, does he hate the tongue that is on this once pleasurable and docile lover. I am, more than anyone, very happy that I now can curse and rant at him without feeling the least bit guilty that his ears are bleeding. Men do not like loud women. And ask my friends, I think I still owe them earplugs.

I can't cook. I can fry. I can boil things. I can cut things. I can peel. But I don't know how to cook sinigang na baboy. I can't even make a decent salad. But I love to eat, judging from my post-lover weight. I do love to eat. ^_^ Food is love.

What else? I came from schools that taught me to be proud of learning new things. I came from teachers who told me to never stop learning, to never stop leaving your mark on other people. Mine might have been more like bruises, but they're there. And they won't be going anywhere. They'll remember that I hit 'em, bit them, scratched them or brew blood. The scars would remind them of the pain and the pleasure of knowing me, of having me in their lives. There are just people like that. We are not famous but you know who we are. And once you get to know a girl like me, like any of my friends, we stick. We would be there in the last flashes of your life. I am sure of it.

Oh, and there is that severe sense of what is mine should JUST be mine. This is something that I thought I gave up once. I thought I could share. But I can't. I really can't. There are men who can love two women at the same time. There are women who can deceive two men that she is both for them and in love with them. One thing I know about myself for sure, I don't fall in love easily. It takes me a long time to fall in love. People keep asking me if I believe in destiny, in fate or in love at first sight. I don't. I think love is something that grows. Sparks is just our evolved need to mate. But I have been in love before. I wanted him to be all mine. I would have pushed him so far off his own ability to love had I not been raised as well as I have been by my parents. You see, my mother is my father's and my father is my mother's. There would never be any DOUBT that those two belong to each other. They say you can't own people. But you see, people can give themselves to each other. And that person who claims them, and never lets them go...that person is the luckiest and unluckiest in the planet. They have to give up everybody else to just have that one person. I am now very much willing to give everybody up. Before I chose my parents. I chose myself. I chose socially acceptable love. I'm not saying I won't do it again, but I will give everybody up for you. Yes, you. The one who can accept all those listed above. Because you know what, there is something I forgot to mention.

I never stop loving people that I have loved. If you can learn to accept that, then you will be the keeper of my heart.
If you can dish out the truth, EVEN IF YOU THINK IT WOULD CUT ME,
If you can hold me through thunderstorms, earthquakes and death of a loved one,
If you can be the kind of father mine was, reliable, funny and an honest and loving husband,
If you are a man who cares for family, for friends but never forces them to be anything else than who they are and supporting them in whatever is good for them,
If you can look at a house and recognize that it is a place where you would want to weather storms, sit and read, hold and love, cherish and remember,
Then YOU are exactly what I am looking for.
Because you know what, there is a space in my heart. It's not empty, but there's space. I pushed others in the archives of my heart, there where the blood that doesn't have oxygen go. On the other side, there is a place for you, next to my father, my family and my dearest soulmates of friends. You don't have to push anyone away, there is already a seat for you at my table. You just need to have the appitite to eat through the layers of time and routine to find me waiting here, impatiently of course, because that is who I am.

That girl, who became a woman who is impatiently waiting for love. ^_^ Can you hear that tapping, that's my feet.

Follow the tapping.


I didn't know. But the funny thing is that I went to work in business attire (at least according to our standards)

This is so cool! OCT 13 is International SUIT day. See this blog for more info

I <3 Barny!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I know you know the feeling

Have you ever had this nagging feeling that you are surrounded by idiots? Seriously this is new to me. I had always been surrounded by people who were way smarter than I am. It's nerve-wracking that I feel  like sometimes the people I work with are not...qualified. No, let me correct that. I know most of the people I work with now are qualified. There is just one person whose blatant disregard for pronunciation and grammar rules that makes me look down at everyone else.
Believe me, the people from my previous company were not perfect. I could hear the mispronounced words and grammar errors of my teams everyday while I was there. But there is a limit to the abuse my ears can take.

I keep thinking (in my evil arrogant head) "Why is this woman teaching English?" Why in Buddha's benevolent nirvana is this person TEACHING for a living? Her use of expressions were worse than most of my students. Her "corrections" are a poor excuse. I know we can't all be wonderful and awesome all the time, but is it really possible that she is good on paper but not good in spoken English? If that is the case, why are they paying her to teacher english over the phone?

I understand that somehow loyalty has bearing for some companies. I tried my best not to snarl or faint whenever I hear her have class. But the thing is, she talks louder than I do. And it's like nails being electronically punched into my brain whenever she makes mistakes.

I am not saying all her sentences are incorrect. But the mistakes she makes shouldn't be mistakes that you make on a daily basis. I am sure I mess up at times as well. But sick or not, she's abysmal.

I zone her out when she doesn't make mistakes. But when I hear grammar errors, alarms go off in my head. Why? Because it's part of my job. And even before that, it was part of my education and the CommArts culture. We do judge people based on their grammar skills. Being in a community of speakers and writers, we had to.

I like my spot. I can't move from her. It's the least cold place in the tiny ass floor area that we have. But sometimes I just want to choke her.


Pet Peeve #2

People who lie to me. Or at least friends who smile at me when I am around but try to underhandly leave me out of their lives.
I find out things in unconventional ways. People just have a way of "telling" me things without considering it is a bad idea to do so.
I found out he wanted to make a new account that someone else can control. I had given him an account. I had modified it as he wanted. And now he wants a new one. It's the lie of the friendster accounts all over again. I want to smash his head on the wall and see if he has brains in it. T_T Idiot. I thought he wanted his private life private. I thought he wanted to take control of his online persona. But I guess he doesn't know how to change passwords. I still added him since it's there. I still want to be friends with him. But he just pisses me off now that I no longer love him. I have no patience for men who apologize for the past and then try to push me out of their lives when I have already offered my forgiveness, my valuable friendship and a bit of concern.

He wants me to not know what is up with him. Fine. Then he should stop taking the reigns of the YM and just let me talk to the other guys. Because I am not hurt as an ex. I am hurt as a friend. No real friend of mine would keep having a new account from me. Unless he or she wants nothing to do with me, offline and online. C'est la vie. C'est la moi.

I need to just say this, for whatever reasons I found out, "You're a jerk. And I am glad I am over you. Have  a nice life."

Note to self: Avoid dating or falling in love with inconsiderate assholes.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

How to Map Out your Characters - for T.O.P.pers

Madalas kong sabihin ang map-out your characters at I am sure naiinis na ang mga tao sa mga sinasabi ko. So I decided to blog it na para wala nang gulo.

I will be doing this post in Taglish so if you can't understand Filipino, move to another post. Thanks.

Q: Ate Pinay, ano ba yung pinagsasasabi mong map-out your character. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan. *minsan talaga ang mga taga-UP parang alien magsalita. tsk.*

A: *eherm* I heard that. 

Pero ang pagmamap-out ng iyong character ay para lang outline. Mas tamang tawagin siyang outline ng iyong mga characters.

Q: Para saan ba un?

A: Para hindi ma-out of character ang mga ginagawa, sinasabi o iniisip ng character mo.

Q: Pero hindi ba pamparami lang un ng gagawin?

A: Sa unang tingin, oo. Pero kung iisipin mo madali mong magagawa ang mga dialogue at and iyong editing kung gagawa ka ng ganito. Kasi kung nalilito ka na sa kung ano ang gagawin ng character mo sa isang sitwasyon pede mong balikan ang characterization mo sa kanya. Me halong psychology ang ginagawa nating mga manunulat. Dapat me certain na logic ang lahat ng ginagawa ng mga character. Minsan nga mas mahirap pa itong gawin sa isang fictional character kesa sa ibatay ito sa totoong ginagawa natin. Kasi ikaw at ako, ang totoong buhay, hindi kailangan ng cause para magka-effect. Hindi laging logical ang kinikilos natin sa totoong buhay. Pero sa panulat, lahat ng kilos me dahilan. Lahat ng mga iniisip o ginagawa ng mga character me dahilan. Hindi pwedeng, wala lang trip lang nya.

Q: Ang komplekado naman. Baka naman pwede kang gumawa ng example para hindi kami malito mashado. 

A: Okay, halimbawa ganito


Name: Natasha Simon
Nickname: Tasha
term of endearment from lover: Labz
Age: 21 (sa simula ng kwento) 22 (sa katapusan ng kwento)
Eyes: Black - asian
Hair: Long black wavy
Height: 5' 6"
Body shape: slim but athletic
Bday: May 30 1985
Horoscope: Gemini (kita sa ugali ang pagkagemini)
Gender: Female (straight)


Hometown: Batangas (rural - farm)
Name of specific place : Lobo (may or may not be real)
present city: LB
Present province Laguna
reason for being there : studying


elem/HS: SBC
year graduated: 2002
awards: 6 medals overachiever

Level : graduating (beginning) graduate (end of the story)
name of school: UPLB
major: AB Comm Arts
awards: none


Job1: online blogger
job description : Made a blog about her pregnancy named (name here)


positive: Loves her friends, loves her family, opinionated, english skills,
negative: nagger, loud, holds grudges, stubborn, boyish
phobias: thunderstorms, being dumped, commitment, airplanes, closed spaces
love type: BAD BOYS
favorite body part in a lover: eyebrows and spanish noses
skin type in a lover: moreno
height type in men: 5'7 to 5'10"
position on marriage: Not if I can help it
Behavior when pissed : NAGS
Behavior when really mad : Does not talk
How she talks: loud usually

Idea of a perfect date: Being in the beach
Wedding type: Beach wedding

Story info

Conflict: She loves Lucky but she is not into commitment.
Major problem: She gets knocked up.

extra info:

Parents name
Mom: Diana
job: Housewife
Dad: Kanor
job: Haciendero


Name: Marcell
Nickname: Macoy
age: 19
Job: Film student UPD

Name: Alvin
Nickname: Binot
age: 17
Job: freshman bio UPLB

Name: Alexandra
Nickname: Alex
age: 15
Job: highschool SBC

Relatives :

Name: Sasoy
Association: uncle
attitude: loves to drink gin
job: handles the piggery in the hacienda

Q: Wow, pati tito niya kailangan me pangalan?

A: Bakit ang tito mo ba walang pangalan?

Q: Oo naman, pero totoo naman akong tao. Si Natasha ay kathang-isip lang. 

A: Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit kailangan mo siyang buhayin. Kung hindi mo alam kung sino siya, hindi mo siya  maisusulat, di ba? At least not well enough. Malay mo naman gamitin mo pa ang mga tao sa buhay niya sa iba mong kwento. Magaling na that you know who is who.

Q: So kailangan ko itong gawin sa lahat ng characters ko?

A: Ideally, yes. Kung tinatamad ka you can use this for your girl and boy main characters at sa main antagonist. Then you can just use the basic parts for the extra characters. Pero lagi mong tandaan na ang mga character na ito ay dapat "of this world" dahil sa ang genre natin ay tagalog pocketbook hindi sci-fi or fantasy. Gets?

Q: Gets. So ang dami palang dapat ihanda bago magsulat. 

A: Hindi naman. Ito at ang plot point guide ay mga guide lang para hindi ka maligaw. Pwede mong i-adjust ang kwento batay sa mga ito. Pero minsan pwede mo rin baguhin ang taong ginawa mo para magfit sila sa kwentong nabubuo sa isipan mo. Minsan hindi natin pwede pilitin ang isang kwento na magpunta sa isang direksyon. Minsan they just have a life of their own.

Q: Eh kung ganun pala ay bakit kailangan pa ng plot point plot points sulat na agad.

A: Kung super galing ka talaga ay siguro second nature na ito sa iyo. Pero para sa akin na tao lang at nalilito din, kailangan ko ng reminder sa kung asan na ba ako, ano bang sunod na gagawin ko or kung ano ang mga scenario or loose ends na kailangan kong resolbahin. Ung kasi minsan ang problema. Kahit maganda ang kwento me mga tanong na hindi nasasagot so nakakainis sha para sa mambabasa.

Q: Maraming salamat sa tulong mo ngayon.

A: Walang anuman, next time plot points naman pag-usapan natin.

Q: At kaya nga, ang pangangailangan na kilalanin ang iyong mga characters at ang mundong kanyang ginagawalawan ay mahalaga sa isang kwento dahil sa kung wala sila well...walang kwento. Sana po ay nakatulong kami sa mga TOPpers kahit konti lang. Maraming kwento po sana tayong magawa. Mabuhay!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

My best friend's wedding

Today, I was supposed to have long hair.
I grew my hair for tomorrow specifically. I made a promise after all.
It was just an accident that my cousin got married and I got my first bride's maid's dress.
Tomorrow was really supposed to be the day my friend was going to have her dream.

But now, everyone can't wish the day away soon enough.
I pictured that day would be one where I was there, Mark in hand, looking at my friend and how happy she was.
I imagined H would be darting daggers at one of the men there who would probably be her ex. And we would be there trying to find Hot Mamah a boyfriend.

I hadn't expected that I would be doing comics balloons and washing my clothes that day. I didn't realize it then but an IDOL was going to have his concert on that day instead.

It wasn't meant to be my bestfriend's wedding day.

There would be no multi-colored entourage.
There would be no maid of honor dress that I should fit into.
There would be no flowers, no friends reuniting after months of not seeing each other.

There would be none of that tomorrow.

There would be no regrets either.

I would not have my bestfriend repeat the mistake my other bestfriend made.
To marry a man who would have made her miserable. Who would have made her children ashamed.
We all wanted her to be happy and if being with him made her happy then, so we let them be happy. But I have seen how love can become a rotten burden and a weapon that can destroy lives and break hearts.

Now I am glad I am doing my laundry tomorrow.

I know she would probably hate me for blogging about this. But I wanted to remember this day. The day before her almost wedding to a jerk who ruined her trust in so many things that we both believed was something she deserved.

That man made my friend, the girl who made me watch wedding movies and is the first thing I think about when I see wedding magazines, HATE the idea of marriage.

At least that is what I am afraid would happen after this.

I hate the idea of monogamy. For me, as a writer, I know that is sheer fantasy. My parents are an exception but I am sure my dad has looked at smut at least once in their married life.

I don't believe people can be married to someone and not cheat on them. But I am not a cynic. No, Mark cured me of that. I cured myself of that. I know that if I fall in love again, I would love that guy so much he would drown if he doesn't know how to swim.

I know now more than anything that love is real. But you have to REALLY REALLY REALLY work on it. Because if you don't, you will end up alone with responsibilities that make you want to escape reality.

I told my friend that having plans for the future that are mind-numbingly huge isn't something that I do. I plan for small things. I try to make sure the plans are as general as they can be. Because life isn't something that comes with a manual. But you can try a first draft and throw it away in an instant as soon as a new more exciting angle comes to mind.

I still think love and life is an adventure. And you can't just have one person riding next to you all the time. But there are always those who are keeping you company in your heart.

The lessons are there like scars that never go away. When you are naked, you can touch them and remember what each one meant. For the most part we just know they are under the clothes that we wear. Silent reminders of how dumb or how brave we were once upon a time.

The road weren't mapped out before. The horizon was the only destination. If you hit the edge then you turn back in a new direction. There would be new things, scary thoughts of being lost and not having an actual destination.

I know she can make it. She just needs to turn around and walk away from things that she knows would just be a wall she is going to push against and waste her time trying to scale. I have been there before, I dug, I smashed, and I climbed. But nothing came of it.

I am glad I have my wounds tended by time. I am stronger now. I have more faith now. I have more love to give now. And I have the firm conviction that if a man is brave enough to be with me and love me for who I am then I should be able to trust him with my life and my heart.

He'll come. He might already be here and I am just too busy doing random things that I forgot to look past my keyboard and look up to notice him. To that stranger, don't worry I'd pick you out of the crowd soon enough.

Friday, October 8, 2010

For Pink Warriors and Survivors

My mother's mother died of breast cancer. My mom survived breast cancer. I have to be vigilant against getting breast cancer. I have a sister who is too young to know what breast cancer means.

The women in my family were victims, survivors and advocates. Everyday since that day my mom went home from the hospital I knew something changed in her. She became stronger, more loving and she was like a super heroine to me. I couldn't understand why she loved pineapple juice so much. But when I got older, I realized that was one of the things she changed about her life after she survived breast cancer. That one can of Del Monte Pineapple juice was a simple step for her to protect us from what she went through when she lost her mother to the same disease that she survived.

She still has benign cysts in her breast. She has them checked every year. At least almost every year. When we (my brothers and I) where all in college she didn't have money to get herself checked out. I knew that I felt guilty then. But I couldn't do anything but study and graduate. I don't earn a lot now but I try to make sure she doesn't have to worry about me all that much. At least I try.

My mother taught me that simple dreams are important, simple deeds are important. So this is my simple pledge to help girls like me be PINK WARRIORS too.

I would probably buy my mom flowers or something pink as soon as I get my next paycheck. ^_^ If your mom survived breast cancer or you know someone who did, give them something to remind themselves that you love them and that they are fabulous.

Perez sa inyong Balota

Lemuel Perez's Facebook

My cousin is running for barangay councilor this coming barangay elections. I remember that my grandfather was the barangay secretary or was that treasurer for a while. There would always be discussions about what the "pangulo" or barangay chairman should do or shouldn't do. Politics is not just a mere past time for Batangueños, it's a way of life. 
I am a little glad that someone in the family is actually stepping up and starting to help out. I just hope power won't corrupt him. He is a pretty cool cousin actually. And I know he really likes kids so if people see him hugging children and some such thing, I know it's for real. He loves his nieces and nephew a lot and took  care of them a lot while they were growing up. So the love of family that he has I can vouch for it. He is a funny guy as well and gets along with a lot of people. There would be times he can be a little sharp towards people who have a different point of view. But he gets things done. I think he got the best of the attitudes of his parents.
I don't know how this would change his life or the people around him. I hope that the projects that he would have would be more rational than those of the ones before him. I know he would continue them even after the elections.
When he Perezes (my mom is a Perez) start helping our communities, we are not ningas-kugon. ^_^ But then again, most of the people in the barangay are friends or family friends so I guess we take care of our own very well.
I can't vote for him since I didn't get to register. (I still blame Comelec Batangas because of this) But I will pray for him. And I am sure, God will listen.

Keep up the good work, Kuya Taweng. 
We will support you all the way!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Pinaywriter's Quotable Quotes

DISCLAIMER: All quotes are mine. IF you are going to use them in your shoutout of something, link me. If you are going to use it in your own story, don't even think about it.

Hindi porke't hindi ako magaling mag-English hindi na ako marunong magmahal. Iisa lang ang sinasabi ng puso ko, ikaw and hindi marunong umintindi. 100710

Ang dami mong sinasabi pero ang narinig ko lang ay meow meow meow Gago ka pala eh mahal kaya kita? meow meow meow. Ang ganda mong pusa, I love you too, Empresz Regnant  ~ Tank in BigB Taking Tank 100610

Ayokong pilitin kang mahalin ako. Pero wag mo akong piliting kalimutan ka. Kahit ano gagawin ko para sumaya ka wag lang ang bitiwan ka. _daesong Big B series

Kahit ilang giling pa ang gawin mo hinding-hindi mo na malilito ang puso ko. Minsan mo na akong napaikot sa kagaslawan mo. Steady na ang puso ko. Busy na akong sumayaw sa sarili kong awit ng pag-ibig. BigB Series

Matuto kang makalimot para makagawa ka ng puwang para sa akin. Hindi ko na ipapangakong pupunan ko ang lahat ng nawalang pagmamahal sa puso mo, gagawin ko na lang. -Jdragon to sophia BigB series

Salamat sa pagsasabi mo na babalik ka na sa dati, sa ikaw na hindi ko magugustuhan. Salamat sa pagsasabi mo na kakalimutan mo na ako. Sana maging masaya ka na. Dahil ako, balak ko talagang maging masayang-masaya, kasama ka man o mag-isa. 100610

 Bakit mahirap basahin ang kwento ng buhay pag-ibig ng iba? Kasi hindi ikaw ang bida. 092310 1121

Gusto ko nang matulog pero tumatakbo sa isip ko ang kwento ng pag-ibig na gusto kong maranasan sa piling mo. 092110 2254

 Gusto kong magsulat ng masasayang kwento ng pag-ibig, hindi para magkapera, hindi para maging sikat, kungdi para mapaniwala ang sarili ko na oo, balang araw meron din akong mamahalin na mamahalin din ako. 092010 1127am

Sa lahat ng ayaw ko, mga traidor sa kaibigan, mayayabang na nakikisabit lang sa galing ng iba at mga taong kunyari kaibigan mo pero sinasaksak ka na pala sa likuran.
September 20 at 8:58am

Hindi ko alam ang gusto mong gawin sa buhay mo. Pero ako gusto kong maging masaya ka kasi ayokong ma-guilty kung sakaling matupad ang mga pangarap ko. I plan to be very happy in the future, one that of course, doesn't have you in it.
September 9 at 10:47am

Girl: Mahal pa rin naman kita, tulad ng ibang minahal ko dati.

Boy: Pero iba ako sa kanila...di ba?

Girl: Dati, oo. Pero ngayon, mahal pa rin naman kita.
Boy: Katulad nila?

Girl: Oo, sorry ha.

Boy: Aray, masakit pala.

Girl: Ang alin?
Boy: Ang maging ikaw.

Girl: Ang maging ako?
Boy: Di ba dati mahal mo ako pero hindi kita gaano kamahal. Ngayon ako naman.
See More
September 7 at 1:13pm

Merong ikaw, merong ako, pero walang tayo.
September 3 at 1:09pm

Kahit anong mangyari sa ating dalawa, kahit ilang lalaki pang taga-rito ang nakasakit sa akin at sa mga kaibigan ko. Kahit ilang multo pa ng nakaraan ang sumalubong sa akin pagbalik ko, babalik at babalik ako sa ELBI dahil ang ELBI lang ang talagang nagmahal sa akin hindi kayo. ~ NRS
September 2 at 9:47am

 Kahit anong yakap ko sa sarili ko, wala pa ring kasing init at kasing higpit ang yakap ng taong alam kong mahal ako ng totoo.
September 1 at 7:09am ·

Eh, ano naman kung 'ber month na? Hindi ako nilalamig. Me jacket naman, bakit ba?
September 1 at 7:08am

Alam kong busy ka, alam kong maraming bagay na mas mahalaga sa iyo kesa sa akin, pero mali bang umasa ako na kahit isang sandali lang na ako lang ang inaalala mo?
September 1 at 7:05am

 Gusto kong mag-sulat ng bagong kwento ng pag-ibig. Kailangan ko ng inspirasyon, gusto mong mag-apply?
August 30 at 12:55pm

 Kung kaya lang madala ng pagkuskos ang sakit, tutuklapin ko pati pintura.
August 30 at 12:38pm

Kahit mamatay na ako sa kakaubo, hindi pa rin matanggal ang kapit mo sa puso ko.
August 30 at 8:45am

 Balang-araw magiging mabuti ka ring ama, magiging mabuti din akong ina. Ang tanong ay kung sino ang nanay ng mga anak mo at sino ang tatay ng sa akin.
August 27 at 12:17pm ·

Nanaginip ako minsan ng isang taong me akay na dalawang bata, kilala ko na silang dalawa. Hindi pala sa akin kahit isa...
August 27 at 12:16pm ·

Ang inaasahan kong pagkapugto ng hininga at kawalan ng pag-asa ay hindi dumating. Kundi pagluwag ng dibdib pagkatapos mawala ang panandaliang sakit. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng nalampasan na ang nakaraan, ang sakit three minutes lang. ^_^
August 27 at 5:50am

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng natuto na sa dating pagkakamali. Nakakapagpabago talaga ang mga aral ng buhay. Salamat sa iyo.
August 27 at 5:36am

Minsan sana i-hostage na ng iba ang puso ko para hindi na ako maging 1st runner up sa buhay mo.
August 24 at 5:54pm

Oppa, I love you major major bakit "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ang pagmamahalan natin? Gusto ko ung korona sa ulo nya, sa akin ang puso mo. T.T
August 24 at 5:52pm ·

 Namimiss kita kapag inaantok ako, kasi alam ko isang haplos mo lang gising na ang buong diwa ko.

Mahal kita hindi bilang kaibigan ko lang kungdi karamay mo. Dahil ang pagmamahal nawawala, naililipat pero ang pakikiramay ay dala ng pagnanais mo na minsan pa ay makita mo shang masaya.
August 23 at 1:03am ·

Kung me isa pang magtatanong sa akin kung okay lang ako, magwawala na talaga ako. Obvious bang nasa paanan ko ang puso ko at bawat hakbang palayo ay parang inaapakan ko ang puso ko.
August 23 at 1:02am ·

Minsan iniisip ko na lang buti pa ang taong iyon kaya kang ipaghiganti sa lahat ng mga nakasakit sa iyo, eh ako, kahit resbak hindi kita nabigyan. Pero hindi sa lahat ng panahon na kailangan mo ako ay nasa malapit lang ako para tulungan ka. Minsan kailangang ikaw rin ang mag-buong muli ng puso mong sarili mong kamay ang sumugat.
August 23 at 1:00am

 Kahit ilang kwento pa ng pag-ibig ang isulat ko kung saan ang lalaking minamahal ng babaeng karakter ay pinaglaban siya at nagkatuluyan din sila dahil dinaig nila ang lahat ng mga problema at balakid kung sa sarili kong kwento ng pag-ibig ay wala ka sa tabi ko, wala ring silbi.
August 21 at 10:50pm

May plano nga siguro SIYA para sa ating dalawa. Ang kaso lang hindi kasama sa plano niya na tayong dalawa ang magkakasama.
August 21 at 8:45am

 Salamat sa pagmamahal mo naghilom ang sugat na iniwan niya sa puso ko.
August 21 at 8:44am

 I made time for love once and that time is never lost to me. I carry it in my heart all the days of my soul's life.
August 21 at 8:42am ·

 Dahil sinaktan mo ako, sasaktan din kita. Hindi ganito ang pag-ibig. Ayoko ng ganitong pagmamahal. Kung kailangang mag-isa na lang ako para wala nang masaktan kundi ako, lalayuan na kita. Kahit bawat hibla ng aking pagkatao ay nagproprotesta sa desisyong ginawa ng isipan ko na taliwas sa kabig ng puso ko. Kaya kong mag-isa. Kailangan kong kayanin.
August 20 at 10:15pm ·

 Masaya ako na naging parte ka ng buhay ko dahil nakilala kita noong ayoko nang magmahal ng kahit na sino kungdi ang sarili ko. Ipinaramdam mo sa akin ang pagmamahal na walang pakialam sa tadhana, sa dapat at sa inaakala kong tama. Kahit sino pa ang dumating sa buhay ko hindi pa rin mapapalitan ang parte mo sa talaan ng mga alaala ng tunay na pagmamahal...
August 20 at 10:12pm ·

 Minsan ang mga luha ko ay maririnig mo lang sa kaibuturan ng puso mo pero nakangiti ko pa ring haharapin ang buhay kong wala ka.
August 20 at 9:57pm

Yakapin mo ako kahit sa larawan lamang. Magniig tayong muli gamit lamang ay ang ating mga salita.
August 20 at 6:57am

Kahit alam kong ang pamamaalam mo ay para sa ngayon lang, bakit ang pakiramdam ko pagkatapos nito hindi ko na maririnig pa sa bibig mo na mahal mo ako?
August 20 at 6:55am ·

 L: Mahal kita pero hindi na talaga pwede. Patawarin mo sana ako sa lahat ng kasalanan ko sa iyo.

B: Wala kang kasalanan, hindi mo ako pinilit na mahalin ka.
August 20 at 6:54am · Comment · LikeUnlike · Promote
 Hindi sagot ang pagsasakripisyo mong walang piliin sa amin sa mga puso naming umaasang balang-araw ay magigising ka at mamahalin mo kami na kami lang.
August 20 at 6:51am ·

 Huwag mong sabihin na ginawa mo iyon para sa akin dahil sa huli ikaw lang ang talagang nakinabang nang mawala ka sa buhay ko.
August 20 at 6:49am ·

Mahal kita pero hindi pwedeng mahalin pa kita kaya mahalin mo na lang ako tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa iyo sa ngayon, puro pero patago.
August 19 at 1:32pm

Bakit lagi na lang tayong hindi pinagtatagpo ng pagkakataon pati internet ayaw kang ilapit sa akin.
August 18 at 10:37pm ·

 Madali lang humingi ng tawad sa mga bagay na nagawa mo na, madali lang mangako na balang-araw ay babawi ka, mas mahirap ang maging maayos ang lahat, ngayon na.
August 18 at 2:40pm ·

Hindi ko tinatanong kung meron nang iba, ang tinatanong ko ay kung mahal mo ba akong talaga.
August 16 at 1:08pm

Mahirap tanggapin na ang mga pangako mong sinambit noon ay hindi mo na matutupad hindi dahil hindi mo kaya kundi dahil mahina ka. Ako ang talagang nagkamali, dapat me paninindigan ang taong minahal ko hindi ung matigas lang ang ulo. ~PW
August 15 at 10:58am

Hindi ko gustong saktan ka kapag sinasabi kong mag-kaibigan tayo. Gusto ko lang na mapigilan ko ang sarili ko na sabihing, "Piliin mo ako at huwag siya." dahil mali un. At ang pagmamahal na hinulma sa mali ay hindi nagtatagal at hindi tunay.
August 14 at 10:01pm

Huwag mo akong gawin dahilan sa kagaguhan mo. Kung mahal mo talaga ako, aayusin mo ang buhay mo!
August 14 at 6:16pm

Gusto kong maging masaya ka kahit hindi pa ako ang makasama mo. ~PW
August 13 at 12:12pm

Kahit anong gawin mong pag-papa-alala mo sa akin ng nangyari sa nakaraan, ang puso ko ay nakatanaw na sa kinabukasan.
August 12 at 11:42pm ·

Minsan kailangan mong balikan ang mga lugar na dating pugad ng iyong kabaliwan. Makikita mo na hindi ka na katulad ng dati at ang paligid mo ay puno ng dating nagpapasakit sa iyo pero hindi na ngayon.
August 11 at 9:47pm ·

Man: Kelan mo nalamang mahal kita?
Woman: Noong sinabi mong aalagaan mo ako palagi. Ako ba, kelan mo nalamang mahal kita?
Man: Noong hawak mo ang anak natin at sinabi mong, "Kamukha mo s'ya, nakakainis."
August 8 at 7:27pm

 Gusto kong ikaw ang maging ama ng mga anak na mamahalin nating dalawa pero hindi naman pwedeng kasama ka pa sa mga papalakihin ko. Hindi ko ito kayang mag-isa ~ bato-bato sa langit PW

Nag-aral akong magluto dahil mahal kita. Pero napanis lang ang pag-ibig ko sa iyo. ~PW
August 8 at 10:24am ·

 Minsan gusto ko na lang papilahin ang lahat ng gumago sa mga kaibigan ko at pagra-ratratin sila. Pero parang kulang pang parusa un sa sugat na ginawa nila sa buhay ng mga taong ang tanging kasalanan ay ang magmahal. ~PW
August 8 at 2:55am

 Ang magmahal parang pag-kain, hindi masayang mag-isa. ~PW
August 7 at 5:44pm ·

Kahit kelan hindi dapat pinipigilan ng isang tao na magkaroon ng mga kaibigan ang taong mahal niya dahil sila mismo ang tutulong para manatiling mapagmahal ang taong iyon. Ika nga, practice makes perfect.
August 7 at 5:39pm

Minsan ang puso trip nya lang tumambling ng tumambling, pero hindi lahat ng oras, me sasalo sa iyo pag mali ang bagsak mo. ~ PW
August 7 at 3:28pm

Wala nang mas sasakit pa kaysa ang malaman na ang taong minahal mo ay minahal lang ang ikaw na nasa isipan nila dahil ang totoong ikaw ay hindi sapat para sa kanila. -PW
August 7 at 10:15am

Kung akala mo miserable ka na, tingnan mo ang puso ko, mas bitter pa kesa sa kapeng barako.
August 6 at 10:26pm

Ayoko na sa bad boy, marami na masyadong suntok sa puso ko. Duguan na eh.
August 6 at 1:49am ·

 If we were meant to be together then you shouldn't made an unbreakable vow, but had you not I would not have loved you enough to make you mine.
August 6 at 1:47am

Minsan talaga mahirap maging emotera kasi kapag totoong nasasaktan ka na wala nang pumapansin sa iyo. ~emofreak
August 6 at 1:46am

 If in your dreams, you dream of me
If in your dreams, we are meant to be
Remember now, remember me
I love you now and forever thee

Guy: Tanda mo pa ba kung san ang ba-lat ko?
Girl: Ha? Me ba-lat ka pala.
Guy: So kinalimutan mo na talaga ang lahat?
Girl: Ikaw, natandaan mo bang magpa-alam noong iwan mo ako?
August 6 at 1:39am

Minsan naisip ko na mahal kita, yun pala hindi ko lang kayang mag-is
a. ~P
August 6 at 1:37am

Checking out Shareapic

I needed a place to put my random pictures. I seriously need to free space from SINGKO (my portable drive) I wanted it to be something that could help me earn a little bit too. I saw SHAREAPIC from a Yuwie member's page. I will blog more about it when I know more about it. All I know now it that there is 0.22 per 1000 page views rate. T_T Now, that is going to take a while. ^_^

For now, I need referrals. Please check it out if you are interested.

As usual, all future earnings will go to charity. ^_^

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Humility and Letting Go

I had promised not to place any new entries here that talked about any ex or any man in a melancholic light. Sometimes you just can't help yourself. There is no more pain. It's more of like being surrounded by jelo and even if he tries to poke me I can't be touched. But the ripples that are caused by the sharp prod that he would be happy and he would not show his face to me when he comes back home cause me to worry a little bit. I try to deflect all of these with humor. But this person doesn't understand humor, he never quite got my jokes and I had to explain to him a lot of my intentions. But I am under no obligation to care for what he feels or what he might make me feel. I am surrounded by jelo. And inside it, I am eating around it to make room for someone to fit into my life. He won't be someone who would poke a hole through my jelo fortress, he would be someone who would patiently wait outside the jelo until I am ready to be with him in the real world.

My co-writer is married to this perfectly imperfect guy. Some of my friends whom I never though would be mothers are already married with their first kids (my imaginary inaanaks). Others have made life choices that would demand the rest of their lives to fulfill. I am here at the edge of the highest point I can reach, my legs are tied on a bungee and I am ready to jump. But there is no one there to kiss and say I love you to before I jump or someone to hold me as we fall then hang.

I wanted someone to make a liar out of me once. That has all been settled. I was such a good liar that I believed my own lies.

Now I want someone I can trust would never let me go even if I am screaming at his ear because I am afraid for my life. Someone solid to hold me when the air is rushing and I am light-headed from the speed of the fall.
I want someone I could look into and say, "You made me braver than I could ever imagine. Thank you for loving me despite all that I am."

He's there. Not somewhere. I know he's there. I don't want to check the cards to know when he would come around. But I know he's in my life. He might be a stranger, a friend or a soulmate. But he's there. I know it.

Love will be a part of me now that I know that love is what I want to have. I won't be afraid to be like my mother. Because if we marry our fathers, then by God, where is my hardworking, snoring, loyal and funny handyman? I know one of these days he will reveal himself. I won't wait. I'll keep myself busy with wordly things. A soul would know if her new soulmate is around.

The heart has a way of knowing how souls are bound.

So to the one I never had, be happy. I want that more than anything for you. Don't forget how much I loved you. But forget that there is hope for us. I don't want you to loose control of your life again. I want you to be happy. Someday, I wish I would see you and your family in a picture, happy, content and together. IF you really loved me, you would do that for me...but most of all for yourself. Family is what you need to make you the man that is removed from your father's dark past. Don't be like him. Love your honey and cherish your children. Be FAITHFUL and be present. And you would not want for anything in this world, I assure you of that. Why do I know this? Because I can see it in my father's eyes, in his life. He is a man who knows true happiness that no amount of money can buy. He has love and a family to love. I want that, more than anything for you.


Sometimes my arrogance gets the best of me. Sometimes I wonder if that is the real reason why I survived. But win or lose, I am glad that I joined PEBA and wrote that article about my mom. Too bad I lost the only copy of the "family" picture they got in Subic. There are other moments, I think. Long after the contest is over, my mom would still be taking care of my cousins. I just hope someday, they would return the favor.

If you haven't voted yet, please help me out.

Monday, October 4, 2010

BigB Series Covers

You can check out the teasers here and the incomplete pages. ^_^ You have to register first though. ^_^ Have fun!

BigB1 - Youngbae's Song
Jaime <3 Yongbae

Jaime had one dream , to be a GY talent and a famous Korean idol. There was only one problem, she was neither a singer nor was she 100% Korean. Her only chance to stay in Korea was to be an English teacher to a bunch of misfits in a highschool in a farflung South Korean town.

Yong-Bae was living the dream, he was GY talent and a famous Korean idol. There was only one problem, he had mandatory military training and was assigned to go a remote town and help build a school. He meets the quirky Jaime while he stays there and finds that love can be found in the strangest places.   

*The photo was found online and is not a property of the blogger.

Need to look up tutorials for Photoshop? Check here

Sing it! Be it!

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing


Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me


I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

I missed this song. I want to memorize it again. ^_^ 

Sunday, October 3, 2010


I lied a lot about myself when I was younger. I lied about how much money my parents made and I lied about things that I had. I lied to my friends most of all because they were richer and prettier than I was. It got to the point that I lied to my parents, stole from them and made myself sick because of the lies that I had to keep together.

I became so good at lying to myself and to others that there was a time that I believed my own lies. I managed to be so good at lying that I convinced myself that the lies were the truth and that when the truth was too painful, that I could twist it so that I could be whoever I wanted to be and not be the loser that I though I was.

But the truth was, I wasn't a loser. I was becoming one by being a liar.
So I stopped. I promised myself I would not keep secrets from my friends. And I demanded that from them. That was the day I stopped keeping secrets, mine or others. Before that I was the secretkeeper. That day I became a blurter. I couldn't keep the truth in, my emotions, other people's secrets and my observations. I cloaked it by calling myself frank and truthful.

But not everyone wants the truth about themselves to be revealed.
But there are those who would safeguard people they love, institutions that they belong to from people who would bend the truth and betray their friends.

Because lying about who you are, and believing your lies is just pathetic. We would love you for the lyin, bitchy and disloyal person that you are if you would just let us.

Do not insult your friends by thinking that we would turn against you when the time comes. You can be the loneliest and ugliest person in the world and we would still love you.

Just say you're sorry and mean it this time. Tell us the truth from today and we would learn to trust you once again.

Otherwise we would not believe a single word from you and you continue to hurt us by lying to us.

I am not your friend yet. I am glad that I am not. Because I would not let you survive had it happened under my watch.
It is a different era in our group now. There would be no fantasies made unless they are in a story. There would be no more pushing or shoving or ganging up on arrogant pricks that are among us.

There would be interventions and there would be RESPECT.

You can start by respecting yourself and coming clean. Stop lying and let us get to know the real you.
Who knows, that might be the end of your loneliness at last.

Some things are about me

I talked to him after my other friend caught me online. Ripped abs didn't do me any harm this time. Not immunity, no never that. I would always like ripped abs. Maybe it's because I have puked out all of my affections for Robin Types that he is getting bulldozed along the way. It's funny how he uses Dove and I use Dove. A long time ago, Queenie's Dove green tea from Riyadh were reduced to a pulp with the many baths that were taken with it. And for a man who soaped a lot, it was understandable that my house mate told me to tell him to bring his own soap. ^_^

He's working with my other friend now, the one who I was really supposed to talk to. I met Furdee. (That would be his nickname though his name just sounds like that. He would also be referred to as Manong F. Apparently he is Andy's friend. We all know who Andy is, it's my ex's secret nickname.) He is from Batangas too and he is 29. ^_^ He is nice enough. I hope if he catches me online he won't piss me off. There are too many hentai men online and I don't want to add him on the list.

Andy said he is working for Cype's workplace for a while. But his old workplace is asking him to come back, saying that they would give him all that he wants. He wants to go home first. He is thinking of doing that next year. I chimmed in that he should do that and see his kids as well as enjoy his family. And that when he comes back, then he would be energized when it comes to working overseas. He said his dad wants him to go home. I chided that perhaps he didn't want you there. He agreed. He said his cousin might be helping him go to HongKong. I thought that might not be a good idea since HK peeps don't necessarily like Pinoys right now. Some might still be holding a "national grudge" regarding what happened. But he said he might work in a factory there. I was worried  because as far as I could remember, he wasn't supposed to carry heavy stuff. But I figured he already did when he worked as a waiter. That doesn't mean I miss him as he wants to believe. I worry about all of my friends. Especially the larger macho ones who think they are invisible.

He smoked a couple of times (at least he had one in his mouth) and I teased that I would smoke too. But I couldn't find my lighter, thank God. So they had to leave and so I had to cut the conversation short. He still called me with endearments that he should no longer use and were telling me things he oughta be telling Her. But I guess teasing without actually feeling anything is not so bad. If I can make him smile a bit, that should be okay. But saying, even in a joke, offering to father my imaginary kids is not okay. (This was in leu of him telling me not to smoke and me telling him I am not pregnant yet so I can still do. Pompous ass thinks he can tell me what to do. But then again, he is like a DAD when he says stuff like that.)

Anyway, no I am sorry as much as people or you might think it's romantic, but a woman pinning for your sorry ass I am not. I am too busy writing about love, reading and editing novels about it, making comics, being with friends, working, and barely surviving to have any time to think of you.

But like all loves in the past, you are there in the back of my mind, with everybody else. And even there, you try your best to bully them so that I would think of you first, when I have my rare times to think for my own pleasure. That is becoming rarer and farther in between.

I am glad I didn't sleep early, once again God had offered me peace of mind. And I take it greedily. Look at your women, go home to Her someday and let me be...just a friend that makes you smile once in a while. But you are no longer my burden to carry. Your happiness is no longer center to my goals. I can sleep knowing I only have mine to worry about.

So no, my new baseball bat is not for you. And no, I would not hit you with Rading, my new wooden bat, because it is for ME. For my new exercise routine. For my pleasure (and as for my arms, my pain) and my benefit.

Oddly enough, some things are about me.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Of Freebies,Friends, and Foo

I learned, nay, I realized what it was that Mam B was talking about when she commented on my story. She told me that the POV was off or something like that. I didn't really get it but I thought that it had something to do with the fact that for the most part my stories had two pov, although not at the same time. Sometimes it was the main character then sometimes it was the significant other that was in the lead. It wasn't until today when Foo told me something that Lizzie said. It was like the missing password to the encrypted arrogant UP the best account in my head. It was only today that I realized that I really had forgotten a lot of what I learned and that there were still a lot that I could learn from people from T.O.P. and in general.

I might need to redo my Natasha and my BigB soon. But that might have to wait. I still need to check on the e-books they sent me. So far, All I need is a bit long. 31384 is long. And it has 16 chapters. As much I don't want to narrow it down, the chapters, I mean. I guess I can just work on the word count. ^_^ It's a pretty good story. The conflict is pretty basic but appealing. Most of us have bestfriends and there is always complex dynamics that come with having to deal with whom they would love. No, I will not give away anything else. You would have to buy the e-book when it gets out.

But I guess I would have to work on the comics tomorrow since I had to do other stuff today. I know that Norby would be happy to know that I got some reservation possibilities from Foo...if anyone decides to go to the Komikon. I hope so. They could do an EB there. ^_^ I am sure there are a lot of otakus so going to the Komikon 2010 would be great.

I got to catch up with Hot Mamah and was pleased to know that her grandfather is...well he's still sick...but...y'know what I mean. She told me how hard it was for her. I even told her that it would have been better if I was there with her instead of being with B1 and B2. T_T She was alone after all. I am sure that we could have helped her in some way. I hate hospitals so that idea really comes from a part of me that loves her deeply. I also feel indebted to them since when I didn't have a place to stay once I managed to stay there with Trina for a bit. It was like walking on eggshells for me since I am a loud boldozer on a normal basis but they helped me and I am truly grateful.

I wonder when she would catch a break. T_T, I need a windfall as well as she does. As well as H does. She would get another interview this coming Tuesday. I hope it works out since I would love for her to stay in the Philippines. Although Mr Big would be here, at least she would be with us or at least one bus or fx drive away. I still can't navigate around my fear of planes would be hard. I know that spiritually it would be better for her. But I don't think taking a step backward would do her any good either.

Ah, the perils of being bored. I was lucky to have caught Gil online. I was on my way out so I didn't get to talk to him all that much. I guess it's better that I don't get any new news about Mark, if he left work already or if he's really coming back at the end of the year. Because quite frankly, I have my flabs and my pockmarks to worry about. I have already given up on him, why should I bother to know if he's dead or alive? He's not mine, never was. So I am just going to HUNT for my next prey.

A lot happened last week, lost a TL, got a new TL. Got pissed off at someone's stupid grammar errors and antics, was offered to do OT quite firmly as well as worked through a hangover. But all comes with great lessons learned and a keps smile.

I got this from Lanie (T.O.P.) and wanted to repost it. ^_^

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.
#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.
#3 When she says it's over, she still wants you to be hers.
#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.
#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.
#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go.
#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.
#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.
#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.
#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful.
#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.
#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.
#13 When she's scared, protect her.
#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.
#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.
#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
#17 When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.
#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.
#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.
#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.
#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.
#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.
#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does.
#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
#25 Don't let her have the last word.
#26 Don't call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.
#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.
#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.
#29 When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go.
#30 When she says she's OK, don't believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.
#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.
#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.
#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
#34 Don't ignore her when she's out with you and your friends.
#35 Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.
#37 Let her into your world.
#38 Let her wear your clothes.
#39 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
#40 Let her know she's important.
#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.
#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"
#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you'd read it too.

Keep loving. Keep writing. Have faith and act on it.

Teaser versions

Ang purpose ng teaser ay parang yuong nasa likuran ng isang paperback pocketbook. Ito ang binabasa ng reader o ng buyer para magdesisyon kung bibilhin niya o babasahin ang isang libro. 

According ke Master Foo dapat ang mga teaser ay two paragraphs with two to three sentences. 

Ito ang ilan sa mga halimbawa nito. Pero mas mahaba sila kesa sa ginagawa sa atin.

Synopsis/Teaser ng Dark Lover ni Arielle

    Kinomisyon si Selene ng multibillionaire Chinese businessman na si Jason Long para gawan ng tig-iisang portrait ang pitong anak nito. 
    Sa pagdating niya sa Villa Lucinda ay isa-isang nakilala niya ang pitong anak nito. Wala siyang kamalay-malay na sa pagpunta niya roon ay malalagay siya sa isang pagsubok na ibinigay ni Jason Loong. At madadawit dito ang isa sa pitong lalaki. 
   Komplikado ang sitwasyon na nasuungan niya. Natuklasan niyang kailangan siyang umibig at magdalang-tao sa lalaking nagsasagawa ng misyon habang nananatiling lihim ang pagkatao nito. 
   Mautak at tuso ang binatang magpapaibig sa kanya. At ang kapalaran at puso niya ay malalagay sa palad nito. 

Sa teaser na ito walang dialogue na nakalagay pero malinaw nitong ipinapaliwanag ang hook o ang conflict ng kwento. Gumagamit din ito ng tinatawag na technique kung saan ang isa sa mahahalagang bagay ay ipinipresente subalit hindi nire-reveal ang identity nito. Ang mambabasa ay maiintriga kaya't nanaisin niyang basahin o bilhin ang aklat. 

Pwedeng ganito:
(How Did I fall in Love with You by Martha Cecilia)

  Hindi gusto ni Ronan si Laurel, the most popular girl in the campus, the girl who could smile away the thunder and kiss away the rain. She was a snob, too.
  At lalong hindi rin gusto ni Laurel si Ronan, the most infamous guy in the campus. Wild and crude...and, well, gorgeous. Hindi niya gustong aminin iyon.
  Theirs was a case of hate at first sight. 

Dito makikita ang pangalan ng main characters at ang kanilang conflicting personalities. Ang main conflict shempre ay na-inlove sila sa isa't-isa. 

Minsan ay gumagamit sila ng dialogue para sa teaser:

(Wild Enchantment 2)

   "Puno ang schedule ang buong linggo ko. sa Biyernes ay patungo tayo sa Batangas. Nabanggit ko na sa iyong may meeting ako sa labor union doon. At magiging abala na ako...So the wedding could be set on Wednesday next week," patuloy nito na tila ba ang pinag-uusapan ay ang pagbaba at pagtaas ng stock market. "Yes, Wednesday next week is perfect."
   Jordan proposed to marry her to keep her form doing any more mischief - at upang huwag na niyang habulin pa si Rowel. Proposed? No, he didn't propose. Ipinaalam nito sa kanya na magpapakasal sila - sa ayaw at sa gusto niya!

Dito sa teaser/synopsis nito ay makikita ang ilan sa mga dialogue na nasa loob ng aklat mismo. Paraan ito para makita ang main conflict sa pagitan ng mga character. 

Kaya rin itong gawin sa isang paragraph lamang.

Tulad nito: 
(Suzanna's Surrender by Nora Roberts) 

Burned-out and tired as hell, all ex-cop Hold Bradford wanted to do was relax. But when beautiful single mom Suzanna invaded his solitude to search for the missing Calhoun emeralds, he couldn't say no. Hold had changed from a bad-boy teen to a dangerously sexy man, but Suzanna couldn't risk well-ordered life for a man who made her mouth go dry...


Raine hated weddings, but only on the surface. She actually loved them, the gown, the cake and the promise of a life together. But in her life men have proven that happily ever after doesn't exist. Between her father who cheated on her mother, to her ex-boyfriends who cheated on her and her ex-fiancee who turned out to have fathered a child while they were together, she was done with men.

Hercules loved weddings, but only on the surface. His events company has so many weddings to put together that he never wants to put up with it if it was up to him. Plus, bride's can get a little bit too horny for his own good. As far as he was concerned once a man gets down on one knee, they never get up from that position. 

Ang goal ng teaser ay makumbinsi mo, makiliti mo ang isipan ng reader para basahin niya ang iyong sinulat. Kung boring ang teaser mo iisipin ng reader na boring ang story mo. Kung maraming mali sa teaser mo, iisipin nila na sasakit lang ang ulo nila if they read your story. So be vigilant.