Friday, October 1, 2010

My version of forever

I don't believe in the romantic notion that is forever.
But I have seen it in reality in the marriage of my parents. They have that version of forever most married couples could only dream of. But for us women "in healing" this kind of forever is hard to come by. I don't blame the men nor do I blame the women...but yeah...I sometimes blame romantic novels.

You see, in a novel, love always conquers all. This is true for romantic novels of the Filipino kind. The woman always gets the man she deserves at the end of the story. Her life is changed to this perfect version of it and it is always because this man was a part of her life.
It plays on the weakness of all women to be protected and taken care of. The concept of "The one" and "forever" are overplayed and always a part of the equation.

In my life, I believe in something else. Something that puts most of my boyfriend's nose out of place when I talk to them about it.

My version of forever is the collection of moments that I spent with the person that I love...at that moment.

Of course I had to make a spin of sweet nothings directed at them after that. This statement reeks of my commitment-phobia, I know. But it's true for me.
This isn't something that I would recommend for anyone. Some women were made to pair-up with someone who are suitable for them. The problem and heartbreak then lies on whether the man was made to be paired up with them.

I met a man who made me believe that forever was possible despite the fact that I know that it's an elusive dream.
I told him once

My version of forever, are the moments that we spent with each other.

I know it still sounds wary but if you knew what I had to work with you would say that I was being a hopeless romantic. It was true and I had to undo this feeling after so many years because I outgrew my sense of delusion.
I know that love like what my parents have is rare. But I plan to pursue that love with a fervor of a madman. ^_^ Because I know a love like that is something that even sluts like me deserve.
And if I fall short of my search, it would not be one of my regrets but a silent hope that my sister would inherit that kind of love.

So I say this to all of my romance-challenged friends,

Forever is just a word but it can cut through walls that took years to build, so be gentle with it.

NEVER PROMISE FOREVER SINCE IT DOESN'T EXIST. Promise fidelity, promise love but never forever. It's beyond your human hands to make that be.
Promise warmth and security but never unconditional love. Because you might just end up choking on your own words and making another cynic. 

To the man who taught me love and fidelity,

Salamat...'Tay. ^_^

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