Crushes Come and Go

I am happy to be inspired. I am glad that at random points of my work, I smile for absolutely no reason. I will not call it love or like even, I just call it giddy. And that helps me because my voice is less strained because of that.

My mom told me to loose weight first before I go giddy for anyone. I raised an eyebrow at that sms and I had to smile. My parents, I am sure would like for me to be thinking of the same things that the other people that are in my batch are doing and thinking. I have to shake my head and smile.

It's a crush. And it's fading.

I wonder if I could have a crush on a good guy who was closer to me. Then again that's a pretty tall order. I am just glad that I have a new crush. Though it's fading pretty fast.

I guess it's true that I get bored waaaay to easily. I am sure he is a nice guy but I think I need to have a crush has propinquity as well. The thing is, there are just no cute, matikas, taller than me, eyeglasses-wearing men around me that I have a crush on.

Oh well. I should just focus on my work and use my crush-bliss to increase my accounts per hour and make me less stressed out at work.

Still. I am glad to have a new crush. I would add to my crush list soon. I have two now. One from work, which already died a natural death, the feeling of the crush, not the person. And my new crush. Maybe I should go to the mall, or parks or visit places where there are more people more often so I can find a few new crushes. The problem is striking a conversation and often I find that people bore me or they don't hold an ounce of humor or wit that I like.

I don't want to blow up my crush out of proportion. It would ruin my crush-bliss sooner. This is the main reason why I can block out the incessent buzzing of a certain bird that I would rather pluck than watch. Whenever I get irritated, I just remember the wedding and a conversation that made me feel like I could go back to making just those kinds of conversations. I avoid having those kinds of talks, where I pry information from a person that I have marked. It's not as bad as it sounds. It's just that I thought that doing that again would be terrifying. When I met Ico it was just a moment of me enjoying and I was not really flirting. This was me being the inner me joining the outer me. People sees me in a different way so they don't really know what is the inner me or what I feel like when I do have those conversations. It's akin to how beautiful women bat their eyelashes. In my case, it's how I carry out a conversation. Communications has it's many uses, the coolest of it would be to try to get someone you have your eye on to pay attention to you. I also know body language. And I know for a fact that he as not into me based on the way he was not facing me. But do I care? Not even a little bit.

A crush is a crush is a crush. What he thinks of me doesn't really matter. I just have a crush on him. I don't care if he likes me or not. Just the experience of liking someone new is refresshin and makes me feel less bored with my life. Hahahhaha.

People underestimate the need for new experiences and for meeting new people. I would like to think that when I learn new things and meet new people, I make small changes in my life and my personality is somehow enhanced by it. Not a single stranger, not a single conversation is useless. Things are just beginning to be better for me. I feel more like my inner self is coming out. I just need to reduce the space that my inner self is staying in maybe about 20-25kgs of less space. :-)

Being happy is not about meeting someone who I can love. Or who can love me back. It's more knowing that I am still capable of crushes, giddiness and perhaps even love. I haven't experienced it. Really felt it. I have loved people, boys, men and still I am not sure if that is the love that I want to have in my life. I have weird standards or lack of it.

Once I remember some palm reader told me that I don't care what my beloved does for a living. Another told me I would get married to the second serious boyfriend that I would have. But then what qualifies as serious? Is it length, then I've had two already. But the thing is, I don't think that is the meaning of serious in this case. I have never thought of marrying anyone, I just thought that I could do that in the future as the same way that people decide to go to college. But then again, I don't know anyone right now who fits the bill of what Liay said she looked for, a man like her father.

So it all boils down to finding a hardworking, funny, intelligent, loving, loyal man who would not cheat lie or steal when it come to the woman he loves. And that, crushes can't really fit into that role. I know so very little and wish to know less since the giddiness disappears when you get involved.

I will keep my crushes and just stay put. I will have to be found, since looking for that treasure of a man has made me a miner of fool's gold.  

One Adam is good, two are even better?

Dating tip: Never ask a man to go bazaar shopping. He will get bored. He'll say that he wasn't but HE WILL BE.

So kuddos to Pandabear for sticking to it to the end. I ended up with three tees, three blouses and one dress. ^.^ I would like to thank Ianne for choosing my silver glittery blouse today.
The shopping was prompted by the "business casual" dress code for work today and Friday. I just got my teaching minutes. So far the only remaining part of it is 500. ^.^ But I was able to eat Mt. Fuji maki, Tori Pesto, and strawberry milkshake with Ai. *Promise kept!* Too bad her cousin was in Greenhills. T_T, I was also able to buy new things that would help my new year's resolution "to be appear more feminine".

We were planning to go to Greenhills to buy my clothes but it was a good thing he was amendable to just going to Starmall. After the shopping "spree" we went to Shang to pass by Quantum so he can meet and greet with his kinakapatid, Dada. She was with other people and I just smiled, greeted and waved. I don't know if it was a meet and greet for my benefit or he wanted her to see me. She seems nice though. I teased her "Are you the one he's been ditching lately?" She laughed it off and said yes. So I think I like her. As my friends know, first impressions are very important.
I asked him what he wanted to do after that. He didn't have any plans since it's a sudden date so we had to wing it. He owes me a movie date now. ^.^ I figured this is a better way to do things since he also has the Laguna man provider complex. But the thing is I have the "working girl" independent complex so I thought Starbucks would be a great idea. Luckily, Just Go With It was on!

they are super hot in the movie super hot

So we bought bbq and sour cream popcorn and lemonades. Note to self: Sour cream popcorn is so not my thing. I will stick to caramel popcorn. Shang needs to look into that. T_T, I was surprised that movies are a lot cheaper in Shang than I thought. ^.^ Nevertheless I had a great time. I was afraid that he would get too cold inside the cinema. Since he just recovered from a fever that would not be a good thing.  But cuddling helps. ^.^ It's hard on the back but nice.

But before this whole date day I had an encounter with Twilightboy. I talked to him when I saw him in his new station. He was wearing new shades. I asked him if he got the chocolates that I asked someone to give him. He was able to take something out *probably the note* when he said that he didn't really understand something. I just countered it with the common, That's because my handwriting is really bad. I exited before he could say or ask me anything else. Office crushes are just crushes. I had a crush on Ry before and it didn't matter. I want to get more information that would make me not have a crush rush over him anymore. So I have a mission later. I hope that it works out fine. I will blog about it if it works out. But my teammates are still splitsies when it comes to the two guys. Some of them say that Pandabear and I look good together. Others are sticking to the chemistry between me and Twilightboy. I don't really know if it's going to be possible between the two of us. Though he is nice enough to not be awkward towards me. I was able to ask him the question that my TL was asking, she was wondering what he ate to get that tall. He just laughed it off and tapped me. Some of my teammates were there to see that and by the looks they were giving me, they were still not over the whole crush rush week. I plan to make sure that Twilightboy is eliminated from the crush rush race. People are already assuming that Pandabear is it. But we can't really tell for sure. I enjoy hanging out with him but I won't be the same old blind me. Comfortable doesn't necessary transfer love. We are both in transition. Baggages need to be let go and laundries need to be done.

I will use my CommArts-ness to get Twilightboy eliminated. I am pretty sure he doesn't like me the way Pandabear does.

Enough worrying. I just need, for the first time in my entire sordid relationship history, ENJOY what I am feeling and who I am seeing in the most wholesome of ways. Yes, dearies, you read that word right. Wholesome.

So not me, right?