Monday, October 24, 2011

Man up

Sometimes I feel like it's my fault. I think I spoiled you. I think I am being too hard on you too. I think it's never going to change, I tried to be understanding, I tried to be tough, I tried to be open-minded but it's not working. You are still irresponsible. You are still immature and you are still thinking of yourself before thinking about what would make me happier. And you still think it's cute when you try to tell me that you would punish yourself to make up for your mistakes. Self-flagellation is not cute nor is it a way to make up for things. Active, pro-activeness, positive thinking, happy thoughts, strong and responsible actions, common sense. I need this from the man I will spend the rest of my life with. Not this.

I know that it was a mistake to try to make you understand that my writing and my editing would keep me busy. I know that it's hard to understand that we can't see each other as often as, say college or co-worker couples could. I know it's hard to understand that since you never had a good experience with that kind of set up. The bitch who did that to you was just using you as a buffer and a lapdog. But I have explained countless times that I am not her. Sure we have the same major but I am not her. She's a bitch, I am a biatch. Totally different thing. Believe me.

I tried to explain that I am not your mother, your shrink or the clown that is supposed to nag you, try to get your dark dark emo thoughts out of your head or make you laugh when you are putting yourself down. I am your girlfriend. And in a relationship it has to be GIVE AND TAKE. And being in an adult relationship is HARD. It's freaking bloody hard.

We need to compromise. We need to be responsible with each other's lives and our happiness. We need to learn how to adapt to each other. I am ready to give up but luckily, I am not the quitting kind. Don't apologize, I hate apologizes and baby talk. They are empty. I don't like promises and vows, men and women break them all the time.

I need action. I need effort. I need common sense.

I need you to man up.

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