NaNoWriMo 2012:

I Pinaywriter, of sound mind and strong heart, declare that I would write 50,000 words in 30 days.

Add me as a writing buddy if you wanna ^.^

Big Bang Galaxy Alive Tour 2012 : VIP Fangirl Dream Come True?

I will put more info here once I get the videos from Kate. But be ready for some major spazzing. I am just letting the other VIPs flood the internet with their stuff. I can google and spazz when all of them are done.

All I can say is, I don't care if I had to stay in line and barely made it on the first song. Taeyang's pandesal abs of glory, GD's awesomeness, Panda love by S, Daesung's divine vocals, & my Sarang Seunghyun made working in Chase worth it. No merchs for me but one penlight, and my fantastic world is all good baby!

   

I need to Blog again

I told myself that. I really need to be able to vent out and talk about the things that are making my head want to explode. The pressure I am putting myself under because my the metrics in my job that I can't quite meet. The small glorious serendipitous friendship that I have with Her Royal Highness and the never ending rollercoaster ride that is the love and falling out of love of the people around me. I am no celebrity or not even a very good secret keeper, to say the least. But I always find myself in the middle of a complicated situation that I didn't really planned to get involved with.

The plan was simple. Work. Save. Avoid contact with the locals. But that didn't work out just as well as I had hoped. I got more frenimies now than I had a year before. I also made some new friends that I believe would be something I would treasure for the many many many many years to come. And the stories that are swimming in my head will finally get around to being written.

I owe so many people so many stories. I owe myself so many novels that I have overthought and forgotten because I didn't have the time to write the words and scenarios that I thought of. I have data after data of novels that I have yet to edit and work on. I gave up a relationship because that person didn't understand my passion for them but I ended up abandoning both relationship and obligation. Still I don't regret getting myself out of a situation when I had to choose between two beloved. Any man who doesn't Get the fact that I would always have to make time for my creative side is just plain unappealing for me.

I have so little time to save for the trip that we are planning for the end of the year. I had dashed hopes that I would ever see Rock of Ages. I am hopeful that I would be able to see Big Bang in concert. I am happy for all my friends who are either fathers or mothers now.

I am sad that we lost Jonas Palad too soon.

I remember many sides of Jonas but I knew a silent strength in him, a drive to prove that he can make it in the world where most people give up on or take for granted the things that they can do. Not Jonas Jose Paladhe was able to make it and work on it, laugh, cry and triumph in life. It is shocking to hear one of our own leaving so soon. But we'll reunite with him one day and tell him all about the times we missed him and reminisce. Tol, kitakits. In the next life there would be colors that would paint your rainbow.

I am hopeful that I would do better at my job.

I am not worrying about my weight though I think it's pilling up and getting worse.

I am just thankful of the days that I have now and the free time I have to worry about friends and family. Because that means my only problem is money and my productivity metric. I can worry about my lovelife when I am lonely again. As of right now, I feel like my life is full of new things to learn and unlearn. My schedule is crowded by get-together, heart to heart talks and prospects of growing up.

My room is still cluttered, I still wear boyish clothes, I am 85kgs now but I am, despite all the stress, at peace with who I am, what I am doing and what needs to be done.

I still want to do many things. And I am still greedy for more adventures. I still need to write so many things. I don't want to leave before the final curtain and before the last person leaves the theater.

I am sure Jonas, Dolphy and the rest of the greats who went ahead of me wouldn't mind waiting a bit more.

There is more to my blog than ranting. If I can't write about secrets, work and anything that would  be against the Code of Conduct, there is still my mussings about love and life. And my lists, of course. That should be interesting enough to get around to making a blog entry that can still feature me without getting me in trouble.

TUMPAK!

Birthday Lists : UNDONE

We should follow through, I didn't. I took too much on my plate and I was not able to get anything done. It's been ten days since my 27th birthday and I don't want my 27th list to end up like my 26th things list : UNDONE. I got more or less 5 out of 26. Seriously not a good thing. T_T. Here they are my forgotten dues.

1. Take at least one picture for my day and post it online. - did not get to do. T_T
2. I would BE (and not just learn) to be MORE PATIENT - tried very very hard - did not accomplish 
3. I would PAY OFF (and not just try) my MOM Debt. - increased mom debt instead - did not accomplish 
4. OPEN and KEEP a personal savings bank account. - did not accomplish 
5. EDIT THE NOVELS that are on hold. - lost data and list - did not accomplish 

6. PAY BILLS ON TIME AND STOP MAKING MORE DEBTS. - first part is ok - but still need deposit to be returned and second part totally didn't accomplish
7. BUY MORE PANTS. - accomplished~
8. KEEP MY ROOM CLEAN AT ALL TIMES. - totally did not accomplish
9. Finish BIGB Series and ELBILIFE SERIES. - did not even write another word na extra
10. Manage to live on four hours of sleep a day. (not doing this anymore) - did not do
11. Loose a considerable amount of weight. - rather the opposite
12. HELP IN YOBO. - did not accomplish
13. READ MORE MEANINGFUL BOOKS. - bought more books but not that meaningful. I bought a poetry book of the Brownings. And a buddhism book.
14. Learn at least one dish. - no cooking at the apartment. no chance to do this.
15. BLOG about more significant things other than my sordid little life. - sort of did not blog about much since busy with work.
16. TRAVEL! - I did went to anawangin that counts
a. Anawangin Adventure
17. Mature but remember to be a child. - tried very hard and sorta accomplished
18. BE more prayerful. - Definitely accomplished. And not just for saying petitions but also ty praying.
19. Make BETTER memories. - made new friends from work, met up with friends and made sure I have more adult memories with them. Went home as often as I could.
20. Continue to learn new things. - Moved to Chase didn't I? Learned that there are a lot of things I don't know and can learn. Cool right?
21. GET GOVERNMENT IDS. - So far totally up to SSS when they will send me my id and I didn't get my BIR since I moved branches. -excuses.
22. Decorate my room well. - I would have to clean it first, right? So no. Did not accomplish.
23. FIND MY INNER PEACE. - I did. But someone tried to break it. But the thing is about inner peace, you can return to it anytime you want. So sorta accomplished
24. CUSS less. - did not accomplish
25. FOLLOW THE BAN ON CIGARETTE SMOKING IN PUBLIC PLACES - followed. 

26. LIVE LONG AND PROSPER. not conclusive. 


As per my 27th list i first blogged about it here. And I would track and update it here.  
  

Four French Film Fiasco : Citi-Rustan's Film Festival June 8

I rushed from work to get to Edsa Shang. I thought that I had missed the ticket line for the first movie for the French Film Festival  but luckily they haven't given the tickets by that time. I thought it was already past one. Thank the muses that I was actually there 45 minutes before the movie.

Tout Ce Qui Brille or All that Glitters's story line kept me engaged. I am also a daddy's girl. And my dad used to pick me up from being away even when he was tired. I liked that the two girls got what they actually wanted in the end. I like realistic happy endings. Could be endings are better for me though in mainstream movies they often force the issue of happily ever after. I keep thinking that even if I am a girl who grew up with a dad I still have guy issues. What more girls who have daddy issues. They are prey for the Barney Stinsons of the world. And oh, upside, the men in the movie are nice.

The Refuge Le Refuge made me remember something that I said to Mark. If you get me knocked up I would disappear and never let you see me again. But the fact *SPOILERS ALERT* that she left them because she was not ready would be something that I might totally do but my father, who is asking for grandchildren regardless of the fact that I am single and with reproductive health challenges, would never let me bail out like that. But I like that she didn't let the baby be aborted, otherwise the movie would have been a short film.

The Three Way wedding Le Mariage à Trois was wordy and it was boring for most of those who watched. Literally there was a person who snored while the movie was half-way through. I mean seriously, some of us actually like this. I am a writer and I understand the premises of the playwright in the movie. I liked all of the characters in the film, even the naked woman move that was done there by the student.

The worst of the four for that day was Roses on Credit  Roses à Crédit. (At least for me it was) I thought it would be nice to watch but I didn't connect to the story of a woman who drove her husband and family away because she wanted things rather than relationships to work out and make her happy. She worked hard to get to pay off her debt but she didn't stop getting things. In the end she lost most of those who matter to her. I sat beside Kristy, an orgmate from UPFC through that movie. I didn't know how she took it but I was peeved that I actually made muttering comments during the film. And unlike the first three, I don't remember hearing much clapping.

The good news is, as per Kristy the May film festival I missed was some asian film festival NOT EIGA SAI. I sure look forward to watching the rest of the french films I marked on my calendar and my flyer. I just need to make sure it doesn't interfere with work sleep time.

The whole trip was keep thrills galore. I bought a lock and lock full of Mochachino, smoked 4 cigarettes one per movie gap, an almost 40 pesos siopao asado and a bottle of Real Leaf lemon I had not been able to drink when I was on my way to work. Then there was the bus ride to Ayala from NetQuad, mrt back and forth, all in all it cost me less than 200 pesos to watch 4 movies. Big improvement over having to pay for food and drinks when I was with Ico. T_T Remind me not to bring peniless men who do not like foreign films to these festivals. I would rather stand in line alone than have to force someone something that I love to do.

The lines were less stressful since the waiting time was shorter. I loved it. I couldn't watch today and I can't watch tomorrow since I had to go home to Batangas. I hope that Hot Mamah got the flyer that I slid under their door.

To all filmbuffs and moviegoers, See you in Edsa Shang!

*will post pictures when available*

 

Free Pizza on my Birthday!

Okay, I can't like all the Happy birthday to me's here. So I am going to do it like this.

To my family, you are my rock.
To my parents, you are the protagonist in the best love story ever told.
To my soulmate sistahs and bros, you are the bling I would never do without.
To my friends and the people who have been a part of my life, my heart remembers you even if your names leak out of my head most of the time.
To my former students, I hope that you continue to practice what I taught you and remember your Samantha or Natasha,
To my former officemates, you guys made earning money a lot of fun.
To my former bosses, thanks for trusting me.
To my TOP family, I love you guys kahit makulit kayo!
To my readers, sorry di ako nakakapagsulat lately. 
To my frenimies, how's life in general?
To all the fabulous bloggers I met, read and admire, keep on writing!~
To my former beloveds, thank you for the lessons in what I want and what I need.
To my future partner in crime, father of my saplings and horder of my love, *waves* stay safe and get here when you can. I am not in a hurry, I am busy being awesome.

To one and all who made my 27th years an adventure, I pray we all share a laugh or two again in the future. Or maybe later.

Thanks to Shakey's for my free pizza!~Next year ulet!

my sister made this for me ehehe kyopta

 

Fangirl Mode4.0 :Rock of Ages in Manila!

I can't breathe right now. I remember that months before I had gotten the news that Rock of Ages will come to Manila. It was like hearing the Rent would come to Manila. But the best thing about is was that MIG AYESA WOULD BE IN HIS ROLE! I even got tips to book a certain seat at a certain spot to make sure that I would hyperventilate from MIG-asm. (Did that sound dirty, I apologize if it did. I am spazzing. I just found out that BIG BANG is also coming to Manila. And since I do have a better paying job there is a bigger chance of going to both things I don't care if it's just in a tiny dark corner but to be able to BE there would just be amazing!)

I would not miss this for the world. And unlike the Big Bang concert, I know the dates for the Rock of Ayesa...I mean Rock of Ages. My friend Reina would kill me if I don't watch it. I would do so in my Got Mig shirt that I got from him and his very very very nice manager who mailed me that shirt for my Birthday.  


 Btw, it's almost my birthday now too, so I feel sooooooooo happy to be looking forward to the show. I need to watch on a weekend so as to maximize the time I can daydream after. Oh, please, you do that too. Come on.

So there Philippine Dates are...

I soo need a credit card right now.

How much are the tickets. Must Google information...

Found this from Atlantic Production, an interview with Mig. I need to call them from a landline...and ask for the prices. I wonder where I could go to actually buy the tickets. I have to ask my friend where Carlos P Romulo Auditorium is. I live in Makati but for the love of God, I don't know if that is where we had the Rent Musical from last time. I lost my old phone so my old ticket provider couldn't sms me anymore. T_T I saw some prizes from sulit.com for the tickets. I am still not sure when I would watch. It has to be a weekend. And I swear to God if I get to watch an understudy and not Mig I would cry like a river of bloody angry fierce tears.

I need to watch on a Saturday but not a 2pm one. Too early for some of my friends, or is it? Hmmm...I think it was made for people who are on the night shift. Teehee. I want to waaaatch...the rehearsal!!! Seriously, I miss being part of a production. Who do I have to call to be able to hand people props for this show. I would love to be a bright eyed college girl on my OJT in this production. That would be awesome beyond words. 


Prize research :

Found this in sulit.com.ph
I would need 2k for orchesta, 700 for balcony and 1500 for the loge. And the good news is I know where this place is! Yey! this is where I watched Rent before. *hits forehead with hand* duh. Yey! I can walk there.

Wouldn't it be cool if I could walk to see Mig having coffee at Sbux. Too bad my friend no longer works in this building. That would be a cool fangirl elevator moment!~

I'd settle for watching the musical with him in it. I hope he feels better when he comes over. Rest well, M! We can't wait to hear you sing again!

 

Rain makes me crazy emo

I saw that BIG BANG mah oppas are going to go the Philippines then saw a post around October from the time when JD Khe died from a new fb friend who added me. I couldn't help but spazz out on the first news and hope I can save money for it. I will tuck away money just in case. Then I am now wiping my snot in a computer shop, took my glasses and just let the tears fall.

I always hate me being such a bundle of emotions in inappropriate times. It's hard for me to accept death, not a lot of people know that about me. Guess that cat's out of the bag. It's the biggest of changes, something everyone who reads my blog knows I hate so much but have to deal with.

There is not more see you later and catch you when you have free time after someone dies. It's more like this life is one long wait for the final till we meet again.

When I went to Erren and Liay's wedding, I felt him there. I knew he wouldn't miss it for the world.

Anyway, my life seems so simple and useless compared to his life. Still watching Kpop bands makes me happy, even just for a little while.

I hope I can get tickets. VIPs are a crazy bunch. It might be sold out by now. Simon, bite your tongue!
http://bigbangph.org/2012/05/announcement-bigbang-alive-world-tour-philippines-confirmed/

 

27 things on my 27th

1.      Boracay with friends. Flabby or penniless, even if I have to aparate to get there.

2.      Get confirmed at work. If not achieved, then get a new job with a good salary in a good company (like there is any better than where you are now)

3.      Loose 20 kgs or more.

4.      Go on a blind date once (when #3 is done) with a decent guy. WATCH BIGBANG CONCERT IN THE PHILIPPINES. Even if I have to go hungry for ages.

5.      Finish and write (and give) the storyline for YOBO to Norby.

6.      WRITE AND POST The Mista Series (working title)

7.      Finish BBBS edits

8.      Finish writing and post THE BigB series

9.      READ and EDIT the novels on my HD and Eros (my laptop) - Finish at least two novels (read and edit) in a month. Start in June 2012.

10.  Buy a flashdrive to make it easier to transfer data from EROS to JD (tablet)

11.  Save at least 50,000-70,000

12.  Pay my mom my debt (once #11 is done)

13.  Get a working internet connection at my apartment (pray that witribe has signal in my spot)

14.  Go to church to pray as often as possible, if not more than 5 days a week.

15.  Clean my room and keep it that way.

16.  Organize things to make space for “Writing area” in room.

17.  Watch Mig Ayesa's concert if I have money. If not achieved, buy new album nevertheless.

18.  Get a credit card with my name on it. Do not overuse.

19.  Learn something new every day.

20.  Write a blog everyday if possible.

21.  Writing time – block an hour or two to write every day. (write a blog entry or write something for the novels you have/or write down your edit marks for a book that you are reading on JD)

22.  Met a man who can make me feel giddy and knows how to reply to an sms message.

23.  Attend all weddings of friends and relatives – enjoy telling people you never want to get married but love the wedding itself and the food.

24.  Never become a negastar and avoid them at all times. (unless company required and under the pain of death)

25.  Laugh as often as possible. Make people who are around happy to be around you. That means listening more talking less. ^.^

26.  Watch as many foreign films as you possibly can during the free festivals. Preferably with someone who actually likes them.

27.  Go on leave for May 30^th and 31^st of 2013. Make sure to include the weekend then go to the beach or a trip with a beloved or go home and enjoy the fiesta like you used to. Make sure to buy Mernel's cake for your birthday. 

 

BLUE DAYS Gift and the 27th list

I have a theory. This has something to do with what M told me once. That for me to get my period I have to have my hormones in a particular range so that I would get blue days. And it required exercises that have to be done. But I have no time to exercise because I am a work or in bed these days. But I found that something else made me get my blue days.

It was the giddiness.

I don't know if that was  symptom or the cure. I can't safely say that he was the cure for that. Meds didn't work. I was supposed to buy a different set but I didn't really have the time to buy it. I had forgotten all about and then boom, today of all days, six days before my 27^th birthday, blue day one for 2012.

I had hoped to get my reproductive system working normally, that is why I moved to a company that had medical benefits. But then shortly after attending and listening attentively, I found that they didn't cover the things that I needed. Or maybe I just haven't read the booklet as well as I should have.

Still, it gave me a bit of piece of mind. I am still under a lot of stress at work now. Mostly it is self-inflicted and I want to continue to improve to make the coaching and the effort of the people who helped me get to this level all worth it. I mean, I studied units in education. The only way that a teacher can feel better about a student is if that student does better than the teacher or at least doesn't become a an embarrassment. So far, my level is 42-70. My maximum comes with a lot of luck and a lot of ra's. Still from 25-37 that is a pretty big leap, almost twice as much. Still. I hope that I continue to learn how to shorten my talk time and get better at making decisions for my accounts. This all sounds greek to those who are not in my line of business, but I am sure some do.

Going back. I am not really that equipped to go to the beach or be unemployed if I don't get confirmed or regularized. So I am thinking that I need to ask for some help from friends who actually know how to handle their money. What works for them and for my who make less than what they earn and have more expenses than they do since I live on my own and can't cook (not allowed where I live and can't cook without burning everything). My rent eats up most of my money and that is just fine. Having my own space is bliss. Except my bliss is full of clutter.

I am thinking that this, the blue days has nothing to do with the giddiness. The giddiness I got from my new crush is a manifestation of the prayers Chinese lucky charm grandma placed on the charm she gave me. It's not that I don't believe in that, but it's made me significantly less stressed. I also go to church more often now. I live so near one anyway. No, no masses yet but I go there to light a candle to pray for his and his co-soldiers' safety in their area and his friends too. I write prayers of thanksgiving and petitions for things and people that I am grateful for as well as things and people that I am hopeful  for. Then there is the writing these blogs almost everyday. Some days I don't because hello nothing really happens at work that I can write about and I really don't want to document any negative thoughts or negathrons. Since as per Chinese lucky charm grandma said to only surround myself with positivity.

I noticed however that I work best when running against a negative statistic. Meaning if I am at the pits, I tend to be more competitive,not with everyone else like some people I know but with myself. I don't know if this is what people call self-motivated. I call it personal goals. I don't care if others are better than me or that I am doing better than others. All I want to do is to learn new things that would ease my work and make me like it better. I find that learning new things is my thing.

For example, today I learned how to say “Mahilig ka bang magbasa ng libro?” [Do you like/enjoy reading books?] in Ilocano. According to my father, it is “Naayat ka aya nga agbasa iti libro?” [Na-a-yat ka a-ya nga ag-ba-sa i-ti lib-ro?] Before I only know yes - “wen” and “You are handsome” - “Nag gwapo ka” and a few other lines that I don't want to write here since this is a wholesome blog entry. Still there is one that I like the most, [Ay-a-ya-ten-ka] which is “Ay ayaten ka.” - “I love you.” in the Ilocano dialect. My father is from Angadanan in Isabela so he's half-Ilocano from my grandpa's side and half-Batanguenyo from my grandma's side. I am thinking that my dad's Batanguenyo side might not be the one whom I find appealing since compared to my uncle's and the men I have dated from that half of him, had fallen from the pedestal. They tend to not be the perfectly imperfect guy I want. Maybe it's the Ilocano side of my father that actually made him better than the rest of the men who courted my mother at that time.

Perhaps that theory would have more weight if I had more exposure to them. Still I want to learn Ilocano. I hope there would be a book or an interesting person who can do that with me. Still he doesn't seem to want to do it. *rolls eyes upward*

The thing that he doesn't know about me, is that I am either relentless or easily bored. He can run away and never speak to me again but that won't stop me from liking him. He doesn't have to like me back and I don't even need reciprocation. What people don't understand from recovering hopeless romantics is that were can live with the thirst for love for many many many moons.

But once we find a different watering hole to go to and search for, no amount of splashing us with the old well's water would make us go back.

Still *looks around * I think I really need to make time to clear up my room's mess. I think the energy in my room is blocked that is why I am getting sicker. But after drinking the co-amoxiclab and the cough meds they gave me at the clinic I have stopped coughing excessively.

I got my Value Creation score today. It's meets. I am thinking that I need to do that same for my life. Make it a metric for my life. To make it better. Start with my PP scores that is following policies and procedure. Then make enough but not too much Connections with customers which would be family, friends and new people. Then value creation, make the right kinds of decisions so that I would have more good things happen to me and do more things in the limited time that I have between work and rest.

This weekend I have to go to a wedding, I am sure I would be a photographer/fat girl who is still single but already going to be 27 in several days time. Then I have to attend a funeral on Sunday. Yes, there is a wedding and a funeral. It's bizarre, I know but nevertheless that is my weekend. I would not but anything on Friday when I have to be with Her Royal Highness with the Third Prince when we go to Divi. I have to buy just one pair of Hello Kitty glasses for my sister (her star city day is gone forever since there is a funeral to attend on Sunday) and a gift for someone at work. I don't need anything else, except maybe rainy day shoes and dvds. But unlike the time we went there for my JD (china tablet) I don't plan any big expenditures. I need to remember that I make a third of what Her Royal Highness does. And she can shop enough for the both of us. Though she claims to be only needed to find a single dress. Surely we would visit her favorite shoe store first and her brother is coming so that might lead to some other guy stuff hunting. I am looking forward to finding out where I can buy goth-themed thing since I have loved that since my ma-luk days.

So I won't be able to clean my room. But I have to remember to have my clothes washed. I am thinking that perhaps it would be a better idea to just bring my clothes home for washing. Still that would require carrying them and I am too darn lazy. Still, it's more economical. So I am thinking that I could just do that this once. I have to warn the new maid. She might faint from exhaustion.

I am going to meet up with my friends J and A on the 11^th of June. I wonder if we have work on the 12^th. I hope not so I could spend the day chatting with them from the night of the 11^th to as late as we can. But Makati is no Elbi, in the latter we can sit in the grass and chat away the hours. In Makati, it's a little less laid-back and more expensive. I told them to aid me with saving and money handling tips. Then I would bring my cosmo and my witty mind full of things I did in my shady life to help them fire up their already cozy lives with their beloveds. That's what crazy single friends are for, right? Besides, we haven't met up since one of us became a geisha, I mean went to Japan. I am sure Ate J is rocking Nihon. But I really wish I can visit there.

I swear I am going to name my daughter Sakura, damn the naruto references. She's going to be a flower and that's that. Or if I don't have kids, I can name my dog that. ;-) Depends on what life I would have, that of a spinster or a wifey.

Still right now, my worries are little. I still have a lot of stuff on my 26 things to do for my 26^th year that I didn't get to do like make YOBO 4 onwards script. Yes, Norby I have not forgotten, just haven't gotten around to writing it. I am thinking that I should write it like a story then have him interpret it in the comics. Because I think of the format but I draw a blank. But the plot points are in my head. They have been swimming there for the longest time. Way too long if you ask Norby.

I will revisit my list, transfer some to my 27 things to do on my 27^th year. Then By God, I am doing those things. Not vauge things, like the ones I wanted to put my my 365 days of 2012 that I never really got to finish and list down or do (though some of them I am working on). I think I can do better with just 27 things to do.

Number one on that list

1.      Boracay with friends. Flabby or penniless, even if I have to aparate to get there.

2.      Get confirmed at work. If not achieved, then get a new job with a good salary in a good company (like there is any better than where you are now)

3.      Loose 20 kgs or more.

4.      Go on a blind date once (when #3 is done) with a decent guy.

5.      Finish and write (and give) the storyline for YOBO to Norby.

6.      WRITE AND POST The Mista Series (working title)

7.      Finish BBBS edits

8.      Finish writing and post THE BigB series

9.      READ and EDIT the novels on my HD and Eros (my laptop) - Finish at least two novels (read and edit) in a month. Start in June 2012.

10.  Buy a flashdrive to make it easier to transfer data from EROS to JD (tablet)

11.  Save at least 50,000-70,000

12.  Pay my mom my debt (once #11 is done)

13.  Get a working internet connection at my apartment (pray that witribe has signal in my spot)

14.  Go to church to pray as often as possible, if not more than 5 days a week.

15.  Clean my room and keep it that way.

16.  Organize things to make space for “Writing area” in room.

17.  Watch Mig Ayesa's concert if I have money. If not achieved, buy new album nevertheless.

18.  Get a credit card with my name on it. Do not overuse.

19.  Learn something new every day.

20.  Write a blog everyday if possible.

21.  Writing time – block an hour or two to write every day. (write a blog entry or write something for the novels you have/or write down your edit marks for a book that you are reading on JD)

22.  Met a man who can make me feel giddy and knows how to reply to an sms message.

23.  Attend all weddings of friends and relatives – enjoy telling people you never want to get married but love the wedding itself and the food.

24.  Never become a negastar and avoid them at all times. (unless company required and under the pain of death)

25.  Laugh as often as possible. Make people who are around happy to be around you. That means listening more talking less. ^.^

26.  Watch as many foreign films as you possibly can during the free festivals. Preferably with someone who actually likes them.

27.  Go on leave for May 30^th and 31^st of 2013. Make sure to include the weekend then go to the beach or a trip with a beloved or go home and enjoy the fiesta like you used to. Make sure to buy Mernel's cake for your birthday.

Crushes Come and Go

I am happy to be inspired. I am glad that at random points of my work, I smile for absolutely no reason. I will not call it love or like even, I just call it giddy. And that helps me because my voice is less strained because of that.

My mom told me to loose weight first before I go giddy for anyone. I raised an eyebrow at that sms and I had to smile. My parents, I am sure would like for me to be thinking of the same things that the other people that are in my batch are doing and thinking. I have to shake my head and smile.

It's a crush. And it's fading.

I wonder if I could have a crush on a good guy who was closer to me. Then again that's a pretty tall order. I am just glad that I have a new crush. Though it's fading pretty fast.

I guess it's true that I get bored waaaay to easily. I am sure he is a nice guy but I think I need to have a crush has propinquity as well. The thing is, there are just no cute, matikas, taller than me, eyeglasses-wearing men around me that I have a crush on.

Oh well. I should just focus on my work and use my crush-bliss to increase my accounts per hour and make me less stressed out at work.

Still. I am glad to have a new crush. I would add to my crush list soon. I have two now. One from work, which already died a natural death, the feeling of the crush, not the person. And my new crush. Maybe I should go to the mall, or parks or visit places where there are more people more often so I can find a few new crushes. The problem is striking a conversation and often I find that people bore me or they don't hold an ounce of humor or wit that I like.

I don't want to blow up my crush out of proportion. It would ruin my crush-bliss sooner. This is the main reason why I can block out the incessent buzzing of a certain bird that I would rather pluck than watch. Whenever I get irritated, I just remember the wedding and a conversation that made me feel like I could go back to making just those kinds of conversations. I avoid having those kinds of talks, where I pry information from a person that I have marked. It's not as bad as it sounds. It's just that I thought that doing that again would be terrifying. When I met Ico it was just a moment of me enjoying and I was not really flirting. This was me being the inner me joining the outer me. People sees me in a different way so they don't really know what is the inner me or what I feel like when I do have those conversations. It's akin to how beautiful women bat their eyelashes. In my case, it's how I carry out a conversation. Communications has it's many uses, the coolest of it would be to try to get someone you have your eye on to pay attention to you. I also know body language. And I know for a fact that he as not into me based on the way he was not facing me. But do I care? Not even a little bit.

A crush is a crush is a crush. What he thinks of me doesn't really matter. I just have a crush on him. I don't care if he likes me or not. Just the experience of liking someone new is refresshin and makes me feel less bored with my life. Hahahhaha.

People underestimate the need for new experiences and for meeting new people. I would like to think that when I learn new things and meet new people, I make small changes in my life and my personality is somehow enhanced by it. Not a single stranger, not a single conversation is useless. Things are just beginning to be better for me. I feel more like my inner self is coming out. I just need to reduce the space that my inner self is staying in maybe about 20-25kgs of less space. :-)

Being happy is not about meeting someone who I can love. Or who can love me back. It's more knowing that I am still capable of crushes, giddiness and perhaps even love. I haven't experienced it. Really felt it. I have loved people, boys, men and still I am not sure if that is the love that I want to have in my life. I have weird standards or lack of it.

Once I remember some palm reader told me that I don't care what my beloved does for a living. Another told me I would get married to the second serious boyfriend that I would have. But then what qualifies as serious? Is it length, then I've had two already. But the thing is, I don't think that is the meaning of serious in this case. I have never thought of marrying anyone, I just thought that I could do that in the future as the same way that people decide to go to college. But then again, I don't know anyone right now who fits the bill of what Liay said she looked for, a man like her father.

So it all boils down to finding a hardworking, funny, intelligent, loving, loyal man who would not cheat lie or steal when it come to the woman he loves. And that, crushes can't really fit into that role. I know so very little and wish to know less since the giddiness disappears when you get involved.

I will keep my crushes and just stay put. I will have to be found, since looking for that treasure of a man has made me a miner of fool's gold.