I think I am having birthday blues

I don't really care that I am getting a year older. I could care less about that. Getting older is a human thing that no matter how many needles people stick to their faces can not be changed.

But I have decided after seeing the astronomical deductions on my &$#^ payslip that my dream job is a nightmare that is waiting to happen.

So I have decided that this year I would seriously consider either getting alternative means to earn moolah or I would move to a job *that I may or may not hate* but pays a lot more than my present job.

Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I love my co-workers. most of my co-workers. But I can't keep staying in debt with my mom and not have enough money to eventually be the bread winner of my own family.

Most of my friends are doing okay. I think they have three times or fifteen times more stress in their lives than I do. And the stress is reflected on their paychecks. At least in their cases they are happy at least two times a month. In my case, there is not even that. Sure I am stress-free in general or happy in general. But it's a pain.

I can't be idealistic anymore. I need to be an adult.

Plan A: Get a writing gig that pays.

I need to write novels or something else that I can market. I think I can't write for my old SEO job since I haven't written in a lonnnnnnnnnnng time. I think I am probably on probationary and I don't have a homebased internet source so I can't do that. But if I will stay in my schedule-easy job, I can write novels. I just hope my fear of rejection doesn't get in the way.

Plan B: Convergy's

I promised Trina that if I ever decide to go back to that industry that I would try to work in her company. I just hope that I am still as trainable as I was before. I am sure I am. But it's sooooooo stressful. ^.^ I will try to go to the gym once I can afford it.

* I am actually just waiting for one of two things. I get a writing gig that pays or I get enough money for a deposit and lee way so that I can look for a new job if any case this kind of pay won't cut it. I also need a roomate for my hole in the wall room that costs an arm and a leg.

I need to pay my mommy debt (my debt to my mom) and I need to save for my future. I want to be able to buy my own house and be able to have a place to call my own (preferably in the metro or in LB) and then write for money.

It's time to stop being an idealistic "My life is not worth this much." Because frankly, my skills are not worth this little.