Of Flying and Fears
It was the adventure that I did not
want to go to. It was the vacation that I would have never have
thought would be possible. It was a celebration of ten years of
friendships. December 2012 had been the best and the worst for me. It
was the culmination of two groups of friends and the things that I
would do for them and the things they have done for me. I married off
two friends, one wedding I missed but I hope so relive in video and
pictures and another one that I witnessed and participated in and
hope will be strong and fruitful as perhaps my parent's marriage
still is. But the highlight of my year has been this trip to Boracay
that my college friends have been planning since ever. It started as
something that had to be done in 10-10-10 but the actual thing
happened 12-31-12. I could give you a blow by blow of it all, and
long winded person that I am I probably will but I want to just say
this before the tips and the details come flooding out, I am just
glad that I am able to say that I rode an airplane and I survived it.
Granted that it was only for 45 minutes at a time but that is change,
that for me was terifying. But like what I now know but refused to
believe in before, it is that the things you are afraid of may not
always be the reason why you are not able to go places or do things
you never thought would be possible, it's your perception of what you
are capable of doing that makes you less of who you can be. Sure I
still don't think my job is my niche in the world, but I need to stop
making excuses as to why I did not write anything substantial in
2012. For frack's sake I saw BigBang live in concert and I got a
better paying job. Sure I can't rant about things from work but I can
write about me. Sure I have no lovelife (kuddos to my friends who
have by the way) and no other thing to do after work but watch dvds
and read but that doesn't mean my fingers have to stop touching my
Eros just because nothing is happening in my life and I have no
internet connection. Andoy is right, I need to change my genre. I do
love my romance novels and I do love happy endings because I am a
gaddem hopeless romantic but that doesn't mean I have to just write
that, or read it for that matter. I could write about life, I could
write about adventures and perhaps if I am not so effin chicken, I
could possibly ride another plane to another place and have another
adventure. I may or may not do it alone. But one thing is for sure, I
am taking on Andoy's advice and putting the 2 years as my window to
run my ass off *literally* and make sure that I have enough money for
food and souveniers when I go on my second
Bora trip. I told Reina, lady who bought me tickets to this first
trip on our last moonlit conversation on our last night on this trip
that I want to go back to Boracay with a boyfriend (however long that
may take me to accomplish the boyfriend ready and Bora-ready body I
plan to follow through with it). This trip was for lack of a better
term EPIC in so many ways. For one thing, I didn't take home a boy
after slut dancing my way into the New Year ( yey retired slutty me).
Regardless of how Andoy and his cards said completion comes from a
union and that I should stop defying my fate, I still don't want to
meet Mr. Right at a bar while I dance to charge up because of my
soul-less year. There are nights in Elbi when we did the girls' night
out to dance and be just out of control, that was one of those
nights. Fully charged and Epic-ly happy to be with my soulmates, who
despite not really being sure what to make of me and being founding
members of ALPHA NINYA RHOT have told me that one thing that made me
feel good about my shady past, that we would have never have survived
Elbi without each other. They phrased it a bit differently but I
heard it like that because I know that I would have remained the
bitch that I was in high school who did not know an iota about
fashion or make-up if it was not for them. I would have become a
lesbian if not for them, I think. And that would have never have
satisfied my oral fixation. They put up with my oral diarrhea and we
have profound conversations, debates even about how screwed up we
were before. We are honest enough to tell each other that we are not
doing good and that regardless of how much advice we give each other,
the only thing we actually do take away from the experience is the
knowledge that someone heard us say the deepest darkest and hardest
truths about ourselves that our family would never understand or know
and that we don't always want our better half to worry about and that
our inner voices don't even want to echo. On that trip to Bora, I
overcame my fear of saying that I am afraid to love again and I know
that my friends, selective listeners they may be to all my oral
diarhea heard it. They can't offer me advice on it except that I have
to live my life and deal with things on a daily basis and to make
sure to put my heart back in however hairy it may seem to be now. I
know I wanted to write down all the details of our trip before I
loose the timeline in my head, I did try to put my thoughts on paper
(on the notebook Fried gave me) but I just want to get the emo side
of things out of the way so that the good times can keep rolling.
So there I said it,
I had my first new year away from home and perhaps it's something
that needs to be done more often. Christmas, I would probably never
miss, unless I can't really make it. But maybe the new year needs to
be greeted with an epic party every time. Perhaps my first years as
an adult was so shitty I needed that kind of party to recharge me.
And maybe just maybe I need to do something like this every year. Who
knows? I just might be entering a different era of Nina. Spunky is
part of my past, I can't be in the same weightclass as her anymore
let alone cup-size but maybe I need to get a new me bitchslap old me
and tell her, “Your reign is over chicken-shit, time for Simone to
take over, baby!” That or I just need to go save up for my next
major vacation and make sure to bring a camera on that one and a
phone with internet connection.
**pictures to follow**
No comments:
Post a Comment
What do you think?