Saturday, January 26, 2013

Cosmo to Completion

Disclaimer: A very long blog. 

Written: 01242013

I walked from Netquad to Net Plaza to check if the 7-11s near my building had the January issue of Cosmopolitan (I had all 11 of the 12 issues of 2012 [I missed February but I hope to find a copy of it one of these days]some with my friend A who needs the pages more than I do and others around my tiny room read and waiting for airing and re-posting – plan to get all the Cosmo Commandments pages together – my new Favorite part of Cosmo) but I could not find ANY! One store only got TWO copies and some faster ladies got to them before I could afford my own copy. I had been saying hi to Taylor Swift since the first day she was at the 7-11 near my building and I thought I had lost my chance to get a copy. I was the 24th after all and I was afraid that copies would run out and I would not be able to start my new yearly resolution, one cosmo a month. If they printed two in a month I would probably augment that. It's 125 pesos of nods, burst of laughter and tips to no end. I may not be the make-up, high-heeled shoes and white pants wearing kind of woman but I was still, in my head, as feminine as the next girl. It reaaaally just doesn't show. I don't really like being fashionable, I prefer to be comfortable. But I know fashionistas, I have friends who love it, worshiped it and somehow made their own version of comforshion. When they needed to dress it up they could and when they could rock colorful scarf at the beach they could. Sorry, getting to into the content, let's go back to the journey, I took the Fort bus, albeit disheartened that I may not find a copy of my own when I decided to walk to Glorietta to the new National Bookstore they had. I had liked the convenience of that store being in G5 before but now I think the new NB is nicer. But silly spazz that I was I had forgotten that my dear TS was on the cover and I had overlooked Cosmo at the magazine shelves. It took one nice NB lady to get my the “where were you looking?” face and a TS on the cover pink Cosmopolitan to get me to calm down. I decided that Fun Fearless Female me needed to take my Cosmo home to read it. At this point I had not read it cover to cover. I had flipped through the articles and zoned in on some thing. I had always loved the Confessions part, the cover story article and COSMO UPFRONT THE HOT DEBATE. The question always made me choose one side and I lurved the question for this month! Can you CHANGE a man? I immediately said, “HELL NO!” That's just because I believe people do not change. They adjust. But who they are what they are ultimately wins in the end. So if you try to change a man whether he is willing or not, it's going to end up making one or both of you miserable. I read the yes part first, being that I love discourse and the lady made a pretty decent point. But I almost shrieked out when I saw the name of the girl who said NO, the lady of my own mind! She is Carissa Nanagas! It said teacher under her name and I was shell-shocked. I used to work with her in my first Korean company! Flashbacks of break room chatter and her personality flooded me. I loved her answer, no pun intended to the YES lady but I loved the example that she had. Because I was there (I think) when she was dating Mr. Guy you can't change. I am so happy that a wonderful and beautiful woman like her found her Mr. Man. That is when I knew that I broke the Cosmo sixth degrees of separation. Someone I actually talked to as a person as me and for all intensive purposes I did not become frenimies with was on cosmo. COSMO LADIES!!! She's a cosmo girl through and through, she has her unique love for fashion, she can be comfashyon one minute and in the next strutting her stuff with her “gal” and gurl friends in a rocking Christmas party. I always thought she is pretty inside and out. She didn't need to be mean to be more confident about herself and although she had her own struggles, she didn't disregard that friends and family are important support systems to get her to be a go-getter. No, we are not super close friends but I know this about her because you just can't help but observe this about her. Sure she may not be perfect but perfection once you become obsessed with it can actually destroy whatever it was that made you wonderful and unique in the first place. I hoped for a lot of things for the people I met in the past whom I find to be wonderful and colorful people and I have her in that list. I am sure she is showing her students and her loved ones that time does make a woman more beautiful and wiser.

I am glad I walked to NB to get this copy. It made the stress from work melt away and I know that the recharging that I made in Boracay with my friends would not last for 12 months. But a monthly dose of Cosmo might just make sure it does.

Oh and the PERFECT KA TEH? made me laugh. I realized that I really am a bitch and I am not even aware of it. Then I read something that hit, something about if you say something that is mean or feel bad about something that someone posted on FB maybe it's because the person who posted it has something that you wanted. That is so true. I own up to that. Now I have two facebook accounts. Please FB don't delete one, both are me and are essential to me. The Pinaywriter one would include everyone whoever may add me and are TOPpers/blog readers/gamers/friends/frienimies/officemates/relations/exes/future exes T_T and all the other people who want to be friends with me on facebook then why the hell not add them? But I would be slowly stripping my Pinaywriter blog of things that are Nina. Pictures of me and my family or my co-workers may stay. But most of the new me and the new things would be in another place. If I don't add you on the new FB don't get pissed off. I have a limited number of slots to fill and I don't plan to flood it too much. No fanpage likes on my feed, no memes and nothing but my close friends and people I want to facebook stalk (oops) would be there. It's more like one I have as blogger and as a writer and the other is where the NINYA ready people are. Those who won't bug me or get made when I speak my mind. It's my zone. Just like how this blog is. Mine. And if I say something it's what I want to say and I would not apologize for it.

Why? Because I never asked you to read beyond the first sentence. Feel free to comment no need to troll.

COSMO COMMANDMENT 19 rules to living the Cosmo Life Fave for January 2013: LEARN TO LOVE YOUR QUIRKS... and BE THE BOSS OF YOU!

Taking control of your life, well me taking control of my life and embracing my 2013 power word BALANCE would take all the time that I can possibly give it. So far I have 4 accounts to make up and 100% daily productivity to do so I can get my first month of the year's prod to 100% and I need to do this ALL YEAR LONG but more specifically for three months straight. I also need to be less careless of my decisions because what I do has impact on customers, real people who do real things who need the things they might be swiping their card for. May it be the birthday cruise they are taking with their family or just the medicine they need everyday. I know they don't know me and my work doesn't save the world or educate others in philosophy or what not. But I realized that if I do my job right and not think that it's beneath me or doesn't engage my skills as much as my old job does, then I can focus on it better. And if I needed to be creative, I had tons of ways to do it. I had the novels I needed to edit, BBBS to be more exact and my own unfinished stories. If I needed to remember what was important and to release my stress all I had to do was open an open office word document and type all my frustrations away. Because apparently when I bottle it up, I spit out bile more often that I should. So in order to dilute it, I must release the poison more often.

I saw this book in NB that had names and their meanings on it. I took a picture of it so I can look for it and purchase it when I had the money. I LOVE my name now. NINA and RITA have awesome meanings. Apparently they are very cool names! I want to buy it so that when my friends who want to think of baby names ask me for advise I can help and we can even find out what our names mean! Sure it might not have all the names in the world, but I still want it! IF anyone would want to gimme a birthday gift, this is on my list, thank you very much.

My legs are cramping up. I don't have a writing table in my room. *mental note : include in Birthday wish list & make Birthday Wish list blog* Eros is resting on my pillows and is wobbly while I am typing away. I want to do this as often as I can, write. I know that nothing really happens in my life right now so I think that is a really big reason why I want to do something, to make things happen. This year started with friends and I realized that isolating myself like I did in the past made me bitter, envious and mean. I also lost touch of the real me trying to be a more mature version of me at work but ending up not embracing the change that I forced myself to make. I would not compare my work now to the work that made me happy but unable to afford a cosmo mag a month, really it was that bad. I would walk with confidence and try to put more motion in my life so I can get my blood flowing again. I think it's great that I am force to walk in Makati, with it's underpasses and what not. Because I get to observe people and absorb small things about them. I need that to feed the writer in my and to feel like I am not just another ant following the same sent ant toiling away every day. Having goals at work (not just to not get fired) fires me up and although I don't know all the names of the people in my team, having them be less toxic towards me helps me get a lot more work done. I liked people in my old team, some more than others because they all filled an archetype (no I am not going to get into that Code of Conduct and all that). But I know that this year I want to be more balanced and try not to be too open to strangers and too secluded from my friends. It's a lucky thing that we got wifi at my house. I can go home and share meals with my family and sleep in my home. It recharges me. The goal is to have a pillow that is all mine at home and not share it. Since I moved to Makati I have not had a pillow that was mine in our home, my sister had one because she lives there, my parents too. But for my and my brothers who live in the city and in LB we don't. Like being transients.

I think that for now, since I don't have someone to spend weekends with, I would just have to clean up my forgotten PW facebook and transfer all my only documentation to my Sam facebook, unclutter my blog and clean my room as often as I can. I want to get my own wifi but I am thinking that I would not get enough sleep. So for now, from a cavewoman of 2012, I might as well be a weekend blogger and a semi-lurker in facebook.

Five out of my 23 things to do on January have been cleared off. And it's almost February. I need to get things out of the way and cleared off my list before too many more things take their place. I missed Maribel's wedding but I hope I can meet up with her husband Vince and her one of these days. I have two things to look forward to, a call that would make the fangirl in me shriek and meeting my friend's guy and wishing them a happy life together. But I am sure that if not this year then the next, I won't be afraid to complete myself in a union anymore.

A new friend said that I had made so many bad choices that led me away to the right kind of man for me. COSMO affirmed him, "You're attracted to bad boys, but this year, you'll meet a few funny, nice dudes who'll cause you to reconsider your type."

And as for the life part: Friends will play a major role this year. Some will inspire you to try new things . (HELLO FLYING TO BORACAY, ring any bells), while other will help you power through bad times. *special holler to Don and Ysac on that part so early this year*

As for work, I should befriend my officemates to make the workplace feel better. For this I plan to be a little bit more careful. Some people already think that I am easy to bully or that I am okay with puns. I don't want to be too Ninya at work because there are just so many who are not NINYA-uptrained so to speak. And despite the mask that was 2012, I have to just make sure I don't give my boss grief, solve as many customer needs as I can and make the numbers add up the way that they should. If all else fails, I can always draw THE FOOL card and I can begin anew.

2013 is not meant to be perfect or to have lists cleared off but for me to find the BALANCE of things that I can control and the things that are just meant to be. As per my otherworldly knowledgable friends say, If you fight against what is your fate or your destiny, you loose your way. If you want to have a better life, you have to make better choices.

So next time I meet a nice guy I won't consider him because he's the anti-thesis but I would examine my crush and the realms of possibility for happiness. But for sure, this time, I would not settle for anything less than completion.


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