Thursday, February 24, 2011

Pandabear Project 6 of 100 : PapaPanda Panic

I almost choked when I checked my FB emails earlier and saw that Pandabear's PapaPanda asked him to introduce me to the maternal side. There was a hint that someone had already mentioned in the private family group earlier.

I almost fainted.

Meeting the family is not my strongest point. I don't think it's a big deal. I think it's a HUGE deal.

You all know this about me, I am from Batangas. In our family culture,when you introduce a person it's a sign that things are settled and a hop and a skip to getting married.

So I told Pandabear that he would not meet my family or attend any family events until he graduates and gets a good job. Because I for one, don't want people to look down on the person I am with. I want him to be his complete adult self when that time comes. None of my exes met my family. Honestly, I don't think they had the qualifications to do so. Sorry for being blunt but they didn't. I loved them and I knew they loved me, but the man I want to introduce to my family needs to be someone who is "together" and "definitely mine".

I have met a family once, the mom loved me. I never got over that experience since I had to break up with the mom too. It's hard.

Also I want to finish my self-improvement before I meet anyone on either side. The sad thing is that I might not see him this week since my mom is making me go home because we have to attend a birthday party. My godfather sent an invitation with my name on it. T_T, God help me if it's a swimming party. Give me a simple cocktail party anytime. I have to endure the "You got so big!" comments again. But this time around, since I have a new boyfriend, I would have to endure "When are you getting married?" Now, do you understand why I don't introduce men to my family and Batangas-based family friends? They are all gagging to get me categorized in a different civil status because that is what is TIMELY for me to do.

I am sorry, my cousins have shown me eclectic married lives, so I am not willing to jump their bandwagon just yet. I have just recently decided that having a normal relationship is not as boring as I thought it would be so I am not going to get myself into even bigger trouble by promising anyone forever.

I know that he worries about this. But I am a firm believer that we attract what we fear. I don't want him to think that I am not serious about this or that I don't think he is good enough. As a person he is. Gosh, he's my first honest boyfriend. (Yes, guys he is. Don't worry I still love you as my exes in my own way. ^.^) I am not about to ruin him by lying to him that I want him to stop growing to reach his potential.

That is not the kind of friend, or girlfriend for that matter.

I have a lot to learn and to improve on to be a good girlfriend as well. I need to learn how to be a home-efficient person. I need an inkling of culinary quotient. I have none so far. I have to clear my mom bank debts. I want to learn how to make even better photographs. I want to be able to save money. I want to learn how to budget. I want to visit all the museums near me. I want to loose 27 kilograms of ex-boyfriend pining flabs. I want to fall in love with an honest, sweet, loyal and thoughtful Pandabear.

So please, don't rush me. I want to make sure that this time around my love is not built on the foundation of passion because it fades and can leave me scorned. I want to make sure that this time it's not based on chemistry and sexual compatibility alone because those can be misdirected energy and just hormonal imbalances gone crazy. I want this to be something that my mind, my heart, my newly recovering moral compass and my life experiences agrees on.

This time, it won't be him and me against the world. It wouldn't be something that would be a telenovela-worthy love story. It would something that would inspire people, normal simple girls, to find the best boyfriend in that nice guy they love to put in the friend zone and tag along like some puppy.

I want to learn how to be a keeper. I want to make sure this time. Like my Tita Nanet told me, I need to what I want to do alone and be open to do things with someone else.

I can be the bestfriend and the girlfriend at alternate times, my Pandabear can't just yet. He alternates from little brother to boyfriend. I need to train him how to do this on his own. Regardless of what happens in the next 94 days, I will make sure that he is capable of loving himself and me in the right way, pun intended. ^.^

I need to be nonchalant about this when I go home. I am sure people have saved up four years worth of puns for me to hear. ^.^ I am after all the scary cousin who stares and scares their boyfriends during family events. My boyfriend needs training, endurance and mental before he can face the horde of Perezes and Simons.

I might need to buy him a Kevlar.  ^.^

I am not worried about his family. I may not be the prettiest of girls. But there is nothing wanting in my breeding, intelligence and charm. I am willing to be criticized and smile wider when ridiculed. So I know they would like me eventually. It's a gift and a curse. ^.^

*Ugh, anticipating pimples because of this.*

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