Fool Me Twice, It's My Fault

Sometimes I fell like I shouldn't have taken this job and just let other people loose sleep over waiting for stories and novels to be finished. I would just deal with my own stories and procrastinate on my own time. I would have time to clean my room, sleep late during the entire weekend and probably exercise. But I don't like to pull out tight situations by running away from responsibilities. I prefer to take my time but as long as things go my way, I would feel like I am making good time.

Don't get me wrong, I don't work that well in groups. As what I have said in the past, I don't do collaborations. The simple reason behind this is that I am a lazy motherfucker. It took me four years to finish my novel ELBI LIFE NATASHA. I don't want to ever be a burden to anyone by being the person everyone is waiting for.

I would love to give some of my ideas to other writers in the future. But I am selfish like that. I think it but I would probably never do it. For me, my story ideas are like my babies. I want to nurture them while they are still young, argue with them when they are being difficult and to laugh out loud when we talk about private jokes.

I am not as good as some of you might think. I really suck in Filipino grammar and word usage. It's my Achilles' heel. So I took this TOP job to improve that. I figured if with more exposure I became good in English then by using that premise, exposing myself to Filipino would do the same thing.

But I am an impatient person. And this is the worst kind of attitude an editor-in-chief should have. They have to be Buddhas of calmness and willing to wait for Nirvana. But I am not fat enough to be a Buddha nor am I patient enough to wait for good things to come to me.

I have asked for advice from real editors and actual novelists and they told me to cut those people loose. Which people? Those who keep giving me excuses and causes delay and problems.

BUT I CAN'T.

This is TOP. We don't cut people off. "They can leave if they want, but we don't cut people off," I said. They told me, then suffer the consequences of your kindness.

It is true, a good deed doesn't go unpunished. And I hate it when I try to be a good person. Because I am not a good person. I am a horrible cussing loud bitch.

I know that I hate liars. I know that I hate it when people are late. I hate it when people break their promises and then give me excuses.

Sure. The reasons are valid. The thing is, I don't give a shit. I won't give a shit from now on.

I don't care if you hate me. I hate you too. Bring it on.

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To all the writers and contributors who continue to make me smile, thank you for making this "job" worthwhile. Hindi ako titigil sa pagtulong sa inyo. Huwag kayong mag-alala. Grace under pressure, chicas. Keep your deadlines and we will get along. Follow the rules and I would love you long time. *giggles*