Wednesday, August 24, 2011

On Tact and Competence

My old friend know and HATE this about me. I am the most tactless member of our groups. I have worked hard to stop this nature from coming up. I try my best not to answer back to my parents. But I always find myself less able to reign this massive flaw when I am in a great deal of pain and/or pressure. I was in a great deal of pain AND pressure yesterday. I tried to reign it in, swallow the rant I was about to spew but I had to do something to get it out. So I punched the wall a little bit. I made sure I didn't hit ANYONE with my fists and my words, which is my common and usual way of dealing with my anger.

I am not the kind of person who likes pressing down her anger or frustration let alone her disappointment. I am just not wired that way. And I am the negative reinforcement kind of person. I don't function well with being nice to people. They tend to exploit it and think that I am always on their side. I am never on anyone's side. I am a friendly enough person. I have a wide comfort zone to accept visitors into my realm.

But people who touch my food, insist on taking my food even if I didn't offer them any, people who pop their gum, those who are unprofessional, delay-causing and all around pains in the toushie are just not going to stay long in that zone without getting snapped at, ripped or ultimately, hurt by what I would say, do or not do.

The reason why I telling Ico to try to be more thick-skinned and to prepare for unreasonable people is that I know they exist. HECK, I am number one on that list. The only difference is that I refuse (often) to make those people with these maladies continue to pollute the populace. Even weeds need to be removed to let the flowers grow.

I had a classmate in elementary who made me this frustrated. We were in the same group and everyone else did exactly what they had to do. This lazy baluga didn't do anything and had the gal to say that the end product was ugly. Other classmates had to hold on to me to prevent me from making her eat our project. They pointed out that we worked hard on it and she didn't deserve to get even an indigestion from it. I made the mistake of putting her name in the group project nevertheless. It would be a point against me if it appeared like one member didn't do anything or was excluded though it was already beyond my powers to make her efficient. That baluga became an archetype in my life. Many others like her tried to reep the rewards of the things I worked hard on and pretended that they actually had a contribution. And they almost always do something to piss me off or frustrate me. And always I have to put their name in the list and continue living my life knowing that I did that because I don't want them to be excluded. But always there is this pang of desire to poke it to their face that they are leeches. But I don't. Unless absolutely necessary. There was an incident when I refused to let the order of the names be in alphabetical order. Simply because some people did not do their work well and I refused to have my name and those who had to work on the thing the slackers messed up, thus doubling their work, be placed after those slackers names. I learned from experience that people do not need to get motivation or pep talks. They can motivate themselves. And people can only REFUSE TO LISTEN TO REASON AND WORK FOR THE COMMON GOOD. And frankly, I hate people who consider themselves a part of a team and then just cause more trouble than they are even worth.

I am sorry if you find the words here repulsive, too big or uncomfortable to read. This is my blog and this is a rant. So you might not want to poke me right now. If there are any grammatical errors, let's just leave it to context for it to remain raw. I really want to go to my happy place and get hugs from my boyfriend. I hate that people make so many excuses for people who are incompetent. It's pathetic, a waste of their precious time and worse of all, a waste of our collective effort.

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