Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Wala kayo sa Lolo Celo ko

I knew I was ready. I knew before even my mom told me but I still have the same flaw I have before. I bounce back easily but I repress sadness or loneliness and try to rely on my uncanny ability to lift my spirit. After ranting for a bit or doing something useful with the extra energy, I believe that I am over something. But I never am. I get those small internal emo bursts as I call them those pangs of sadness that people feel when they think of someone who is not around anymore.

I know my grandpa is with his beloved wife now. After so long but it hurts to know that he won't be around to attend my wedding, or see MY kids.

I teared up (my version of bawling) while editing the pictures so I can upload them later on Facebook. I am working on a video for the 40th day. I can't make it as soon as I did Utoy's (tito Dante) because his was sudden and the reason why the video was put together was that it was my way of adjusting to his death. With my grandpa we were waiting for him to take his rest.

Kayo nasa CITY history book ba ang Lolo nyo bilang oldest newsboy? ^.^

Family man
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.  ~John Vance Cheney

I remember telling my sister early this year to make the lettering for Happy 80th Birthday Lolo Celo better. And I am glad that we did fix it. No one thought it would be his last birthday party. Not even one of us thought that by August we would've lost him. He cries on his birthdays...every time. I think this is why most of his kids are no afraid to cry when they are overwhelmed by happiness. 

Januaries would not be the same. Augusts would never be uneventful in my family ever again. My mom misses taking care of her dad. I think she would be zoning in on her kids again. *feeling the pressure now* 

I gave the eulogy at his funeral. I was choked up and I couldn't read my notes. But I knew that everyone understood me and felt that he had a full life. 

Like my mom said, *punas luha before resuming typing* at least we showed him we loved him up to the end.

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