Friday, January 28, 2011

Packed Weekend

I am surprised that my life has taken a bit of nosedive since August. I find that my weekends are either spent trying to avoid errands that have piled up over the week or actually doing them and feeling more exhausted than I am on a daily basis. I took this job so I don't have to do stuff after work. But I find myself needing to do things after work since they pile higher and deeper during the day. It doesn't help that I can't really downgrade myself to a level that is average as compared to the others who are working with me. Surely they are excellent people and I am getting along with them better and better each day. They have their own way of encouraging me to be less passionate about my frustrations about work. But I also find myself being the typical UP BACA that I am. It's just not possible to unlearn all the things that I remember from school. Now I understand that I really got a lot from my education. I love my parents for it and I genuflect to my teachers and mentors because of their talent in molding fleeting and erratic minds like mine. Being a UP graduate made me innately competitive. I realized it just now. Even when we try not to be the best of the best, we still end up pushing ourselves beyond the limits of others.
An online friend who is also a like-minded individual had questioned my goal of staying under the radar. I guess I didn't learn enough from TL H as to how to make people think that you have absolutely nothing to offer than a bit of your wit,. enough to just do your job.
I really can't be any less than what I was trained to be, than what I graduated to be.
I think I would just have to suffer through the numerous classes and the weird distribution process that they have over the work that they want us to do. I just wished that I didn't like teaching English as much as I did. Otherwise, I would have taken my mother's insistent offer to make me work in Batangas.
But for my sanity's sake and for the love that I have for my family and friends in backwater Batangan, I really can't go back there to live the rest of my life being someone's assistant or something like that. Not that there is anything wrong with having a decent job with great benefits. I like this job. I just hoped I had HMO to cover the possible complications of a schedule that left no time to pee and excessive rapid typing that never quite as fast as my mind.
I need to stop whining and just suck it up. I am an adult after all. And this is my job, this is not child's play.
I have a 40,000 debt to clear in my mom bank. I have to save up for my future as a possible spinster. T_T I have to get glasses, an obgyne check-up, visit to my derma and a gym membership. Those things won't pay for themselves. My rent and living expenses also beacon. But as for my social life, I can't risk going on a leave just yet. I am sure my friends would understand that apart from weddings, christenings and funerals, I am a financial hermit.

I need to clean my room, check all the stories that I need to edit, start putting things off my desktop screen. Buy a 320 or 500gb or 1TB HD again to clear everything from my laptop and leave only TOP things.

I want to be able to clean up my life. Like Mark said earlier, I am the only one who can help me.
My Korean managers can't help it if my students keep piling up, but they could at least give me time to breath or pee.
My co-workers can't do my work for me.
My TL can't pacify all my mood swings.
My exes can't love me like I want to be loved.
My parents can't keep giving me money for the rest of my life.

I need to do my job.
Stop complaining.
Do it the best that I can.
Buy a stress ball.
And budget my money better.

1.So tomorrow, clean room.
2.Score January entries. Choose winner. Announce winners.
3.Sunday, clean some more and tell Jac to move to our room.
4.Then Feb1 after work, edit BBBS and other novels. Do not stop for anything and do not get distracted.
5.Must be finished with BBBS by Feb 5. By hook or by crook. Whatever BBBs I have with me should be done.
6.If the other stories are still there, then edit them too. Start with BHHE2.
7. Must be finished with BBBS and BHHE2 by Feb 6.
8. Email said stories to Foo and respective writers once I am done.
9.Then check and compile all TOP concepts. Approve and reply.
10.Then compile all CV.
11.Then update writers directory.
12.Then update Feb contest.
13. Do not forget to eat.
14. Do not forget to sleep.
15. Dream of future boyfriend. ^^

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