Diva After my own Heart

She made me laugh. She made the ghosts of the theater where she portrayed a white lady laugh along with her. She was spontaneous, free and always ready to share a story with a look, a smile and her contagious laugh.

She was to me a goddess on stage and there are no words that can make the loss bearable.

She was loved. She is loved. She will always be a beloved friend, inspiration and reminder that life tends to take from us those whom we don't want to let go.

She was beautiful. She is beautiful. She will always be beautiful in our memories.

Let's remember her smile, her laughter and her ability to make us smile, laugh, and cry because of her performances, on and off the stage. But best of all, let's remember the friendship and the strength that she awakened in us.

In the future, I will quit smoking but I would always remember the ELBI where you were in. Where people shared lives amidst the puffs of smoke. 


We miss you already, Diana. Si Lord naman ang patawanin mo.

By Irvin

Unbearable Pain

I would have never imagined that happening to me. I would never allow this to happen to me. I would never let anyone let me miss my own kid's college graduation. This is something that is unbearable.

I would miss work on that day.

I blame those idiotic school administrators. I want to kick the idiot who changed that date. They ruined her buzz. We spent so much time looking for what she would wear on that day. And that bloody idiot caused this.

It's not the people who didn't say yes to her changing the date of her leave or her that is to blame. It's that fracking idiot who changed the schedule after so many other parents have probably had to file a leave on the first schedule.

That moron should be hung on the next PTA. Or on the freaking school flagpole. Idiot. Urgh.

I hope he or she bites her tongue every time a student tells their parent that the schedule has been moved. I am sure that would cause sufficient blood loss to cause death.

Sleeping and Sniffling : Why Pinay hates A-holes

You know why I hate assholes?

Because they make me lose sleep and they make me smoke so much that I get sick the next day.

And for what? Because they broke someone else's heart! Unfortunately the someone else I am talking about is a "soulmate" of mine.

I think I have mentioned this several times. There are friends and acquaintances that I tolerate but then there are people I call my "soulmates". These are the people who I would run to when they call me or text me their "I am desparate" message. It could be anything from "Let's have coffee." to "Are you in Makati?" But I just know that it's one message or call that I can't ignore.

So I transform and fly to where they are. Figuratively speaking that is.

Then there is what I would like to refer to as the "spinning record mode". We all know what this is. All you are supposed to do at this point is be quiet and listen. I am, of course, incapable of shutting up so I tend to bug my friends with segues when they are talking about their problem. They both love and hate me for this. The love came when they realized that I can't change this side of me.

Then comes the "white noise Nina mode" where I have to talk and say random normal and abnormal things that would occupy their mind so that they don't stab themselves with chopsticks or call the bastard who caused the whole breakdown to begin with.

And I always hear the same words.

"It hurts. Make it stop. How come I still love him?"

And I can't make the pain stop.
I don't have an answer to this question except,

"You just do. Bear with it and get the closure that you need."

Because at the end of the day we are the ones who are supposed to hold our happiness in our hands. We can't ask someone else to handle it let alone trust them to not destroy our happiness.

I know this to be a fact. Men can't handle their own happiness and letting them handle ours would lead to chaos and catastrophic pain.

We can love ourselves. And the excess can be directed towards them. Otherwise we become an empty husk when they drain us of our self-love. And it would take a lifetime to get it all back.

I hurt my friend when I told her that I didn't like the guy that she likes then and then again when I told her I would not talk to her again if they got back together. Now that she is still miserably loving him, I know how it feels but I have to detach myself from it. Since I know that the man would be bad news for her. I know that many of the people other people date are bad for them. And not because they are still together and/or tied the knot that things were able to work out. But they never listen, so it's up to them to mess it up and clean up after themselves.

Sometimes, people just have nowhere else to go and have noone else they can blindside into loving them. But the misery of not being with the man you love is not as bad as the misery of knowing that the man or person that you think you loved is not that person who is with you. You just thought that he was like that guy. But he isn't and now you're stuck.

I would rather risk my heart to be alone than to be stuck with someone who makes me both stupid and miserable.

Tired of Being Little Miss Sunshine

I noticed this about some of the guys that I have dated. They seem to constantly walk around with a personal dark cloud that rains on their parade all the time.

*cue "Don't Rain on My Parade" of Glee here*

JL was carrying his own baggage. I understand those very well. I couldn't work it out with him because we wanted different things.

Mark as a super emo guy. I had a hard time making him laugh. It was a struggle to make his sense of humor come out. I was exhausted all the time in making him laugh. It was like I had to drag every smile out of him.

Ico, as we all know by now, is a recovering emo too. I want to whip the emo out of him. But I can't I tried that with other people and it never works out.

I can't change people. They can't change. That is the basic principle. People who say that they have changed are big fat liars. We can adjust our energies and point our flaws towards a target that could actually make them strengths rather than weaknesses. For example. I never shut up. So I worked as a teacher. Being able to be witty and chatty makes me good at my job. Otherwise, I would irritate co-workers. This is why I don't like office work. People would shush me constantly and I might just cheerfully murder them if they do that on an off day.

I am also very moody. Although I love my friends, they know this about me. There are days when I am as patient as a Buddhist monk and days when I don't tolerate even the simple dumb sentence. I guess it's scary for guys to have a girlfriend who seems to have a multiple personality. But the rewards are addictive, so is my love. ^.~

I need to master the art of give and take, of not having the same tantrum at the same time. I know that I need to be more mature. *so.freaking.hard* I know that I am like a child half of the time. And I want my boyfriend to be a go-getter. But I can't make him do something that he doesn't want to. I am not that kind of girlfriend. I don't like forcing things down people's throats. I tried doing that with my love for them and they puked it out. It took a while to wash off all the shit they puked out. Not going to clean up after a man and I will not be his GPS device. I want him to be a good son. I know that this is step one in being a good man.

NOTE TO ALL MEN: If your girlfriend is the one you ask permission to when you go out with your friends, you are an asshole of a son. Who do you think pushed you out of her vagina? *Don't you dare make an innuendo of pushing something into your girl's vajayjay or I will bite you in the neck and chew off a major artery.*

I know I was a bit of a headache for my mom when I was still studying. I want to make it up to all the moms in the world. I learned a lot of things the hard way. I want Ico to have a good relationship with his mom. Because I have a good relationship with mine. I know that there is a smaller chance of him being an asshole husband who cheats and whines because his dad is a good role model.

But sometimes, I just want to be the one who is being cheered on. *He does this actually without him knowing about it.* I want someone to take care of me and not the other way around. I want to pout and not feel like I am doing something that beneath my personality or age.

Even when I was with guys who were older than me, I had to lead the relationship. I think it's my personality. This is why I don't really care if they can't handle it. I always thought that if a guy wasn't going to be able to handle me, he has no right hanging out with me.

I still believe that unfortunately. But this time I am not going to make excuses for my boyfriend. He can be what he is and still achieve his personal dreams and goals. I have personal dreams and goals and if he gets in the way of that, I can survive without sex and relationships.

I need a love that makes me want to be better than I am. I don't need a prince or an illusion. I need a man who would support me and can support himself at the same time. And I mean this, emotionally, financially and physically.

I can't be little miss sunshine all the time. It's fucking exhausting. I have shit I have to deal with and I am not asking anyone to fix my problems for me. Just to not burden me with theirs as well.

I have no cloud that follows me around. I have sunbeams shooting out of my eyes and rainbows coming out of my ass. Deal with it.

Forgotten blogs

I know that I have some rant blogs that I was supposed to write. But since the emotion have already passed and I am not the kind to keep it in, I have already forgotten all that has happened so what's the point of ranting about it.

I dwell on the happy thoughts thank you very much. So lemme tell you about the first time I ever watched a ballet performance with my boyfriend.

Yes, you heard me. I made my boyfriend watch ballet. *teehee* The KABARET was a nice experience for me. Minus the weird stage set-up and mosquitoes, I have learned some things about myself.

One, I prefer classical ballet to the modern renditions.
Two, ballerinas and male ballet dancers can be funny too.
Three, I really want to learn how to do pole dancing.

*screech sound* Yes, you read it right, pole dancing. There was a woman who won an international pole dancing competition who did a performance. I felt sad that I didn't borrow anyone's camera. I really need to buy one. If I had the old Kodak camera that we had at home, I would have been able to make stills of her performance. That would've been cool.

But I need to loose a lot of weight and train a lot before I can get my self through that. *second thoughts* It's too expensive. *puts pole dancing lessons in "in case I win the lottery and I have nothing else to do with my money" list*

My friends, JI and Trina met Ne Sarang. He was really quiet. We ate at the version of Bancheto of The Fort. I ate cheesy potatoes and *wait tries to remember* something else. Ico had his first White Chicago and he loved it. It turned out that his mom's co-worker is the proprietor of the cheesy potatoes. So when his mom checked up on him. He has a 10pm curfew. *Yes, I know how it sounds that my bf has a curfew and I don't. But it's a mom thing. ^.^* She told me that she knew the lady and that she brings them to her home once in a while. *WOW*

We went to Starbucks after that and they had coffee. I was too strung up to try to even drink coffee. If I drank coffee I would probably not sleep. I was too excited that day that I was bouncing around waiting for Ico to arrive. He had Saturday classes and had decided to come home before he went to Makati so he'd be able to take a bath. I was wringing my cp the whole time I was waiting at my friends' apartment.

But he was honest enough to say later that there were parts that he didn't understand what he was watching. I honestly had not problem understanding it, but the whole moving my neck to see a good look at the performance was stressful. I realized then that I want to watch ballet in a theater type stage and not in this kind of set up. It's too hard. I also need glasses. But those would have to wait. My roommate is leaving on the 15th of April and I have to pay 4,000 a month again.

My mom had decided to help out by letting me go home and giving me fare to go home. I can get my laundry taken cared of and she would give me some food to bring to Makati. I suddenly felt like in one blow, all of my personal goals for this year was shot to hell. Surely I can work on my loosing weight by not eating too much carbs, the oatmeal is already helping out but my weight will continue to yo-yo if I don't have money for a gym membership. And I was thinking that the only problem that I would have would be that I need to clean my room and my uptraining for OPIc. But loo and behold, my love life seems to be doing okay but the rest is fucked up.

But I am a resilient little bug. I am not going to let it get me down. It's a challenge. A personal battle against what I am capable of doing and enjoying under the worst of circumstances. Being a pessimist isn't going to help me. I need to move forward and work at things one at a time.

I still plan to list down the money that my mom would give me. I personally take it as part of my debt to her. I want to be the one giving her money and not the other way around. That is my only dream. I will work hard to reach that goal.

Plagiarism For Dummies - T.O.P.

pla·gia·rism

[pley-juh-riz-uhm, -jee-uh-riz-]

–noun

1.

the unauthorized use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one's own original work.

2.

something used and represented in this manner.

—Related forms

pla·gia·rist, noun

pla·gia·ris·tic, adjective

In tagalog, pag-angkin ng gawa, akda ng iba, bahagi man o sa kabuuan at pagsasabi o pag-angkin na ito ay sa iyo at hindi sa orihinal na gumawa o nag-sulat. 

Tahasang pagnanakaw ng ginawa ng iba na madalas ay sa literatura makikita. 

+++ 

Naniniwala ako na bagaman mas maipapaliwanag ko ito sa English ay dapat sa Tagalog ko ito isulat. Dahil sa ang mga taong dapat makabasa nito ay mas gamay ang sarili nating wika, nais kong maunawaan nila ang pait, poot at pagka-sura ko sa kanila. 

Anong karapatan mong kopyahin ang isang bagay na sinulat ko ng maraming taon, nais kong ayusin at pagandahin pa at pinaghirapan kong habihin dahil na rin sa kahinaan ko sa paggamit ng wikang Tagalog sa panulat?

Wala. Wala kang karapatan na sabihing inaaway namin kayo dala ng baluktot na mga kadahilanan. Wag na wag mong gagamitin ang mga OFW bilang pananggalang sa ganitong pagkakataon. MARAMI KAMING KASAPI at maging mga manunulat na mula sa grupong kinabibilangan mo. Ang hindi namin masikmura ay ang kakayanan mong kutyain ang aming pagtatanggol sa amin karapatang hindi makuhanan ng pagmamay-ari sa mga akdang kinopya mo.  

Mag-isip-isip ka sa mga binibitiwan mong mga paghingi ng tawad. Sapagkat hindi mo kilala ang mga sinasabihan mo niyan. Ito ang bunga ng pagkakaroon ng matinding unawaan sa isang grupo ng mga manunulat. Hindi kami papayag na ang aming pinaghirapan ay ipapangalandakan mo gamit ang bagong bihis. Sana ginamit mo na lang ang lumang pabalat ng aming mga libro, kung saan makikita at mababasa ng malinaw pa sa liwanag ng araw ang pangalan ng grupong naglabas ng libro maging ang pangalan ng taong naghirap na gawin, habihin at isulat ang akdang ninakaw mo. 

Nagpapasalamat ako sa mga taong sinsero ang paghingi ng paumanhin. Salamat at pinagsabihan ninyo ang mga miyembro ninyong hindi nakakaunawa ng salitang copyright. Kung magtitino sila, malaya silang makakasapi at makakapagbasa ng mga kwento sa aming forum at sa aming sariling website. 

Layon din naming magpasaya ng mga mambabasa pero ilagay natin sa tamang paraan ang pagpapasaya. Hindi lang manunulat ang mahalaga sa amin. Kung maubos man ang mga mambabasa sa sanlibutan, kaming mga manunulat mismo ay mambabasa rin. Sa sarili namin ay sapat na iyon. Hindi kami naghahanap ng pera o premyo sa aming ginagawa. Ang gusto lang namin ay makapagsulat kami ng hindi natatakot na mayroong kukuha ng aming akda. Kaya pagpasensyahan niya na lamang ang tindi ng aming gulat, galit at pagwawala. Kayo man kung may kumuha ng inyong pinakaiingatang bagay, pinaghirapan at pinagpuyatan, kayo man ay makikipagbangayan, mawawala sa sarili sa galit dahilan sa tindi ng panibughong inyong mararamdaman. 

Bihira sa amin ang talagang binabayaran o may trabahong nakahabi sa pagsusulat ng nobela, pero konting respeto lang, kung marunong kayo niyan. Simpleng "salamat sa kwento" o "ang galing naman, nakakakilig" ang kapalit ng aming paghihirap tapos ninanakaw niyo pa sa amin. 

Hindi ko ito mapapalampas. Hindi ko ito mapapayagan. Humanda ang sinumang katulad ninyong magkakamaling pabulaanan na sinadya ninyo itong gawin. Hindi kami titigil sa pagtatanggol ng aming mga manunulat kahit lahat na ay makaaway namin. Dahil ang tunay na magkakaibigan, aawayin ang lahat maipagtanggol ka lamang. 

Bilang Punong Patnugot (sorry hindi ko alam ang tagalog sa EIC eh) ng Tagalog Online Pocketbook, bukas ang aming FATE forum at ang TOP.com para sa sinumang OFW, Pinoy, marunong magbasa sa Filipino para mapasaya namin kayo. Please lang, sumunod kayo sa mga kaunting regulasyon namin. Hindi naman sila nakakamatay. Kung hindi pa kayo makaipon ng pang-basa ng mga ibang kwento, sige basa lang kayo sa archive namin dito sa TOP wordpress. 

Hindi kami madamot. Hindi kami lahat warfreak at bichera. Mga sira-ulo lang, slight. Pero kung rerespetuhin niyo ang paghihirap ng aming mga manunulat at KAPWA PILIPINO, sabay tayong uusad at mas marami pa kaming mga kwentong maibibigay sa inyo, libre man, me bayad o inyong paghihirapan. 

Salamat at matuto sana tayong lahat sa nangyaring ito. 

Constant Vigilance, TOPpers, constant vigilance.

 

 *sa sobrang galit ko nagkamali ang title ko* ahahhahahah lintek.

 

Pandabear Project 29 of 100 : Even When I am Disillusioned

I talked to Ico's dad yesterday. He's a self-proclaimed stage dad when it comes to Ne Sarang. I now know a little bit of the reason why my deary seems to have such a sheltered personality. And I have an inkling why he's clingy. His father said that Ico isn't street smart. There is a definite difference between him and the others that I have dated. But you know what, being street smart is something that we can learn together. And we have Google maps for getting around. But what you can't really learn or unlearn is being a cheater. It needs a constant awareness of your weakness and you need to be able to weight the temptations against your obligations well.

Some people never seem to learn that lesson. I am not judging I was weak once so well. It's just going backwards might not be a good idea.

But since I am a fan of "Do what makes you happy." then I support their happiness. I need to stop worrying about their lives and start putting mine back into shape. And by that I mean mah waistline. ^.^

There are a lot of things that could lead to misunderstandings and even the most reliable sources can give you the wrong information from time to time. Yesterday, Daddy Ico cleared up that he wasn't a fratman ever. Ne Sarang didn't seem to know that. It was unusual for me. I know a lot more than I care to know about my dad's boyhood days and his days in Mapua.

My dad talk to me when he's drunk or when he feels like sharing an anecdote about his days when he was still a student. I am extremely close to him and I still feel like a little girl when he's around. I am sure my sister loves that about my dad too. He's the spoiler, my mom is the disciplinarian.

I still haven't heard if Ne Sarang got the green light from this mom. I am worried because the tickets have already been booked. So if he can't come with me and since my roommate is swamped, I don't really have anyone else to bring.

His dad has my number and it almost feels like the time I was close to JL's mom. I just hope that things work out this time so I don't have to break up with another parent. But since Ne Sarang me more than anyone, I don't think he can be led astray by anyone. Also a big plus on his part compared to the rest. ^.^ Even my officemates says he's overly attentive. ^.^

Remember the time when you hoped that you would have someone in your life who would look at the disheveled you and still think you are the bomb? You don't feel your gut tightening or your heart skipping a beat but this warm spreading feeling of comfort?

You haven't?

I finally have.

It's awesome.

Lesson learned the hungry way

I am dirt poor these days. I think I should have saved more Elamp days money but I was stupid back then. I didn't think that the cow wouldn't leave. But it did and the milk ran out fast.

Now I have no milk and well, you know the metaphor for that already. Split milk and all.

I really really really want to pay off my debt to my mom. I didn't want to have a boyfriend this year because I knew that load costs money, dates cost money and love can't feed me. ^.^ But since there was significant cut on my payslip since I moved and I have someone new in my life, I just need to tighten my belt or curb my urges more.

In short, I need to be an adult about this. God, don't you just hate that.

But I can do this. I would pay off my debts. Do my best not to make anymore. Combine my diet to my being thrifty. Aja.

And God bless my monito for giving me food all the time. Yey!~

Happiness all around

I don't know if I should be happy for you or I should feel sad for her. I told you before not to make another me. You said she is your friend yesterday. Now she is the new girl in your life. Well, at least I taught you enough to make her a very very happy girl. You found someone to take care of you and perhaps to love you. I guess you are not as strong against temptation as I thought you would be. I guess what I know and heard about you is actually true.

But you know what? I don't care.

Why? Because as much as I have emptied my heart of romantic love for you, it's now slowly but surely being filled up with an honest and earnest love. It catches me by surprise when I feel like I am missing him and not really being able to pinpoint if it's a GREAT LOVE or not. But I am now sure that it's love that he is giving me. Not illusions of grandeur or a forbidden love affair. It doesn't make me hyperventilate as love in the past did. It actually makes me breathe easier and makes me smile.

I can say for sure, there is something to be said for slow and steady love. For the first time, I am actually taking things as they come and making myself more and more content. I haven't felt like this with anyone ever. I'm not sure my friends would understand. But I am sure they'll account it to me getting a little bit older and hopefully slightly more mature than I was before. I am not sure if I am not immature anymore *sighs* but I feel good despite having other surface problems at work and financially.

I have had the unbelievable, the forbidden and the reckless kinds of love. I guess all my mother's prayers that I find someone who would be above and beyond the men that I've loved, someone who wouldn't be a part of a fairytale but a reality that I could hold hands with for the rest of my life, have paid off.

There is a lot to be said for a man who is just starting out in his quest to be the man that he wants to become. And it's a good sign that he has a honest role model in his father. Sure his dad isn't perfect, at least he's not easily tempted to break his wedding vows. And he gives Ico excellent advice on love and relationships. Ne Sarang should listen to his dad.

I have seen pictures of his family and he tells me a lot about his family and I see a picture of my own forming in my mind. I know that when they meet him they would give him a hard time. I gave my cousins' boyfriends the once over and didn't approve of a lot of their guys. So far I have only liked three men, and they are already married into the family. They have proven to be good husbands to my cousins. And I applaud them. Of course, there is always those whom I don't like. And my friends know that if I don't like a person in the beginning, they almost always make a fool of themselves and make me smugly say, "I knew you were going to do something that would make me right about my gut feeling about you."

I know, I am judgmental like that.

I know that there are still a lot of things that Ico would have to do to prove himself to no one else but himself. I just don't want him to do the things that he needs to do to please other people or keep the wrong kinds of friends. I can let the gaming and the weird "trips" with male friends and cousins go. Because I trust that he won't do anything that he can't talk to me about. I already showed him that whatever he does would be fine as long as he knows where the line is and that he doesn't keep it from me. I can understand, God knows Mark knows how understanding I can be, but I don't take it lightly when you make a fool of me or try to protect me with lies.

That is how great loves get incinerated and cut off.

So to his Palestinian bombshell, good luck and enjoy it while it lasts. I did and I have wonderful memories of my time with him. I also learned that I deserve better.

To my Ne Sarang, I guess you can be rest assured that there wouldn't be any recycling of idiocies in my lifetime. Keep up the good work.  <3

Christening The IT

I miss Ruel. My pc wasn't opening properly this morning. I was so scared that there wouldn't be an IT and things would go to hell for this day. Luckily, I was able to get it to start. It's just slow. I think I would need to remove data from it so it won't be so bogged down. Anyway.

The new IT trainee is in the morning. Nope, not permanently like I hope he would. Ate Mhel paraded him around and introduced him to some people. He was of course, visibly embarrassed by it. But he's nice enough to smile through it and let her do her thing.
I had talked to him before. I had a feeling that there would be a new IT and so I asked the receptionist who the new guy sitting in the lobby was. She said he would be the new PM IT. My heart went to my feet. But since he would still be an IT here, I talked to him. I asked him what his school was. (sorry, it's a UP thing to do this I think) and he said that he got his IT education from TESDA. Ico is planning to do that to so he might be a good person to ask about that later. I found out that his name is Aaron.

He got his baptism when Tiff's computer hanged. He was able to fix it in less than five minutes without a single peep and snide remark. And he's cute. Really God, how can you not give him to us as our IT. Oh well, family's important. The PM IT wants to make more time for his family (I am assuming.)

I admit that I love hanging around techies and geeks. So I gravitate around men who knows their way around computers. But my nerves can also sense those people who are not as good as they pretent to be.

*sighs* I miss Ruel. I am sad that we can't get Aaron. I hope he doesn't do anything that marks him as pet peeve any more than he already is. I know how important IT personnel are to online English teachers. They are our heroes. I just hoped that there would a much better replacement for Ruel. He spoiled us because he could fix things without much ado.

Oh well, family comes first. Ruel is probably going to follow his wifey in Ontario. He needs to send us chocolates when he's there na. Hmf.

I wouldn't mind if we have a nerdy Korean IT ehehe. ^>^

IDGAF about her - T.O.P.

I don't really care about her. I know that all I need to do is edit BBBS. I will finish it as soon as I can. I just can't find the time between resting, working (I am getting more training for a new book), and my pandabear.

If she wants to claim anything then she can come at me with her best shot. But for the sake of her health and for her own mental state, I want you ladies to just let her be.

Remember that if you argue with a fool, it makes you a bigger fool. She can blast us in her facebook, she can block us from her life but if she does anything to malign the people that I care for, the writing group that I NOSEBLED FOR, then she has another thing coming.

Stop the smear campaign it makes you look like MEAN GIRLS and she would play the goddamn underdog card. So shut it and let the others judge her for who she is.

If she is willing to show us the real her, accept it. But don't be gullible. Don't ask why a person is still friends with that person, I have crazy idiotic and insane friends too. So I know how hard it is to let go of someone who does more harm to herself than to others. Some people are saints like that. I am not asking you to shut up about it but I want you to stop bothering about attentionwhores and focus on your stories.

I might not be as active as I want to be. (TOP and FATE is not accessible where I am right now)But that doesn't mean I don't think, breathe and hope that TOP will be better than before. I'll find a way to be active again. But as for now, let her be.

Don't be snide, arrogant and mean. Let her be who she is. If she chooses to show you another mask, then it's her own undoing.

She can choke on her lies for all I care.

Pandabear Project : 25 of 100 Tame Me

“To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world…If you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life..." The Little Prince 

There are times when I wonder how do I really fall in love. Does it really take time for me to do so or is my friend right, do I really just deny it until I no longer can. I know how attraction works. I have been attracted to the bad and the ugly. So is it now time to be attracted to the good? 

If so, then that's excellent. At the very least I can say that I've had it all and perhaps this time I can apply the lessons that I learned and not make the mistake of loving a man who can't love me or isn't really mine. 

I can't wait for my friends to see him. They haven't seen me with a good boy since they met me. I am sure Hot Mamah and Ysac would have things to say but I know they'd like him because for once, this one's good for me and I can keep him for as long as I want. 

Right, ne sarang? *winks*

 

Mass Hysteria Mom

I know my mom loves me and my siblings. I also know that moms would always be the most paranoid creatures in the universe. I can feel the love but sometimes I just want to take my mom by the arms and tell her to not believe everything she receives on her phone or sees on television.

I don't know if there would be any truth to the whole radiation leak and acid rain hooplah. But what I really want to do right now (well, I felt it since last night) is to bash the thumbs of the idiots who type messages then send it to people who are gullible enough under the circumstances and make them think that the world would end next year or that the rain would be bad for you.

The rain in this country has been bad for the people for decades now. Hello? You are just afraid of it now? Are you kidding me. *tries to regain posture*

http://ph.news.yahoo.com/pagasa-denies-rumors-acid-rain-ph-japan-20110313-221400-442.html

I really can't believe that there are people who would say "IDGAF" and still live with themselves. I would make her an internet pariah if I was that powerful.

I am not just saying this because I am an otaku, but we need to think of good things to say and do at times like this. Darn it, Japan literally went down and the day got shorter so why waste your time saying the stupidiest things?

Given that I say stupid things all the time, but really, draw a line in the sand, or drown in your own bile. It'll be good for all of us. And I am sure none of us would GAF.

Some jokes are funny. Others are just plain untimely.

Acid rain isn't what we should be worried about or the radiation leaks. It's the leak in the brain or morality of people that we should really worry about. It really ticks me off.

My students were worried about me when the earthquake and tsunami news hit their screens. I was grateful and I asked them if they were worried about anyone they knew who were in Japan. Luckily the people that they did know are safe. One of my students has a brother who is working in Tokyo. Their mom begged her brother to come back to Korea. I remembered my parents not so subtle ways of suggesting that I go back to Batangas to work and make a life for myself. Next time that happens I'd tell her that I am scared of getting washed out. But I would probably get an earful. My mom is not a big fan of back-talk. ^.^

In any case, I am glad that I had my mom to update me, my boyfriend to try to appease and my online friends who posted useful links that I can read about what is going on. If a person who is on the other side of the world can wonder how I am and worry if I am in trouble because of what happened in Japan, he's neither an offline friend or someone I would ever meet in this lifetime in person, I wonder how can those ingrates say the dumbest things and make fun of a catastrophe?

If those who are supposed to hate them because of the history behind the two people can help, how can you just be snide and arrogant about it?

http://joongangdaily.joins.com/article/view.asp?aid=2933463

White day B

I got some candies from our new Korean Manager, Miss B. I am not sure if it's from her directly or from the office. Still it's a good start. I didn't get anything from the one who left. At least two holidays passed and I didn't feel one piece of chocolate. But I guess there are just different ways to make an entrance.

I miss Miss Kim every time there is a new manager. I wish that they would be like her or Miss N. But the chances of that happening would be like Koothrappali being able to talk to beautiful women sober.

Oh well, here's to hoping!

+==+

I ended up trying to find a way to not do streaming, manga-reading and what not. I am "listening" to Big Bang Theory's first season. My TL is frantic about the whole monitoring thing. The fact that the IT would do a swap soon is actually freaking people out. I don't really think it's a good idea. For one thing, the last time I asked the original IT to fix my computer, he told me to restart my computer one more time after having rebooted it four times. He ended up having to unplug the monitor or tweek something else before he could fix it. I really don't want to go through that again. I don't really have a problem with my computers of late, if there ever was, we didn't have to worry about how to get the IT to move his ass or fix it correctly. That is not to say that he is perfect, he had his major boo-boos. But the guy doesn't sit on his hands when people are having computer problems or makes stupid remarks when what he is supposed to do is fix the wacko computer.

I really don't want to have to deal with an idiot when it comes to computer problems. So I don't give a shit if his wife wants him to move to the AM shift. He better keep his eyes on monitors not anything else and they should just make time for each other during the weekend. Jesus.

Nature and Man's Rage

japan

indonesia

'Hang in there Japan. You can overcome the disaster!'

I couldn't think of what to place as a title for this article. All I could think about was that my own city is near the sea. And if anything like this happen I would see my father's Estrada on the street toppled over. I close my eyes and try to go to my happy place. I couldn't think of that, I was relieved when someone said that we had low tide around the time the tsunamis hit. I would know later once I read more news about what happened. As of press time, I have read one article about the thing that happened in Japan. It was bullet points compared to the images my mother probably saw. Being herself, she would have worried extensively about where we are at the moment. The odd thing was when this was all happening, I was hanging out with my officemates in a restaurant. One of my officemates mom kept asking if we were okay since we worked on the 33rd floor. We told her that we were fine and that there is no need to worry that the tsunami can affect us. But like a survivor of many disasters she asked, "What if it reaches us?"

The thing is that the Japanese already brush earthquakes off. They already know what to do and what to expect. But things can still turn for the worse even if you are well-prepared. The added fear of nuclear meltdowns didn't exactly help. It's the bodies of old and young people that breaks the hearts of those in their homes.

Ico asked my why they would show images of the disaster so vividly. He said that it shouldn't be the case since it spreads panic.

I explained to him that it spread nothing but information. I know how local newsmen are. They tend to go for the gut when they report news like this. The Filipinos are easily touched by images of impending doom. But it helps to be a little paranoid. Maybe if we are we would prepare more. And that would ultimately save more lives.

I wasn't as afraid for the Japanese as I was afraid for my ex and my friend who were in Jeddah and Riyadh/Bahrain respectively.

My friend said that there might be a media black out, protests, and all that stuff so they are packing water and food. I still haven't asked my friend how things are. But my ex has already said that he was okay. I hope they are still okay up until now.

http://www.theworld.org/2011/03/saudi-arabia-day-of-rage/
http://online.wsj.com/article/BT-CO-20110311-713231.html
Bahrain
Libya
Yemen 
Riyadh

I didn't know that it was going to be so widespread. The things that have been happening in that part of the world makes me worry about H as well. She is in Bahrain, M is in Jeddah amongst other friends who I met because of PEBA, two of my aunts are in Dubai, while Ico's dad is in Qatar. The domino effect of the Egypt situation is actually causing so much unrest in that part of the world. (Come to think of it this might have been even the after effect of the thing that happened in Thailand). As much as some students of mine are worried about nature recking havoc to the islands around the Pacific, I am worried about man causing another person harm because of the difference in opinion, disposition and level of understanding.

But there was not a lot of news about what happened or what is happening since those information are blocked. Ico's dad said that they are actually more scared because the information in the newspaper are not accurate. Of course the internet is highly filtered in that part of the world, so it's hard to get accurate updates. It's the fear of the unknown that keeps people in the dark. It keeps them on their toes and creates a charged atmosphere. I can only imagine how scary it is for their wives, families and children to imagine them not being together and being in such an environment. As if it wasn't enough to be a foreigner in a land where people seemingly live in luxury but are actually oppressed by their own government. At the very least here we can still scream in protest without the fear that we would be massacred on the street. But then again, we have GMA to thank in increasing the number of political killings during her "reign".

I feel bad for the victims of the earthquake and the tsunamis. But I feel worse for those who continue to live in fear of people who are supposed to be protecting them. Japan and the other countries push hope and love into our hearts. As for the Middle Eastern countries, I can only wonder if talking would actually help them or are protests just suicide.

+==+

Check out before and after shots of the tsunami hit areas

Pandabear Project : 21 of 100 Of Milestones and Monthsaries

I wanted to celebrate the 100th, 300th,1000th,3000th etc days instead of doing the whole monthsary thing. But since I planned to bring Pandabear to the Kabaret thing with Hot Mamah and Ysac, he reminded me that we actually officially went out on the 19th. It would be one month since on that Saturday. *facepalm* God, I am even worse than my exes who forgot my birthday. Yes, they thought it was on the 31st. Go figure why. Where was I, ohyeah, monthsaries.

I am not a big fan.

Why?

My bestfriend in highschool, let's call him BRUCE. He always prepared something romantic for his monthsary with his girl, let's call her The CRAZY BITCH, but she always ALWAYS found a way to make a fuss of everything and they always ALWAYS fought on that day and they are in a frenzy for a few days after that. Then they are okay again. For a while at least. I was a hopeless romantic then. I even asked a girl out so she would not like Bruce so that CB would not have to get all jealous because Bruce is actually attracting sane women. Well, that's a different story altogether. Just a head's up, Bruce is a girl. But I am not the lesbian in this story.

Another reason. Flowers.

I don't like being given flowers. They remind me of death and vagina offerings. Sorry but they do. So I pity Pandabear because although I want him to be able to experience all that can be experienced by a normal guy dating a girl, this is something that I would not appreciate all that much. I am sure female friends of mine who are reading this blog would think, "Where the hell does she get off banning flowers in her relationship?" But you said it, MY relationship. You can make your men buy you things that would wither but I prefer honesty,loyalty, and great memories over dead plants.
I have bought flowers for guys and gave them to their girls so many times when I was younger that it already made me hate flower-giving even more. Most often than not it was not a declaration of love that makes a man give his woman a bouquet of flowers. They are a peace-offerings most of the time. And the sad thing about it that women eat it up. Not the flowers, the indirect apology. I hate the fact that those guys got away with infidelity, a bad remark or a bad behavior just because over-priced flower sex parts.

Lastly, I need memories more than gifts.

I forget things easily but I make space for couple memories and firsts. I prefer to have some familiar feeling of being in a place or doing something with someone for the first time. I know that if I ever do that activity again, I would always remember that person. I don't need to have a special trip every time or a dinner to commemorate the day that I decided to officially date a person. I celebrate it everyday already so it seems redundant.

I think it's a little extravagant, that's all. It's a bit juvenile but since it's part of the whole experience I will allow it.

As much as it would hurt Pandabear for me to say it, it's something that high schoolers or college couples do because they know, in the back of their minds, that their relationship has an expiration date.

As much as he thinks that the 100 days is an expiration date, I prefer to call it a milestone. But since I am not having this relationship with my laptop, I need to remember to consider his own needs. He needs monthsaries because that is the way he loves. So we will do milestone days and monthsaries.

I guess the fact that we are watching a ballet performance on the first monthsary is a cool coincidence.

To The Max Yo!

I have stage fright. Unusual, right? I don't really like to sing, dance or perform in front of an audience. You don't believe me do you? It was even worse when I was younger.

The last time I performed a song on stage was Parent's night in high school and my friends from SBC remember how bad that was for me and for another friend of mine.

So fast forward to yesterday.

I had to rap.

Yes, you read it right. RAP. I was ala-T.O.P. when I did our cheer for our team. Note, this is for a scrabble tournament. Catch, I didn't memorize the order of the names that I was supposed to rap about so we made like three bad takes before we got it done the fourth time. And it was only because I moved the idiot board closer to me so I could see it. I was smart enough to write the names on my left arm but I was so nervous I couldn't see it.

But the point here is we survived it. Well, I had fun after that. I felt really unburdened. I was actually able to go to work without worrying about messing things up. We still have the scrabble game later (probably after the shift but where we would have it, only God knows ) I have deduced that I won't be a lot of help since I actually suck at this game. I practiced using a simulation game in my laptop, but the biggest score I got was for the word JOINTS and it was on a double word score thing.

So I hope that my teammates are better at it than I am. The mighty sistahs won yesterday. Whoever wins this time would go against them. As much as I like the other people in that team, we hope to win against TL Chona's team so we can continue to play. But then again, they have some really nerdy people too so that might be a problem. Nerdy people who probably played this game during their childhood.

Whatever happens, I know we would do our best. As long as it's fun I wouldn't mind the ending. Like they say, you can't win them all but I say to that, we can have fun whether or not you plan to win.

I really like one thing about this whole March Team event, regardless of what happens later, we were able to pull back the people we were missing and to mesh well with the new people that have in our team. I am sure that I made some new and good friends in our team, and even if there are some people who can't fanthom it, we actually get along and support each other as much as we can.

I still have Officemates from Hell candidates but they are not part of my team. For most maybe we are the team to beat or the team who they have to sush. But whatever works for us doesn't necessarily work for other teams. We know for a fact that we would argue, discuss and laugh at things we do in our stay here in Spicus. But that just makes it more fun. Some people point out that we argue too much but despite being the noisiest group, we also know how to listen to each other (we have to raise our voice above the noise though so that makes it less organized) but we know our voice is heard in the end. We vote on things, we don't swallow just about anything given to us, official or otherwise. We know that it's important to work together. I can see my competitive streak in most of the members of the group so I enjoy being with them. But we are also able to accept that not everyone in the team is perfect. That we have use the talents that we have to make something work. We call each other names (well, the TL calls people names) but it's an endearment and not an insult. The ability to have fun and work at the same time is hard to achieve for a group with this many alpha personalities. But somehow, we have the most hilarious of times making the best of what we are given.

If you can't penetrate the wall that surrounds us so you can see for yourself what it is that makes us the way we are, you should just shut up and stop killing our buzz.

Note to self: Ask trainer for a copy of the video and pictures for the cheer.

I got Fired...

Fired

To dream that you are fired from your job. indicates that you are wanting to end some relationship or situation in your waking life.  It also suggests that you are repressing what you really desire most. 

While these kinds of dreams may highlight your subconscious emotional reactions to situations at work, they can also present solutions to these situations by representing your subconscious emotional state, both in your work-life and beyond it. Dreaming about being at work in general most obviously indicates a feeling of being overworked, or of being overwhelmed by career issues. It can also be a sign that you need to be more productive at work. 

+++

Being fired from a job in a dream represents opportunity. Maybe it’s time for a change? At this point in your life, you’re probably unhappy with the situation you’re in and the job you have. But you’re afraid to let go of your current position and move onto something better. You’re in fear that there’s a possible chance that you won’t be able to move forward and instead proceed backwards. This can also be your mind trying to promote you to do well. You’re probably scared that you’ll be bad at your job and that you’re going to get fired. Also this is in relation to being insecure, in a sense of how you’re doing and your current position in life.

But in these situations the best thing to do is to move forward. Even though it may seem that your life is not at where you want, you have the ability to change it. Change will always be for the better.

+++

I had a dream last night that I got fired for some reason or I was that I just got chewed up by my boss and it ended with my position in a pending state. It's probably from the shock that I got when Sam told me Liz isn't in Spicus anymore. I was also very tired from all the hooplah we had for our Scrabble tournament shirt. I hate that I have a class at 1320 KT. Luckily I have a postponed class for my 1330. But since my 1340 already renewed I can't play for longer than 10 minutes. That means I could probably play once in the entire game. And it's a single elimination! This sucks. Big time!

Which reminds me, I need to buy a Scrabble game for my sister and my nephews so they can improve their spelling and vocabulary skills.

I didn't play all that much before so I don't really know the rules all that well. I don't even know any strategies to win this game. So I don't want my sister to have that kind of problem. Anyway. Oh and that thing where you shake the letters in a plastic box and make the most words in under a period of time. I need to buy one of those.

As for my job, I like it. I don't have any plans of moving to a different company anytime soon. And I can safely say it's because somehow despite the heaps of crap people have been pilling on top of the last pile and the few people that I don't even care much about to blog about, I like our weird group. MAXINATION TO THE MAX! We won't always get along but them make working less irritating.

I just wonder what this newb Korean manager is going to bring into the hotpot that is our office. I hope not a lot of things would be lost in translation yet again.

I am woman

 

To all the moms, 

noonas (big sisters),

inengs (little sisters),

girl friends,

titas,

ninangs,

and

Inang Bayan

Whatever men might think, that they have the world in the palm of their hands, if they come to think of it, we have the world in ours. I still wonder why there are still injustice and discrimination towards those of the "fair sex" when in fact we are the stronger of the sexes.

I always loved women with starch in their backs. I was raised by a woman who I consider "Super" since she was able to raise us well, feed us well, clothe us well and love us well while working more than ten hours a day. She was smart enough and loving enough to have a wonderful man by her side to help her through it all.

I toast my mother, my grandmother, my cousins, my aunts and my friends. You are a wonder that would continue to make men wonder, "How did I ever live without her?"

To the wound that never heals, blessed be!

Tell it to the Marines

I heard from a student that Hyun Bin enlisted yesterday. I googled it as fast as I could and saw the pictures of my latest oppa teary-eyed with a military haircut. Whenever I see soldier I remember the guys from my short time in ROTC UPLB. I remember how some of them became professional soldiers. Some of the became part of the Army, Marines and the Air Force. I have always had a thing for men in uniform so I know that Hyun Bin becoming a Marine would just increase his "market value" when he gets back.

Article about it here 


I was about to mention a common Korean man's dilemma when he leaves for the army, that his girl would not be there when he comes back. I was wondering about his girlfriend but it turns out they haven't been together since January. Kuddos to their PR peeps since they handled this very well. 

Still they do look good together.

Still. It's *tee-hee* worthy that he is single when he comes back. *echoes* Free for all!~


Article about that here

Pandabear 15,16,17 of 100 Raincheck,Fringe dreams and Bi exes

I hate the fact that I don't have a living room and that it was raining a lot last Saturday. We didn't get to go jogging. But quality time is time spent well. I need to remember not to make him watch boring movies. His attention tends to wander to other "activities". Thank god boys are not allowed in our rooms.

+==+

You know that you are a Fringe addict if you are dreaming in that format. God, I miss Pacey.

+==+

Is astonishes me how bitchy and pathetic some of his exes are. There is that girl who thinks she is the center of the issue between him and his friends. And now this. It's probably my fault because I added her. I wanted to see...he was saying I remind him of her sometimes. So I was curious.

Anyway, he's mine now. So hands off. Don't dare bash on my man if you don't want to make my list. Because God help you if I get my hands on their hair. ^.^

Pandabear Project : 14 of 100 Ordinary Days

I never went grocery shopping with a boyfriend. The closest was going to 7-11 or something. The thing about me is that even before they made it popular in tagalog pocketbooks and movies that you shouldn't take a girl to the supermarket to shop for ordinary things became a mantra, I already knew that it was a no-no.

So yesterday was my first time to go grocery shopping with a boyfriend.

I know that it's not a highlight for most relationships. But you have to remember that you are normal, I am not. I don't do ordinary things with people I have no plans to keep around. Yes, I am sorry but I don't think I ever planned to keep those who came before this one. I was always afraid to commit that I didn't want to send any signals that I would ever settle down and be a keeper. Although my nature is exactly that.

I bought toiletries, kikay stuff that I never bothered with and in case the rain comes in and I don't have any cash on me food. I also bought Almond Crush Pocky. ^.^ It's now just a box of what used to be sticks of nomnomnom-worthy Japanese ingenuity.

What ticked me off this morning is that the last bitch you broke my Pandabear's ego is tripping on him still. She might be physically prettier than me but despite what she finished and her pouting lips, I would make sure that I can slap her with my UPLB Diploma and the fact that I am actually using what I studied. I swear to God, women who think they are the centre of the universe of people who don't really care about her are the most pathetic of all creatures. I have half a mind to kick that bitch in the face with my new shoes. They are cheap and fake so they go together.

Dada adviced Pandabear to let her be. That is one way to deal with idiots like this. The other way is to scare them to oblivion. I am the student if not a counselor in the second method. I really want to grab her hair right now and rip it from the roots. But since my Pandabear said to just let her go, I will try my best not to murder her in my head. He told me that she was smaller than me so I should not squish her like a bug.

So to bitch who feels like she is the center of the universe, or an issue that doesn't exist, try to avoid shadows from now on. Nyanya takes care of her own after all.

Pandabear Project : 13 of 100 The Samantha in Me

My friends and I are huge fans of the show. I have even tagged myself between Miranda and Samantha. I used the latter as my teacher name when I was a budding online English teacher. I was her for the most part, personality-wise. I was afraid of growing old, the truth, love and commitment. But when Samantha fell in love it was always DESPITE OF HERSELF. And now I have gone and done it. I have my own Jared. No, my pandabear is far from this guy.

Though I wouldn't complain if he was. But he's younger than me and seems malleable when it comes to potential and relationship.

My friends and I have always talked about men like they fit in the Mr. Big category or the Aiden category. The Mr. Big one of course is the against all odds and despite all rationale is the one we pursue, pine over and some, end up with. But the Aiden ones are the nice guys who come in our lives when we need to be put together then we break their hearts or we find that we can't love them or commit to them the way that they want us to.

I have my Mr. Big. But the only difference is that he ticks me off. Just when I have found an Aiden, or my Steve, whichever one applies, he comes out of the wood work and tries to unnerve me.

Not.Going.To.Work.Buddy.

I found someone who is not grating on my nerves, whose personality is fitting my pattern in men but not in the red of the extreme scale. I found a normal version of all the extreme guys I loved. I am not about to break his heart just because you are getting moppy over the knowledge that for once, someone is making me happy without to lie to me.

Sorry, Mr. Big. Sometimes, the Carrie walks away with the Aiden.

You are ruining my buzz

I am beginning to get really freaking ticked off. They teach you how to do something one way then it turns out it's completely wrong. It is actually simpler than you thought of. I had to skip lunch to do and re-do it and it turns out the thing that I thought I understand is so freaking wrong it would have rendered my effort moot. It makes me want to smash something. Seriously. This is the only source of stress for me lately. Every time they think of this shit and the changes they want to do to "improve" inter-office relationships, it is just a big inconvenience to all of us. We signed up to teach not to track shit like this. Sure it's in our contract, and heck we are doing it, but could you at least explain it better? I don't care if you do it in broken barok English but don't  be ticked and confuse me even more than I already am. Damn, I had to count back so many times I thought I was going nuts and it turns out it's just the first day of the previous contract? You saw that I was counting back, couldn't she have explained it better to all of us and saved us the agony. The kimchi hit-list is really getting longer. It's moving people up my list faster than I can control. God help us all if I get telekenisis or something. It's bad enough that they are saying things in behalf of the shift and making us look like care bears to other people.

But this is work. This is not a playground. Maybe they should just stop all this fake hugging and let's just deal with things using caffeine. I don't need fake good deeds to be a good person and to be happy with what I do. As long as they don't make me do extra confusing tracking of stuff that they can do for themselves, I am good. As long as they pay me on time and not ask me to bend over to do my work, I am good. As long as they command my respect, then I am willing to give it to them. As long as they give me an HMO, which seems like an impossibility in this industry, then I would be freaking peachy.

As long as they don't try to make me pull what is up their sh**holes, then I am well and good in my tiny cubicle.

++

Update: It turns out I actually got it right the first time. Thank God. I was this close to stabbing myself with my fake syringe pen.

Pandabear Project : 11 of 100 Exercise Your Heart

We met yesterday to plan what we would do for March. I am making sure this time around that I don't just go with the flow and I am teaching him the difference between complacence and compromise. Apparently, he's been doing a lot of the first one. Tsk. That sh*t won't fly with me. We went to Greenbelt and sat in the shade after we ate chicken in Jabee. ^.^ Remember when I treated him out, it's his turn this time. I don't really want my relationship with Ico to be about who pays but I want him to be able to revive his pride since that is apparently very important to Laguna men.

*as I was typing this I was chatting with my ex and my Ico also greeted me* It's weird how I also get jealous of Ico's chef ex. I wanted to do cooking dates but I didn't want him to ask her for tips to teach me. Hmf. That would not be okay. I don't care if we burn everything as long as he doesn't have to have face time with someone else. I am not teaching him to be awesome for someone else to notice it.
It's normal I think for him to be ticked off when I talk about my exes. He automatically thinks that I compare him with the others. Of course, I do. That is just normal. But the good news is that more often than not, he wins. I think it's a complex that comes from his own childhood and family life. He is afraid of falling short of what is required of him. But from where I am, I can sense his potential. I am quite good with this kind of thing, so I know that he would be able to become a better version of himself if he just lets go of his hung-ups and emo-ness. I know this is possible for him because Dada was able to overcome his emo-ness and he is now doing a lot of things that he otherwise would've thought he was not capable of doing.

We listed down things that we liked, gifts and scheduled what we might do during our 100 days and his birthday. I am worried that my mom would ask me to go home during that weekend. But I guess she would understand if I don't I am already going to miss the Metrocon to be with them on her birthday so I guess she can forgive me for not being home the weekend before my birthday. I am in no circumstances going to allow them to make me go on a trip during that weekend.

Anyway, I really need to pay my debts and save my money. Ergo the "date on a budget" meeting we had yesterday. We decided to list down the places, restaurants, activities that we like and some that we don't like. There was a brief argument about flowers. I still think they are a waste of money and a sign of guilt but he thinks they are romantic and a grand gesture of love. I prefer chocolates or food or something useful. Flowers are not any of those things. Yes, I know I am weird. But I have bought flowers for other people before and I have yet to meet a man who gave flowers to his wife who didn't cheat on her. Surely, you can introduce me to one. He'd be rare. It's not necessary. My father never gave my mom any flowers. He also never gave her STD or heartache. So I don't need flowers as long as my man is loyal, loving and hardworking.

Washington park is a nice place to hang out in. Greenbelt is a no-no. It's too exposed. The gazebos in the park is wide and is not to open. The greenery is okay but the mosquitos is not so welcome. We decided that Legaspi active park is a good place to run. More about this jogging thing when we actually do it. ^.^

All I know now is that I am not running into a wall. There is an actual goal now. And as for how I feel now, I can laugh like my heart is into it. Free, at peace, and like the old me, the one who believe love is a source of happiness and not of obsessions. It's wonderful.