Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happiness all around

I don't know if I should be happy for you or I should feel sad for her. I told you before not to make another me. You said she is your friend yesterday. Now she is the new girl in your life. Well, at least I taught you enough to make her a very very happy girl. You found someone to take care of you and perhaps to love you. I guess you are not as strong against temptation as I thought you would be. I guess what I know and heard about you is actually true.

But you know what? I don't care.

Why? Because as much as I have emptied my heart of romantic love for you, it's now slowly but surely being filled up with an honest and earnest love. It catches me by surprise when I feel like I am missing him and not really being able to pinpoint if it's a GREAT LOVE or not. But I am now sure that it's love that he is giving me. Not illusions of grandeur or a forbidden love affair. It doesn't make me hyperventilate as love in the past did. It actually makes me breathe easier and makes me smile.

I can say for sure, there is something to be said for slow and steady love. For the first time, I am actually taking things as they come and making myself more and more content. I haven't felt like this with anyone ever. I'm not sure my friends would understand. But I am sure they'll account it to me getting a little bit older and hopefully slightly more mature than I was before. I am not sure if I am not immature anymore *sighs* but I feel good despite having other surface problems at work and financially.

I have had the unbelievable, the forbidden and the reckless kinds of love. I guess all my mother's prayers that I find someone who would be above and beyond the men that I've loved, someone who wouldn't be a part of a fairytale but a reality that I could hold hands with for the rest of my life, have paid off.

There is a lot to be said for a man who is just starting out in his quest to be the man that he wants to become. And it's a good sign that he has a honest role model in his father. Sure his dad isn't perfect, at least he's not easily tempted to break his wedding vows. And he gives Ico excellent advice on love and relationships. Ne Sarang should listen to his dad.

I have seen pictures of his family and he tells me a lot about his family and I see a picture of my own forming in my mind. I know that when they meet him they would give him a hard time. I gave my cousins' boyfriends the once over and didn't approve of a lot of their guys. So far I have only liked three men, and they are already married into the family. They have proven to be good husbands to my cousins. And I applaud them. Of course, there is always those whom I don't like. And my friends know that if I don't like a person in the beginning, they almost always make a fool of themselves and make me smugly say, "I knew you were going to do something that would make me right about my gut feeling about you."

I know, I am judgmental like that.

I know that there are still a lot of things that Ico would have to do to prove himself to no one else but himself. I just don't want him to do the things that he needs to do to please other people or keep the wrong kinds of friends. I can let the gaming and the weird "trips" with male friends and cousins go. Because I trust that he won't do anything that he can't talk to me about. I already showed him that whatever he does would be fine as long as he knows where the line is and that he doesn't keep it from me. I can understand, God knows Mark knows how understanding I can be, but I don't take it lightly when you make a fool of me or try to protect me with lies.

That is how great loves get incinerated and cut off.

So to his Palestinian bombshell, good luck and enjoy it while it lasts. I did and I have wonderful memories of my time with him. I also learned that I deserve better.

To my Ne Sarang, I guess you can be rest assured that there wouldn't be any recycling of idiocies in my lifetime. Keep up the good work.  <3


  1. I salute you for finally letting go and giving yourself a change to love again but this time with something far more pure. I am happy for you that you are finally becoming a happier person. Seriously, I didn't like you bitching about everything in the past. God knows that I haven't even heard everything there was that needed to be heard but thank God that he gave you a better love this time. I hope that you both will continue to take care and nurture the relationship that you started. More power to you both!~

  2. True that. I was thinking about the two of them and I always expect my heart to constrict or feel something. Natatawa na lang ako kasi sumisingit lagi si Ico sa isip ko parang my mind was saying "Bakit mo ba iniisip ang hinayupak na yun at ang haliparot na un eh masaya ka naman ngayon. Wag mong guluhin ang mundo mo!" Then I shrug it off again. Weird but nice.

    Definitely going to focus on the present and the future. ^.^ I have more love to give and this time I don't have to be embarrassed about it or think that it's forbidden. ^.^


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