Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Pandabear Project : 11 of 100 Exercise Your Heart

We met yesterday to plan what we would do for March. I am making sure this time around that I don't just go with the flow and I am teaching him the difference between complacence and compromise. Apparently, he's been doing a lot of the first one. Tsk. That sh*t won't fly with me. We went to Greenbelt and sat in the shade after we ate chicken in Jabee. ^.^ Remember when I treated him out, it's his turn this time. I don't really want my relationship with Ico to be about who pays but I want him to be able to revive his pride since that is apparently very important to Laguna men.

*as I was typing this I was chatting with my ex and my Ico also greeted me* It's weird how I also get jealous of Ico's chef ex. I wanted to do cooking dates but I didn't want him to ask her for tips to teach me. Hmf. That would not be okay. I don't care if we burn everything as long as he doesn't have to have face time with someone else. I am not teaching him to be awesome for someone else to notice it.
It's normal I think for him to be ticked off when I talk about my exes. He automatically thinks that I compare him with the others. Of course, I do. That is just normal. But the good news is that more often than not, he wins. I think it's a complex that comes from his own childhood and family life. He is afraid of falling short of what is required of him. But from where I am, I can sense his potential. I am quite good with this kind of thing, so I know that he would be able to become a better version of himself if he just lets go of his hung-ups and emo-ness. I know this is possible for him because Dada was able to overcome his emo-ness and he is now doing a lot of things that he otherwise would've thought he was not capable of doing.

We listed down things that we liked, gifts and scheduled what we might do during our 100 days and his birthday. I am worried that my mom would ask me to go home during that weekend. But I guess she would understand if I don't I am already going to miss the Metrocon to be with them on her birthday so I guess she can forgive me for not being home the weekend before my birthday. I am in no circumstances going to allow them to make me go on a trip during that weekend.

Anyway, I really need to pay my debts and save my money. Ergo the "date on a budget" meeting we had yesterday. We decided to list down the places, restaurants, activities that we like and some that we don't like. There was a brief argument about flowers. I still think they are a waste of money and a sign of guilt but he thinks they are romantic and a grand gesture of love. I prefer chocolates or food or something useful. Flowers are not any of those things. Yes, I know I am weird. But I have bought flowers for other people before and I have yet to meet a man who gave flowers to his wife who didn't cheat on her. Surely, you can introduce me to one. He'd be rare. It's not necessary. My father never gave my mom any flowers. He also never gave her STD or heartache. So I don't need flowers as long as my man is loyal, loving and hardworking.

Washington park is a nice place to hang out in. Greenbelt is a no-no. It's too exposed. The gazebos in the park is wide and is not to open. The greenery is okay but the mosquitos is not so welcome. We decided that Legaspi active park is a good place to run. More about this jogging thing when we actually do it. ^.^

All I know now is that I am not running into a wall. There is an actual goal now. And as for how I feel now, I can laugh like my heart is into it. Free, at peace, and like the old me, the one who believe love is a source of happiness and not of obsessions. It's wonderful.

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