Because they make me lose sleep and they make me smoke so much that I get sick the next day.
And for what? Because they broke someone else's heart! Unfortunately the someone else I am talking about is a "soulmate" of mine.
I think I have mentioned this several times. There are friends and acquaintances that I tolerate but then there are people I call my "soulmates". These are the people who I would run to when they call me or text me their "I am desparate" message. It could be anything from "Let's have coffee." to "Are you in Makati?" But I just know that it's one message or call that I can't ignore.
So I transform and fly to where they are. Figuratively speaking that is.
Then there is what I would like to refer to as the "spinning record mode". We all know what this is. All you are supposed to do at this point is be quiet and listen. I am, of course, incapable of shutting up so I tend to bug my friends with segues when they are talking about their problem. They both love and hate me for this. The love came when they realized that I can't change this side of me.
Then comes the "white noise Nina mode" where I have to talk and say random normal and abnormal things that would occupy their mind so that they don't stab themselves with chopsticks or call the bastard who caused the whole breakdown to begin with.
And I always hear the same words.
"It hurts. Make it stop. How come I still love him?"
And I can't make the pain stop.
I don't have an answer to this question except,
"You just do. Bear with it and get the closure that you need."
Because at the end of the day we are the ones who are supposed to hold our happiness in our hands. We can't ask someone else to handle it let alone trust them to not destroy our happiness.
I know this to be a fact. Men can't handle their own happiness and letting them handle ours would lead to chaos and catastrophic pain.
We can love ourselves. And the excess can be directed towards them. Otherwise we become an empty husk when they drain us of our self-love. And it would take a lifetime to get it all back.
I hurt my friend when I told her that I didn't like the guy that she likes then and then again when I told her I would not talk to her again if they got back together. Now that she is still miserably loving him, I know how it feels but I have to detach myself from it. Since I know that the man would be bad news for her. I know that many of the people other people date are bad for them. And not because they are still together and/or tied the knot that things were able to work out. But they never listen, so it's up to them to mess it up and clean up after themselves.
Sometimes, people just have nowhere else to go and have noone else they can blindside into loving them. But the misery of not being with the man you love is not as bad as the misery of knowing that the man or person that you think you loved is not that person who is with you. You just thought that he was like that guy. But he isn't and now you're stuck.
I would rather risk my heart to be alone than to be stuck with someone who makes me both stupid and miserable.
Whether we like it or not, a-holes are everywhere. As a friend, all we can do is to console others who have been hurt by these so called fiends. I have met so many a-holes all my life and I still get pissed off when they do bad things to others but eventually, I just shrug it off. Wala naman kasing mangyayari kung magreresort ka to violence. Oh sure, you'll end up bruising the guy and his ego pero eventually after a little nursing, he will be back on his feet so parang nasayang lang ung efforts mo di ba? The best way to get even with an a-hole is not beating him up but rather giving him a lesson that he will never forget or if that's too much to ask then just let karma intervene unfortunately, these karma doesn't move fast enough to smite evil doers. Sad really kaya naman some people just take the whole karma thing to a new light and just do the karma to that person all by themselves.
ReplyDeleteI know this karma thing to be super digital. But the thing is with some people, they just have so many regrets that they end up piling it on top of the next person. They know the lesson but it's hard to apply them.
ReplyDeleteSo I just believe that if you are a willing victim, then fine. If you are my friend, I won't try to stop you. But I would rather not have to stop you from being a victim.