There are a lot of reason why going
home is great but there are still a lot of things that remind me of
the great things about being away from home. I had to make my visits
to my dead relatives fast because I had to go to work on the 1st
and 2nd of November. I won't get into the reasons but
that's just how work is sometimes. This might be the last year that I
would be putting up with it so I am gritting my teeth. Next year
things are going to be a lot better or so my year of the Ox forecast
says. The funny thing is that he is year of the dragon and next year
is his year. I am sure that great things will happen to him in 2012.
I am going to pray for things to work out for him.
Back to the reason why I love going
home. It's home. I got to help my sister, save her actually from
making a truly horendous art project. I designed a simon birds for
her. And she was able to put it in her shirt. I just realized that
she doesn't have a lot of things that I had growing up, siblings who
can teach her how to make art stuff. And the art classes in school
are completely lacking in activities that can promote the creativity
of a child. And that hekasi is a long line of watching dvds that
causes kids to have a hard time writing things down for them to
manage passing exams. I don't know much about multimedia education
but I think it has merits for the teachers not the students.
One of the things that keep me from
going back home is that I don't want people telling me to shut up. I
love my family but meaningful conversations are not their expertise.
I am glad that I don't have to be there for the actual undas because
my being single and short hair might be an issue. And me wanting to
lose weight is going to be questioned too. I am doing all these
things, trying to live on my own, lose weight and being single to
improve my life not to meet anyone's standard. I also want to get rid
of my skin allergies not because they don't like seeing it because it
makes it hard for me to wear a dress. As much as I love my family and
their bottomless well of concern, sometimes it just makes things
better to be away from home. I need to have my own space. My brothers
know this to be true. I think none of us would live in Batangas even
when we get around to settling down. That would be sad for my
parents, but it's the reality of the situation. We love being raised
in the countryside but working there is not part of our plans. We
were educated enough to move beyond the opportunities that is
presented by our city.
And quite frankly, my mother would go
nuts if I stayed with them. Not to mention I would have to cut my
tongue off for that living situation to be very peaceful. Thank God
for my sister. She filters the attention that my mother would
otherwise send my way had she not been born.
I teased my mom that I would plant
roses in her tomb so she wouldn't suffer a flowerless undas. I
thought to myself, I would really do something like that. I would
want people who visits her to know that she is well-loved. Of course,
I need to remember to think of a good Christmas gift for my mom and
my dad too. The kids can get disappointed, my parents need more from
me now. I would spend this time doing my best to put my life
together. No need for a man to complete it and make me giddy. I have
enough love and experience to fill several pocketbook series. I can't
make another Ico. I can't try loving another man until I get all my
dreams to bed, that is to be a published writer and to be able to
give my mother money instead of asking her to lend me some.
Just those two, and I would be able to
share my heart again. Until then, I don't think I can find someone to
love and understand the things that I want to achieve. My friends ask
me why I don't want to have a high paying job or something more
secure than the one I have now. It's because I only have those two
dreams. I never dreamed of a family of my own, or a great house let
alone a car of my own. I just want to be able to have adventures,
alongside someone who wouldn't feel any less of a man when I am not
able to play with him while I am focused on writing about imaginary
couples.
2012 is said to be less problematic
than the last few years. Still I'd buckle up for it. Just to be sure.
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