Wednesday, November 2, 2011


Delayed blog : Written October 30

There are a lot of reason why going home is great but there are still a lot of things that remind me of the great things about being away from home. I had to make my visits to my dead relatives fast because I had to go to work on the 1st and 2nd of November. I won't get into the reasons but that's just how work is sometimes. This might be the last year that I would be putting up with it so I am gritting my teeth. Next year things are going to be a lot better or so my year of the Ox forecast says. The funny thing is that he is year of the dragon and next year is his year. I am sure that great things will happen to him in 2012. I am going to pray for things to work out for him.

Back to the reason why I love going home. It's home. I got to help my sister, save her actually from making a truly horendous art project. I designed a simon birds for her. And she was able to put it in her shirt. I just realized that she doesn't have a lot of things that I had growing up, siblings who can teach her how to make art stuff. And the art classes in school are completely lacking in activities that can promote the creativity of a child. And that hekasi is a long line of watching dvds that causes kids to have a hard time writing things down for them to manage passing exams. I don't know much about multimedia education but I think it has merits for the teachers not the students.

One of the things that keep me from going back home is that I don't want people telling me to shut up. I love my family but meaningful conversations are not their expertise. I am glad that I don't have to be there for the actual undas because my being single and short hair might be an issue. And me wanting to lose weight is going to be questioned too. I am doing all these things, trying to live on my own, lose weight and being single to improve my life not to meet anyone's standard. I also want to get rid of my skin allergies not because they don't like seeing it because it makes it hard for me to wear a dress. As much as I love my family and their bottomless well of concern, sometimes it just makes things better to be away from home. I need to have my own space. My brothers know this to be true. I think none of us would live in Batangas even when we get around to settling down. That would be sad for my parents, but it's the reality of the situation. We love being raised in the countryside but working there is not part of our plans. We were educated enough to move beyond the opportunities that is presented by our city.

And quite frankly, my mother would go nuts if I stayed with them. Not to mention I would have to cut my tongue off for that living situation to be very peaceful. Thank God for my sister. She filters the attention that my mother would otherwise send my way had she not been born.

I teased my mom that I would plant roses in her tomb so she wouldn't suffer a flowerless undas. I thought to myself, I would really do something like that. I would want people who visits her to know that she is well-loved. Of course, I need to remember to think of a good Christmas gift for my mom and my dad too. The kids can get disappointed, my parents need more from me now. I would spend this time doing my best to put my life together. No need for a man to complete it and make me giddy. I have enough love and experience to fill several pocketbook series. I can't make another Ico. I can't try loving another man until I get all my dreams to bed, that is to be a published writer and to be able to give my mother money instead of asking her to lend me some.

Just those two, and I would be able to share my heart again. Until then, I don't think I can find someone to love and understand the things that I want to achieve. My friends ask me why I don't want to have a high paying job or something more secure than the one I have now. It's because I only have those two dreams. I never dreamed of a family of my own, or a great house let alone a car of my own. I just want to be able to have adventures, alongside someone who wouldn't feel any less of a man when I am not able to play with him while I am focused on writing about imaginary couples.

2012 is said to be less problematic than the last few years. Still I'd buckle up for it. Just to be sure.

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