Sunday, September 26, 2010

archive A Dream of Reality

A Dream of Reality

Isn't it odd that when we learn to accept things it never quite registers in our subconscious. Well following my previous blog my subconscious told me one thing that was very clear, crystal even. I am definitely and undeniably over you. Why? I dreamt about you and her. Yes, I haven't seen her in real life. But I saw her picture once in your wallet, remember. That knocked the wind out of me actually. Then you replaced her picture with mine. But I knew the picture was there. You told me you removed it. Somehow in my head I knew she would always be there. The same way my dad kept his picture of my mom when she was still a maiden of hotness.

Anyway, in my dream I was in some kind of mall. And I saw you. The weird thing was that in the beginning you were shirtless. I know what that means, no dream dictionary needed there. But I didn't feel that usual kick in the guts arousal that comes from seeing you without your shirt on. It was the regular kind, like when I see Derek Ramsey's abs.

I greeted you and you wore a shirt finally and walked with me. I asked you who you were with. I teased a bit and even gave you a peck on the cheek. It wasn't naughty or sexual it was more like the kind one give's in a beso-beso. Someone was calling you from behind. I saw this short, slighty obese woman with long hair and baduy top and skirt calling for you. I think this is the classic mom with two kids look. So I knew she would be hot in real life if my head was putting her image together like this. I know I am over you but I can't control my mind's malevolence.

I knew it was her. I said goodbye and walked away. You didn't move towards her or towards me. You stood there and watched me walk away while she walked towards you. I felt like my dream was being way too dramatic. I began to urge my mind to wake up. I wanted that dream to have that as an ending. But it didn't end.

I was at the foodcourt area when I saw the two of you. I smiled and faced her with all the normalcy that I could muster. She smiled and seemed friendly. I told her that I was Anthony's ex-girlfriend's friend. I didn't exactly know why I used him as an excuse but she had that glint in her eyes that were measuring if I was one of your many women. I wanted her to not be bothered that day and I didn't want to cause a scene so I said that. I remember not sitting or joining you. I feigned the need to go ahead since I still had a lot to buy.

I said my goodbyes and walked away. I saw myself walk away and saw her face you and ask you something. You faced her to explain something. She didn't look so happy with what you said.

The odd thing was, I didn't care.

I am sorry. That must've hurt to read, but I guess whether or not you'll get back together with her, I don't care. My life that had you as its center is over, that chapter has been written, revisited, revised, and buried.

I have a new chapter to write. Clean sheet of paper. New ink. New leading man, perhaps? I hope so. And different plot points as well as an ending that has me in the arms of a man of my very own, most assuredly.
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