Sunday, September 26, 2010

Makati is my Manhattan - archive

My very own Troll

Click the second picture para magets nyo why galit na galit sha. ^^

I didn't reply at what she said simply because I know I made a mistake. I have been corrected by a lot of people and I have always taken their corrections at heart. I even got a prof do that on one of my blog entries here.

Just an fyi. I use pinaywriter because it's a username for a forum I am a member of. I am not saying I am awesome and a grammar nazi. I am human after all. Cute. Real cute. I have my very own troll.

*wala siguro shang magawa nun kaya parang galit na galit sha.*

I know. I am evil.
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    Makati is my Manhattan - archive

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    much ado about the manang
    Nov 16, '07 1:24 AM
    for everyone

    so. to cut the story short, i almost gave my friends a heart attack when they saw me. i was that close to being demoted in the friend list. all because...well i can't blame them. it proved my theory right though. that if i wanted to, i could regress back to my rough self. which we all know is someone my elbi buddies have combated for four years. so this shows that underneath all the eyeliners, a manang lives in me ready to emerge whenever the disguise is necessary. it made youngsters think of me as a sister rather than the predator that actually lurks inside. oh well...i'm giving up on both.

    and yes hot mamah, eros had a lot to do with the disguise. to begin with it was so that i could not attract attention of the eternally pervert and also to prevent me from feeling like i am wasting my opportunites. but enough. due to the duo, as i am calling helene and isaac now, mark would not be able to survive another haircut. i had one while we were still together. and that means, in ji's book of getting over, that he is history. now, we can safely assume that the two inches i've grown over the last semester, is gone for good. gone are the strands of my "i'll wait for you no matter what."

    if i learned anything from my tito dante's death it is that if you are so tired and you try to feed yourself too much, you may never wake up to burp.

    so i'm currently restarting the celibacy mode that mr. villanueva had deterred me from. i have done more than my share of stupid things and so i am ready to escalate. or as i have chosen and been stopped from doing, regress back to my essentials. which is basically not care about what i look like.

    honestly. the effect of the haircut was scary. aside from my personal physical change, the fact that i got hit on randomly by at least 4 guys on the street means even my pimple-pocked face can catch attention as long as my hair is blown. gess. oh well. not interested.

    no my dear rake, you don't get to eat me or eat with me. i have officially quit the mistress business. you missed me by a few insane moments.

    my dear elbi soulmates, thanks. i promise not to turn hag ever again. even if i stay in our county. haha.

    to all testosterones, you have one less predatory lady. rejoice.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 3:47 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Celibate Contract
    Nov 27, '07 11:37 PM
    for everyone
    I, Simone, do solemly swear to uphold my celibacy for the next 13 months. Through temptations and through untoward encounters with the yummiest bananas in the world. Irregardless of whomever may come and present himself, I will prevail. This is in view of my promise to myself that I will not tolerate my own need for drama in my life. So help me God. (november 28, 2007)
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 3:48 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Backfire Blurter
    Nov 28, '07 10:03 PM
    for everyone
    don't you just hate it when your own brand of crazy weird makes you it's victim?
    so what happens to a girl who can't keep a secret, at least when she puts her guard down she will spill the secret. and it always is the one that is too important to say. i guess that's the reason why my brain keeps secrets from me as well. because as soon as i get a lightbulb moment, the words will surely come out of my mouth. ergo the spilling my secret crush for a boy. he must stay unnamed. for now. i don't think he can handle it if he ever finds out. Let's just call him doc aga. hehe. not as cute. not even close to aga-ness but it's okay.
    let's just say that my heart's defmech is to unearth a crush that occured during my days having a bf. and in what's his dick's time, i was crushing on a new boy. but i actually was on my self-control days so i passed the chance to be a cheater. hmf. too bad. that could've saved me from a ton of abandonment baggage if i had. but then again, not my bad karma, right? oh well, it's okay. since i can't possibly sustain my celibacy thingy withuot a crush in sight. it keeps me from getting a cabin fever whenever i go hermit on my coño. it's a good thing i'm at least three hours away from the kid. it'll keep me safe.
    but i told his friend. coz i was worrying about his latest misadventure. but at least the friend won't squeal. i hope. either way there is no need to know.
    so yes, ladies and goddesses, i am sooo ready to move on. first the spirit, then the heart. the body will follow soon enough.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 3:50 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    The Return of the Promdi
    Jan 6, '08 7:27 PM
    for everyone
    Ok. So I might have made a comment more than once that I don't want to work in the metro ever again. BUT DO I REALLY HAVE A CHOICE? There are no jobs that could take me to the level I want to be in if I stayed in my "county". Oh well, it's day one all over again. May the gods bless my lungs. I need a dorm that won't spell me broke any time soon. In the words of my bestfriend Katana, there is no place in this area that costs less than a limb. Unless I expect to sleep standing up. Which I don't in case anyone is asking.

    Note to self: Hot chocolate equals poop. Crap.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 3:53 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Promdi in the City : January 8, 2007: MY NEON GREEN M&M'S
    Jan 7, '08 7:54 PM
    for everyone
    I arrived in Makati at around 7am. With Midori (yes, i name my things, bite me) weighing more than my body weight, i am thinking of taking a cab to work yet again. Since hot mamah is going to biñan i can't leave it with her to fetch it later. So I have the unique chance of looking like an idiot in front of everyone in the office. As if me almost failing the grammar test for toefl was not enough. Oh well, I need to earn my way into the world.
    Hot mamah and I roamed the metro on foot yesterday causing innumerable damage to my feet's nerves. But we had fun. At least now she can rant to me in real time if she reaches her saturation point. And although my benifits from work are uber entry level as well as my pay( damn the days that I said that 18K was not worth my life) at least this job has a semblance of what i really want to do in my immediate five years of existence.
    I will try my best to get my resolutions this year:
    1. Keep job for more than a year ( since the medicard is given only after a year at my job)
    2. Save for Galera
    3. Sleep at night
    4. From Frantic traveller to Savvy Commuter
    5. NO RELATIONSHIPS with dumbass men who will prevent me from doing resolution 2 and 3
    6. Survive Express Elevators
    So you see, it's not just my heavy bag I have to carry around. I hope to all the gods I can do these. Especially the first one. I really want to be a teacher eventually. Hopefully this would be a good move for me. Like they said, nothing beats work to erase the pains of a grieving heart.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 3:54 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Of keys and passwords
    Jan 14, '08 5:32 AM
    for everyone

    Today I got my account place into the system and my keys are already ready for my abismal corner in the hole in the wall place I will be renting. So it's pretty cool. I guess.

    Note to self: Make long blog entries or snippets so I can save my thoughts at random then make one grand blog by the end of the week.Jan 14, '08 5:32 AM
    for everyone
    Today I got my account place into the system and my keys are already ready for my abismal corner in the hole in the wall place I will be renting. So it's pretty cool. I guess.

    Note to self: Make long blog entries or snippets so I can save my thoughts at random then make one grand blog by the end of the week.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 3:55 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Of Schedules and Textbooks
    Jan 14, '08 4:43 PM
    I got to T******** at around 4:04 in the morning. It turns out I rode the right jeepney and my time allowance that was devoted to getting lost ended up being extra time to surf. Anyway, my schedule is empty and someone told me it was possible that we wouldn't have a class today since we were here until seven last night. I guess it's okay. She also mentioned that she didn't have classes before for her first three days and then the when the time came for her to have one, she got one student for a week. That's cool, I guess.
    But besides the fact that I have my red starter today and my throat is itchy, things are doing okay. A senior associate told us to ask for help if our schedule does show something. I'm hoping to read most of the textbooks for today. I'd rather do that than have my first call just yet. Lazy, no. I'm just a tad bit nervous, the my legs are doing the *kuyakoy* nervous.
    Yesterday I was with Hot Mamah. She asked me to go to PBCom. I did not get lost although I did not have my map with me. I guess I am getting my Makati feet. Haha. Hopefully I will. Someday I will have to work on remembering things. For now, I am just glad that I did not get lost on my way to work.
    Note to self: I miss Mark for some reason. Not in the "I miss a lover" kind of way but I miss having someone follow me with his eyes and his thoughts while telling me I am beautiful. Haha. And I miss torturing someone who would not put up much of a fight because they really love you. Haha. In the words of Poul, "You're mean."
    In two absolutely delicious words, "I know."
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 3:56 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Goddesses Chronicles: Fake vs. Goddesses Friends
    Jan 14, '08 11:15 PM
    for everyone
    FAKE FRiENDS: Never ask for food..
    goddesses: Fed me throughout college and even after that...
    FAKE FRiENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
    Goddesses: Call your parents DAD/MOM
    FAKE FRiENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
    Goddesses: Would simply say,"AGAIN!"
    FAKE FRiENDS: never seen you cry.
    Goddesses: cry much harder than you (in the inside) but hold you close the whole time
    FAKE FRiENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
    Goddesses: keep your sh!t so long they forget its yours. Sharing is a must except with men...
    FAKE FRiENDS: Have a slambook notion of who you are
    Goddesses: Goddesses in Elbi: Quotables quotes about love, life and all that Jazz - your own version of Sex in the City and Four Blondes in the City.
    FAKE FRiENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
    Goddesses: Draws the crowd around you.
    FAKE FRiENDS: Would knock on your front door.
    GOddesses: Walk right in and say "I'm in elbi!"
    FAKE FRiENDS: Are for awhile.
    Goddesses: Immortally there
    FAKE FRiENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
    Goddesses: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "B!tch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste sh!t."
    FAKE FRiENDS: will talk sh!t to the person who talks sh!t about you.
    Goddesses: Will crush the their tongue with their stilletos.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 3:58 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Of street islets and 4 a.m.s
    Jan 14, '08 11:35 PM
    for everyone
    I realized that for the next few months and years of my life here in the metro, I would have to look on both sides of the road with my eyes wide open. No more walking with my mind in the clouds. I also have to wait for speeding demons to mind the traffic rules that are non-existent in their acquisition of their for-show licences. I feel like I would be constantly going to be in that junction islet that is the only portion of that roaring highway where I can be sure that I won't meet my least not yet. I will for the rest of my days have to ask clueless drivers for directions to places I need to be in but not all the time want to go to.It seems like a waste of my time and my saliva but it is the only way I could make sure I don't find myself in the mercy of a taxi necessity scenario with less than enough money in my person. Oh well, the pains of being a promdi in the city.
    Sometimes I feel like the city needs to give me one more thing. But I know it is the one thing that would thoroughly distract me. I prefer to be single while I am building my bank account because someday I will be the breadwinner of our family. And I should at least have enjoyed saving and using my money lest I'd feel severely obligated. My parents would someday need me to step up to my birthright. Some have to do that all too soon. I should just enjoy for now I guess, every safe street islet and my early morning without anyone dragging me by my feet.
    But for some reason I miss being loved for some reason. I can take care of myself but I miss not carrying my bag. I miss Eros.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:12 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    of life's little lessons and fathers
    Jan 20, '08 4:14 PM
    for everyone
    There is this book called Life's little lnstruction book that my mom bought for my dad. It's pretty cool so I borrowed it to use for my comm box and also to encode it here in case I need a quick copy in the future. This is no way means I will use it from profit. I will use it to teach though, which is never really wrong, right?
    Anyway, I just hope I'm able to encode it before the day is through. I'd probably end up writing it down. Who knows.
    anyway, another week another student. I have five now. hehe. at least the new one is high intermediate. I don't need to compress any words.
    mental note: I am not classy enough to appreciate CATS...for some reason.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:13 PM
    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    of indies and exes
    Jan 22, '08 4:04 PM
    for everyone
    So I went to elbi to watch the Tribu movie which won at the 07 cinemalaya. It was one of those movies that despite your innate hate for rap, you end up understanding. I guess if it wasn't for Mark I would have never truly understood how the characters put their lives at stake for revenge and their own notion of restoring their honor. I guess if an innocent person got caught in the crossfire it would sting more than someone who willingly took in the ideals of a gang.

    Nevertheless I texted piolo and the only one he responded to was the one I intentionally laced with the possibility that it might have come from Helene. But I told him it was from me. He told me he now has a gf. And that it was ok since he has not really had any since his wife. That confused me but I choose to be chirpy then since I worse things to worry about than the complexities of real life "siga". I was going to makati without much idea what I was going to ride. But I got there ok. And the weird thing was, I saw JL on the Lawton bus. I grabbed his tummy is more like it. He was prancing again with his mp3 in his ear. Cityfolks and their gear. He tought I was someone else. Then we talked and I noticed that he was wearing a ring. For the life of me I never thought that would be possible. And I stand by my conclusion that I am truly happy for him. He found someone insistent enough to make an honest gay out of him. He lives in Makati Exec Tower 2 with his mom Dolly (who according to him still bugs him from time to time about me and if we still talk etc) and his bro Julius (who is the Nutritionist in the family). Fortunately there are 2 grandkids in Dolly's life from Benedict the 2nd born then Paulo *(who is my age) is married. I don't think she would be nailing JL to the cross since he won't have any with his current partner. Unless science finds a way. Or the stork does. I just remember that he and Rex look like they were really happy. I did not feel any of the weirdness I feel for Rodolfo whenever I see him. With JL, our friendship healed over time. And I am happy to say that I am truly glad. At least I could be less than acquaintances with him now. Haha. I forgot that his surname is Miranda. I am definitely dumb. I asked for his new number because apparently the genuis left his cp on the bus. After erasing Piolo's number the balance of the universe is restored. I don't really need to be bothering him whenever I am in LB. And the best way is to remove his number from my phone.

    It is a new year after all. Time to become the person I want to be. Time to fulfill my new year's resolution. The commuting savviness is on-track. But the rest will be too. I bought a can opener so that I can go back to the tuna days. But I bought fully loaded at KFC. Oh well, right back where I started. I'll get there, I hope.

    As for liife-immitating art my movie is getting to the good part I think. The problem has been raised, the special effects have deminished but the salvaging factor of my persona will reveal itself. Hopefully I have outgrow my need for a deus ex machina.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:13 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    of True friendships and True love
    Jan 24, '08 3:46 PM
    for everyone
    Samantha: gurl i waited for your call until 4pm. i fell asleep waiting e. i haven't sleep in 48 hours kaya i couldn't help it. so sorry.
    Rain:'m sorry too...i got frantic..i thought the line in ur blog which said that "He told me he now has a gf. And that it was ok since he has not really had any since his wife."--i thought you were referring to CAS..under that assumption, i was immediately fumed, and dialed ur number right away....anyway, it was 7.30am and i hadn't had my coffee...suffice to say my brain cells were slow...i just chatted with Helen right now and she clarified the entire thing with me. text her btw, she has stories to tell...super sorry for keeping u up....loveyah!
    Samantha:gurl, don't worry. touched naman ako. pero in eros' defense, he is so not like piolo. haha. my ex can actually live without women. irresistable nga lang ang mga dyosa kaya nashikabab namin ni helen and dalawang yun. I was about to cut all ties with piolo until I found out that the mutual friend turned psychobitch gf was harrassing helen. anyway, i will be hanging out with helen at a bar tonyt so I will have a chance to hear her stories. she is bringing 7 other people. I hope to the gods that she doesn't bring another match for me. coz I am seriously not interested right now. I barely have enough time to sleep and less brain cells to spare. You know me, I have a one-track mind sometimes. and right now, I am focusing on my new year's resolution. And I am barely making a dent there so I can't have testosterone infected creatures bothering me. Oh and btw, yesterday I got a resurecting text from Rake. And so the return of the exes begin anew. eeeeekkkk. and one day after the other. I oughta be careful baka me masight na naman akong forgoten lay sa bar mamaya. eeekkk. Pero malabong lumutang si eros so I am safe. Hahaha. Me speed dating mamaya. Matatangal ko na rin yun sa crazy list ko sa wakas. wahoho. I think eros leaving made me less afraid of being abandoned. I am now seriously reconsidering having a partner in my old age. Note the word, not husband but partner, male naman for sure. haha. Just be safe ok? Love lots!
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:14 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Of absentee makati and drowning qc
    Jan 26, '08 9:35 PM
    for everyone
    Charity is indeed a thankless effort. Let's just say if I didn't love Rude that much I would have thrown a fit. And the testosterones were not helping. Sure they were present but they are not actually there but in a warped plane with their own thoughts and their gadgets. And the supposed highlights were not there. So Sunshine was right, it was Boring with a capital Boredom. But we were not the kind to think it was going to end there. So we moved to another place. But the music was, for some reason, not cooperating. And peeople's demons were not yet fully exorcised. Some had lovers in their head, a few were still counting the loss of their chraitable donation and a couple was in their own bliss (I don't blame them, they kept me sane for the most part) I had to take action, because the psychobitch in me was ready bare her fangs. I talked to the threesome in the corner and I found out they have tongues too. And since coming to that gimmik was a means to an end, I had to work fast. One of the trio was a mudrah prey, the other one was attached to his phone and apparently to a woman but the third was a very tall sweet smilling upper body dancer (think). So I got the last guys number judging that he failed my personal qualification (dancing skills) but I know he won't need to if he dated my other friend. But the thing was the girl was tiny. But who knows. The catch? The guy is in-between jobs. I told him to text me when he finds one and I will hook him up. He also said that it would be hard to date someone if he was jobless. But his inate ability to destroy his gadgets was a personal off. Because if he can't take care of gadgets that give him pleasure as what any man wants from video games and mobile phones etc, how can he take care of a girl's heart? He can't just shelf it once it is broken and hope to get a brand new one in a few weeks. But he seems like a marrying type good boy. Just the kind I'm looking for. But not for me. I still prefer my thugs over the goodies.

    Anyway, I ended up staying in qc at helen's place. But before that we crashed at her sis' condo. But before that, we had an orgasmic breakfast at Something Fishy. I thought I would die from all the food that I ate. We both lifted our spirits after that dreary night. Crazy women. Who needs men if I could get meat in my mouth, chew it and shallow without obsessing over relationships and emotions. And once I've gotten what I need from the meat, it becomes it's most frank self. It shows itself out without any more drama, I flush it down the toilet. This is what women need to do with men sometimes. Otherwise they will become full of sh*t. And crap tends to poison the body so I would much rather have actual constipation than emotional constipation. The same way eros was for most of our time together.

    I heard that year of the dog pips are closer to danger this year. I pray helen and eros would be luckier. Maybe Curly is a dog because he has very bad timing whenever he asks me to go out to drink. I would always be busy or I would not be in the same town as he is whenever he asks. The odd thing is that I feel he really needs someone to lift his spirit because he feels depressed towards being a breadwinner. I see that in Hot Mamah. At least I am here in Makati for her. But who is in Batangas for him? Too bad. Next week I would be in Cavite. The week after that I would be in Laguna. Maybe God is helping me to stay focused on my work and my friends. At least my friends don't give me a hard time and tell me what to do (just kidding they love telling me what to do but half of the time I don't follow it - but I did get a job to save up for a gimmik. Unfortunately there is not one cent that I can save. Darn) I guess Curly would just have to wait. Or maybe I could send Kate his way? Nah, she's a workaholic too. But at least now I have two possible templates of men for her. Now, if only she would go out more often finding her a decent enough guy would not be too damn hard.

    As for me, I am going to stick to matchmaking. I don't think I do very well as a part of the relationship. So I am just going to have as much fun and try my very best not to fuck up at work. I will save what I can and keep telling myself not to buy shit that I do not need.

    In conclusion, I now fully understand why Helen travels all the way to Lb to go out. The Metro is too stiffling for girls like us who have known a cozier and wilder place of "worship" to the wine god. I'm pretty sure the amount of money we used when we went out would have made us punch drunk via elite grade alchohol than the pink margarita that never was. And we would have "wobbled" on our way home.

    Like they say, there is no place like ELBI.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:15 PM
    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    of advice and wisdom
    Jan 27, '08 8:06 PM
    for everyone
    This is a non-profit copy of this tiny cool book I am loving right now. See if you are doing any of these stuff. I barely make a dent. More to come as I transcribe the darn thing.

    Life's Little Instruction book
    (511 suggestions, observation, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life)

    by H. jackson Brown Jr.

    1. Compliment three people every day
    2. Have a dog.
    3. Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
    4. Remember other people's birthdays.
    5. Overtip breakfast waitresses.
    6.Have a firm handshake.
    7. Look people in the eye.
    8. Say "thank you" a lot.
    9. Say "please" a lot.
    10. Learn to play a musical instrument.
    11. Sing in the shower.
    12. Use the good silver.
    13.Learn to make great chili.
    14. Plant flowers every spring.
    15. Own a great stereo system.
    16. Be the first to say, "Hello."
    17. Live beneath your means.
    18. Drive inexpensive cars, but own the best house you can afford.
    19.Buy great books even if you never read them.
    20.Be forgiving of yourself and others.
    21. Learn three clean jokes.
    22. Wear polished shoes.
    23. Floss your teeth.
    24. Drink champagne for no reason at all.
    25. Ask for a raise when you feel you've earned it.
    26.If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
    27. Return all things you borrow.
    28.Teach some kind of class.
    29. Be a student in some kind of class.
    30. Never buy a house without a fireplace.
    31. Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.
    32. Once in your life own a convertible.
    33. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
    34. Learn to identify the music of Chopin, Mozart, and Beethoven.
    35.Plant a tree on your birthday.
    36.Donate two pints of blood every year.
    37. Make new friends but cherish the old ones.
    38.Keep secrets.
    39.Take lots of snapshots.
    40. Never refuse homemade brownies.
    41. Don't postpone joy.
    42.Write "thank you" notes promptly.
    43.Never give up on everybody. Miracles happen every day.
    44.Show respect for teachers.
    45.Show respect for police officers and firefighters.
    46.Show respect for military personnel.
    47. Don't waste time learning the "tricks of the trade." Instead, learn the trade
    48.Keep a tight rein on your temper.
    49. Buy vegetables from truck farmers who advertise with hand-lettered signs.
    50. Put the cap back on the toothpaste.
    51.Take out garbage without being told.
    52. Avoid overexposure to the sun.
    54.Surprise loved ones with little unexpected gifts.
    55. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
    56.Never mention being on a diet.
    57.Make the best of bad situations.
    58.Always accept an outstretched hand.
    59. Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.
    60.Admit your mistakes.
    61. Ask someone to pick up your mail and daily paper when you're out of town. Those are the first two things potential bulgars look for.
    62.Use your wit to amuse, not abuse.
    63.Remember that all news is biased.
    64.Take a photography course.
    65.Let people pull in front of you when you're stopped in traffic.
    66.Support a high school band.
    67.Demand excellence and be willing to pay for it.
    68.Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
    70.Hug children after you discipline them.
    71.Learn to make something beautiful with your hands.
    72.Give to charity all the clothes you haven't worn during the past three years.
    73.Never forget your anniversary.
    74.Eat prunes.
    75. Ride a bike.
    76.Choose a charity in your community and support it generously with your time and money.
    77.Don't take a good health for granted.
    78. When someone wants to hire you, even if it's for a job you have little interest in, talk to them. Never close the door on an opportunity until ypu've had a chance to hear the offer in person.
    79.Don't mess with drugs,
    80. Slow dance.
    81. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
    82. Steer clear of restaurants with strolling musicians.
    83. In business and family relationships, remember that the most important thing is trust.
    84.Forget the Joneses.
    85.Never encourage anyone to become a lawyer.
    86.Don't smoke.
    87. Even if you're financially well-to-do, have your children earn and pay part of their college tuition.
    88. Even if you're financially well-to-do, have your children earn and pay for all their automobile insurance.
    89.Recycle old newspapers, bottles, and cans.
    90.Refill ice cube trays.
    91. Don't let anyone see you tipsy.
    92.Never invest more in the stock market than you can afford to lose.
    93. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of all your happiness and misery.
    94. Make a habit to do nice things for people who'll never find out.
    95. Attend class reunions.
    96. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
    97. Always have something beautiful in sight, even if it's just a daicy in a jelly glass.
    98. Know how to type.
    99. Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.
    100.Read the Bill of Rights.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:15 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    of phones and persons
    Jan 29, '08 7:56 PM
    for everyone
    I have missed my mark in getting to take the exam for my licensure. It would've been a great addition to my credentials. Oh well. Too bad. I like my job. I actually enjoy it. I hope I will become better in it though. That's why I plan to stay for a whole lot of while than I did with my overly-toxic former jobs. Sure it won't pay for a condo in the future but I am happy. Less money to budget more room to grow as a thrifty person right? Oh well. To be continued... I have to go to lunch now.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:16 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    of resolutions and reconsiderations
    Jan 29, '08 11:11 PM
    for everyone
    Put everything you've got into a plan you've wanted to develop. You will have what it takes to make things happen and the imagination to help you deliver your idea with great enthusiasm and confidence.

    I am not taking the license exam. Why? I was too lazy to prepare my requirements and I don't have enough time and money right now. YES, I know they are excuses. I am not even denying that. Unfortunately. I forgot to put that in my 2008 resolution. I hope I can still qualify for the next batch. But I doubt that sincerely. Oh well. I will just do my best in my job and hope I don't get bored. I won't let myself. I have found something I actually like to do. No over-eager person would ruin this for me. I did not work to make friends. I will just have to fly below the radar and not meddle in office politics. Let people pick and finish their own fights. I will fight and deal with my own. I know that sounds very disloyal of me. But I have been forewarned. I won't forget that even if I am making new friends. I will perhaps have a handful of friends. The rest I will just say Hi to whenever necessary. I have enough problem remembering the names of the people I like let alone wonder how I will remember everyone else's names.


    Can I just say with no hopes of jinxing it that I am happy. Even if I can't afford expensive things or have someone to hold my hand (or my waist seeing that I abhor holding hands).

    I didn't know that I would be this happy. Even if I was with Mark before or I was in a high-paying job, I was not happy. For some reason, I was never this at peace. I know it seems weird but I have realized that planning or hoping for things to happen will not will them into existence. Call me bohemian but I don't expect things to be better than they are. Or maybe I am just finally learning how to be content. Or I have finally grown into my own skin. My comfort zones are more established. I don't have to move too much to have fun. ( But if I plan to enjoy of course I want to move/dance/get drunk) I guess my ELBI days will just be blurry memories of hightened sensations and passion. I plan to revisit it once in a while but I don't expect it to be revived here in the Metro. That is just plain stupid.

    My friends' problems will no longer be about school. Their relationship mishaps can now result to me being a godmother. Heartbreaks are a lot easier to analyze and forget. Togetherness and partnerships now end in wedding bells.. Everything is magnified but altogether miniaturized. Some if not all of us are more world weary and a few are even street smart. One day it would be just me who is single. And I am sure, they would all be bugging me to settle into their version of happiness. That, I believe is something that none of us outgrows. The inability to stop trying to make our friends happier than they are. SO MY DEAR FRIENDS, I AM HAPPY. Not very happy, not sort of happy, just plain comfort levels not going haywire and not desperate for love and release kind of happy. I have a wonderful family, very supportive parents, unwavering soulmates (friends), a paying job and the knowledge that I was and will always be loved by the men I chose to love. (note love not fuck, thank you very much)

    And I hope nothing but the same kind of happiness for all of you. But I won't force my version of happiness on you. Just be reassured that I will help you and support yours as long and as much as I possibly could.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:16 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Sands of Time
    December 19, 2007

    Sometimes we feel that the world is too cramped up that the only solace we can find is that which can be gained by sitting on the beach and sighing.
    He told me once that he wrote my name on the sand. And the waves took it. He knew that was a sign that our love would not stand the test of...anything. And that however fleeting it would be I felt so loved when he told me that even in his quiet time, I was there in his thoughts, in his heart. The waves can take anything it wills. But I believe that the sands that took part in that moment in his past, are in every beach I sit on. So when I hold them in my hand, I hold his love for me still.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 5:50 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    wake up dreamer
    so what those one do when she wakes up to the reality that she is an idiot. not just because she has an escalating sense of impossible relationship but this nagging feeling that she did not take anything from her so called prestigious education. does she spiral down to a depressing rut that no one can draw her out of but the very person who put her there or does she cloak it as a sense of soul-searching.
    isn't it odd that we call a healthy way of internal sabotage as soul-searching? we eat at ourselves and pick out the pieces that we believe no longer deserve the bytes of our most personal functions. i give this as an advice to so many people but i for one know that it is the hardest thing to give up our worst habits. by habits i include this nagging stupidity we have for holding on to people who have in lack of a better term, abandoned us. i don't mean just the physical kind of abandonment, but most especially the emotional kind. for a moment they are the center of your movements and thought patterns then they just quite simply disappear.
    what then?
    closure is a concept most humans do not achieve. why? because the other half of the population does not have it in their vocabulary. most passive-aggressive people can do without it, thinking they can survive without it. but somehow they end up with emotional baggagges that bite them in their collective assess before they can truly start up with another bloke or babe. *shrugs*
    at least my lack of closure from the last farthead would now be a valid reason not to be the s**t or enagage another poor bloke with my brand of craziness.
    so i promise, my dear blog, that you and i will spend hours together and document my 2008 without a boyfriend and others.
    Tuesday, 27 November 2007
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 5:52 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Of penniless and paychecks
    Ok, so I am broke. But I have a job. How about that for irony. I have my atm but it is empty. How about that for a tragedy?

    In light of this abysmal event I will make this list of actions to do for this month:

    1. Buy groceries which would include:
    a. Tuna in cans ( I love this - I did mention once that I can live just eatin tuna. Let's try if I will survive on a single viand)
    b. Dishwashing liquid and a scrubby thingy
    c. Microwavable containers or a lunchbox ( for work)
    d. Soy sauce
    e. Tomato ketchup (optional)
    f. litro packets of pineapple juice or canned pineapple juice ( I have to start to drink healthier things)
    g. Chocolate cupcake (Dream)
    h. Bread ( for breakfast)
    i. HANGERS
    j. Ariel (back to my babad days)
    k. BIG ASS BASIN (to wash my clothes in)
    l. rags
    m. Crackers ( onion and cream ones perhaps)
    n. Shampoo with conditioner ( in a bottle so I don't have to buy for at least a month)

    2. CUT DOWN on these purchases:

    b. CP LOAD

    3. Do not be a big spender when I go to the FEB FAIR.

    4. Go home only whenever I get my pay.

    5. BRING ONE MONTH WORTH OF CLOTHES. Even the everyday clothes.


    Geesh...I hope I can do these things. I might need to have a print out of this so I can remember this...gesh. AJA!
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 6:24 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Samantha Chronicles: Episode 1
    Samantha: Did she say yes?

    Eros: No. She said I could love you but not be with you.

    Samantha: She still loves you then?

    Eros: She's become this mean person...much like those who opposed our union before. She wants revenge from what she believes is a betrayal...because I fell in love again.

    Samantha: I don't need a ring.

    Eros: The weird thing is, I never gave her one too.

    Samantha: Then there is hope.

    Eros: Unless you can't wait that long.

    Samantha: I learned patience from you. I think we can at least try.

    Eros: I can't loose another woman I love. I lost her to her family. Will yours push me away too?

    Samantha: Yes. But I'll push back. Cowards don't deserve love so be brave, okay?

    Eros: I thought I would never be afraid of anything until now.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 6:41 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Samantha Chronicles: Episode 2
    Samantha: I'm not...

    Eros: ...too bad.

    Samantha: Too bad?!

    Eros: I don't know when I'm leaving.

    Samantha: I want you to leave before I run out of excuses.

    Eros: For what?

    Samantha: For being a fool.

    Eros: You know I won't come back...there is nothing here for me.

    Samantha: ...frack you.

    Eros: I'm sorry.

    Samantha: Yeah, you always are.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 6:42 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Samantha Chronicles: Episode 3
    Samantha: *speed dial 1*

    Eros: The subscriber can not be reached, please try your again later.

    Samantha: Enough. Frack.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 6:44 PM

    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Samantha Chronicles: Episode 4
    There it again the ever familiar feeling of emptiness

    I have freed myself from the bind

    and i feel trapped in a world too small for my liking

    i curse the simplicity of this day

    i hoped it would be harder to let you go

    but i find it is more difficult letting go of the idea of us

    of a togetherness that will never come

    a bliss that is yet to be realized

    i have replaced you in my heart

    i have returned myself instead

    there is no one here to return to

    i wait no longer

    Posted by Pinaywriter at 6:44 PM

    Serena said...
    I found this blog while searching Samantha Who TV Show. Its an lovely tv show and one of my favorite. Your post is also good. Just try this show once.
    July 30, 2009 5:20:00 AM PDT
    Thursday, January 31, 2008
    Samantha Chronicles: Episode 5
    Rain: Long distance relationships suck.
    Samantha: Mine ended without him knowing it.
    Rain: What?
    Samantha: I gave up on my ability to wait.
    Rain: What if you're--?
    Samantha: Then I won't grow old alone.
    Rain: Aren't you going to tell him about your plans?
    Samantha: The greatest lesson I learned from us is to never base career choices on the proximity it has to the one you love. It's just bad business sense.
    Rain: Noted.
    Samantha: Trace asked me if Eros and I are over.
    Rain: Are you?
    Samantha: I'm resuming my plan to be a soltera and I haven't told him about that. I' hoping he is on the way to fixing his life. Me giving up is not exactly a good thing for his esteem.
    Rain: His self-esteem is not yours to uplift.
    Samantha: Men's self-esteem are always based on what they have. And I want to believe I was important to him. But if he ever comes back or talks himself out of the silent grave he has made in my heart, he'll meet the dark Samantha. The one that never makes a man good enough for her. My days of being attracted to the wrong men will end with him. I'm exhausted with needy men. And cheaters. Enough.
    Rain: He never cheated on you.
    Samantha: But I don't know if i can make one of him for the rest of my life. I can't even make myself go to church anymore. When I do, I'll thank god for the gesture and i'd apologize for being a nutcase. What do you think of Eros Marcus or Eroise Samantha?
    Rain: Nice names.
    Samantha: I think so too.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 6:52 PM
    Sunday, August 10, 2008
    bilingual love
    ginising kita(i was waking you)
    ngunit nanatiling nakapikit ang iyong mga mata(but your eyes remained closed)hindi mapukaw ang iyong pananaginip(your dreams would not budge)samantalang ako'y nalulunod sa realidad na(while I drown in the reality)
    na iba ang laman ng iyong mga pangarap(that another fills your dreams.)
    papaanong imumulat(how can I open)
    ang sariling mata(his own eyes)
    sa pain ng katotohanang ang minamahal nya(in the truth that the one he loves)
    naririto pero hindi kanya(is here but not his)
    perhaps (maaari)
    in time (balang-araw)
    mamahalin ka rin nya (he would love you too)
    tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa iyo (like the way I do you)
    Simone 07242008
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 9:26 PM
    Labels: simone poems

    Sunday, August 10, 2008
    dreamless slumber
    there is no more fearto see
    you in my sleep
    the frantic prayer I once spoke
    is now just thankful and brief

    "if in your sleep
    you dream of me
    if in your dreams
    we are meant to be,

    remember now
    remember me
    I love you now
    And forever thee."

    Simone 07222008
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 9:31 PM

    Sunday, August 10, 2008
    Blurry vision of the ideal
    Expel all hopes of finding perfection
    By means of concave mirrors
    That shows not my reflection
    But of a demon I can’t vanquish
    Nor allow to die
    Twilight lurks in his eyes
    Shards of broken glass
    ScatteredDeflecting light
    Absorbing my own bitterness
    Fangs that dig deeper
    To draw fresh blood
    That spills over the pristine parchment
    Dictating a lost love
    A shadow yet another illusion
    Which guards my heart
    He kept it untarnished
    As well as unloved
    Needles pricking the skin
    Releasing the puss
    A reminder thatObsession forever lasts.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 9:34 PM
    Labels: jay, poems, simone

    Sunday, August 10, 2008
    Lost is translation

    Kung maglalakad kang muli sa daang kinalimutan ng dating mangangasong dito sa bundok niya ay naligaw
    Dito sa dibdib ng dalagang ang tanging sala ay magmahal
    Matatagpuan mo ang kanyang pagpapala.
    Kung tatahakin mo ang panahong yumao na
    Upang balikan ang dati niyang ganda
    Muli pa ay babasbasan ka ng kanyang halina.
    Nakaratay sa lupa ni Bathala ang dalagang nananahan sa pighati
    Dala ng pagkawalay sa taga-lupang kanyang minimithi.
    Mag-ingat ka binata, sa bawat bulaklak na sasamyuin sa bundok niyang giliw,
    Gayumang magpapanatili, magpapabalik sa iyo ika’y igagapi.
    Mananahan din ang iyong puso sa kanyang berdeng tahanan magpakailanman
    Upang muli’t muli pa ay siya’y balikan.

    Waves of Regret

    Where ends meet
    The water will seize to flow
    Memories will stay
    As to where once passion flowed
    Heaven will know no boundaries
    When earth becomes such
    To a soul who knows no one
    But the one he truly loves
    The sun will fade in twilight
    When the lover’s boat embarks
    To another journey apart from her
    To a foreign shore it docks
    When the wanderer’s feet meets
    The sands of endless risks
    It shall know the truth in his heart
    At the beach where he departed
    To a maiden he left his heart.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 9:44 PM
    Labels: simone poems

    Ronn Decadence said...
    i like babala. nice poem. don't go man-hattan too much ok.. it's not good for health. hehe! you take care now.
    September 19, 2008 9:40:00 PM PDT
    Sunday, August 10, 2008
    Time well spent
    I waited then
    Five hours past eight
    My friends were late again
    Then arrived and we left

    I waited then
    Five minutes past three
    My roommate was taking a bath
    Then came out and I bathe

    I waited then
    Three hours past our date
    My lover arrived, breathless and apologetic
    He held me and it was forgiven

    I waited then
    An eternity after forever
    My heart was still broken
    And he was not there.

    I waited then
    A split second past right now
    My heart was still broken
    But my friends were now here.

    I waited then
    A heartbeak beyond cynicism
    My soul was still that of a hopeless romantic
    But reality was there.

    I am still waiting
    For friends, for love
    But I know all of this will end
    And all would be forgiven

    Simone 07162008
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 9:49 PM
    Labels: simone poems

    Sunday, August 10, 2008
    with a friend like me
    i'm not good with tears
    though i see them falling
    i know you are trying
    to keep the rest in

    i'm not good with comfort
    though i feel that you're trying
    to keep yourself from collapsing
    from the weight of the world

    i'm not good with patience
    though i sense you're waiting
    for me to start learning
    to care for another's life

    i'm not good with happiness
    though i hear you laughing
    at the jokes i'm making
    about the mundane cracks i spit out

    i will not always be here
    but there would still be
    infinite space for you
    to rest your weary heart

    Simone 07152008
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 9:53 PM
    Labels: simone poems

    Sunday, August 10, 2008
    ode to hm's heart
    what do you do when you meant to trust but was betrayed?
    what do you do when you meant to love but was rejected?
    what do you do when you meant to care but was ignored?
    what do you do when you meant to wait but was forgotten?

    do you stop believing everything that he said was true?
    do you stop hoping someone would love you too?
    do you wipe the tears and build a wall around you?
    or do you just continue to love him because you can't help not to?

    how many years has it been?
    aren't we supposed to know better?
    why do we continue to make the same mistakes
    of believing that love lasts forever?

    maybe we are still those fools
    who think the next one would be better
    not seeing the patterns of wounding
    we leave ourselves open to

    is it really so difficult
    to remain the cynic?
    is it really so much better
    than being a hopeless romantic?

    the rose-colored glasses
    are broken at last
    but our eyes are still looking
    for cherry blossoms from the sky.

    forgive me if I
    in my life had forgotten
    ancient promises
    to hold your heart in my own

    Simone 07142008
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 9:57 PM
    Labels: simone poems

    Sunday, August 10, 2008
    I didn't catch sleep
    My mind was running
    Thoughts of you and me
    And of times past
    I stopped
    But then my head
    Began to spin
    I almost hurled
    Could it be
    That in my peace
    There could be none
    But memories of us?
    Shouldn't I be
    Rid of you
    By the months
    Of numbing abandon?
    Everyone around me
    Are throwing bouquets
    Holding hands
    Whispering promises
    I had those once
    With a special one
    Who turned my stomach
    When he killed the butterflies
    Surely there is time
    To lick the wounds
    Then watch them heal
    One after the other
    Tomorrow is a new day
    Another stranger would come
    And yesterday will fade
    Into old photographs

    Simone 07082008
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 10:23 PM
    Labels: simone poems

    Sunday, July 19, 2009
    Why I love living in Makati
    NR - Nazi Roomie

    She will henceforth be called this.


    1. Abhores cleanliness. Not. She sweeps while you walk. She wipes floorwax while you are in the room and btw the room's door is closed at this point. She doesn't polish it and so your feet are perpetually pink. Your white slippers are pinkish and the inside of your white socks are pinkish.

    2. She touches/moves/reorganizes your things. She includes in her goodwill move to sweep and mop under your bed. She also rearranges your slippers and shoes and shit/crap/papers/books/clothes/foodcontainers/etc so that they would all be in place. This is not considering that your pet peeve is people touching your things and rearranging them so often that you can't retrive the information as to where you put something the last time you finished using it.

    3. She is fucking teritorial.
    She tells you things like this: "Ang layo naman ng naabot ng baby wipes mo." Even if it was only accidentally moved from your ZONE into a common ZONE. WTF.
    And she drives the roommate who promised to never move away from your little hole in the wall dorm room.

    4. She nags. Not verbally but physically as well. She would give you darting looks and clean while you are chilling. It's like she is mentally telling you, "Hindi mo bahay to at hindi mo ako katulong. Mahiya ka naman sa akin." And she conveys this in her every tone. "Pano ko mabubuksan ang pinto ng cabinet ko kung nakaharang itong electric fan mo?" Excuse me ate, you could've unplugged it and it's not mine, the dorm owns it. You just want to rag at me, you unfucked anal freak.

    5. She keeps you awake with words and actions. If she is on chatty mode she would talk from the time she arrives till 3am. If she is not chatty because you didn't clean your place. +_+ Or whatever. She would make sure you can't sleep well because the lights are on in your room. She would make bracelets until wee hours of the morning. Just in time for you to wake up, she would close the lights and sleep.

    So you see. If I had any money, I would be so out of that place.

    God I hope I had enough money and a hitman for a boyfriend.

    These are the times I wished I had mystic powers. Or voodoo capabilities. Just a good knock-out potion would be great. Or like a bulong that I can do to make her sleep asap.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 5:29 PM

    Cute said...
    Hate to nitpick but...

    "...Take a peak on my misadventures."

    It's 'peek' (peak being the top of something), and "AT my misadventures" and not on. You never peek ON, rather you peek AT things.

    When you call yourself a pinayWRITER, one should be able to make the basic assumption that you pay close attention to your grammar, spelling, and tenses.
    August 25, 2009 12:53:00 AM PDT
    Monday, July 20, 2009
    Folded and Hung :Black

    All girls need a little black dress. I had one once. I wore it to bed with Mark, I wore it to parties and I even wore that to my graduation. But this is a time for a new black dress.
    And this one is shimmery. ^^


    miss bru said...
    July 20, 2009 3:54:00 PM PDT

    sugarcoated cynic said...
    Davah ang saya?
    July 20, 2009 4:44:00 PM PDT
    Monday, July 20, 2009
    Folded and Hung : White

    No, I will never be an angel. But just in case someone dies or someone needs me to look like a normal person. I have the dress to use for it.
    Note to self: Might not be the right one to wear one to wear on someone's wedding. Must buy in a different color. ^^

    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:10 PM
    Labels: dress, fashion, samantha

    Monday, July 20, 2009
    Green dress : Size too small

    Yes, I know I look like a green tree trunk in this. ^^ But who gives a shit. I love green. Bite me.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:17 PM
    Labels: dress, fashion, samantha

    Thursday, July 23, 2009
    Mr. Right Now - "The Frat Man"

    There are a lot of guys that have passed by my short stint in Elbi but this is the best guy I have ever encountered.
    There are many varieties under the Mr. Right Now umbrella.
    I am sure everyone has their own opinion, especially the men whom I would describe but no worries boys, I have a nickname-giving addiction so you're safe.

    1. The Fratman

    Yes, this is not a general term. But you have to confess if you are out of the greek system, those who are IN the greek system are hot. Most of them at least.
    I think I am attracted to the whole loyalty bit and the rad parties.
    Then there is that you are an outsider intellectual kind and he is the one who brings out your wild side kind of college boyfriend. He can clearly protect you from anyone who tries to look over your curvy clothes. He seems like macho in the outside and mushy sentimental lover in the inside. Inside of you more often than not.
    And then the downside...
    Remember his frat? Yeah, of course you do. You practically know everyone before you even meet them. Why? HE NEVER SHUTS UP ABOUT IT. For some reason your entire conversation revolves around his frat. In the beginning you are fascinated by it. But as you discover that his sexual registry is lesser than you thought, you think:
    I have watched Old School too many times. I don't want to live in a Greek mini-series.

    And then there is the break-up. You being rational and him being rational. The "break-up sex" and then someone says the real reason why. You tell him you can work things out if he cared less about a bunch of strangers. He retorts that those guys had his back and saved his ass too many times for him to replace it with pussy. And the screaming begins here.
    Then the awkward "avoid the tambayan" and the "he hit that" looks from his fratbrods when you pass by each other on the street. You alone, sad little you (or so they think) and him, with his entourage, would have to see each other eventually. A campus can only be so big. And you know you have been "shared" amongst the group...and their unfortunate girlfriends.


    If you are still with your Fratman from college. *hear the glass shatter*

    I am sure that you have learned the art of changing the subject quite well.

    Posted by Pinaywriter at 6:10 PM
    Labels: mr right now

    Thursday, July 23, 2009
    Mr Right Now No.2 - Rebound guy
    2. Rebound guy
    Now this is a general, whoever it might be kinda guy.
    He has no particular physical attribute or attitude.
    But he is marked by when he arrives in your relationship calendar. HE IS THE GUY AFTER A MAJOR BREAK-UP.

    He might be the one who caught you in your vunerable state. Or he might be the one you want to edge out the angst (of being dumped) with.
    But nevertheless you have absolutely no plans to take this guy seriously. Or so you might not be aware of.
    Often you try to find someone who is the exact opposite of your past beau. Funny thing is that you usually end up with either a carbon copy of your ex or a complete douche that neither sober and self-loving you can not stand.

    Take this guy for example. I would never date someone like him.

    Why? I won't date a guy who wear pink and wears his cap that way. Sorry, I just won't. Why? Because I am a baseball chick. I believe that baseball caps should be worn in no other way than in such a manner that it prevents you from getting the glimmer of my awesomeness into your eyes or sunlight for that matter. ^^
    Then either he realizes that you are just dragging him around to either win the "break-up contest" or as a damper to your moods and a bellboy to your baggages, he dumps you. Or you get tired of being with a guy whom you don't love enough to tolerate his "flaws".
    The break-up usually doesn't include break-up sex. You believe that you have had enough of him on this area because often it is all he is good for. And it is not always good for you.
    Usually this is when you count the things you did for each other, you try to outbid each other with the facts and exaggerations of the degree of how much you "loved" one another. But the bottom line always is that you don't love him as much as he deserves and he loves you because you are so awesome.
    Yes, I am biased. Are you noticing that just now?
    And the coexistence comes in after the break-up. Some rebound guys go on to become someone else's boyfriend and then you can add him in social sites without risking your privacy.
    But you are now and forever will be the Bitch who used him. ^^

    Posted by Pinaywriter at 7:01 PM
    Labels: mr right now

    Thursday, July 23, 2009
    Mr. Right Now No. 3 - Mr. Hef

    3. Mr. Hef
    He is surrounded by beautiful women. He makes you feel like you are the prettiest because by default, the legal gf is the hottest...right?
    Try looking back to how you really felt during that time. Try to replay the audio clips of that time.
    Have you heard this?
    "Huh? Of course baby. She's hot but I love you." Or something like this.
    "Who needs someone who doesn't eat real food? I would not want to change a thing about you. I love you just the way you are." Or something like this.
    This usually ends with you getting fed up.
    You realize your brain has shrunk in the past few months because you have had to step down your usual high horse and given this guy so much head that your lips are permanently chapped. Why? Because as your self-worth decreased your love for him seemed to increase.
    Most Mr. Hef classify their exes in two groups. The Airheads and The Psychobitches.
    You then had to choose which one you wanted to be. And decide burning his apartment is better than getting chucked for the next bumper to hit his crotch zone.
    The break-up usually comes easy because you either catch him with another chick. *for the nth time*
    You just scream, he sits there trying to pretend this hasn't happened before and then you stop screaming because the tears won't stop.
    Then days if not hours later someone from your common group of friends tell you through many or one of the many means of communication, that your ex actually had so-so while you were with him. And that now they are celebrating the end of HIS slavehood.
    After this you see Mr. Hef as rarely as possible. Initially because you are avoiding committing murder. But later on you realize that you didn't move in the same circles.
    Then you say to yourself and know this to be untrue:
    Sure, mine are not as big as hers but he isn't that big as he wants everyone to think.
    Oddly you find that it's not normal for guys to say "Daddy's home." when they use you as a fuck doll.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 7:57 PM
    Labels: mr right now

    Thursday, July 23, 2009
    Mr. Right Now No. 4 - Legally Brad
    4. Legally Brad

    Yes. He is hot. Yes, he loves you.

    Oh and


    He's married.

    The Romance.
    The Confession.
    The Promises.
    The More Promises.
    The Discovery of the affair
    The Demands
    The Staying Low
    The End

    And all this time you were thinking it's good to be with someone who doesn't take up all your time.

    Right. And he is not clingy when he is not around.

    Right. And he doesn't want you to be with other guys because you are his only one.

    Right. He will leave her for you.

    Sorry, you are not Angelina enough dearest. Period.

    Posted by Pinaywriter at 8:48 PM
    Labels: mr right now

    Monday, August 3, 2009
    Hawaiian Laser Tag Saturday Pics Batch 1
    See folder

    Tuesday, August 11, 2009
    NR 3.0 Walking on Eggshells
    I was never the kind to walk on eggshells

    Funny how she would even flinch at the unconscious idea that I might ram her with the door of my closet.
    She has never done this before. She was never really the fearful type. At least I thought she wasn't. I suppose the truth is that she was wielding a power she thought she had.
    She didn't realize that real bullies are not the bigger older kids, it's actually the beehive kind of younger girls.

    Well, old lady, no need to worry. You don't have to scurry out of the room in such a hurry. I don't bite. I definitely won't bite you. Because believe me, my rabies would kill you in an instant. I only hurt the people who I give a shit for. And that is almost often not my initial intention. I would not lift a finger to hit you and make you a better person. I am a firm believer that idiots never learn and bitches can't become ladylike. I have given up even on myself. So you, I wouldn't care if you have to hop out of the room or apparate. Just don't make the mistake of talking to me or cleaning after me ever again. That might just be the last thing that you ever do.


    Posted by Pinaywriter at 4:52 PM

    Cute said...
    "Beehive kind of younger girls"? What is that supposed to mean?

    Honey, it's "CAPISCE", not capish.
    August 25, 2009 1:21:00 AM PDT
    Post a Comment
    Wednesday, August 19, 2009
    Happy Birthday, Makis!


    She is a but a little girl

    She is but a little girl who dreamt of things
    Of times that you would never see
    If your eyes are too close to
    The glass cage surrounding me

    She is but a little girl who drew worlds of not
    Of heroines and fallen heroes
    If your heart could only understand
    The merits of the stories yet untold

    She is but a little girl who swam in oceans
    Of islands filled with adventures
    If your dear prince had come
    The mermaid you would not have stayed forever

    She is but a little girl who sang a siren's song
    Of love lost in the fog
    If storms had not come and taught you better
    The bubble would have trapped you further

    She is but a little girl who prayed on her knees
    Of free days to be whomever
    If the chains had not been broken
    The same you had not befriended me

    She is...was but a little girl that day I met her
    Of days when she stayed behind everyone else
    If I had not been so rash and immature
    The friendship I cherish would not be that of me and you.

    She is but that little girl
    Of dreams and hopes and prayers
    If you fail to see the woman she would be
    The light might have rendered you blind forever.
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 8:02 PM
    Labels: birthday, c.a.t.s, friends, maricris

    Tuesday, August 25, 2009
    Wisdom needs to come out pronto

    The worst thing that can happen to be has already happened.
    My stupid impacted wisdom tooth is preventing me from swallowing and chewing well. And it hurts to talk and sneeze which I both need to do because I have a cold and I talk for a living. The worst part is that I have to wait for the antibiotic to arrive via JRS because my dentist is in Batangas. And I don't even know if I can make it there on Saturday in time for a check-up and possibly a root canal. Because at the rate the pain is going, it's a seven just so you know, I won't be able to talk all that well or eat that well for the next few days. Who would have thought that we still had to chew oatmeal. I definitely underestimated the amount of pain jaw movement can cause when there isn't enough space for everything inside the mouth. And my mouth is pretty big as per the pictures.

    I know I want to loose weight but I don't want to starve myself in the process. This sucks.
    Those antibiotics better work fast or I would scream at my dentist so loudly she would remove all my teeth in anger. +_+

    Tuesday, September 8, 2009
    Hawaiian Lazer Tag Saturday
    My friends know me as a writer. Classmates from high school used to trade Trigonometry and Algebra crash courses for short stories, poems and even diary entries. From the time that I met my hot English teacher during freshman year I knew that I would want to be a writer. Why? Let's just say that I was still deciding what gender I really wanted to be and grammar seemed the best way to get into my teacher's good graces.

    I always pictured writers to be this bunch of old geezers reading each other's poems or manuscripts and thinking the rest of the world were grammatically incorrect in general. I still discriminate people based on their grammar, to be honest. If you want me to respect you, speak the language you are best versed in and I will talk to you in the language I am well versed in, which if most of you don't know already are The Niña language or the Nice language. ^^ But that would be a whole dissertation away from being explained.

    If there is one thing that you need to know about me is that I hate being late for anything. I am always at least five minutes or fifteen minutes early for everything. I mean everything. I also have a knack for getting lost. Five different people can give me the right bus to ride and explain it like they were talking to a monkey and I would still loose my way. Then there is that I am easily excited about just about any social gathering. Especially if it's a first time. I have always gotten into some really cool first time mishaps so I always look forward to getting myself into trouble. Lastly, I have no filtering system. I think that is a residue of me being a bit of a bully and a sociopath in my growing years. I was raised in a home where you can't utter a curse or you would have to wash your mouth with safeguard (true story) but you can scream and say what is on your mind. (I am a Batangueña but you read that on the profile already.)

    I had been reluctant to go because I didn't have anything to wear to that particular party. I called my mom to tell the maid to find my favorite Puerto Galera dress. They had it sent via JRS. I started that Saturday by going into my day job and gagging to get the hour long conversations with my kerker clients. By the time I went home, the dress was not there yet. I cursed JRS to oblivion. I finally asked the landlady if they was a package for me. And it turned out that it had been with her for most of the afternoon. Curses. I laid down my leggings (yes, despite the rain I had decided that black leggings was the best thing to wear with a ridiculously short beach dress. I was too excited to care. The invitation said Hawaiian and I was not, I mean not going to be turned back just because I was under-dressed. It's a CommArts thing, we are firm believers in following the rules of attire especially when it came to costume parties. It's from hanging around theater majors that got me to be the way that I am, flamboyant when getting ready to go onstage, any kind of stage.) Did I mention I picked up yellow bells to wear on my ear? They wilted before I got to see anyone.

    So I left super early thinking that with the rain and my natural ability to get myself lost in the middle of the vast city I would arrive super late. I am a promdi and proud of it. But it didn't help in situations such as re-learning how to go to Market!Market! Before you laugh your asses off as you point at moi, I would have you know that I HAVE BEEN TO MARKET! MARKET! before but it was sooo long ago that I had no recollection of how I got my purty lil ass there.

    I was worried because my outfit was 1) Showing a lot of my "sisters" and people, men in particular ogled them during my jeepney trip and 2) THERE WAS NOT GODDAMN FOUNTAIN ANYWHERE. I was hyperventilating after an hour passed and I had not seen where I was supposed to wait for people. I had smoked numerous Malboro menthol by then and several men had asked me to light their cigarettes as a pretext to getting close enough to look into my dress. I was trying to expel the weird old men in my mind and trying to visualize my father who never looks at women's boobs when he walks around in the mall when doubt slowly crept in. "Was I doomed to repeat the not being able to attend the Christmas EB?"

    Backtracking a bit here, I had bought a cool gift and had fought my fever for the most part of that day. When I made the mistake of lying down to rest before the party I found myself burning with fever and unable to get up. I ended up giving the comic book of Filipino legends to a cousin.

    I wanted to scream "Where are those fools?" but decided that if I did so, I would get extracted from the mall. I had mentally made all the cars in front of me explode. (they covered the fountain and they had some car show there) Being an early bird and being chronically impatient made me the worst kind of person to stand up. By then I had thought that the thing might have gotten cancelled and I was the only one they didn't inform.

    Refusing to think that the people that I liked would leave me to dry (or to get wet as the weather was increasingly getting worse) I went to check Gerry's Grill. I saw that they had reserved seats for a party of fifty people. I was mistaken as one of the organizers and used to charm to get me out of that mess. I saw a guy in blue Hawaiian board shorts and got excited. I came up to them (he was with a girl - they had a laptop in front of them) and asked if he was an EPH (read as writer. He said "Huh?" in a very coño way. I realized I made a mistake, apologized and walked away saying "Sino ba naman kasing magboboard shorts na hawaiian eh maulan, haller." I went back to my old smoking post and waited for the rain to stop.

    I was about to give up hope when I saw a familiar face. It was Mam C! I had to move forward and I suppose they figured I was one of them because they started calling out for people. I felt the rainclouds lifting. I wasn't lost anymore.

    I have been trying to find a place online to write for a living and there hadn't been one where I could actually do so without getting my fear of not getting paid lifted. I remembered that I met PJ and JP through a friend. She was an org mate in UPLB Film Circle. They told me about this writing gig that they had. It was back when was called Pinoywriters (can't remember what it was called before that) Well, PJ told me about it. Then they told me that it was just in the works and if I had my own computer I could write. I just needed to open an account in BPI. He even offered to have the money go to his account then he would give it to me in person. This is how the Elbi spirit worked, we trusted each other and helped other graduates get into the good opportunities that we find. This is probably the reason why if there is one UPLB graduate in a company that has a paid referral ssytem, it would be swarmed by UPLB undergrads who are on their OJT or by graduates who are fresh out of the oven. So if it wasn't for those two guys, I would be there, in front of Market!Market! waiting with a green gift wrapper with the words EPH Grand EB on it

    Funny thing about that was that it was during the mourning period for Cory. So security people were on hightened alert for bomb threats and stuff. And he thought that I was heading some kind of rally. I was loud enough but seriously, I was in summer dress, manong, and leggings for Christ's sake? Do you really think I am some activist? I should have worn my red Che shirt and spat in his face. But I didn't want to further scare the people I was with. I am a little too much to handle on a first meeting so I knew they knew that I was bit of bomb waiting to explode.

    Lucky Mr. Security guard suggested that I go to the concierge to get my announcement heard. There I realized that 1) Market!Market! needs to retrain their security and concierge personnel. Even if you think that you are doing the right thing as far as your job is concerned, but by the pompous way they dealt with things, I think I would never go to Market!Market! unless it's for laser tag. (But I am getting ahead of myself.)

    We finally rounded up enough number of crazies to fill out the seats at Gerry's so we went there. It was a good thing because my stomach was cursing me in the five languages that it knew. I was talking the whole time to prevent people from hearing my dieting stomach throwing explicities.
    By the time the food arrived I had hated the fact that I went on a diet two weeks before that day. My stomach seemed to have shrunk and the words "meat sweats" were throbbing in my brain by the time I put the food down. I felt like I was an anorexic because as much as the food was laid in front of me, I didn't have the appetite to put another piece of food inside my mouth.

    I met some of the members of the other teams that night. The former writers who I"forumed" with a lot during the earlier days of the PW site were there. They were editors by then but still fun, down-t0-earth and just crazy enough. I am a firm believer in first impressions and I liked everyone in the table, even Mr. Alexisofdreams' boyfriend. I didn't know then but he would become my arch-nemesis in laser tag.

    After we stuffed ourselves beyond all thoughts of diets and cholesterol, we all went up to the laser tag place. I am still hoping that someday in the near future, I would be able to see the pictures that the lady with the dslr took of us when we were inside the actual briefing area. I am also hoping to make laser tag a requirement for all future boyfriends or if a guy wants to marry my friend, he needs to get a higher score in laser tag than moi. *evil laughter*

    We did some introductions, note that I - although it is so not obvious - have stage fright, so I was a little embarrased to introduce myself to the handful of people there. We played some parlor games which cost me some dignity whatever's left of it. Will not mention it, just look for the picture blog with similar title.

    But it was cool how Karl answered the Pinoy Henyo thing. ^^ Record breaking, dude.

    Anyway, it laser tagging is awesome! I kept forgetting that the people in green are bosses and that I was not supposed to shot them. But heck they kept shooting at me so to eliminate the nuisance I shot them then shot other people. Then I realized I made a mistake. I should have asked two members to keep the base safe. This is what happens to selfish people who play laser tag. They get high points but their team losses. Oh well. We got a lot of loot though. I got the Spam. I am pretty sure someone from the blue team kept it in their base for safe keeping. Finders keepers. I hung out at their starting point and kept shooting the darn base. I realized that as long as the red laser hit the cover it would still receive damage. It was legendary! And since they thought they were safe near their base, I noticed people tend to loosen up when they came close to where I was. I kept shooting at them. When I got tired I went around and shot from other sniper positions. I figured I was too tall not to be noticed walking around. I ended up doing two thing, getting fourth place out of 23 and ripping the cleavage part of my favorite galera dress. Meh. At least I got one memory in exchange for another. I got to win a Bob Ong book from Sir P. I chose Kwento ng Gubat. I wanted him to sign it but I was shy. Yes, I am allowed to be shy at least once a year. Did I mention it was awesome?

    So by the end of the night I was tired. I wanted to tag along with the rest but 1) I didn't have a lot of cash on me 2) I didn't know how to get from where they were going to my dorm and 3) did I mention my galera dress was going to rip off the seams around the cleavage part?

    I went home and rolled in my bed after sharing a cab with venus and liz and said to myself. "I'mma ganna do that again!"

    Even if I am a not a church going kind I pray before I sleep. That night I said, " Bro, thanks for the nerds who created the internet for without them would not be possible. Oh, and thanks for Swarley for making laser tagging legen...wait for it...dary!"


    If you want to be one of us "addicts" then click here.


    What do you need to get in?

    1. Great grasp of grammar
    2. Lack of attitude problem
    3. A plausible internet connection
    4. A computer would be handy
    5. Ability to zip files correctly
    6. A personality - you can't be a good writer without one. It shows on a person's work if he or she doesn't even have a perceived personality.
    7. Have a life, even just one that is online. (But it would work to your advantage if you had a life apart from that which you share with other bloggers and gamers. This line of work would drain you of ideas and human contact as well as conversations actually helps replenish your tank. )
    8. Knowledge of how to tell time correctly - get a digital one if the small hand and the big hand of the clock confuses you. Also, remember that 24 hours make a day. Knowing this would help you immensely in your future endeavors. Also the knowledge that, as of press time, the time turner has not been created would do you good.
    9. Understand that there is no such thing as a Writer's block. However, there is a person called lazy-ass fool.
    10. Procrastination worked in college but this is a job. If you lay things off until it's almost time your ass is not the only thing on the line. It's the pretty assess of them folks in purple and the rest of the roster of as well.

    So really, no pressure. ^^
    Posted by Pinaywriter at 1:59 PM
    Labels:, freelance writing, hawaiian, lazer tag, seo

    Thursday, November 5, 2009
    Love Shack Goddesses
    See folder
    Elbi Nights - an unfinished novel by NRSimon

    October 29th, 2009
    Current Mood:
    Current Music:
    Elbi nights
    Use diff p.o.v. of several females.

    nanowrimo website

    See screenshots of word count here

    Disclaimer: This used to be a nanorwimo entry but now I have decided to just finish it as it is. I want to write about what we did in college in a looser way. Oh well. Ain't never getting published but I want to finish it. ^^


    I think I should've just become a loner. Having friends just makes my life more complicated. I have seen this coffee shop situation before. But it included more people. And my friends were not ranting about their love lives. They were making me sick with all the hand-holding and their latest trip together in some romantic get-away. It was a dream, but it looked so real that I hoped that it was possible for that to happen. A year ago, we were not grieving our beloveds, we were not alone, and we traveled in pairs even. As I sip my Cafe Americano, I wonder. When did the end start?

    My heart break started years ago when I decided that being celibate was the best way to be free of the restrictions that sex brought me. Sex had been the upper that I had used to get over being dumped by a man for a man. I had drank, danced and fucked my way back to trying to feel more beautiful and loved but all that it boiled down to was that I was replaced with a penis. So I decided to stay as far away from one as much as it was possible. I was doing so great. Until that night.

    I was dancing up against a friend who was never going to be someone I would be sexually attracted to. I felt safe to dance with abandon with him around. I was pretty sure people around us were confused as to why I was dancing with him. But I didn't care. I looked at the handsome guys who shot a look of wonder and even disgust. I danced some more when they looked as if they thought that the guy I was dancing to seem too lucky to be dancing with me. I was flirting with my eyes with another guy when someone caught my attention. He was looking at me while in mid-sip. He was holding his beer near his mouth as if he was about to take a swag but he wasn't. The beer was a cover. He was staring at me, at us, as if he was reprimanding me for dancing the way that I was. I felt an unfamiliar chill down my spine then a flush of heat on my face. I hadn't blushed in years! I don't even remember the last time I was embarrassed in front of anyone. I have been partying with no restrictions since I became a sophomore. And here was this stranger judging me while he was enjoying the show! I tried to look away and keep on dancing. But I found out that it was harder to do so with someone boring a hole at your back.
    I had forgotten that he was looking when my friend Hellene tapped me on the shoulder. Her boy toy Art was standing beside her with his usually naughty grin. I knew that something was up. He was looking at someone behind me so I turned around. There was no one there. When I faced them again, the Beer guy had his face inches away from mine as if he was sniffing me. I took a step back but didn’t stop dancing. I had my guard up but that didn’t mean that I had to stop having fun in the process.
    “This is Art’s fraternity brother, Eros.” was Hellene’s simple introduction. I smirked a bit, nodded then waved. He motioned to shake my hand but I kept waving. Then I went back to dancing. I knew what was happening. My friends have been on my case about getting a new boyfriend since they all got coupled up. Hellene was with Art, Queenie with Max, Valene with Jester, Cy with James, and Ara with Frank. Well, she was with Frank until two nights ago. They broke up over something that I am sure women would agree is a deal breaker. Frank had a cigarette dick but had cockiness that befits a hung black man. They wanted me to be as happy as they are, well most of them at the very least. I have always thought that women who needed to be with men or have significant other were just too afraid to roll on their own. I have always loved my independence. My only official boyfriend was a gay guy. We dated for a year and a few days. I was always very clear with him that if he ever fell in love with someone then all he had to do was tell me about it. And by someone I meant a guy. Still it took a lot out of me when it finally happened. He cheated on me before he told me. It was even the other guy who called me to tell me to not insist on trying to get back together with Luis. But the funny thing was that Darren and I ended up being friends. Luis was not really the hitching into a relationship type. And Darren even had to hire someone to follow Luis around. I was just more than happy to be Darren’s confidant. He did after all save me from being the one to have to take that kind of shit.
    I haven’t been a saint since that break-up. I counted men as much as any playboy counted women, like notched on my bedpost. But it felt like I was just wasting my time so I just danced, made out then kicked men out of my path when it was time to go home from partying all night. I became the classic tease. I had enough of a reputation as a woman who puts out and brings home to our apartment we candidly called the Love shack that men thought that buying us a couple of drinks could get them laid. They were oh so wrong.
    Eros sat and watched me like I was putting up a show just for him. I heard Hellene grill him like he was auditioning for a bit as my boyfriend. I had settled next to him because Art maneuvered it that way. Eros had not talked the whole time he was sitting down. He smiled, smoked, drank then stared some more. I decided that it would be fun to get this one to talk so I abandoned my dance partners and I focused on him. He didn’t want to stand up to dance. He held on his beer bottle and cigarette as if they were his shield and sword. I put out the cigarette and took the bottle from his hand. I turned my back on him and did the one thing that men have no power against.
    I gave him a lap dance.
    I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t see where I was walking. I felt so intoxicated that I had to stare at a pipe on the road and wonder whether I would be able to cross it or not. Art kept asking me what happened last night. He had to carry Hellene to the bathroom. I was left in the living room with Samantha. I was waiting to be excused. I was waiting for Art to come down so I can say goodbye. But the douche fell asleep. He had to stay with Hellene because she had to throw up every five minutes. I blame women who try to tell a bartender they won’t pass out after ten full glasses of cocktails. She vomited on the floor of the bar, on the grassy area outside the bar area, out the window when we were in the car, and in the bathroom when we all got to their apartment, Sam and Queenie’s apartment to be more exact.
    They had set up all the futons in the living rooms. Three futons. Queenie slept in the middle, Hellene’s would sleep in the one near the door while Sam was already in her futon.
    She was not as odd as I thought. She was odder. She was not intoxicated. I know that, at least not by alcohol. I didn’t see anyone of them take anything aside from cigarettes. I sighed because I didn’t want to be with female junkies. I wanted to hit Art on the back of his head. If he didn’t ask me to stay I wouldn’t be sitting across Samantha, who has changed into short shorts and a tank top. I tried not to talk to her but she was being a gracious host.
    Then she said something that I couldn’t possibly let slide.
    “You’re gay, aren’t you?”
    I would later find out that if I was, I wasn’t really safe either.
    Like I said, this girl was odd.
    And I am in love with her.
    I am a romantic. I have always known that I want to have a family when I am settled in my own skin. I had grown up in a broken one you see, so I had always dreamt of having a husband by my side while raising my children. I have always thought that if I meet him I would not let him go. Max was this guy for me. He was the one.
    Having a perfect relationship isn’t something that I had hoped to have. But I had work very hard to be the kind of girlfriend that my significant other could not do without. I have always been supportive, loving and often too involved in their lives that I find myself compromising way too often. My friends sometimes think that I am a martyr. But I do them for very simple and selfish reasons. If the person I am with is going places, I don’t have to give up on my ambitions either.
    I blame Cy for getting me in this situation. She introduced me to Hellene. Samantha and I had been roommates with Valene for the longest time when we met her. The parties that we had in our apartment, the long parade of men that came and went to party with us led me to Max.
    I knew that I liked him before he liked me. There were so many obstacles that littered the path to our so called union. I blame Samantha and her condom gift. It led to the best and worst night of my life. I had finally found the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. But he was not as perfect or princely as I had hoped he would be. I realized in the time that I had been with him that princes are trained not born.
    I haven’t told my friends that he had proposed. I am thinking that I need to graduate before he gives me a ring. It’s not like there is a ring to give just yet. He is still starting out in his new job. That did not stop us from planning for our future though. I had been playing with baby names while he planned how to put his life together from bum to responsible son. And I love him more and more for it. In my opinion, he is not the same man that I had fallen in love with, he’s better.
    I can see us living in the Philippines together or maybe working in Saudi with my mom and my brother. It would be harder for him to adjust to another country but it would be easier for me to be a good daughter if I am there. And he understands that now. Because he can feel the amazing feeling of being able to be someone his mother can depend on. I can honestly say that I am in cloud nine. Things couldn’t get any better than being engaged to a man who I know is true to me.
    I had been worried about Samantha for a while. She went into a downward spiral while I was in my honeymoon period. Then when my relationship with Max became more settled and almost too co-dependent, she had started her celibacy year. I am glad that she hooked up with Eros. He seemed exactly her type, the rugged macho with a soft spot for her.
    The only thing that was out of whack was that they didn’t seem to realize that I was not really asleep when they first hooked up…and the four ones after that first one.
    I was more than glad to move when they stopped. My limbs were tensed to their limit trying not to move. I know Samantha to dislike good-looking men. It is connected to her past insecurity complex. She doesn’t understand that women have different kinds of beauty. I knew that if I didn’t step in, Eros would be history in less than twenty-four hours.
    I typed something on my mobile phone and made her read it, “He’s gorgeous. I noticed just now.” Samantha read and it and rolled her eyes. Eros was looking over her shoulder when she read it.
    There was something that he said that took me by surprise; something I know Samantha would have dropped kicked just any guy if they called her that. He called her “Love.”
    I knew at that moment that her romantic hiatus was over. Eros would make sure of that. At last, the cynic has met her match.
    I don’t have a boyfriend. My friends keep insisting that Art is my boyfriend. I can’t call him that because to call him that would mean that I am letting him into some specific group of rights that are reserved to my boyfriend. And he hasn’t qualified for that yet. I have been dating ever since I had been in college. I know for a fact when a guy is worth my time.
    Let’s just say that I love Art. But not enough to let him significantly connect my lifeline to. He is still waiting for things to happen in his life. And I want to be with someone who can take care of me and not the other way around.
    I am always taking care of other people. Often it is so much that I sacrifice my own needs. And I always come out of it too stressed out that I am drained of my chance to be happy. They seem to take a part of me every time they are done asking me to love them. And that needs to stop. Those guys had wanted to be my boyfriend and acted as if I was someone who would always be there for their convenience. It had to stop. I had promised myself that this time around, the guy I would call my boyfriend would take care of me and not me him.
    I do love taking care of the people that I love. I sometimes think that it’s my fault that they end up abusing my kindness. But loving and giving to someone who is dear to me comes naturally to me. I am not perfect, I know for a fact that I am a brat. People overlook that brats can be very caring too. I, for one, am a very lovable brat. I know my place when it comes to a relationship. The only problem is that sometimes the guy that I am with thinks that I am too independent for them. They either leave me because they can’t handle it or because they want to give skirt chasing another try.
    I admit that my situation sounds a bit cliché. I am an independent woman who wants to be in love with a real man. Is that so impossible? I don’t think so.
    I am not going to make Art my official boyfriend unless he steps up to the plate and hits a homerun. I know he has the potential otherwise I would not be wasting my time travelling back and forth from the city to my old alma mater’s province. The four hours that it takes for me to get there is a sacrifice I am willing to make to have him in my arms. I know he recognizes that I need a guy with a plan, a definite plan with his life. I won’t feed the man I would have with me for the rest of my life. I won’t put up with that. I hope he stops waiting for things to happen and actually does something about it.
    Until then, I don’t have a boyfriend.
    Jester is my friend. He is a guy but that doesn’t make him my boyfriend. Not that I am saying that I don’t want him to be my boyfriend. It’s just that he isn’t, so there. Now you know. Samantha keeps insisting that we are a couple just because I might have a huge fan girl love for him and he well, he hangs around me a lot because we move in the same circles. We are in the same organization, we are in the same classes and we have common friends. I can’t blame him for loving…my conversation skills.
    I just wish he would look at me in a different light. You know, that kind of light, or lack of light if you know what I mean.
    But then there’s Nick. I like his cerebral sexiness. What I do with them would spell out the rest of my love life. But sometimes I think that I need to choose which one to have a crush on but end up more confused. Sure they both spend time with me but am I sure that by the end of the day, just before they go to sleep at least one of them thinks of me?

    There is no hope for me I know. But I still lay awake thinking, which one I should choose, in case both of them come knocking on my virginal door. Yes, door is a euphemism.


    I don’t want to go back to the Ysack that was in Elbi that time. I couldn’t imagine that I had to burn so much of my old self to find a new me that turned out to be just a glossier, older and more cowardly version of the old me.
    I had escaped the straightjacket. I am not about to hit my head on the walls anytime soon.
    But sometimes reality makes it difficult to stay true to yourself.
    I miss Lights of Havana [1]just as much as Samantha misses Adios[2].

    I left my heart there. I am not willing to get it back. Not if I have to face all the ghosts that I littered my days there. I have lost the old me, the one who smiled openly, who flirted often and wrapped men around my fingertips.
    I don’t know. I don’t know if I can walk down Grove and not see the old Elbi, the old me, the happy Cath. I knew what I wanted, who I wanted to be with, and where we were headed.
    But now I don’t.

    [1] Lights of Havana is a drink from Jungle Java, a bar in LB Square, the local watering hole of UPLB students.
    [2] Adios Motherfucker or Adios is a cocktail served in Loata Loka, a bar in LB Square
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