Sunday, September 26, 2010

archive Preaching to the Magdalenes

Preaching to the Magdalenes

I have been saying that what my aunt did was wrong and here I am still thinking of being with you. I have to be an adult. I love you but I love my parents more. I love myself more. I want to be with you but now I want to do that for all the right reasons. I want to be with you with all the legal trimmings and social conventions. I no longer want to be that person who shrugged off convention. I want now what others are only thinking of having. I want you to sweat for it, to work for it. I want your name. If not then we can be friends. You can love me as much as you want but I will work on releasing myself from my emotional cage.

I will show you my love as a friend. I will support you in all that you do. But I would not utter another word about love. I will let my feelings morph to that of a friend, to that of a dear dear friend. I have done it before I can do it again.

I will not have your promises but your actions. I will not have your complements but the facts. I will not have your what ifs. I will lay down ultimatums. I will get what I deserve. And in return, when the ink is dry on the release that I require of you, then I will shower you with my love.

But for now. I will pat your back. No more, no less.
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    My Very Public Affair

    I had a lot of questions that I needed answers for before I could fully get over this thing with Mark. And after talking Niel or Cype, a gay friend who according to Mark has a thing for him and I should avoid, I got a call from Mark himself. As of press time he has called me twice 23:56 and sometime in the morning and then I have called him when I was still in HM's officemate's place in Woodsville and again when I was in the cafeteria.

    Basically he started off with apologies as is his attitude. He told me that he left in a hurry because he got into trouble because of the TGP UPLB and he got a guy put in the hospital. He apologized for leaving without saying goodbye. I even asked him when was the last time we saw each other and mentioned that I only remember the time we were at the church in Elbi. He mentioned that it might have been that pillow place in Elbi. Trust a guy to remember a canoodle encounter. But he might be the one with the better memory. I probably flushed that memory during the anger year last year. ^^ So I told him about the efforts that Rein and I did to get the info on Anfa plage. It turns out he has been in an Italian restaurant for the past five months. He said that he had been to Riyadh several times since his boss brings him there. He also mentioned that he might go home this year. He told me that he might go to Korea after the Middle East. When I mentioned that Rein had been in Riyadh all this time he said he might accept the move that his boss wants for him to a branch in Riyadh. I forgot to ask him for the name of the restaurant but I will do that on Sunday. I was on the mrt station at Shaw while we were having this conversation. He had 11 missed calls already before I noticed my phone was ringing. I shooed my officemates to get to talk to him. That was rude. I was made because he got into trouble because of his brods again. He said he would stay abroad na lang to stay away from them. Then I told him about Cype and how I found him. And then I told him about me being fat and he asked if that meant that I was more beautiful. I told him that I look like a man now. Which I plan to remedy soon. Then I asked him about his son and that told me that he still didn't patch things up with Honey. That was a loophole. Then I asked about his mom who he said is ok now that he doesn't have a case against him and about his siblings, marlon in OU and his sisses abroad and in Doctors respectively. I know there were other things that were said but I can't remember them now.

    Second conversation

    He called me when I was just about to fall asleep. He told me that he kept calling my old number (my globe sim kept eating my load) and my brother's number (his phone got stolen) to no avail. He couldn't access his old friendster (it was erased in the great hack of FS) and he couldn't find me online (my names are uplbchic, pinaywriter or simone most of the time I hate my real name) but apparently he never forgot about me, even Neil could attest to that. He was even envious of me, he wished that he was me. That tipped me off. Mark said that he didn't really like him so that I should just talk to him directly. I said that seemed rude. But Mark said that he tried to look for me, Reina and hoped that he could get news about me. All that he knew was a piece of misinfo from Anthony that I was in Canada. I told him that was wrong. I mentioned it was a possibility but it wouldn't be something that I would consider. Anyway, he kept fishing for me to tell him that I miss him and that I love him but I just kept silent during those leading situations. He even mentioned that I was being unusually quiet and that when he was in the Philippines, I never shut up. I was just trying not to cry the whole time so I didn't want to say anything that would open the flood gates. In the beginning I managed to coax him to admit that since he was the one who left then it was his felt that we are in this situation. I admitted to the boo boo of changing my number. I know that there were other things that were said but I couldn't remember them all. I am too frazzled. I will read this again and add what I would remember. But what I remember the most is when it was time to say goodbye, he said miss you and I said I love you too.

    I sat on the chair and stared at the stove for minutes. I am pretty sure my mouth was open. But I didn't have a cam available so no picture this time around. ^^ I was so sure that I would not say that.

    Silly me. I know Mark is my kryptonite and I didn't listen to my own gut or the cards.

    I called him when I was drunk in Woodsville. I used HM's load. Eheheh. I need to send her some soon. They talked. HM still believes in a happy ending for Mark and me so she is on the yes vote.

    I called him when I got to work. I was in the caf and he sounded like I woke him up. He also sounded like he hasn't changed. He didn't believe me that I was at work. He didn't even believe that I was in the caf. What a jerk. That was what I was honestly thinking. How dare he still think I am lying to him? Well I remember telling him that I had five guys after we got separated and he didn't have anyone. Which I think is not that true. But he did say that there were others who offered, who were like me. I know I am a slut. No need to spell it out buddy. But he said he stayed away. Right. Whatever.

    I am setting myself up for pain. So I finally sent him a message that he needs to get that technicality out if he wants to attach me in his life. And that for now, I can only be his friend.

    We have a YM date on Sunday. I was adviced not to talk to him but I want him to be my friend. If he can find a way to be with me then I will be. But for now, I will try to treat him like a friend I used to have a huge crush on.

    I can do this. It's not lethal.

    If he can't make it happen then he can stay abroad, and I can stay here and we can slowly be odd exes who are friendly with each other once in a while.


    As of today, Kambal knows Mark's technicality. He didn't like Mark before all that much and I am sure he has less reason to like him.

    H told me I could have prevented this if I didn't push Mark away before.

    A told me to ask myself if it would make be a better person or would it be detrimental to my future.

    I remembered that I told him that I burnt his picture and that I need my nakie pics back.


    He called again before my shift ended. He snuck out of the restaurant. He is the QA for the food that comes out of the kitchen. He has a four year contract. This year it would end. He might go to Korea to work for his former Korean boss in Honda. Or he might work for a milk factory with higher pay or he could opt to stay in the same company for three more years.

    He asked me if I have plans to ever go to Saudi and I said my dad would not allow it. And I also have no idea what I would do there. ^^ I hope he doesn't call me when I am about to sleep.


    Yes - HM, Kset, Jewe, (earn the yes) Rein

    No - Kambal, A, H, Judz, Dian, Baks, Papabear
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      Please Be Reina

      I got a call while I was in class. It was like being hung on a rope tied on a tree that was on the side of a cliff. I couldn't answer it and they called three times. THe call code is form Saudi Arabia. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.

      Please be Reina.
      Please be Reina.
      Please be Reina.
      Please be Reina.
      Please be Reina.

      Don't be his friend.
      Don't be his friend.
      Don't be his friend.
      Don't be his friend.
      Don't be his friend.

      Lord please, let it be Reina.


      Someone called again this time it was a 000 number OMFG. I muted my class and froze my screen and answered saying I can't talk because I am in a class. SHEEEEEEEEEEEET.

      OMFG. It's Reina. Just Reina. Just Reina. Just Reina. Just Reina. Just Reina. This is so her. This is so her. Breathe. Simone. Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaathe.


      I finally answered the call. It was Cype.

      The conversation was weird because he asked me if I was the Pinaywriter chick on FS. I told him yes. He even thought I was gay. I sound like a guy on the phone so I understood where he was coming from. He asked me who I was. He even mentioned that Mark had a lot of girls. *must not think of deadly thoughts* I just agreed that it was possible. He even said that I should be serious otherwise he was wasting his load. I told him my name and even spelled it out for him. He repeated it several times and that confirmed that he knew who I was somewhat. He said that he hasn't seen Mark in a while. I guess they no longer work in the same place. He said he would see Mark again soon. He asked me if I still loved Mark and I sorta said not anymore, kinda, yes. He said that Mark talked about me all the time when they were still hanging out together. He asked me if I was the one who was in London. Or that one who was in Canada. He asked me where I was. I told him I am in the Philippines. He was under the assumption that I went to another country. Must be lost in Mark's story too. And he told me that I should just be happy that I had a relationship with Mark. That he used to think that he envied me for having that kind of closeness with Mark. He made me feel good for being a psychobitch stalker and he told me that I should just be happy and move on.

      I hope he doesn't mention this all to Mark. I hope that he just keeps it to himself.
      He gave me his roaming number and I texted him my sincere gratitude. He is an angel for me. I am really happy that he bothered to call me and to tell me all that he did. Even the Mark has a lot of chicks. So what? I feel unshackled. This guy has no idea how great he made me feel. He made my year. He really did. It was worth all the hyperventilating. I think I even mentioned that I would just remove him from my list of friends on FS just so he won't tell Mark about me stalking him on FS.

      His text was

      Eto roaming ko ____ infernez taray moha, 2ruan mu nga akong magenglish, joke, bsta isipin mu nlang na ur lucky datz 1nce in ur lyf u hav him. ingatz.

      *Natawa ako pero kebs lang he was nice to me. So I can forgive the txt format*

      Hindi na ako magugulat. Hindi na ako masasaktan. Hindi lang pala ako ang walang ibang bukambibig kungdi si Mark. Siya rin pala. Pero malamang true ung sinabi ng friend ni Reina that his friend was Mark's ex dati. Who cares? It was post-me. So I don't have a freaking right to stop him. I had more shit that would make me look like the bad ex.

      But like Cype said, be happy that you once had someone like him in your life. Because he is extraordinary as a friend and beloved.


      I am released.

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        Once you start laughing, you start healing

        But this might be because I dreamt that I pushed him into a toilet bowl via a closed fist to his man parts but oh well.
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          Obsession over

          It's ANFA PLAGE JEDDAH. Now I can just go to sleep without obsessing and I can work and move the fuck on. Thank you Lord. And thank you Cype.

          Yes, I know. He might not understand the English but I couldn't find the words in Filipino without sounding like a makata. ^^ My friend Zena told me about it and I teased her that I might have dated a jologs but I would not be a trashy mistress. ^^ Pero syempre hindi ko lang talaga matagalog. Sige nga try nyo.
          Grabe na to. Tas ngayon ko lang narealize. Fuck. I gave this guy my bloody number. Tanga. Tanga. Tanga. Tanga. Tanga.
          Bobo ba ako o vulnerable lang. I choose bobo.

          Sana hindi sila nakabukaka no?

          Tabingi talaga sya tumindig minsan. Odd. I remember this pose lagi.
          Yeah, I know that demonyo look anywhere.

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            031710 Quote

            Whenever you think that your life is boring, be grateful. Some people envy you.
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              12 Things to do to be a good Pinoy

              From Here
              Here are, in outline, his 12 commandments:
              1) Follow traffic rules. Follow the law.
              2) Whenever you buy or pay for anything, always ask for an official receipt.
              3) Don’t buy smuggled goods. Buy local. Buy Filipino.
              (Or, if you read the book, he suggests: 50-50).
              4) When you talk to others, especially foreigners speak positively about us and our country.
              5) Respect your traffic officer, policeman and soldier.
              6) Do not litter. Dispose your garbage properly. Segregate. Recycle. Conserve.
              7) Support your church.
              8 )During elections, do your solemn duty.
              9) Pay your employees well.
              10) Pay your taxes.
              11) Adopt a scholar or a poor child.
              12) Be a good parent. Teach your kids to follow the law and love our country.
              Simple but difficult to do. I should know. ^^
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