Sunday, September 26, 2010

archive work and love

Negligence Frenzy

I can't believe that I am surrounded by...ugh.

There should be a limit to how stupid I can be in handling people. I hate being responsible for other people because I suck at it. I don't like telling people what to do. I don't like bugging them to do things right. I don't like having to answer to bosses for balerney that I didn't commit.

They did not ask me to be one, they just made me do this. They didn't realize that I didn't have the "be a leader" gene.

If they get memos then it's acceptable. If I get a memo...I would have to give them a piece of my mind.
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    There was an earthquake a moment ago

    I said "We are having an earthquake." It 14:30ish. I thought I was just hungry. ^^

    That was cool. First time I was awake for an earthquake for a while. Ehehehe.
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      Pag-big Frenzy

      Disclaimer: This is rant not an attack to the Pag-ibig Fund. I think this is more of an attack to my patience and to the fact that my mom wants me to get a freaking loan.

      I emailed Pag-ibig to ask about my number. I had a feeling that they won't reply like SSS because it's a government thing. But they did. They gave me information related to my PeopleSupport, Teletech and E-lamp contributions. 2, 2, and 13 respectively. I was appalled that ECI had not made any as per the list. So I even told my friend who still works in that place to check his or he might be doomed like I was. Because as far as the count went I was six contributions shy of a loan. I was in ECI for nine months. I am pretty sure that the last six months would at least be viable for deductions. I was furious.

      But when I emailed Pag-ibig again they replied that they made a mistake in the previously given information. They said that there had been NO contributions made under E-lamp. I have been in E-lamp since November of 2009 so that was impossible. And this was the good Korean company, not the one that over taxes and shit.

      So it is possible that they might, MIGHT have enrolled me on a new number. Jesus. I hope not. I apparently need to get paperwork from ECI that they made deductions and contributions to my Pag-ibig Fund. That is a lot to ask from a company that didn't even give me a freaking ITR. I can't believe that I have to go through all this shit just because the freaking fund didn't centralize their damn system and didn't give permanent numbers like SSS. And believe me this is saying a lot given that I have harbored a hatred for the SSS for not ever having an available machine whenever I need to get my picture taken just so I can get a bloody government issued ID that banks would not shun.

      So I am hoping that once I fill out the forms I can get all these shit together. I am pretty sure I have amassed enough contributions to get a bloody loan. My mom is anal about these things. So she wouldn't ask me to get a loan if she hasn't calculated in her head the many months that I have worked thus far.

      I want to hit someone with something and it can't be my mom. I roll my eyes but I really want to shake someone and ask, "Is this your way of telling me not to bother?" I think this is part of the game of push and pull that these people do to discourage people from even taking out a loan.

      Well, even if I hate the idea of buying a plot of land in a godforsaken subdivision, I am bloody gonna fracking do it just to make sure those in the powers that be realize they can't make a Simon back down from a fight.

      I will do my best to get an SSS ID by the end of this bloody year. And by hook or by crook, I am getting this shit about my damn Pag-ibig sorted out.

      And to you, all you employees from here to kingdom come, try to put your shit together now na. Or else you would be ranting like me too.
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        I cant post this reply dito muna

        Working as an online English teacher also kills your proficiency. I think it made me dumber than I used to be. It's odd because we are keeping a standard too. ^^ I guess talking to them tainted my grasp of the language.

        Still, we need to watch out, us Pinoys, because we market ourselves as very good in English. Our schools need to make sure that the standards are met. I have cousins who I snap at because they ask me to review their work that is written in, for a lack of better term, Carabao English. I literally get headaches from reading those pieces of *rap.

        It's sad because so many other countries envy the chances we have. We study English from age five. Whenever I tell this to my Korean students they are astonished and think that we are a country over run by awesome English speakers. But we are not.

        I think somewhere along the way technology makes us co-dependent towards spelling checkers. But we also have less patience to read and to learn.

        If we learn how to say something incorrectly it takes forever to get it out of our system. Believe me I know, I work against those things everyday.

        We need to harness the potential all Pinoys have. Let's learn from Erap and Manny. They are famous for something other than their achievements, right?
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          Pag-ibig Lost

          I can't remember my Pag-ibig number.
          I don't know if I threw the paper out.
          My company doesn't know my number. *cough that sounds like useless*

          My mom wants to buy something Campo Verde.
          Great just great. My version of hell is living in a subdivision. +_+;

          She says we would pay it together. But heck my pay is so small I don't know if there would be anything left for me. I am a newb at this. I never wanted to own property since I don't want a family. So what is the point, mom? Jesus.

          Oh well. I should just shut up and remember that mothers know best.

          Most of the time.

          If my mom knew my ex would probably own property in the same general area she would probably change her mind. ^^
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            Spunky's Return

            His boss told him he can't go on his Sunday off because he had to do the monthly inventory. I waited and bitched around like the gf when all that time, he was already ok with the idea that we would just be friends.

            I hate it when my own shit gets me right in the face.

            He said that there was no reason for me to cry and be upset because he was a no-good useless nobody. "Wala naman akong kwentang tao. Bakit mo ako iiyakan?"

            I was pissed and monosyllabic in the beginning and I almost cried. I was even a bit shocked when he mentioned the we are friends part. Little did he know that if he had gone online then it would have been so different.

            But God is good. He made sure that when my spirit and body was weak he found a way to, in R's words, shake me like now na. ^^

            I told him that R cried and HM was giddy. (That might be because of the meet with the Jx but who knows.) He wondered if R didn't approve. I would say at the very least, she doesn't approve right now. Or at all...if this would make me end up alone and lonely. People are okay with me being alone. But no real friend would want their friend to be lonely. That is just not how friends are.

            I told him that I thought that he went with those women nurses who asked him to party with them. But he said no. He also informed me that they were no longer allowed to bring phones to work so he doesn't know what time he can call me. But by then Spunky was the one talking to Mark, not Labs, his ex gf who believed in everything that he said like it was the bloody gospel of truth.

            Let me explain who Labs is and Spunky. They are polar opposites. They are the women who loved Mark when he was still with them. Spunky seduced Mark. Labs understood him and accepted him for who he is. Somewhere in between those two was me. I rarely was my real self when we were still together. Spunky was there when I defied him. Labs was there to hold him. But I was always the one who had sex with him. ^^ Simone is my sexual persona. That is why I know I really loved him. Because I often wear another mask when I sleep around. Choler. It's a private joke borne from us naming another friend's heavenly gates Sophie and a male friend's privates as Chamerlengo.

            Last night I took a video of me crying. Boy was I fat. Not only that, I was really fucking ugly. I even took pictures of it and posted it on FS. Like I said I am on Spunky mode. And Spunky is always scheming. So I am sorry but I have to try to turn Spunky off. If I can.

            But the good thing about Spunky is that she is actually my religious side. ^^ She likes to go to Church to pray. She finds her strength in God. She is also my high school self. And I know her. She loves her friends and her family. She is a manhater too. She hides it well. She protects my hopeless romantic side when it gets hammered or flattened by anyone. She is my very own version of the Superman complex.

            It usually takes years for Spunky to wear off. The sad thing is, Spunky is the meanest of my personas. She likes to hurt people who hurt her. I kept her tucked in because I know she can be really evil and gives birth to the Dark Simone.

            It's possible, according to my friend's warning that the current problem in my life was caused by bad ritual in reading cards. So until I can find the correct rituals, then I would just not use it.
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              Tinikling footwork won over Samba footwork

              Philippine team wins against Brazilian team
              That is a pretty cool line. ^^
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                I need to not let him ruin my mood. I need to be a responsible adult not the old me who checks out when she is in an emotional rollercoaster. We are friends and it would never happen again.

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                  It's happening again

                  I thought I have already uninstalled this freaking progam from my life. I guess there were still bits and pieces of the virus that this love left in my life. I can still be this needy clingy idiot who waits and wastes time and money on someone who for the lack of a better term is PAPAMPAM. I even made my friend cry when I insinuated that I would get back together with him. My newly grad little brother, who knows all my stupidities actually told me that he would just play me and then I would be left with nothing to show for it. Yet again.

                  But do I listen to them. Do I listen to well meaning friends who I disturbed with my stupid ranting and emo display? No. Of course not. Not even my moral compass carrying friends and officemates could not deter me from being that girl who he met and loved.

                  I told him that I am different. Why did I even say that when I couldn't even substantiate that claim? When he could easily ruin my somewhat humdrum life by just being overly late and stuck on the past.

                  I know I shed the person I made myself to be just so we could fit together. I became less showy of my arrogance and my tact actually grew. My friends actually loved those developments. I didn't because I was never the kind of person who changed to liked, let alone to be loved. I believe that people have a perception that I am an immature, talkative blurter who doesn't care about what others think of who I am and what I do. But what no one knows is that although I outgrew my inferiority complex from my salad days, I am still constantly shielding myself from pain.

                  It's pretty obvious that I don't like to change. I also hate responsibilities, especially being responsible for someone else's feelings.

                  I also hate people who tell me that they are going to do something then back out for any reason, however reasonable. Because I don't like doing that to people. I don't like making them wait for anything that I deem is important to them. I guess some of my friends can attest to that. I am there when you need me. And even if you say you don't I will still be there.

                  It's a whole different ballgame with men. With those who propose that they care about me and that they love me. They have to deliver. I guess people would remark that I have high standards. Not really. Actually not at all. All I expect is that you don't ask me to wait because I have waited enough. I would if I love you but when you have something to prove to someone, you don't leave them hanging. That is not just rude that is insulting.

                  But why I am so frazzled. Simple honest truth is that I still love him. And if I love someone, I can chain that impatient bitch that is waiting to claw anyone's eyes if they don't keep their bloody promise. The worst things in life are people who don't respect the time and affection given to them by people who love and respect them.

                  This morning I was ready not to give him a hard time. I was even ready to hide something from my mother and my friends yet again. But I guess in the end all I can expect him to do is disappoint me. All I can expect from him is that he would just hurt me.

                  Sometimes you can love someone and that would not be enough for you to stick around and wait for them to love you back, to show you the respect that you deserve. Because their love never grew out of the seeds that they planted in their hearts. They are so busy planning for the first sprout to come out that you, the sun have already set. They stay dormant yet again and tease you into giving them a few rays of hope. But ultimately, they can't make it out of the hole that they dug for themselves.

                  My stars say that today I would find out that the reason why we can't sort things out is not his fault. I don't wish for this to be his reason, but there bloody well be a good reason why my load got eaten up just because I was trying to call him.

                  Is this a sign that I am making the efforts yet again to adjust to him and in the end he would leave me without a word. Without comfort.

                  I was doing fine being alone. I was not lonely. I had work, my friends and my family to fill my days. I have dreams that do not include him. Then I had to be the fool who finds him instead of him finding me.

                  I brought this upon myself and this is, as my friend said, is my burden to carry. I have to carry the pain of having to try to get over him. He is not willing to do that. But he is also not willing to reach me half-way. He told me that we would talk today. He said that he couldn't wait to see me again. And fool that I was I believed him. I really tried not to but I did.

                  But people learn from their mistakes. They grow up.

                  I did. I may not like being an adult, but I would not be used to be the comfort of a man who wants nothing but to try not to be his father. But is already well on his way to becoming exactly like him.

                  I will find love, I swear to all that is good and holy. I will spend the next two years, nine months and ten days to get ready for that other great love. And if he is to survive that obstacle, it is for him to prove to me that he is worth my time. But I would not throw him a bone anymore. I will prove to myself that I truly love the number one person in my life, which is me.

                  I waited long enough. I won't be made the fool once more.

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                    It's hard to explain but this is funny for me.

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