Sunday, September 26, 2010

archive Friendster etc

New Motivations

Whenever I feel like not exercising or binging all I need to think is that my ex didn't get any fatter, any lonelier or sadder that I was no longer in his life.

I would bring the sexy back and heaven forbid it comes back with the Spunky that my friends know and love.

So as for now, 20 kg less me is not just a project, it's revenge. At least my kind of revenge is self-developing. Unlike some other psychobitch girlfriends who would pretend to be pregnant just to get a man to stay with them.

Really now ladies, find some other motivation to live. You are pathetic.
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    Reaction to an ex having a friendster account

    I never thought I would see you this year. And of all places Friendster. I remember that you couldn't even navigate your friendster without my help. I made you one when we were still together. Do you remember that? I guess not. It never occured to me that the reason why I was so adamant to get added by your friend was that you were actually his friend. In fact you only had two friends on your friendster. That is weird by the way, it's weird that the crushing blow of knowing that the first account I made was erased because of the hacking incident of a few years ago was not nearly as bad as the gasping for air that I did for almost ten minutes when I saw that you had your own dated October 2009. How could I have missed that? I guess it was my own addiction to Facebook that led to this.

    What was my first reaction, I was this close to bursting into tears. I know those shoulders even if the picture was tiny. I knew that pose anywhere. It's a regular pose for most but for me it was always yours. I thought for a while this can't be true. If he had that account all this time, why the fuck had he not added me or sent me a message. Then I remembered that my name here was Pinaywriter. Darn. I am making excuses for you again. No. This year is bargaining year. This is my weakest year I know this from my past experiences. I had been so happy that I was able to do that things that I was afraid to do because they reminded me of you. I ate menudo, I bought chicharon from your friend's store, I even walked along the roads of lb junction and grove with less nostalgia. I had thought you were the guy at the yamaha store. But I guess I am wrong. You are in KSA all this time. At least I hope you are still there.

    I would have loved to talk to you and ask you how you are. But all I could muster was:

    Subject: I don't know if you still remember me

    Message: I am happy that you are working abroad. Ang cool pa ng trabaho mo. I hope that you are happy with your family. This year is supposed to be my bargaining year. Two years, nine months, and 18 days na lang pwede na ulit akong magmahal ng iba.

    Be happy.

    And thank you for everything.

    How pathetic am I?
    I even added you. Thought I now have less reason to open my friendster. I was actually thinking of ripping all of the pictures from that account and deleting my friendster completely. Had I not searched for your name as was my habit when I am online on Friendster then I would not be heady and ready to drink with Hot Mamah later. I was supposed to be the composed one. The one who had it together. H told me she thought I was already over you. I told her three more years and I would be. The omen of Hot Mamah's words and EyeCandy's inquiry now makes me sound like a liar. More so than usual. HM asked me what if you and Her were really seperated, what then? I told her no, not again. Never again. I said that knowing you are probably in some god forsaken place like Africa or something. But you are in KSA. Shit. And I was asking Helene to get me a job where she would be going sometime in the next year. Bahrain would have been all too close.

    Anfa Plage Coffe Shop KSA. I know exactly where you are right now. The last message you shouted out was in 2009 about your fraternity's anniversary. Jesus, even now you think of them first above all others. Then again most of them are your relatives.

    I think I am calming down now. But I don't think that I can sleep. I haven't had a dream about you in such a long time. For god's sake I have a picture of a new crush as a desktop wallpaper. I was well on my way to having new crushes, and possibly new flirtations, if only my stupid schedule was not in the way. Fuck work.

    Let's just take this as a sign that I should be happy for you. Your status says married and mine says single. That in itself would keep us apart for the rest of our naturally born lives. You probably got back together with her and you are now being a good father. I should not get in the way of that. Not ever again.

    I am an adult now. If I can be online friends with my gay ex then I can be online strangers with my married ex. I just need to be stronger than I am now.

    I am happy, do you want to know why?
    I am happy that my fears that you are still in a rut somewhere is no longer going to haunt my dreams. I would no longer think that you are coming back for me. I know now that you truly didn't keep your promise that you would keep in touch. Do you know why I know? It's all because of that blasted Friendster as well. If you really wanted me then I would have had you even through the internet. Now I know that while I was pinning for you, I was as far away from your mind as it was humanly possible. Maybe the reason why I randomly brust into tears is because you have someone new. God help us if that other guy in your friend list, who I think tried to add me before if I remember correctly, is not your new lover. That would have been fucking hilarious.

    I am happy you have a job. I am happy you left the country. These were things that you put on hold because of little ol me. I am glad you moved on before I did. Well, there were no girl pictures but I am glad you are well and alive.

    I guess I broke my promise that I wouldn't change my number. But you see, the damn thing was eating my load 15 pesos at a time. I really had to do it. And besides I am sure I said some really nasty goodbye mode texts that you never got.

    The funny thing, I don't remember what you looked like the last time I saw you. I don't even remember if we fought or if we were okay.

    Okay, if you still think that I am waiting for you I apologize sincerely. I had three transgressions as per presstime and I had at least two offers to be coupled but I refused. I figured I couldn't be with them until I was completely over you.

    Seeing that you have a friendster account did not help at all. Totally did not help at all.

    But you know what, whatever happens you would still be a man that I loved with all of my heart. And that to me is no sin.

    The sin had been to not meet again in our next lifetimes and be together. I hope you still remember that you promised to marry me in your next lifetime.

    Oh, and I was wondering. Do you still have my naked picture printouts. I would like to have them back. I am fat ang ugly now so I would very much like those reminders of the time when I was 55 kgs and awesome. ^^

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